home Cream One woman's story. “15 recipes for a happy relationship without cheating and betrayal. From a master of psychology" Irina Gavrilova-Dempsey How beliefs affect relationships

One woman's story. “15 recipes for a happy relationship without cheating and betrayal. From a master of psychology" Irina Gavrilova-Dempsey How beliefs affect relationships

Irina Anatolyevna Gavrilova-Dempsey

15 recipes for a happy relationship without cheating and betrayal. From a master of psychology

* * *

I’ve already read a dozen books about women’s happiness. And it’s not that I feel unhappy, but I always want more. To my surprise and joy, Irina’s book turned out to be head and shoulders above similar literature. From the first lines you understand that the author’s soul is put into the book - everything is said so soulfully, so clearly and deeply.

Vasilisa, Moscow

The book made me rethink my relationship with my husband. It turns out that exactly what I didn’t pay attention to is almost the most important thing in family life. Thanks to invaluable advice Irina managed to save the family and revive old feelings again.

Olga, Stavropol

This is how it is customary for us: to solve a problem when it already exists. I did exactly the same thing before, and the result was so many disappointed hopes and expectations! Then she said a firm “no” to herself who was suffering, picked up a beautiful book and began to read. How correctly everything is said, every word! I am delighted!

Inna, Krasnodar

Finding a useful book is not so easy. This one is the most useful! If you want to get rid of suffering and worries because of men, you won’t find a better “textbook”!

Valentina, Tver

Eh, if I had come across this book 20 years ago, I probably wouldn’t have had three marriages behind me and disappointments in men. But Irina gave me hope to feel happy again. Thank you.

Anna, Saratov

Acknowledgments

I would like to express my deep gratitude to my dear husband Michael Dempsey for always inspiring me and helping me in my work.

To my amazing son, Gavrilov Denis, who supports me and shows sincere interest in everything I do.

To my analyst, S.E. Sokolov, for helping me go through my karmic lessons.

I thank my brother Pergaev Vitaly and his wife Pergaeva Roza for being in my life.

I want to say thank you to my friends, Olesya Landry, Elena Ivasenko, Elena Titova, Marina Nikulova for their help, love and kindness.

Dedicated to my beloved mother Tamara Grigorieva and my amazing father Anatoly Grigoriev

Introduction

God! Give me reason and peace of mind

Accept what I can't change

Courage to change what I can

And the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.

We fail to find joy and peace in life often because we try to change what we cannot change. And we often give up and do nothing where we can change something.

Contained in a woman enormous strength, capable of changing and transforming the space around itself.

This power of transformation lies within us, so it is very important to take care of our inner state.

Each of us has our own story and our own path, but this is what unites us all.

From time immemorial we have been striving for happiness; it is very important for us to realize ourselves in love. Every woman wants to be loved and the only one for her husband. But the path to love is not easy. A woman encounters many fears and doubts on this road. And how important it is sometimes to get advice, knowledge, hints, support, help in order to have the strength to move on.

This book is about love, how to come to it, and about the obstacles that are encountered on the path to love and happiness, which bring great joy to the lives of each of us. But often internal fears and unresolved problems turn the joy of love into suffering and everyday quarrels, showdowns and mutual reproaches.

Where there is love, there is often betrayal, this book will help you survive betrayal and become happy again. I will share not only my 15 years of work experience, but also, of course, my personal experience. This book will help you find feminine wisdom, peace and harmony.

To be a wise woman, you must first learn to love yourself and take care of yourself.

If you want to tie a man to you, try not to be tied to him. Paradoxically, you need to hold a man by letting go.

The ability to let go is a luxury that comes with self-love. If there is harmony and order inside you, and you know why you live on this Earth, then next to a man you will become even more beautiful and happier.

A man, oddly enough, does not love a woman, but his condition next to her. His love depends on HOW he feels next to his chosen one.

If he feels like a MAN next to you, he will try to do everything in his power. It is very important for him to be the BEST in your eyes. And with such a MAN you will feel like a real WOMAN.

A woman waits to meet such a man, forgetting that she first needs to accept the woman in herself, first in the person of her mother. Only after this a man will come into your life whom you can love and, most importantly, respect. When you are in conflict with your mother, you are in conflict with your feminine nature. Seeing the MAN in your man is your responsibility. If deep in the unconscious you do not respect a man, and in your inner world he is already devalued, then no matter how hard you try to be happy, you will not succeed. And you will blame your husband for your misfortunes, asking yourself questions: why do the same situations regularly come into my life? Why do relationships with men develop in a repeating pattern?

Nothing will change until you realize your contribution to all your suffering and to everything that happens in your relationship.

Karmic lessons come into your life not with the purpose of punishing, but with the purpose of showing mistakes, giving you the opportunity to correct them, receive healing and find the strength in yourself to change what you can change. And you can only change yourself.

Until you understand your lessons, your constant companions in different guises, until then you will live suffering.

Often women do not understand the deeper meaning of their suffering.

Faced with their husband’s betrayal and betrayal, they spend a lot of time fighting their rival, hoping to get the man back, and then live for many years with resentment and anger towards their husband. The resentment does not go away, even if he remains in the family.

The woman doesn't understand that husband is her karmic teacher.

It is impossible to forgive betrayal, you can forget it, force it out of your memory, but the pain of betrayal will echo dully in your heart for many years until you see in betrayal something more than just betrayal.

In the process of understanding and mastering this lesson, you will change your attitude towards what happened, and you will see the recurring drama of your childhood in your family life. And only then, having understood and realized that there is no one to blame or everyone is to blame, will you find the strength in yourself for understanding and true forgiveness, which will lead you not only to healing, but also to spiritual growth and internal changes. To a different perception of the world, relationships and yourself.

The purpose of writing this book was my great desire to help you change your view of some life events, to help you understand what problems you need to solve. Help you come to love and happiness, to peace of mind and harmony.

Karmic life lessons

In a relationship with a man, a woman goes through her karmic lessons:

1. There are no random people.

2. Loving and needing love are two different things.

3. How beliefs influence relationships.

4. Love for a man begins with self-love.

There are no random people in our lives

Despite her experiences, a woman has an amazing opportunity to heal. Over the years of my work, I have listened to many different women's stories. And, unfortunately, always sad, filled with pain and suffering.

Happy women don’t come to me... They rarely go to psychologists at all - it’s not customary to “treat” happiness.

You know that we have consciousness, and there is something unconscious, and the scenarios for your relationship already exist in the depths of this unconscious. When you meet a man, you are only replaying a record of the relationship that was made in childhood.

The unconscious is a huge part of the psyche, access to which is closed to consciousness.

The conscious lives its own life, the unconscious lives its own. The actions and motives of the unconscious are unknown to us, but they no less influence our lives and relationships. We do not notice this influence, but we feel it.

Have you noticed that very often your conscious desires cannot be realized?

There are many different subtleties and secrets in relationships and communication with each other.

Today I want to write about one little secret in relationships.

It would seem that we know how to talk so much about everything and often do not think about whether we can really talk about our nature and our true desires.

The ability to talk about the present is that little secret in relationships that I would like to talk to you about.

Very often, a woman, having separated from a man, does not realize how she is causing herself suffering through her own actions.

One of the main problems of people is the inability to communicate in direct phrases, the inability to speak honestly and directly about their desires.

Women, and men too, are afraid to speak directly about their feelings, preferring to put up fences in communication, hinting or trying to get what they want in roundabout ways.

Such ambiguous situations are created not only because a person is embarrassed or does not know how to talk about real desires and needs, but also often because the person himself does not fully understand his feelings and desires.

Sociability should not be confused with the ability to talk about the present, about what deeply touches and excites.

For some reason, talking about your feelings, this very thought makes many people feel ashamed. Most likely, they were shamed very often in childhood, and spontaneous expression of feelings was the object of condemnation and censure.

The child begins to understand that being natural is shameful and subject to condemnation.

When faced with betrayal or separation, a woman is afraid, embarrassed, ashamed to tell a man about her love, that she misses him and does not yet imagine how she will live without him.
There is no need to be afraid to talk about it and it is not a sign of a lack of pride.

The woman creates ambiguous situations and then she herself begins to suffer from guessing whether her husband really stopped loving her or whether she did something wrong.

A woman does not need to be ashamed of her feelings and needs to tell her husband about them, about her feelings and desire to be together, and if after that the husband still chooses to leave, then at least you do not lose anything from this, and certainly not your pride.

Pride is knowing your strengths and appreciating them. To be humiliated is to forget about them. You can talk about your love with dignity, and not like a beggar asking for food.

To have pride is to say once or at most twice about your love and your desires, and then let go and leave with dignity.

If he was going to leave, then it was, after all, his choice. But if you reveal your feelings, your soul will be calm from the knowledge that you did everything to save the relationship and your husband.

In this matter, you don’t need to go too far and force yourself on a man, you don’t need to talk about your love several times.

For such words, one direct explanation and expression of one’s desires is enough.

Yes, it hurts to hear in response to your confession: I don’t love you anymore! Or run into a cold wall of silence and indifference.

At the same time, we must always remember: What others do to us is their karma, how we react to it is our karma.

Of course, it hurts to lose someone with whom you have lived for several or many years, but this pain will not be less if you use hints, blackmail and your game to provoke a man to show love for you.

If a man loves, then he will not leave, if he wants to maintain a relationship with you, but he has accumulated grievances and complaints against you, he will still find a way to tell you about it.
If it was his grievances and feelings of complete misunderstanding on your part that led to the separation, then by admitting and expressing your desire to be with him you will help him start talking about his grievances.

After frank confessions and conversation with him, if there is a chance to save the relationship, I would even say to continue on a new level. As a rule, after a breakup and an internal separation, if the relationship has the ability to continue, then it really reaches a completely new and different level.

Many people do not know how to communicate directly and openly talk about their feelings.

Inside everyone there is a deep confidence that the other should feel and understand what you need.

Isn’t this an atavism from distant childhood, when a mother really should be sensitive enough to the child and understand from his inarticulate sounds what the child wants? Does he want to eat or drink, or maybe he just wants his mother to hug him and hold him close.
This belief sits in our heads and for many, love is the ability to feel another person.

We must understand with you that a man or woman is not attuned to the maternal wave and they may completely lack such a perception of a person. It is much easier for a woman to feel another person, this function is inherent in nature itself, men are completely different, they do not understand hints, they do not understand double messages. On the contrary, they are very annoyed by this behavior.

Don’t be afraid to even tell the man who is leaving about all your feelings and thoughts - this is the essence of the little secret in a relationship.

Even if he doesn’t understand, even if he remains indifferent and doesn’t need it.
You do this, first of all, for yourself.

After a frank conversation, you will feel a little better. You will no longer be tormented by guesses and doubts. Everything will become clear to you, and if love is gone, then let it go through the pain of loss, separation and parting.

Learn to talk about your true desires in small ways. Know how to understand yourself and your desires. Be open with people and do not create floridness in communication and relationships.

A woman, of course, attracts men with her mystery, but walking through labyrinths in achieving her goals and desires is not the kind of female mystery that can be attractive to men.

As soon as you learn to voice your desires and needs, learn to talk about your feelings, you will learn a little secret in relationships that will open the door to a qualitatively different communication and a qualitatively different world.

Love, goodness and peace to you.

Don't complain about an unhappy relationship, don't blame a man for your unhappiness, but start exploring yourself. Then you will be surprised to find that your relationship has changed, or other men have begun to come into your life. You will discover such harmony and tranquility in yourself that you will not feel unhappy without a man.

Path to the soul

The path to your soul and spirituality is thorny. Women can achieve some success in business and career, but they always fail in love.

You and your man need to have enough courage to go into the depths of yourselves, and not recoil from each other when faced with unpleasant and unexpected discoveries.

In a relationship, you doom yourself to suffering and loneliness because you see only one task - to change a man. You are trying to explain to him how he needs to treat you and what you need to do, how he needs to behave, what he needs to be like so that you have the desire to love him.

The meaning of a relationship comes down to the demands and expectations from a man to satisfy your immediate needs. You are not faced with a question about your spiritual development in relationships.

You need a relationship and a man for happiness, you are with him not so that you feel bad, but so that your life becomes better. But if this is a real and deep relationship, it cannot be a constant source of pleasure.

I know for sure that many of you spend a large number of time for spiritual development. And at the same time, you avoid relationships and love, or you become so immersed in studying the wrong behavior of a man and his problems that lead to such behavior that you completely forget about yourself.

You don't think of a man as part of your own inner world. By focusing on your grievances and your needs, you forget about the meaning of the relationship - to come to love.

For many, the meaning of a relationship is to receive love. Hence the eternal dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, resentment, irritability, whims, mood swings, depression, illness. Such a woman will always be emotionally depressed and unable to create a healthy atmosphere in the family.

Sometimes only pain and suffering caused by a man can awaken a woman from her slumber and return her gaze to her soul. In this case, only pain can revive dormant feelings and awaken the female soul.

Only spiritual development will return your feminine power. And if you didn’t manage to go through with your parents all the lessons that you had to go through when you came to this Earth, then it’s your man who gives you this opportunity again.

Relationships are an opportunity to go back to the past and correct mistakes in the present, rewrite the script. In a relationship, you will have to face not only your own shadow sides, but also the shadow sides of your chosen one. With his skeletons in the closet, you should be prepared for this.

All his life a person does nothing but avoid meeting his shadow. And the relationship, or rather the man, pushes you towards the forbidden door, behind which you will meet with your shadow sides. These are unpleasant meetings, and sometimes doubts may arise in your soul: is this the right man? You begin to feel like you made a mistake in your choice, this is disappointing and somewhat scary. There may even be a desire to separate.

You discover that your desires and needs remain unsatisfied, and in addition to this, you discover in your chosen one something that eluded your gaze at the beginning. You begin to see more clearly not only your companion, but also yourself, although you don’t even realize it.

It probably seems to you that he is not your man, but at first you didn’t think so. Something about him drew you in. This means that this person is no longer random.

He came into your life to introduce you to himself. By discovering his shortcomings, you will not be able to part easily and quickly, because you have already become attached to him.

Attachment and dependence are invisible threads that, despite all your suffering, continue to keep you in a relationship.

Therefore, in a relationship with a man, you not only get to know your inner parts, but you also have to solve the most important problem - freeing yourself from your dependence on love. In fact, attachment dooms you to suffering - you don’t want to live like that, and you can’t break up.

I know how many of you cannot part with a man, let him go, even after physically breaking up, you continue to be in invisible contact with him. You communicate mentally, prove something, get married to spite him, do something - and always in a mental dialogue with him. Physical separation means nothing: if you haven’t cut the connection within yourself, then you haven’t gotten rid of your addiction.

Often, many women bend over backwards to please and help their household, without paying any attention to their own person.

How to love a man correctly

The feeling of love is so individual and intimate that it seems as if our heart does not need anyone’s advice on how to properly love a man. You just need to love as you know how, as you feel. And yet I would like to focus on the subtleties that exist in the relationship between a man and a woman.

The feeling of love inspires, gives incredible emotions, a sea of joy. But why does it sometimes happen differently, and happiness turns into tragedies, family troubles, debilitating quarrels that bring mental pain?

They say, It's easy to give advice, but it's hard to follow it, especially if they relate to the area of relationships between men and women. Otherwise, there would be disproportionately more people happy and satisfied with life. However, even dozens of practical and wise advice are unlikely to bring the desired results if you do not let them pass through you, do not imbue them with them, and do not harmonize them with your inner self.

If in your unconscious thinking there is a low assessment of a man, you do not feel respect for him, then any attempts to become the right wife for him will not lead to a harmonious relationship and will not give a feeling of happiness.

Advice should be aimed at helping a woman, first of all, understand herself, identify existing shortcomings and complexes, fully understand the essence of women and the perception of men. However, we must not forget that relationships undoubtedly depend on the internal state of each partner, the feeling of comfort or, conversely, discomfort.

A man’s desire to be near a woman and to do the maximum possible for her and for his family is determined by how much he feels like a man when he is next to his soul mate. This state of a man depends on how his partner positions herself. Only when she feels like a wise woman does she see a man in her partner. But we are responsible for what is going on inside us, and we take care of our deep state and mood exclusively ourselves.

In this regard, you should first think about us, women, and then take apart the other half of humanity piece by piece and delve into the topic of why and how they love and what psychologists mean by the phrase: how to love a man correctly.

12 main rules of a wise woman

1. Relationships with a man should not be transformed into continuous responsibilities; you should not deprive yourself of elements of joy.

Taking on a huge amount of work with overtime, and then all the household chores and everyday problems, feel happy woman in such a marathon cannot. Regular overwork and constant lack of sleep cause energy exhaustion. And in such a state it is a priori impossible to have any good mood, nor joy. As a result, the negativity spills out on loved ones, in particular on a man.

2. Be sure to listen to yourself and your desires.

Often, many women bend over backwards to please and help their household, without paying any attention to their own person. When it brings joy and satisfaction, charging you with energy, great! But such actions often give a different result: caring for others is exhausting and tiring T.

In this case, there is only one recipe - remember and take care of yourself. How to do this? To begin with, relieve yourself of some of the responsibilities by redistributing them among all family members. The second step is to learn to refuse, saying a decisive “no,” and also to determine the boundaries of personal space both in the real and in the inner world.

3. Don’t be obsessive in love, don’t burden your partner with it, but don’t demand constant attention and care from a man.

A woman should be wise, possessing an inner world filled with calm, balance, harmony. The ingrained fear of being unnecessary, of being left alone, and the rejection of life without the presence of a man will play a cruel joke on you. Against your will, you will complicate, worsen relationships, and therefore spoil your own existence.

The formula for proper love for a man is based on partnership. You cannot get lost, lose yourself in a relationship, trying to become inseparable with your partner, encroaching on his personal space, and your own too. Any woman needs, like air, to have her own interesting life. You should not sacrifice your favorite hobbies, refuse to communicate, or distance yourself from friends., focusing exclusively on a man, as the most important object in life, forgetting about everything in the world and about himself, in particular.

4. Learn to take care of your inner state and enjoy doing your homework.

For example, if you are working on preparing food, then set yourself in such a way that this procedure brings you joy, and is not a chore aimed at bungling something so that the family does not go hungry.

You definitely need to learn to experience pleasant emotions from any work you do. Be sure to carve out some time for yourself in the morning to sit with a cup of morning coffee or tea, savoring it to set yourself up positively for the day ahead.

5. Don't hold a grudge. Proper communication is a whole science; mastering it, a person becomes successful.

Relationships with a man are no exception. Therefore, you need to learn this wisdom. Of course, it is very difficult to restrain your emotions when you have been offended, insulted, or upset.

You must strive to ensure that your inner world is always normal; you cannot accumulate and conceal grievances and past pain in it. They need to be dealt with in time and released. Necessary also get rid of the snares of negative attitudes, they so often interfere with rejoicing and enjoying life. If you manage to free yourself from them, it means you will gain the ability to control yourself and your words.

When a woman is offended, she is in pain, she tries to get rid of these painful sensations, clinging to the living and causing pain to the man. And he makes an irreparable mistake, since further mutual understanding becomes impossible.

The correct communication with a man will be your message about your feelings. You should say: “I am terribly angry,” “I am furious,” or “I feel offended.” After this, you should definitely explain the cause of this condition and offer a solution that is acceptable to you.

This approach preserves the manhood of your partner, while accusations against him always have a negative impact on a man and lead to a more serious aggravation of relations and mutual grievances. You should defend your point of view, your interests, and desires peacefully and correctly.

6. When talking with a man, be sure to control your facial expressions and intonations in your voice.

In addition to verbal communication, there is also a meaningful language of facial expressions and gestures. Sometimes he is so eloquent that he can communicate much more than phrases, and convey to his partner the real attitude towards him that is hidden deep inside you. Often we cannot even imagine what lies inside us and that these deep-seated feelings are not always positive.

The bottom line is that you are mistaken in thinking that you are building your relationship with a certain man. In fact, you build them based on the attitudes that were learned in the family where you grew up. They are absorbed from the mother, formed based on how she treated her husband, and men in general.

7. When communicating with a man, maximum openness is assumed without omissions or hints of feelings and desires, since men do not understand women’s insinuations.

Often complexes do not allow a woman to ask for something. She is convinced that a man is obliged to guess about her aspirations and desires. But self-confident and wise women do not speak in roundabout terms, but directly state their desires, and they do it right, because even the Gospel says: “Ask, and it will be given to you...”

But the requests must be sincere. And you should always be prepared for a refusal, but at the same time not allow yourself to be gnawed by doubts about the possibility of your request not being fulfilled. And have patience, you need to cultivate it in yourself, because you cannot count on a man’s agility to fulfill your desires. Each individual processes information differently. One will need a couple of days to comprehend and implement your request, while another will have to wait several months for the result.

Therefore, they expressed their request - and immediately forgot. But if this is important to you, then you can write out your desire on a piece of paper and attach it in a visible place. This will become a kind of reminder.

Women who are confident in themselves practically do not allow the possibility of refusal, but still, if they are faced with such a circumstance, they are not too upset about it. In any case, they do not regard this case as if they are not loved. Sincere requests addressed to a man make him feel needed, and, therefore, give confidence and strengthen the man’s condition.

8. The ability to be grateful, the ability to sincerely express gratitude and rejoice at a man’s faithful actions, rather than focusing on shortcomings, is another principle that explains how to love a man correctly.

Living together under one roof often leads to the fact that a man begins to be considered by his partner as her property, everything he does is taken for granted. As a result, these important words like “thank you” or “thank you” fall out of the vocabulary. But even if they are pronounced, they often become just routine, but should sound sincerely, from the bottom of the heart.

How simply we thank other people, sometimes strangers, for any service, and we are so stingy with words of gratitude for our man.

9. Do not describe your man negatively to his mother and girlfriends, creating a negative image.

First of all, in this case you yourself do not appear in the most at its best, because it was your choice. The other side of the coin: you form a negative characterization of your partner, turn your loved ones against him. Therefore, if a crack appears in your relationship with a man, you are unlikely to find the necessary support if you want not to lose it. Most likely, they will convince you otherwise, claiming that he is not worth you, he is not a match for you. So there is no need to wash dirty linen in public.

10. Find out a love language that your partner understands.

For example, your efforts to put your apartment in perfect order will be perceived by your spouse in a completely different way than you expected. It's important to him that you cook his favorite dish for dinner, but you didn't because you were busy cleaning and he feels unwanted. On the contrary, another person will not pay attention to the new tasty dish, but will notice that you have not washed his shirt.

It is impossible, and there is no need to be perfect in everything; it is quite enough to understand for yourself in what ways your partner feels your care and love especially keenly. This is the wisdom of a woman.

11. Respect is a must good relations, so respect your man.

This feeling, unlike spiritual closeness, is based on actual successes and achievements. They can be in any area and do not necessarily come down to the material aspect. Every person has some traits for which he can be respected. This could be kindness, neatness, practicality and much more. But the main thing is that the woman looks at them and appreciates them. From this it is clear that respect for a partner is expressed in not violating his personal space and fulfilling his desires.

It should be noted that men react very sensitively to pressure; in the case of onslaught and pressure, their reaction is stubbornness. That's why a wise woman will never press on her partner. Why, if you can formulate your desires and express them respectfully and correctly, leaving the choice to the man.

12. And the last of the 12 rules of a wise woman says: cast aside all doubts and believe in your beloved man, in his talent, in his abilities.

To believe means to discern in a person his potential. If you cannot find any talent or simply do not believe that a man is capable of realizing himself, then it is better not to link your fate with him, he is simply not yours. And you didn’t notice his talents only because your visual acuity is different.

And now I will summarize and answer the question, why a woman must take care, first of all, of herself. The answer lies on the surface: d but because a man is very sensitive to a woman’s mood and condition, although in reality he tries not to show it.

Almost everything a man does, he does for a woman, his family. AND His desire to see his soul mate in a joyful and happy state becomes quite understandable. If a woman is constantly dejected, tired and nervous, then this is transformed into information: “I am a bad husband,” “She is unhappy with me.” And it’s unlikely that anyone will enjoy feeling unable to make the woman they love happy.

And how often do women make the unforgivable mistake of demonstratively showing their dissatisfaction? and naively believing that this will make a man think and change his behavior. As a result, they get a completely different effect: the spouse withdraws into himself.

Hence the conclusion follows that in search of a recipe for solving the problem of how to love a man correctly, a woman is simply obliged to pay attention not only to her appearance, but also to deal with her inner world. Only by living in harmony with yourself can you create a harmonious relationship with a man.published

becomes attached to a man, he loses interest in her.

Why is it so common to believe that men like Snow Queens?

In fact, there are quite a lot of reasons for this opinion.

Let's imagine the following situation:

The weather is terribly hot. You are extremely thirsty. And here in front of you is a cool wide lake with seductive clear water. But here’s the problem: you were told that there live terrible, huge predatory fish that can bite you.

You can no longer endure the terrible heat and thirst; the desire to swim and cool down becomes stronger. You carefully enter the delightful, refreshing surface of the water, carefully looking around. Without seeing the source of the threat, you begin to swim. And then a little fry touches your skin! You begin to panic and frantically try to fight off an invisible enemy.

Was there a real reason for your fear? Yes and no.

The cause of the panic was not a lone fry that accidentally touched you. The real reason was previously received information.

How can you draw a parallel between a beautiful lake and love? I think we can draw the following conclusion: you are scared love and relationships even before they arise. The subconscious has long been convinced that if you open up to your feelings, you will lose a man’s interest in you. This belief did not appear at all as a result of an unsuccessful relationship, they are only its consequence. And the fear of love originated in childhood, in relationships with parents.

The result of a subconscious belief is that you attract the appropriate men to you, or you push them yourself relationship to this result.

The more you open up to a man, get used to him, the more sensitive you perceive manifestations of love from your chosen one. This way you get to the weak points of your subconscious I.

Starting to open up to the world of feelings and trust a man, you become vulnerable, since the sensitive side of your personality is your weakness. And we treat our weaknesses with increased attention and react sharply to them.

Having noticed that after the appearance of interest on your part, the man changed his behavior and habits, became less ardent in expressing his feelings, it seems to you that reality has changed - he has become more indifferent, because you are experiencing reciprocal feelings. You react to the slightest irritation from the outside as if it were the beginning of a worldwide catastrophe.

What's really going on?

You should start with the man’s attitude towards you. He is interested in you as a woman and focuses all his attention and energy on attracting you. When he feels a response from you, the emergence of warm feelings, he relaxes, being confident in your attitude towards him. Now he can devote some time to other aspects of his life - work, family, friends. You begin to feel that his concentrated attention is now distracted by other things, and you think that you are the reason for this.

One can assume the second option - he was afraid of the possibility Serious relationships. This suggests that your man has not yet experienced serious feelings, or has, but is disappointed in them and is afraid of repetition. In such a situation, he closes himself off to think about the situation, and you think about his indifference to you.

There may be other reasons. But it’s not worth looking for the right reason in such a situation.

The psychology of relationships can be compared to the change of time in a day: you go to bed with pleasure and wake up with no less pleasure, full of strength, energy and plans for the coming day. You are not upset that you have to go to bed after dark. It’s the same in love: periods of passion, emotionality, ardor are replaced by tenderness, calmness, and relaxation.

During changes in the atmosphere in a relationship, confidence is key

A woman who is confident in herself is confident in relationships. Often, during a change in the atmosphere in a relationship, a woman first of all thinks about her guilt. She tries with all her might to make the man pleasant and comfortable, but she always associates changes in his mood and behavior with herself. In her love and devotion, she forgets that the chosen one may come home from work in a bad mood due to fatigue or a temporary failure in business.

If you were confident in yourself, you would not pay attention to many details that do not carry seriousness, and you would more easily perceive a man’s behavior. By attaching importance to trifles, you become offended, which gives rise to serious problems against the background of misunderstanding each other. Catching every intonation in the voice, every change in facial expression, word, action, you come up with something that doesn’t actually exist.

Opposite situations are also possible, when a woman is so self-absorbed that she does not notice anything around her - for example, that a man is really “burnt out” and no longer has warm feelings for her.

Attachment is one of the common problems in relationships.

Sometimes this happens - it is vital for a person to be with another person. An affectionate person acts as a psychological vampire - he simply needs constant nourishment, which is the second person. Thanks to the constant feeding of the partner’s emotions, a good mood and comfortable psychological condition first person.

Such relationships gradually exhaust the other person and lead to chronic fatigue. The partner seeks to leave the relationship for a while, move away, and restore his energy state. By giving yourself to your loved one, feeding him with your emotions, you lose yourself as a person, turning into a shadow.

An affectionate person always makes others want to take care of him and help him. It most often evokes an association with a child who constantly needs to be protected and guided on the right path. But not everyone knows how to establish contact with children, and constant attention becomes exhausting over time.

If a man understands that his chosen one vitally needs his attention and love, in the first minutes he is afraid that he will not be able to cope with her immoderate desire. Especially if a woman not only needs help and support, but demands to give of herself continuously.

A man is afraid of great responsibility, which they suddenly try to impose on him against his desire. Small child who is trying to keep his mother with everyone possible ways, not allowing her to devote time to herself or other household members, can temporarily bore her own mother. Situation with an adult a man and capricious woman no better.

The attachment and dependence of an adult woman expresses her inner child, who demands to constantly give him love, but does not know how to give it to others. This is similar to the baby’s desire to look good in the eyes of his mother in order to get her for it. Love and attention.

By becoming attached to a man, you become more sensitive to yourself, acutely perceiving the slightest change in attitude towards yourself. The perception of reality is distorted through the prism childhood experience. By being offended by the lack of attention to yourself, making accusations towards a man, you make him want to move away from you. He doesn't just want to give you love, attention and understanding. He also wants to be loved, understood and respected for his personal boundaries. But the “woman-child” cannot give him this. And receiving constant complaints increases his sense of guilt, there is a feeling that he is not good enough for his woman.

The world of feelings is always difficult for men. In a situation where he cannot understand any feelings, he emotionally closes down and takes a break.

Sometimes a “woman-child” is aware of her inner affectionate child, so she tries with all her might to hide it. This happens unconsciously, which looks from the outside like the opposite behavior of an affectionate child, which leads to the usual male reaction - moving away from you.

Sometimes a “woman-child” meets a “man-child”. In such a situation, your partner will experience the same feelings as you yourself - fear of relationships, flight from responsibility and seriousness. Relationships of this kind are similar to children's games of catch - the first one catches up with the second one, then they change roles and everything starts all over again. Partners simply don’t know what to do if they stop running. They are afraid to truly get close; they do not know how to establish contact with each other, although they feel the need for it.

Relationships require confidence and patience.

Faced with male coldness and detachment, a woman will need all her self-confidence and patience to wait out this period calmly. It is necessary to be prepared in advance for such periods and learn to experience such emotional pauses calmly. Of course, this is quite difficult to do - men and women equally sensitively experience moments of coolness in a relationship, the detachment of a loved one.

Many people in relationships are like houseplants - they are sensitive to environmental conditions and temperature levels. But if you want to grow a stable perennial tree from a small indoor flower, you need to learn to temper your feelings, reduce your sensitivity to changes in environment which are expressed in emotional experiences.

Periods of coolness in warm feelings are a natural phenomenon. A woman is sensitive to even a temporary lack of contact with her beloved man, for example, when he leaves for work. At times like these, she just needs to remember that she doesn't have to depend on the relationship emotionally. Instead of worrying about a temporary separation, you can occupy yourself with what you love, and when you meet again, experience the joy of the closeness of your loved one.

Regulate the evenness of your relationship by keeping distances from each other. Separate quietly for a few hours so that you can meet again soon.

To reduce your sensitivity, you need to fully experience the pain. This does not mean that you need to live through a serious loss - stop worrying if your spouse was unable to call from work during the day, was late without warning, and similar little things. Understanding that such situations occur independently of you, you will begin to be aware of your partner’s personal space, learn to calmly accept his fatigue from work and the desire to rest for an hour or two, locking himself in a room alone with himself.

Partners are not support for each other. Life is a multifaceted thing: sometimes you need to help each other, sometimes you need to go on your own, but together.

Find harmony in yourself - and harmony in your relationships will be guaranteed. Learn to concentrate on a man, but at the same time do not forget about your affairs, yourself. Let him feel that in love you are his support, but this does not make you soft and comfortable in any situation.

In relationships, preserve your feminine nature, balance your sides - strength and weakness, courage and shyness, confidence and doubtfulness - everything should be balanced.

Do you want to understand why men lose interest when you become attached to them? They are like karmic teachers, they want to make you understand yourself, understand the true meaning of your behavior and its consequences.

With love,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey
www.irinagavrilovadempsey.ru