People have been arguing for centuries about whether friendship between a man and a woman is possible. But there is still no single answer. Some claim that this is possible, although unlikely. Others argue that wishful thinking is unacceptable. expresses his opinion on this issue: such friendship is possible, but only under certain conditions that maintain balance.

No matter who we are, we see each other as a potential sex partner. This interferes with “pure” friendship.

Friendship "before love"

This is perhaps the most common condition. Representatives of different sexes, constantly interacting in the modern world, cannot do without friendly contacts. They study together, work and relax together. In certain professions, it is not uncommon for women to work in male teams and for men to dilute the female company. Practice shows that if there are common interests and sympathy, it is impossible to remain within the framework of a purely business relationship. But “staying friends” while maintaining the necessary distance is fine.

However, in most cases, such friendship is kept “pure” only at the beginning of acquaintance, later developing into either love or alienation. The duration of this period is influenced by the moral attitudes of the “participants” and whether they have spouses (permanent partners). Distance can also play a role: sometimes online friendships become especially strong and do not provide the opportunity to change status.

According to both men and women, the sexual attraction that arises from such friendships is in many ways a connecting link. But it is precisely this that becomes fatal, changing the whole picture. When “biochemistry” takes its toll, a completely different story begins...

Common interests and joint creativity bring people together and contribute to the emergence of friendship.

Friendship "after love"

For many, a partner’s offer to “stay friends” after living together sounds like a mockery. But there are also “civilized” divorces, when a couple breaks up without going to negative extremes. There can be many reasons for maintaining communication: common children, work, friends. Over time, any wounds heal, and then a sincere friendship may well take place between former partners.

As a rule, in this case, a woman is a friend for a man, both reliable and sensual: she can caress and lend a shoulder. Is it sometimes possible to have “friendly sex” without obligations? Each couple decides this for themselves, depending on the situation and their own moral standards.

A strong friendship can connect a man and a woman who have left the “stage” of sex behind.

Friendship "instead of love"

It would seem that nature itself does not provide for the possibility of friendship between a man and a woman. But taboos on sex can be imposed not only by professional status or living conditions. There are other disruptions in our liberated age. Yes, yes, we are now talking about those who are commonly called “sexual minorities.”

After all, when a man is not attracted to ladies as a partner, he can become an excellent “friend.” And a woman who is captivated by passing “skirts” is capable of being, like no one else, “her boyfriend.” And when stereotypes and bias are cast aside, such friendship can be very, very long-lasting, without the likelihood of ever disturbing the “golden” balance.

Friendship that develops into love can become an excellent foundation for a strong family.

So, we have come to the conclusion that friendship between a man and a woman is a quite probable and even common occurrence in our lives. Yes, it requires certain conditions and falls apart in their absence. But isn’t this what happens with “classic” friendship? After all, a “black cat,” no matter what it is, can run anywhere. But friendship between representatives of different sexes also has another chance: to develop into a strong, reliable marriage. Then it becomes the foundation of relationships, making the family independent of outbursts of passion and the duration of love. And then - Long live Friendship in unity with Love!

Ever since Adam met Eve, men and women have often pondered this fundamental question: is friendship between a man and a woman possible? Is it possible to be friends with a person of the opposite sex?

Is friendship between a man and a woman possible?

Researchers have also identified a certain danger in friendships with people of the opposite sex, in which there is sexual attraction. For example, people who reported being sexually attracted to their friends of the opposite sex also tended to report dissatisfaction in their current romantic relationships.

Despite the research, this issue will likely continue to be debated for years to come. Our answer to this classic debate, whether friendship between a man and a woman is possible, often comes down to whether we are able to maintain a platonic friendship in our own lives. But unbeknownst to each of us, these relationships can be filled with content that goes beyond just friendships, more than we think.

Almost everything seems to be known about friendship. That men are waters apart and that only sympathy for the same girl can cause them to quarrel. And that female friendship, by and large, does not exist. First of all, due to the fact that according to statistics, for every ten girls we have nine guys.

The only thing that remains unclear to British and other serious scientists is the phenomenon of friendship between a man and a woman. Perhaps due to the absence of the phenomenon itself.

In other words, is there still this option for relationships between people of different sexes of fertile age or not?

Vladimir Pozner wrote in one of his brilliant interviews that in modern journalism no one has been interested in fair coverage of events and facts for a long time. But opinions are highly valued.

Using this carte blanche from the master, I will risk voicing my opinion on this topic.

You can be friends with a woman. But under certain conditions.

First of all, you can be friends with an ugly woman. Your brain will avoid the sexual overtones of communication, and you will be able to communicate with her almost freely. Discuss news, children, football, weather, even your relationships with other women. She will laugh at your jokes, touch your hair, lick her lips. It won't hurt you. At least as long as you're sane. Yes, it is better not to sit down and drink with ugly women. Proverbs don't lie.

Secondly, be friends happens with unattractive women. It may seem that ugly and unattractive are the same thing. Not really. There are girls who can be considered quite beautiful in the classical sense. But they are not sexually attractive. Either the type is not yours, or the pheromones are not yours. But it’s not even physiology, but behavior that influences more. The reasons may vary. Either she is a mother of three children and, in principle, she has no time for flirting. Either a manager or a businesswoman and, again, she has no time for nonsense. Either she once upon a time, as an awkward teenager, decided for herself that she was ugly, and since then she has not hoped for princes, not noticing her attractiveness. A kind of ugly duckling who hasn’t looked at himself carefully for a long time and didn’t realize how beautiful the swan actually turned out to be. The result is that the woman is beautiful, but not sexy. You can be friends with her, yes. And you can even drink with it. Nothing bad (or good, depending on how you look at it) will come of it.

Thirdly, relatives. Well, incest is not an option at all. So there’s nothing to even comment on.

And everyone else remains. It's much more interesting with them.

You communicate with them (if your chosen one allows you to, of course), you seem to be friends. But the situation always remains slightly ambiguous. That is, you, God forbid, don’t even allow yourself to think about her in a romantic way. After all, you are a reliable, confident and responsible man. And you understand that if something happens, something valuable will be torn away from you. It's good if you head. Or, as one of my friends says, “I’ll chop it into nickels!”

But at the same time, if you two find yourself, say, on a desert island... And if you happen to be the last people on earth (in a positive sense)... Well, then - the devil knows! Well, that is, it’s still possible!

And it also happens that these eyes, on the contrary, signal approximately similar thoughts. You communicate as if waiting for one of the parties to one day break loose and attack the opposite (in the sense of the opposite) side.

Agree, the friendship turns out to be somewhat tense. It seems nice and you trust the person, but it’s scary to turn away.

And yet it is there. This friendship. We are adults, developed and cultured. Accordingly, they are quite capable of controlling these dull natural instincts, which dictate to prolong one’s family at any opportunity, be it a corporate party, a trip to a cottage, a trip to the bathhouse, or a simple Russian blues.

We are above this. And we can calmly conduct unhurried conversations about abstract things even in those moments when no one is looking at us.

I hope you agree, friends.

This can be very important. There may come a time in life when you have to shout: “How could you think such a thing? It’s just a friend!”

Let's all support this version of friendship together, to make this argument sound plausible. Just in case…

Let's try to answer the question: can a woman, without pursuing absolutely any selfish goals, be friends with a man? To do this, she will have to be honest with herself. Is she flirting with her friend? Does he talk about his affairs with other men? Does he know about the men with whom she was previously intimate or who she is currently attracted to? Has this friend been romantically involved in the past? Affirmative answers put such friendship in great doubt. It is likely that either a woman is in love with a man or vice versa. Friendship is a cover here, and sooner or later it may be revealed.

The psychology of men is such that they consider every woman as a potential sexual partner. Perhaps, if he is friends, he simply hasn’t figured out how to move on to a new stage of the relationship. Or he is in love with his girlfriend, but, knowing that there will be no reciprocity, he finds, with the help of friendship, the only opportunity to communicate with her. And of course, in the depths of hope, he has hope that a woman will appreciate him, so caring and understanding. But maybe later...

So he's a friend. But if he gives a woman expensive gifts, it makes her think. Why, out of friendship, did he not give something modest and symbolic? Does he help a woman with everything and is ready to rush to her around the clock at her first call? It may well be that love is hidden in his soul behind his good intentions.

If a woman takes a friend along to go shopping, and he simply withstands this test stoically, this is also a reason to try to sort out the relationship. Only a man in love can endure this nightmare for more than half an hour.

Women love to discuss their boyfriends with friends. If a friend always takes the woman’s side, it is difficult to call his attitude friendly. A very likely version is that he is waiting for her - when her friend realizes that of all the representatives of the stronger sex she knows, he is the best.

Alcohol is an excellent indicator. If, after drinking wine, conversations continue on various abstract topics, then this is really a friend. But his kisses and hugs indicate that he has become bolder, relaxed, and friendship is out of the question.

In any case, according to psychologists, in friendship between representatives of opposite sexes there is absolutely always sympathy, without which friendship clearly cannot exist. The same psychologists also say that friendship between a woman and a man is still possible. And not only between relatives. But relationships of this kind have always been different and complex, and such friendships are more fragile and short-lived than friendships between representatives of the same sex.

As sociological studies have shown, women expect trust, understanding, and spiritual closeness from friendships with men. During sexual contact between friends of different sexes, women overwhelmingly consider themselves to be used and have an extremely negative attitude towards this. Men's opinion on this matter is exactly the opposite - in their opinion, sex is absolutely not an obstacle to true friendship, but, on the contrary, only strengthens relationships. Polar opinions on this issue often lead to misunderstanding and resentment between friends. Therefore, it is better to immediately discuss such things and try to treat each other with understanding.

A true friend is a great happiness in any case. And what friendship will be like in each specific case always depends on both the woman and the man.

I've tried to let go of my best friend responsibilities and keep my distance, but it still hurts.

Dear Eddie,

I had a best friend. Opposite gender from me. We have known each other for many years and became close due to our shared experiences and concern for each other. On my part it was also a crush, probably, but it was not mutual, since my friend is now dating someone else. And this relationship worries me and our mutual acquaintances, because we see different signs that my friend is now blind to, even when we point them out.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to let go of my best friend responsibilities and keep my distance, but it still hurts. I miss my friend, but they don’t seem to miss me anymore. I'm worried about his new relationship, but I don't say anything about it anymore. What should I do? With my heart, with my friend? I am already keeping my distance both physically and emotionally as much as possible.

Sincerely, Suffering Friend.

Dear Suffering Friend (we will call you S.P. for convenience),

Both spouses and best friends are essentially cut from the same cloth, I would even argue that if you have found yourself a best friend of the opposite sex, you have most likely found yourself a spouse in him.

You wrote to me because you want advice, and I will give you advice. But I can’t just give you a to-do list without acknowledging the pain you’re going through right now. Seeing how carefully you approached “maintaining anonymity” and your heartfelt anguish, I must say that I am very sorry that you are in so much pain. Honestly, your situation sucks (translator's note - yes, approximately the same word was used there).

Having said all this (and even in the process uttering almost a curse, more or less applicable among Christians), I still want to talk to you. First, let's forget about your situation for a minute and look at it from a broader angle to make it easier to understand what exactly is happening to you.

Who is a best friend?

Yes, this headline is a bit like teen magazine headlines. But don't worry, I won't talk about knowing network passwords or permission to wear each other's clothes. I will talk about something else - what distinguishes a person from other friends, for which we award the title of “best”.

To become the “best” you need to perform many roles simultaneously. Usually these roles are played by several friends, but in the best friend they are performed single-handedly. This person, in addition to allowing you to wear his clothes and sharing online passwords with you, spends a lot of time with you, knows about your experiences and secrets, laughs at your strange jokes and stays by your side no matter what happens in your life. . It's safe to be with them, they love you, and they're not going to leave you alone. In short, best friends are like spouses.

And from here we are forced to conclude...

It is impossible to play “best” friends with the opposite sex

It's just not possible. At least for a long period of time. Because while some people make it work (myself included), there always comes a day when those friendships come up against the question of a romantic relationship. This can be rephrased another way: the best friend, if he is truly the best, occupies exactly the place in the heart that one day our spouses can and should occupy. And if in a marital relationship both parties do not occupy these places, then one of the parties can be accused of infidelity.

Also, and here someone may definitely not like my point of view, in the case of best friends of the opposite sex, at least one of the parties, if not both, has romantic feelings for the best friend. Of course, I don’t presume to say this with 100% probability, but in my life I have never seen a case where one of the parties did not wait for the moment and even hoped that the relationship would move to the next stage. But why is this so?

Because best friends of the opposite sex are a no-strings-attached marriage. Because both spouses and best friends are essentially cut from the same cloth, I would even argue that if you have found yourself a best friend of the opposite sex, you have most likely found yourself a spouse in him. This is what happened in my life. If you are not willing to come to terms with this, you are either not giving your best friend that part of your heart that belongs to your “other half,” or your “other half” is not receiving what rightfully belongs to her. You won't be able to sit on two chairs here. Even the best friends of the same sex will have to give up the rights to your heart to their spouses. After all, husband and wife are best friends for life.

Now let's get back to you S.P.

I'll give you very tough advice. Very tough. You need to keep doing what you're already doing. Stay away from your best friend. Hear me: you are a normal person, there is nothing wrong with you, and most likely your fears about your friend’s new relationship are justified. However, because of your former place in your friend's heart, you are the last person who has the right to say anything about his new relationship, which today occupies (for better or worse) the place that was once yours.

Because of your former place in your friend's heart, you are the last person who has the right to say anything about his new relationship now occupying (for better or worse) the place that was once yours.

I'm so sorry, S.P. Losing your best friend, I even dare to say - love, is one of the greatest tragedies of man. My favorite poet, Paul Simon, said it this way: “Losing love is like a window into the heart. Everyone can see the suffering and storms of the soul.” And this is exactly what is happening to you now.

In conclusion, let’s summarize our conversation: let others talk about concerns about new relationships, but now you cannot be the same best friend that you were. I'm sure you were a great friend. Which just proves that you can be the best friend to someone else and even become a wife someday.