Ekaterina Morozova

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Many parents complain about their children being too capricious. Of course, the main question for mothers is what to do when capriciousness becomes a constant state of the baby. How to react correctly - ignore, scold or distract? But it should be understood that it is equally important to find the reason for this child’s behavior. Your solution to this problem depends on it.

A capricious child: what is the reason?

Not a single action of a child arises on its own - out of nowhere. Any action is a reflection of the baby’s feelings and internal state. Main reasons for excessive capriciousness usually are:

• Health problems.
  The child does not always understand that he is sick, hungry or tired. If he is too small or overwhelmed with emotions, he cannot express his condition. This discomfort is expressed in capricious behavior.
• Excessive care from parents and relatives.
  The desire to protect the baby from dangers and various mistakes often leads to the child completely losing the need to demonstrate independence. The consequence of total control, blowing away dust particles and the tradition of doing everything for the child is the inability and unwillingness of the child to grow up. In this case, the child’s capriciousness, as a rule, means he is spoiled.
• Three-year-old crisis.
  Many mothers notice drastic changes in a child of this age. First of all, this is due to the fact that the baby declares himself as an individual and demands freedom for himself. The child begins to rebel against overprotection, expressing this to the best of his ability - that is, by capriciousness.
• Relationships and microclimate in the family.
  The flow of information from the outside, active communication and new impressions is the main reason for the baby’s fatigue. Therefore, at home he expects peace, stability and an atmosphere of love between his parents. In the absence of such (quarrels and scandals, changes in life, etc.), the child begins to protest. This is where capriciousness, tearfulness and other reactions of the baby to a reality that does not suit him appear.

Instructions for parents: how to cope with the whims of a child

First of all, parents must understand that they are the most common reason whims. If everything is in order with the baby’s health, then his whim is a response to the environment, parental behavior, parenting methods, etc. Therefore, first, decide on the reason and figure out why the child is capricious. Next, based on the situation, learn to respond to whims correctly.

Children's whims are completely natural. You can encounter them not only in relationships with children, but also when communicating with adults. The causes of children's whims are often the dissatisfaction of the children themselves, who are indignant because of current events and the behavior of their parents. Psychologists will tell you how to deal with such manifestations.

Whims mean dissatisfaction when a child cries, screams, stomps his feet, waves his arms, etc. If we compare whims with child hysteria, we can note the difference: whims are a milder indignation of a child than hysteria. Moreover, moodiness can manifest itself in a mild form, while tantrums are often a more severe form of behavior.

A child is not born capricious, but becomes. All children become capricious at different ages. The younger they are, the more susceptible they are to capricious behavior. For some, this quality is not fixed, while others continue to remain capricious even in adulthood. In order not to develop capricious behavior in your child, which he will constantly resort to, you should seek the help of a psychologist on the website.

What are children's whims?

People often confuse whims and hysterics. However, these are different concepts. What are children's whims? This is the child's crying, screaming and irritability, which is often a reaction to some irritant. If hysteria can be attributed to a theatrical performance, when a child deliberately exaggerates his experiences, then during a whim a child can cry, refuse something, turn up his nose not because of his whim, but for objective reasons.

Children's capriciousness may be the result of some kind of disorder or painful condition of the child. Often children become especially moody when they are sick, hungry or have trouble sleeping. Perhaps even an adult becomes capricious to some extent when he feels discomfort inside his body or in the environment.

However, it should also be noted that children’s manipulative capricious behavior is when the child deliberately begins to cry, scream, be offended, etc. Parents should look at what preceded such behavior of the child. If a child suddenly begins to act up, then you should understand the reasons for his behavior. If he began to act up after they refused to buy him a toy or did not take him to his favorite playground, then you should understand that hysterical behavior is manifested here.

Parents are often forced to deny their child many things, both for objective reasons (for example, there is no money) and for educational purposes. Here the child begins to be capricious, not wanting to accept the fact that his needs and desires are not being met. How to behave in such a situation?

• Do not think badly about yourself and the child. Some begin to think that they have bad children, others that they are bad parents. You should forget about such thoughts. Neither you nor your children are bad. It is necessary to understand the situation and correct it.
• Ignore. If the child’s whims are aimed at encouraging the parents to do everything the way the child wants, they should be ignored and not paid attention. The fewer spectators, the shorter the child will be capricious.
• Be patient. If you had objective reasons to refuse your child, then remember them. The baby will cry and stop. Show him that not all wishes will be fulfilled at his first request. If something can be implemented for him, then tell him how it can be done without being capricious.

Causes of children's whims

Children's whims have many reasons for their appearance. If you are attentive parents, you can identify them.

1. These can be various diseases. Especially small children, who cannot yet express their feelings and experiences, tell adults through their behavior that something bad is happening to them. For example, fever, nausea or pain inside the body cause children to behave inappropriately. They may be inhibited, protest, inconsistent or contradictory in their actions. Parents need to observe their children to determine the reasons for their behavior.
2. It could be miseducation. It may consist in the fact that the parents allow the child everything or, on the contrary, treat him rudely and harshly. The most dangerous upbringing becomes where each parent contradicts each other with their measures. For example, the father behaves harshly with the children, and the mother allows them everything.

• If a child is allowed to do everything, then he simply will not recognize the boundaries and the word “not allowed.” Every time he is faced with a situation where something is forbidden to him, he will behave inappropriately. He will be indignant about some prohibitions.
• If a child is prohibited and restricted from everything, then he becomes maladapted. At first he tries to live within the framework and rules that his parents established, and then a protest arises - to do everything in defiance. This causes a negative reaction from parents, who tighten their measures even more. This leads to moodiness.

1. This may be a reflection of the situation within the family. Capricious children often grow up in families where relatives constantly quarrel, demand a lot from their children, do not pay attention to them, etc. Only a psychologist can identify what exactly in the family provokes capricious behavior in children.

1. It could be stubbornness or curiosity. Children show whims either in defiance of their parents (showing self-will, stubbornness, disobedience), or as curiosity (desire to explore the world, from which the parents isolate the child).

1. This can be a manifestation of independence. From an early age, the child begins to say “I myself!”, which indicates his desire to cope with the task, to do the work himself. If his parents do not hear his wishes in this matter, he will naturally become capricious, since his parents invade his personal territory and prevent him from growing up.

If a child is naughty, factors that preceded his behavior should be noted. This will help identify real reasons capriciousness and understand whether he is really trying to manipulate others or is simply inquisitive and wants to become independent.

In any case, you should not pay attention to whims. They should not be indulged, otherwise they will be attached to the child for life.

Children's whims and hysterics

A frequent manifestation of children's hysteria or whims is the behavior of a child whose parents refused to buy food. new toy. Here begins loud crying, screaming, falling to the floor, etc. Many people could observe this hysteria, which often manifests itself in children at a young age.

At the age of 1-2 years, the child is just beginning to try different behavior patterns. Whims and hysterics become natural at this age. The child resorts to them because he tries and observes what will help him in a given situation. This is why parents are advised to ignore tantrums and whims so that they do not become attached to the baby.

Already at the age of 4, behavior changes. Only with indulgence or disturbances in the nervous system does the child continue to be capricious and hysterical. This causes anxiety, nervousness and even anger at the baby in the parents, who themselves became the main factors in the development of such behavior in him.

Psychologists advise learning to correctly analyze when a child is hysterical because he wants to manipulate, and when he really needs something important. You should not react unambiguously to whims, since the child may simply resort to the wrong model of behavior.

Children's hysteria should also be distinguished from whims:

• Whims are a manifestation of protest against something that is currently prohibited or inaccessible to the child. They can last for a short period of time and for a day, a week, even a month.
• Tantrums are theatrical performances that children act out brightly and loudly. The kid works for the public, intensifying his hysterics if others pay attention to his hysterics. If the audience disperses and does not react, then the baby stops the hysteria. It is a response to unpleasant news or insult.

How to deal with children's whims?

It is easier to prevent children's whims than to deal with the question of how to deal with them. That is why psychologists advise first creating a favorable environment for the child, communicating calmly with him, and also protecting him from overwork, hypothermia, overheating, starvation and other physiological reasons. Even an adult will be capricious when he feels bad and uncomfortable. Sometimes eliminating these factors already helps in solving the problem.

Tantrums and whims are characteristic of children, but they should not be indulged, so that the child does not understand that they should be resorted to at the first refusal or dissatisfaction of his desires.

1. Stand your ground. If you have ever said “no,” you must keep your word, regardless of the child’s behavior.
2. Clearly specify the list of prohibited things. The child must understand what he “isn’t allowed to do” and see that his parents do not fall for his whims and do not change their minds.
3. Continue with your business while your baby screams. He must see that his parents do not respond to his tantrums, so he should stop them.

It is forbidden to console, caress or cooze with a child. This will only confirm the baby’s behavior. The baby should not be left alone for a long time, while remaining calm. The situation is quite normal. Your baby is healthy and everything is fine with him. He will cry, scream and stop. Be sure that everything happens as it should.

Always reward your child for behavior that you like. He must clearly note that there are behaviors for which he is rewarded, and actions that are ignored do not give him happiness and pleasure.

Bottom line

Raising a little baby is very difficult, because he still does not understand much and acts instinctively. Whims and hysterics are a kind of instincts when a child resorts to primitive forms of his indignation and protest. So far, it is through such actions that he can express his inner feelings. If parents use the recommendations of psychologists, they will come to a positive result.

The forecast of educational measures is unpredictable. However, the following is known: if both parents act gradually and together, then their child will soon stop his whims and begin to cultivate a different model of behavior that is acceptable to the parents and, accordingly, to the society in which all people live.

Your baby is capricious: he is sick, wants to attract your attention or achieve something, protests against excessive care, or is simply tired... After reading this book by a practitioner child psychologist Alevtina Lugovskaya, you will find out the reasons for your child’s whims, receive the necessary recommendations on how to learn to prevent their occurrence, whether to indulge children’s whims, and how to behave during a child’s tantrum. In the book you will also find games, riddles and nursery rhymes that will help distract your baby from his whims.

Chapter I. Why the child is capricious

1. Introduction

My dear parents! Once you have taken on this difficult task of being parents, you will have to study all the intricacies of one of the greatest sciences in the world - the science of raising children. And this is oh, how difficult it is, not to mention that it is even more difficult to apply the theory of education in practice, especially to your own child.

Imagine that you are getting ready for work, you are in a hurry, and your beloved child, for no apparent reason, begins to be capricious, cry, or even become hysterical. You grab your head and don't know what to do. Or at the table the baby suddenly refuses to eat, screams, throws the spoon, and no effort can be made to calm him down and feed him. Sometimes the baby refuses to sleep. In the middle of the night, he suddenly starts calling you loudly, without thinking about sleep. He seems to be testing your patience, and you, with half-closed eyes, struggling with sleep, sit by his bed and tell him the same fairy tale for the third time. What's happening to him?

It turns out that between the ages of one and three to five years a child undergoes a restructuring, during which he acquires new experience, begins to understand more, to experience emotional conflicts more acutely. It is at this time that the baby begins to be capricious, having learned that in the world, in addition to the word “yes,” there is also the word “no.”

Some pediatricians call this age the “first age of stubbornness” (the second refers to ages 12–14). So suddenly your seemingly docile little son or daughter becomes capricious and obstinate, stubbornly refusing to fulfill any demands, and at the same time they can behave very ugly: stamp their feet, cry, scream, throw everything that comes to hand, rushing on the floor, trying in this way to achieve what you want.

The causes of such hysterical attacks are usually very simple, but an adult is not always able to immediately recognize them.

So, why is the child capricious? There are several possible answers to this question.

Option one. The child is capricious, cries, if something bothers him, he is sick, but he himself does not understand it. After all, small children cannot feel what is happening in their body the way adults feel and understand it.

Option two. The baby wants to attract attention. He chose this way to communicate with you either for purely selfish reasons, since he is better off with his parents than alone, or he really does not have enough attention. If the latter is true, it is worth thinking seriously about it.

Option three. Being capricious, the child wants to achieve something very desirable, namely: a gift, permission to go for a walk, or something else that the parents forbid for some reasons incomprehensible to the child.

Option four. The child protests against excessive care and demonstrates a desire to be independent. This is quite natural if you adhere to an authoritarian parenting style, because he wants to be independent, and you constantly direct him: “You will put on this shirt!”, “You can’t do this!”, “Stop looking around!” etc.

Option five. There is no reason that could cause hysteria. It’s simply an expression of the child’s internal conflict with himself. Or maybe he just didn't get enough sleep today? Or was he very tired during the day and that’s why he was capricious? Your family quarrels and scandals can also affect his mood. Think, analyze everything. As Janusz Korczak said, “a child is undisciplined and angry because he suffers.” In the reasons for his suffering lies the answer to the question of why he is capricious.

Now let’s look at each option in more detail and try to understand the reasons for this or that child’s behavior and how to help him cope with himself.

2. The baby got sick

A child’s whims may be evidence that he is sick, but cannot say so because he himself does not understand what is happening to him.

One of the signs of the disease is a change in behavior. In this case, the appetite usually decreases, the baby is easily excited, cries for no reason, sometimes lies down on the sofa, sometimes sits with an indifferent look. Attentive parents will immediately notice these changes and begin further inspection.

Touch his forehead. To be more sure, measure your temperature, since an increase in temperature is a consequence of the body becoming infected with some kind of infection. This is sometimes difficult to determine by eye. There are children who play at a temperature of 38–39.5°C, not realizing that they are sick.

The first manifestation of a viral cold may be a runny nose. This is how the body usually tries to stop the infection. A cough may also indicate an onset of illness. A runny nose, cough and shortness of breath occur, for example, with respiratory diseases, as well as with acute infectious diseases.

Ask your child if his ears hurt. It is during otitis that children are especially restless and capricious.

Often in children preschool age Abdominal pain occurs, and not necessarily as a sign of some disease. Sometimes abdominal pain is observed in nervous children with increased excitability.

Another sure sign of illness is a headache, since it rarely bothers healthy children.

Monitor the child's stool and urine and whether there is vomiting. Frequent urination may be a symptom of a cold Bladder And urinary tract, less often - kidney disease. Diarrhea indicates indigestion, both infectious and non-infectious. Nervous children, on the contrary, are prone to constipation. Vomiting can also be the first sign of many diseases.

Examine the child's body to see if there is a rash on it. The cause of its occurrence is infectious diseases and allergies. Moreover, the rash appears before such signs of infection as fever, lethargy, refusal to eat, etc. The specific color of the skin indicates the presence of some kind of disease, for example, cyanosis indicates a diseased heart, yellowness indicates jaundice, etc. .

So, there are a lot of ways to find out if your baby is sick. This includes an examination, a conversation with the child, and observation of him. In any case, if you come to the conclusion that he is sick, he should be shown to the pediatrician as soon as possible. I do not advise self-medication, it is very dangerous, especially if the baby cannot yet understand and correctly explain what hurts him.

Be prepared for the fact that sick children are very capricious. Everyone knows that being sick is bad. The patient cannot run, play, he lies in bed and suffers. And it often turns out that for sick children, relatives try to do everything possible to make them feel good. They immediately find themselves in the center of attention, they get and buy any toys, sweets, fruits, and indulge their whims. Is this necessary? After all, the baby, having realized that when he is sick, everything in this house is done for him, may in the future resort to simulating illness.

I do not advocate depriving a child parental care and attention. But you should consider whether your efforts are excessive. The main thing is not to overdo it.

3. Call for communication

A child needs parental love from the very beginning of life. However, if he is surrounded by excessive care and attention, he unconsciously begins to abuse them. So, already at the end of the first year of life, his screaming and crying can mean not only that he wants to eat or drink. Crying becomes a way for him to call his parents to him, to attract their attention. Of course, he needs communication. But at the same time, you cannot run to him at every cry and fulfill all his desires. Otherwise, then he will have only one goal - to attract the attention of adults.

Let me give you an example from my practice.

Helen is 11 months old. The parents noticed that the girl had recently become very whiny. As soon as the mother leaves the room and begins to do household chores, she begins to cry, and if the mother does not return, she begins to scream. Worried parents went to the doctor to find out if their daughter was in pain. But if they had been a little more attentive, they would have realized that Lenochka was capricious, feeling uncomfortable without her mother. There is only one way out: firstly, parents need to pay more attention to her, and secondly, not indulge the girl’s whims and not follow her lead. Gradually she must learn to play alone, because mom also has chores to do.

An increased demand for attention to oneself can manifest itself in different ways. For example, a child is capricious and demands that you come to him, or turn on the light, or fasten a button. Usually parents try to influence him with the following words: “Finally, stop whining!”, “If you continue, I will lock you in the room,” etc. As a rule, cursing and threats have no effect. After some time, the child begins to do the same, and often becomes even more capricious.

If you want to avoid whims and nervous disorders, try to spend more time together with your baby. The child feels more confident in the presence of his parents, this creates a sense of security in him. You've probably seen this picture: when visiting strangers, the baby clings to his mother all the time, hiding behind her. But gradually he begins to look around and from time to time makes “walks” from her to the guests he likes, constantly returning to his mother.

Many parents complain at receptions and in letters that they do not have enough time to communicate with their children. But the main thing is not how much time you spend, but how you spend it. You need to use all the opportunities that you have: evenings, weekends, etc. At the same time, you don’t have to give up household chores, but communicate with your child in the process of doing them. Just pay attention to the baby, talk to him, and he will be very happy about it.

It is very important to be sincere and natural when communicating with a child. The child will immediately feel the falsehood. Therefore, to communicate with him, you need to tune in, relieve irritation, and forget about your worries. And then the time spent with the baby will bring joy to both of you.

Organize more family holidays. On such days, it is very good, in addition to the traditional feast, to come up with some surprises and entertainment for the whole family. You can go to the theater or take a country walk. There are plenty of ways to spend family time. There would be a desire!

4. Reaction to parental ban

Sometimes the reason for a child's tears can be an unexpected refusal of something he really likes. The reasons for your refusal may vary. For example, eating sweets too often led to diathesis, and the doctor advised to abstain from this at least for a while. But how to explain this to a small child? Or you noticed that your concessions and constant connivance led to the child becoming simply uncontrollable and no longer understanding you.

It is difficult for a child to understand what “is possible” and what “is not” means, and you must help him with this. Do not forget about the mental and physiological characteristics of the baby at different periods of its development.

At one year of age, a child reacts very strongly to bright and catchy objects. It is quite natural that with screams and tears he will demand to give him the object that interests him. For example, a child saw a crystal glass that shimmers so beautifully, but you are afraid that with one careless movement the child will break it into pieces and even cut his hands in the process. In this case, you should switch your baby's attention to a safer toy.

Very often, parents love their child so much that they buy too many toys. But some time passes and they all get boring. And then the child strives for something new and often forbidden. To prevent this from happening, do not give him all the toys at once, but simply change them from time to time.

Do not forget that at the age of one year a child begins to need to put every thing in his mouth. This is due to the fact that he is teething. Make sure that among the toys there are no ones that are made of weak and fragile materials. If you are buying a bright rubber toy, be sure to ask the seller what material it is made of. Recently, cases of poisoning of small children with paint, which is used to cover toys to attract the attention of buyers, have become more frequent.

One mother told a story at the reception. She loved her daughter so much that she tried to surprise her every day. The baby had a lot of toys, but she was already bored with them, and she did not pay any attention to them. And then the resourceful mother wrapped some of the toys in foil. In this way she wanted to make them more noticeable. Naturally, my daughter was very happy, but soon discovered that the foil could be unrolled. The need to taste it immediately arose. She accidentally choked on a small piece of foil, and her mother had to call a doctor.

As the child approaches three years of age, he strives to become better acquainted with the world around him. If at an early age visual and taste impressions played a big role, now he strives to become a full member of the family. He wants to participate in all household chores and realize his importance.

At this age, parents often fall from one extreme to another. I know one family who clearly divided the world into “adults” and “children.” The parents gave their child a separate room and limited his access to other places, such as the kitchen. This was not due to educational goals, it was just that the parents loved the baby so much that they were terrified for him. It seemed to them that in the kitchen a pan of hot compote might fall on him, and in the living room he might be exposed to radiation from the TV. They even forbade him to run because he might fall and hit the radiator.

But the curious child did not accept the current situation and strove to forbidden places whenever mom or dad were distracted from his person. He was afraid of being noticed, so he tried to do everything quickly. Every time something fell, broke and broke. His parents tried to distract his attention from dangerous objects with the help of sweets. Every time the child began to be interested in an object, access to which, according to the parents, was strictly prohibited for children, they gave him candy or something tasty.

My little son learned this very soon and created similar situations constantly and deliberately. Only each time his demands increased and he cried harder and screamed louder. His parents, concerned about his mental state, turned to me for help.

With great difficulty I managed to convince them that they were wrong from the start. After all, a child at this age strives to copy the world of adults, and you must help him with this. Let him become an assistant in all household chores. Just present it in the form of a game. Do you do laundry? Give him a small basin and let him wash his socks. Do you cook in the kitchen? Let him do the same and feed his toys. There are several benefits to doing household chores together. Firstly, the child is nearby all the time and you avoid unpleasant surprises. Secondly, you have an excellent opportunity to explain to your baby the purpose of certain objects and show which of them are dangerous for him.

You think that the child is very small and does not understand anything. This is the most common misconception. He understands much more than you think. Whims, and sometimes even hysterics, are a unique way to test your reaction. In such cases, you must be firm and consistent. Let your child be alone with himself and he will soon realize that he was mistaken and change his behavior.

You will have to face certain difficulties when the time comes for your baby to go to school. kindergarten IR. If you've spent a lot of time talking with your child and he's already learned the dos and don'ts, that's good. It will be enough for you to talk to him again and explain that it is impossible to buy everything at the same time. One boy has a car, another has a train, the third has a gun... It’s clear that he wants everything at once and now. Explain that this doesn’t happen, so you have to share.

If this doesn’t help, play a game called “Shop”. Give him toy money and ask him to do the necessary shopping. Very soon the money will run out, and the baby will understand that sooner or later everything comes to an end and what he wants is not always available.

You will find the way to your child's heart if you talk to him as equal to equal. If the baby understands that you want to sort out this or that issue with him, many whims and troubles can be avoided. And the baby will grow up calm and unspoiled.

5. Self-affirmation

As already noted, an excessively enthusiastic attitude towards children, in which they feel excessive parental love, forms selfishness and selfishness in them. The child develops hypertrophied self-esteem, that is, he is undemanding of himself, but is intolerant and overly demanding of others. At the same time, some children are so tired of parental love that they develop emotional overstrain, which is expressed in tears, whims, stubbornness, and opposition to everything that comes from adults.

A child perceives parental care in different ways: sometimes as a manifestation of love, sometimes as a hindrance and suppression of his “I”. Numerous studies by psychologists show that a child is already early age For harmonious development, a certain balance of care and freedom is necessary. He must feel that he is not only looked after and surrounded by care, but also given the right to make independent choices, understood and respected. For example, a child begins to behave badly at the table. He refuses some dishes, asks for other food, demands a pacifier, although he has not used it for a long time. If in this case you openly put pressure on him, he will continue his whims and become even more stubborn. It is necessary to agree that he has become independent and can choose his own dishes and eat as much as he wants. Believe me, he will not die of hunger, his life instinct will not let him die. Treat what is happening with patience and humor.

Many parents believe that they adhere to a democratic parenting style, but in reality this turns out not to be the case. Some children are literally not allowed to take a step by their “caring” mothers: “Don’t go there! Don't take this into your hands! Don't play here! These are just some of the lines that can be heard on the playground from morning to evening. Yes, parents should protect their children from troubles and help them live in a difficult world, but is this always necessary? Still, a child is not a doll, not a piece of clay, and in many ways he creates himself, whether we like it or not. He needs to find out everything and try everything himself, and without getting into trouble this will not work. It is better if you explain to your child what to do in a given situation, rather than being overprotective and prohibiting everything. Otherwise, he will never gain independence and self-confidence, will always act according to your orders and will remain infantile (and there are plenty of examples of this).

Pull yourself together, be patient and act like one wonderful mother who told her son when he came from the street: “It was a bad walk, since he came clean!”

To give a child the right to independence, it is necessary to distinguish his desire from his own interests. I will give an example from my practice.

Dad really wanted to give his five-year-old son a gift. He took him to the toy store. There the boy began asking for what he thought was a wonderful blue car. But dad, having examined it, said that the machine was fragile and would quickly break down. And he offered to buy another one, much more expensive. “But it’s nice to look at her!” he said admiringly. The purchase took place. The father was pleased, and the child, barely holding back tears, kept secretly looking at the car he liked. “Why don’t you thank me, son?” asked the father in surprise. He did not understand that he did what he wanted, and his son only succumbed to his pressure. This gift did not bring any joy or satisfaction to the boy, because it was not chosen by him. In this case, the father’s selfishness towards his son manifested itself. The child was given to understand that he was still small and could not do anything on his own. By the way, the father also broke his promise to his son. After all, he took the boy to the store so that he could choose a toy for himself.

Sometimes in many families, excessive severity and drill are dictated by the interests not of the child, but of the parents, for whom an obedient child causes less trouble. After all, it is always more convenient if the child is quiet, calm, sits in a corner and does not bother anyone, does not distract adults with questions and requests to play. But how will such a baby grow up? Will he be a harmoniously developed, creative person or will he remain “downtrodden” and limited throughout his life?

6. Invisible reasons for whims

Under the age of five, due to insufficient life experience and the inability to critically comprehend what is happening, any situation can become a very strong irritant for the child. This includes incorrect behavior of parents (quarrels and conflicts between them, fights, aggressiveness towards the child, other family members or pets), and some kind of street impressions.

It is known that people are born with different types nervous system. Those who have a strong type of nervous system are calm, do not get upset over trifles, and are resistant to all sorts of troubles. People with a weak nervous system are more sensitive, vulnerable, they experience everyday difficulties more acutely.

Children with a weak nervous system are overly excitable, they have an increased response to various external and internal stimuli. For example, some children react very strongly to even minor pain: it makes them hysterical. A lump in porridge can cause vomiting; watching a scary movie at night can deprive you of sleep. It is difficult to stop such a child if he is capricious. Try to calm him down, distract him, and if you notice that the stressful state does not go away for a long time, contact a neurologist or psychologist.

Chapter II. What to do if your baby is naughty?

1. Should I indulge his whims?

To raise and raise a child, parents often have to sacrifice personal affairs, work, and finances. But we must distinguish which sacrifices are necessary and which are harmful, since one of the troubles of “home pedagogy” is precisely that parents make unnecessary sacrifices. By trying to give your child a delicacy that is clearly intended only for him, to buy an expensive toy, or another new thing to the detriment of yourself, you pamper him and give him a reason to feel like “the one and only.” And this can lead to the development of selfishness. If a child from an early age is accustomed to being the center of attention and not being denied anything, this gradually becomes a life norm for him. He no longer understands or does not want to understand that the fulfillment of his desires infringes on the interests of other people - he is still capricious and insists on his own, regardless of anyone.

Of course, in middle-income families (and especially in low-income families), all the best is given to children, because it is not possible to provide equally for all family members. But it is worth doing this in such a way that the child does not notice that he is given preference. Give him the most delicious pieces unnoticed, buy new things without focusing attention on it. To prevent a child from growing up greedy, from a very young age it is necessary to teach him to share toys with friends, rejoice at their successes, and talk not only about himself, but also about them. Raise him so that he is not selfish. The situation is worse if your baby is the only child in the family. He often becomes spoiled, getting used to being the center of attention from the cradle. And if he is also the only grandchild of his grandparents, the danger of raising him to be selfish and capricious increases.

As a rule, such a child develops in greenhouse conditions. Adults deprive him of his independence, and he grows up unadapted to life. And it all starts, in general, innocently, with conversations like this: “Who do we love more than anyone in the world? Of course, Vanechka (Kolenka, Dimochka, etc.)! Who is our best? Of course he is! Several years pass, and it turns out that for Vanechka, only he is the most beloved and dear.

In an atmosphere of excessive care, only children get used to taking the service and help of their parents for granted. They begin to feel strength in their weakness, abuse the attention of their parents and make excessive demands on them, becoming “little despots.” They cannot be denied anything, otherwise they become hysterical.

All this can be avoided if you build your education system wisely.

Firstly, parents need to take into account that love should be expressed not only in tenderness and affection, but also in demands.

Demandingness is a mandatory element of proper upbringing. The understanding that in life there is not only “I want” and “I don’t want”, but also “need” should be instilled in a child from a very young age. He must be guided not only by his own desires, but also by the need for this or that for other family members. If a child is taught from childhood to fulfill the reasonable demands placed on him, he will quickly get used to the conditions of kindergarten, to study at school, and will grow up strong-willed, organized and disciplined.

When children’s “give” and “I want” begin to go beyond the limits of reason, they must collide with your “no,” “you can’t,” “I don’t allow,” and the success of your entire education system will depend on these first prohibiting words.

I advise you to express your demands in a persistent, but calm and friendly manner. If you just yell at your child and constantly reprimand him with the words: “Don’t you dare!”, “Don’t run!”, “Don’t touch!” – nothing good will come of this. Shouting only irritates and irritates the child, but does not teach him anything.

Secondly, we must remember that a necessary condition Proper upbringing is the unity of requirements for the child. It is impossible for one of the parents to allow what the other prohibits. For example, mom didn’t let the baby go for a walk, but dad allowed it. Parents, having learned about the contradictory nature of their demands, begin to swear and tug at the child: “will you go,” “will you not go,” etc. The discrepancy in demands prevents the child from firmly grasping the need to obey his parents and makes him capricious. Sometimes conflicting demands can lead to opportunism. The child will quickly understand which of his relatives can be pityed, from whom he can get his desires fulfilled, and with whom he must be quiet and obedient. With a strict dad he will behave in a disciplined manner, but with kind mother will begin to “get out” and get his way.

It is very bad if adults, in the presence of a child, begin to argue about the correctness and incorrectness of his upbringing, accusing each other of pedagogical errors, excessive kindness or severity. In this case, on the one hand, parental authority is undermined, and on the other, the child suffers because of a quarrel between mom and dad. But the authority of parents should always be high, otherwise successful upbringing is unthinkable. Your child believes that his mom and dad are the best. Do not destroy his faith with meaningless quarrels and mutual reproaches! It is painful for a child to hear anything bad about his father or mother, to see them scolding each other.

If you set an example for your child with your lifestyle, and your requirements for him are the same and you always keep your promises, then your authority will be recognized and this will help you avoid many problems.

2. How to respond to tantrums

We have already considered the possible actions of parents in situations when the baby is capricious.

But a child can also have a real hysteria with fits of rage, during which he throws everything that comes to hand. From strong tears, with which the baby literally choke, he may even faint. Such fainting does not cause serious harm to the child’s health, but it is still better to avoid them: you should try to stop hysterics as quickly as possible, without bringing the baby to a critical state, but remember: such attacks are a signal that the child is experiencing a strong internal conflict.

The behavior of parents during whims and hysterics should be based on three principles: try to understand, identify the limits of acceptable behavior, and show sympathy.

For example, you already know that the baby really wants to be independent and at the same time is afraid of losing the care of his parents. Contradictions torment him, and this results in a violent refusal of everything that is offered to him, in whims or hysteria, even in fits of rage when the child throws toys, pushes you, fights. Under no circumstances give in to the child, but also do not respond with rudeness to rudeness. Remaining calm, talk to him like an adult, don't think that he won't understand. Ask what happened, and based on his story, try to figure out the situation with him and find a compromise.

Explain to your child that you cannot agree with his demands, that there are limits to everything, and you are not going to indulge him. At the same time, show that you love him very much and sympathize with his experiences. Tell them that adults can’t always do what they want either. Promise that you will now play some interesting game with him.

Let me give you one example. When four-year-old Maxim was put to bed, he always resisted furiously: he stood up, walked around the room, and played. His parents forced him to lie down again. It ended with swearing and flogging. Why did the boy behave this way? He just tried to attract the attention of his dad and mom in such a strange way. After the punishment he calmed down, but the next day the situation repeated itself. The parents became increasingly angry and irritated, constantly scolding and punishing the boy. It turned out to be a vicious circle: the more the child was capricious, the more he was punished, the more he was punished, the more stubborn he became. A real domestic war was taking place. Moreover, children usually win such a war, spending much less effort than their parents. Kids quickly understand how to “pull” adults and use it skillfully.

Some parents believe that a capricious child must be kept under control, otherwise he will do God knows what. At the same time, they do not take into account that often the child’s whims are associated with the fact that he lacks understanding and warmth.

If a child refuses to sleep, this may be caused by increased excitability of his nervous system. Invite your baby to go to bed with his favorite toy or tell him a fairy tale or sing a lullaby.

A child’s internal conflicts can be expressed in a kind of “regression.” He suddenly begins to speak poorly, asks for a pacifier, demands feeding from a spoon. Don't be alarmed. This is a typical reaction of preschool children to the contradictions that torment them. In this way, the child seems to protect himself from difficult and incomprehensible situations. Accept these conditions, but don't be horrified by them. Over time, the regressive phenomena will pass. If they remain for a long time, seek help from a qualified specialist.

Try to communicate with your baby with humor. Teach him to love jokes and entertainment. In some situations, you can tease him or laugh at yourself without malice. Laughter can help you cope with your child's whims and avoid conflict situations.

3. About parental love

Don't be afraid to show your baby that you love him. Some parents think that they cannot openly express their feelings for their child, otherwise he will grow up to be a darling and a sissy. Everything is good in moderation. There is a difference between constant exaggerated admiration for your child: “Oh, you are our favorite, you are our dear!” – and a truthful, natural manifestation of love for him. It is unlikely that a woman will believe in a man’s love if she does not hear words of recognition. Why are we so afraid to tell our children that we love them? After all, they themselves often exclaim: “Mommy, how I love you!” – without being embarrassed by your feelings. For a child, confirmation that he is loved is very important, especially when for some reason he is separated from his parents. In the course of numerous experiments, scientists have proven that children who are hospitalized better tolerate separation from their parents and recover faster when they are sure that they are loved, and do not think that their parents abandoned them there as punishment for bad behavior.

We can give the following example.

Five-year-old Olesya was capricious and screamed loudly every time she didn’t like something. At the same time, she stomped her feet and threw toys. The adults could neither calm her down nor persuade her. In the end, the parents decided to do this: let the girl cry alone. But so that she does not feel rejected, abandoned, her mother will talk to her kindly and try to explain that everyone in the family loves her and it is very unpleasant for them to hear her cry. The parents achieved their goal: Olesya believed in her parents’ love, became less capricious, and over time completely calmed down.

A few words about ways to express warm feelings. They can be verbal and non-verbal. The verbal method is verbal expressions, the non-verbal method is facial expressions and gestures. Both are very important. Some parents believe that when the baby grows up, he no longer needs physical contact with his parents. However, experimental data show that at the age of up to five years, such contact is necessary not only for the emotional, but also for the mental development of the child.

Chapter III. How to distract a child from whims

One way to cope with children's whims and tantrums is to switch the child's attention to something else. For example: “Oh, what big tears are wasted! Let’s collect them in a bottle!” Or: “Look, there’s a whimsy sitting on your shoulder and crying. Let's drive her away! " You can distract the baby’s attention with some new bright object or offer him interesting activity. For example, watch a filmstrip, cartoon or read your favorite fairy tale with him.

You can invite your child to participate in the activity you have chosen (cleaning the apartment, cooking, etc.), or decide together what you will do. Or you can join your child’s activities yourself. Stop being a strict parent for a while and become an equal participant in some children's game.

For example, play family. Take on the role of a child, and let your baby be a father or mother. Playing the role of an adult, he will use the experience gained in the family, and you will see yourself as if from the outside. And this is sometimes very useful!

All three communication options are very important. When a child gets involved in your affairs, he feels needed and joins the world of adults. If you decide together what to do, he gets used to democratic communication: he learns how to choose what everyone likes, and not just him. By playing a children's game, you yourself learn to understand the baby, and the child feels his importance (after all, in games he is always the main one, and the parent is just a timid student). But the most important thing, of course, is that in all cases the child enjoys joint communication, feels parental love and becomes more understanding and gentle.

1. Nursery rhymes

You can distract and amuse your baby with folk nursery rhymes.

Thumb-boy, where have you been?
I went to the forest with this brother,
I cooked cabbage soup with this brother,
I ate porridge with this brother,
I sang songs with this brother.

At these words, the adult touches the child’s fingers: first the thumb, then the rest.
Take some soft toy, for example, a cat, and, turning to it, playfully shaking your finger, say:

Pussy, pussy,
Pussy, come on!
On the track
Don't sit down!
Our baby
It'll do
It will fall through the pussy!

At the last words, the adult hugs the baby and presses the cat to him.
A child may also be interested in a poem about a bunny.

Once upon a time there was a bunny
Long ears.
The bunny got frostbitten
Ears on the edge.
Frostbitten nose
Frostbitten ponytail
And went to warm up
Visit the kids.

Try this poem about a bird:

A bird sat on the window,
Stay with us for a while!
Sit down, don't fly away,
Flew away. - Ay!

At the beginning of the poem, a toy is shown, and at the end (at the word “Ay!”) it hides. You can show a live bird sitting outside the window.
Draw a steam locomotive and amuse the child. The content of the poem “Steam Locomotive” includes the child in active play, motor and onomatopoeic.

The locomotive whistled
And he brought the trailers.
Chok-chok, choo-choo!
I'll take you far!

The poem must be read in a clear rhythm, singing the last line drawn out, imitating a locomotive whistle. You can stand up, holding each other, and moving around the room to the beat of the words, repeating together: “Choh-choh, choo-choo! Chok-chok, choo-choo!”
An adult can portray a horse that stands shaking its head, and then go on a journey with the baby on its back.

Hop! Hop! The horse is alive
And with a tail and a mane,
He shakes his head -
That's how beautiful it is!
You get on your horse
And hold on with your hands.
Look at us -
We're leaving for mom's place.

You can kind of “butt” with a child and make him laugh with a nursery rhyme:

I'll tie the goat
To the white birch tree.
I'll tie the horned one
To the white birch tree:
Stop, my goat,
Stop, don't butt heads,
White birch,
Stop, don't swing.

If there is a cat in the house, bring it to your child and sing this joke:

Like our cat
The fur coat is very good.
Like a cat's mustache
Amazingly beautiful
Bold eyes, white teeth.
The cat went to the street,
The cat bought a bun
Should I eat it myself?
Or should Borenka (Petenka, Vanechka, etc.) be demolished?
I'll bite myself
And I’ll take Borenka down.

2. Riddles

Tell your child riddles about animals, maybe they will interest him, and he will forget about his whims.

You will find her
Summer in the swamp.
green frog,
Who is this? (Frog.)

Cunning cheat
Red head.
The fluffy tail is beautiful!
And her name is... (Fox.)

Gets up early
He's singing in the yard.
There is a comb on the head,
Who is this? (Cockerel.)

She's usually in no hurry
He wears a strong shield on his back.
Under him, without knowing fear,
Walking... (Turtle.)

Who's on the Christmas tree?
Everyone shouts: “Kuk-ku, kuk-ku?”

(Cuckoo.)

He shakes his beard,
Walking across the lawn
"Give me some weed,
Me-e-ee.”

I don't understand
I don't understand
Who moos all the time: “Moo”?

3. Games

A very good distraction for a child who is naughty is playing together. I want to offer you some of them. These games are not only entertaining, but also educational.

Sunshine and rain

Game for kids 2–3 years old. She teaches children to designate one object using another. So, a chair or a table will be a house in this game in which you need to hide. You can use a circle outlined in chalk or a corner of the room as a house. The driver says: “The sun is in the sky, you can go for a walk.” Players jump, run, dance. At the words of the driver: “It’s starting to rain, hurry home!” - Children should run to their houses. The driver praises those who did it faster and more deftly.

Duck

In this game, an adult takes on the role of a duck, and children take on the role of ducklings, who follow the duck’s tail. The duck calls the ducklings in a tongue twister:

Faster, faster, ducklings,
Faster, faster, wild feathers.

A duckling (or several ducklings) line up one after another after the duckling and follow it around the room, overcoming various obstacles - crawling under chairs, climbing over the sofa, etc. In this case, you can invite the children to imitate the quack of ducklings for greater authenticity.

Geese are flying

The adult is the driver in this game. He names various birds that fly: “ducks are flying,” “geese are flying,” etc. After these words, children should raise their hands and wave their “wings” if the named bird really flies. But when the driver says, for example, “the pikes are flying,” the players stand without raising their hands. The one who makes a mistake gives the driver a phantom (an item belonging to him), and then, at the driver’s request, performs some task. In this game, the driver names only those animals and birds that are known to the children, that is, the tasks must be appropriate for the age of the children.

Hide and seek

You can play hide and seek if there is enough space in the apartment for this. Children love to hide, and this game will quickly cheer up a naughty child. The rules of the game are known to everyone, I will not repeat them, I will only note that you should not try to hide so that the child cannot find you, and you should not find him too quickly either. Look for him, intrigue him, then, having found him, act very surprised, saying, how did you manage to hide like that, I barely found you (found)!

Chepena

A fun game reminiscent of the famous group game “If life is fun, do this...”. The players stand in a circle, the driver stands in the middle. If you and your baby are playing together, stand opposite each other. You will be the leader of the game. The child should repeat all your words and movements. And the words are:

Left foot, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.

(The players repeat the words and jump on their left leg.)

Right foot, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.

(Everything is the same, only they bounce on their right leg.)

Let's go ahead, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.

(Children repeat the same.)

Let's go back, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.

(Players repeat.)

Movements can be invented ad infinitum. You can end it all with a dance:

Let's dance, chepena,
Goy, goy chepena.

Handkerchief

A game of skill and attention. Recommended for two or more participants. The players stand in a circle and dance in a circle (maybe accompanied by music). At the end of the music or simply at some point, the driver throws up a handkerchief. The other players' task is to catch him. Whoever catches the scarf first wins!

Silent

Before starting the game, the participants say a rhyme, for example:

An apple rolled through the garden
And fell straight into the water...
Bool!

After this, everyone should be silent. The presenter tries to make the players laugh with different movements, words, and facial expressions. Whoever laughs loses. He gives the presenter a forfeit, and then completes some task.

Land and water

Reaction game. She will make you laugh and distract your child from his whims. The game leader is in charge of the game. It can be both you and your baby. You can also involve other family members in the game, such as your baby’s grandmother or brother (sister).

When the leader says “land,” the player or players jump forward, and when the leader says “water,” they jump back.

The assignments can be changed if desired. For example, don’t jump if not everyone likes it, but raise your arms, squat, say something. The leader’s words can also be changed: “coast-river”, “sea-land”, etc.

Treasure search

Hide some sweets or a toy in the room. Get your child interested in the fact that the “treasure” is very tasty or very pleasant for him. Then outline the place where you need to look for it. The degree of difficulty of the task depends on the age of the child. You should not hide the “treasure” so that the child, exhausted, simply stops looking for it. He must find what is hidden, and the joy of knowing that he was able to do this will be enormous.

What is your name

The presenter gives the player or players names: Button, Broom, Bubble, etc. After that, he asks the player questions, which he must answer with one word - his game name. If a participant makes a mistake or hesitates, he loses.

Body

For this game, you can take a basket or imagine it. The players must take turns putting different objects into the basket. Condition: names of objects must begin with the same letter. For example, we put all the items starting with “a” in the basket: orange, alphabet, watercolor, watermelon, etc.

What is this? For this game you will need a scarf, toys or various small items. Participants in the game take turns blindfolding and by touch trying to determine what kind of object they were given. The objects should be familiar to the child so that he can guess them without much effort. Your task, on the contrary, is to think longer and pretend that you are having difficulty answering. The awareness of one's superiority will greatly delight and amuse the child.

The sea is agitated once...

This game can be played alone with a child or in a group. The driver says the words: “The sea is worried - one, the sea is worried - two, the sea is worried - three...” And then the task sounds: what figure should the player draw, and in conclusion: “freeze the sea figure!” After this, the driver should try to make the players laugh. The one who laughs becomes the driver. Children love this game very much: they enjoy inventing tasks and depicting various figures.

Guess

This game distracts the baby from his problems, entertains, and also develops attention and visual memory. The adult shows the child several objects, for example, toys (no more than 6–8, depending on age). Then he quietly removes one or two of them. The child must remember which toys are missing. Instead of toys or objects, you can use pictures with images.

What did I wish for?

The driver makes a wish for an object in the room. His task is to describe this item to another player, without naming it, but in such a way that it is clear. The player must guess what the driver wished for. After that they change places.

Zhmurki

This game is known to everyone and does not need a detailed explanation. One of those present (adult or child) is blindfolded, and he looks for the other, trying to grab him. Typically, children love to be in the role of the sought-after; they are amused by the helplessness of adults who find themselves in such a situation.

Snowball

The game trains memory well and develops attention. The players take turns calling out any words that come to their minds. The main thing is that these are the names of objects or animals (nouns). When the first player names a word, for example, “house,” the second player must first repeat it and then name his word. The next player repeats all the previous words and names his own. This continues until someone gets confused. Then you can repeat the game.

Magic words

The adult acts as a driver who gives simple commands to the other players: “Please raise your hands! Please stand on your toes!” The players must repeat his commands, but on the condition that they sound with the word “please”. Whoever makes a mistake leaves the game.

Games with improvised means

If there is a hoop in the house, you can compete with your child to see who can climb through it faster or jump from wall to wall in it.

You can come up with many games with a children's jump rope. For example, “harness” dad and play “horse”. The baby happily runs around the apartment, holding on to the “reins.”

If you have a ball, you can play football. To avoid breaking the dishes, change the conditions of the game: blindfolded, you need to make one hit on the ball. It will be not an easy task, since first the player is blindfolded, then they circle him in one place, and only after that he is given the opportunity to find the ball and hit it. If I didn’t find it, I lost!

You can have a competition with skittles. For example, who can collect them faster blindfolded? Or knock them out with a small ball - whoever knocks them down the most.

Interesting competition games can be arranged with other objects: tennis balls, toys, balloons, pencils, strings, etc.

Mini games

If at the most crucial moment, as luck would have it, you cannot remember a single game or joke, try to invent them, because everything ingenious is very simple!

For example, invite your child to go for a walk and arrange a competition “Who can get dressed the fastest” or “Who can run to the hallway the fastest.” You can organize a “Dress Me” game. Let your child dress you for a walk, and you dress him. You have to play the role of an inept child and wear everything wrong. Let the baby laugh at you, the main thing is to calm him down and relieve nervous tension.

Game rules

Even the best game should not be protracted, only then will it interest and amuse the child.

Play with your child willingly. If you just pretend that you are playing, and your head is busy with other things, he will immediately understand this, because children are very sensitive to falsehood.

4. Baby draws

A capricious child can be distracted by offering to draw together. Indeed, at the age of 1 to 5 years, all children love this activity very much. It promotes mental and creative development, teaches independence.

Invite your child to draw with anything: pencils, felt-tip pens, paints, inks. Place a large sheet of paper in front of him and draw something yourself. I'm sure he won't resist and will start drawing after you. Under no circumstances should you be condescending or mocking towards his art; encourage and praise him. And he will become interested in this interesting business.

IV. Conclusion

If you, Dear Parents, I really want to help the child get rid of whims, support him on the difficult path of personality development, which means, look at the world through his eyes more often in order to understand how he sees the family around him, you, himself. And many of the unresolved problems will become clearer, and you will get rid of difficulties in parenting.

Remember that a child’s good or bad behavior is the result of his internal activity. And in order for this result to be only good, you must help him.

There are many reasons why a child may be capricious. In each case, it is necessary to deal with the problem in order to avoid serious consequences in behavioral, psychological and physical development. TO unfavorable factors, which can lead to whims include improper upbringing, health problems, poor family climate, as well as age-related changes.

The appearance of a child in a family is a great joy. Parents have new worries and new responsibilities. If the baby is capricious and cries, then the condition completely unsettles the parents. In the first months after birth, crying in most cases is caused by imperfections in the nervous and digestive systems. By three months, the causeless crying goes away, and parents already recognize the reason.

Whims in the evening and at night

When a baby cannot fall asleep in the evenings, and the parents know for sure that he is full and is not bothered by gas, the reason is due to overexcitation. The baby becomes hysterical and falls asleep only closer to midnight. Perhaps we walked a lot during the day and met new people. Having screamed enough, the child falls asleep. Some babies need to be rocked in your arms.

Causes of whims and methods of dealing with them

If the cause of the whims is related to illness, then it is necessary to call a doctor at home. He will prescribe the correct treatment. You cannot give any medications on your own. Otherwise, the cause is easily eliminated. You need to either change a wet diaper, feed him milk, put him to bed or give him something to drink.

Physiological imbalance

In infancy, a child cannot yet explain his desires and is not fully aware of his feelings. The result is a physiological imbalance. The baby begins to cry and be capricious due to hunger, thirst, illness, or poor sleep.

Improper sleep patterns

The lack of a constant routine causes disturbances in the child’s behavior. Therefore, parents should make adjustments to their daily routine:

• A newborn baby sleeps up to 18 hours a day. The duration of night and daytime sleep does not exceed 3-4 hours. The waking time should not exceed two hours. If you miss this time, it will be difficult to put the baby to sleep. During night awakenings, you do not need to turn on the light, play or talk to your baby for a long time.
• By three months, sleep duration decreases to 14-15 hours. During the day, the baby should go to bed twice. If he does not sleep during the day, or sleep duration is no more than 35 minutes, you should consult a doctor.
• If the baby sleeps little at night, the reason may be due to dry air in the room, uncomfortable clothes, or bright daytime emotions. A baby may have trouble sleeping due to a cold or teething.

When a child wants to sleep, he yawns and rubs his eyes with his fists. If parents notice that the child wants to sleep, but does not fall asleep, they need to help him. You can give a massage, rock him in your arms, sing a lullaby.

Thirst

From birth, the baby should be given plain water to drink, especially if he is formula-fed. If the room is hot and the air is dry, then the amount of liquid should be increased.

Hunger

You can understand that a baby is capricious due to hunger by the following signs:

• crying appears immediately after feeding;
• whims after a short period of time after the next portion of milk;
• daytime sleep became short;
• greedily begins to suck on the breast or bottle.

If other signs appear, then the cause may be related to other factors.

Family microclimate

A child is negatively affected by a bad atmosphere in the family. Quarrels and conflicts between parents lead to hysterics and bad behavior.

Parents need to sort things out when the child is not in the room. He needs to be raised in love, calm, affection and understanding.

Excessive care and spoiling

You shouldn’t do everything for your baby right from infancy. He should be given the opportunity to act independently in some situations. Excessive attentiveness, frequent gifts, and the desire to protect the baby from troubles negatively affect his behavioral sphere. The baby gets used to achieving everything with tears and hysterics.

Age-related changes

As a child grows up, there are several periods of crisis. During crisis stages, changes occur in the psychological and physiological state. At this time, the child is capricious a lot, wants to do everything the opposite, in defiance of his parents, wants to declare his adulthood.

Medical Causes of Sleep Disorders

Medical causes of sleep disorders in children include:

• neurological diseases (neuroses, hyperactivity);
• somatic disorders (rickets, liver or kidney pathology).

In all these cases, the help of specialists is necessary. In most cases, it cannot be done without the use of medications.

Other reasons

The task of parents is to clarify the cause of whims and crying in the baby as early as possible. Sometimes the condition indicates a disease. In the latter case, other symptoms appear (rash on the body, fever, cough, change in stool).

Colic in a newborn

The accumulation of gases in the intestines is accompanied by sharp, unpleasant pain, so the baby begins to cry. The phenomenon is most troubling in the first months of life. Additional symptoms are:

• baby is pushing;
• twitches his legs and presses them to his tummy;
• clenches his fingers into a fist;
• blushes.

If the baby is on breastfeeding, then colic often appears due to the foods that the mother ate. A nursing woman should strictly monitor her diet and not eat prohibited foods.

Crying after vaccination

Many children's behavior changes after vaccination and their condition worsens. After vaccination against hepatitis B, the child feels unwell, dizzy and has a headache, he may feel sick, his body temperature rises, and indigestion occurs. The trip to the hospital and the injection itself is stressful for the baby. In response to all these phenomena, the baby becomes capricious, screams and cries, sleeps and eats poorly. Therefore, doctors recommend giving antipyretic, anti-inflammatory, and painkillers in the first days after vaccination.

After DTP vaccination, the body temperature rises, the functioning of the digestive organs is disrupted, and a cough and runny nose may appear. Often the development of allergic manifestations.

On the day of vaccination, the child should be given a remedy for fever and pain, as well as allergies. These days, it is recommended to put the baby to the breast as often as possible. BCG vaccination accompanied by unpleasant symptoms, against the background of which the baby becomes capricious and whiny. Sleep is disturbed and appetite disappears.

On vaccination days, you need to pay as much attention to the child as possible. Young children do not understand the reason for their poor health, so the parents’ task is to give medicine and provide a calm atmosphere.

Change of weather

Experts say that weather conditions negatively affect the condition of some children from birth. Bad influence:

• sudden change in temperature;
• increase in atmospheric pressure;
• wind;
• increased air humidity;
• magnetic storms.

Children born ahead of schedule those who have recently undergone surgery, as well as those who have problems with work internal organs.

A few days before the weather changes, the baby changes in behavior. He may be capricious all day, sleep is disturbed, and appetite decreases. Parents should tell their doctor about this. As a preventative measure, massage, physiotherapeutic procedures, acupuncture, and exercise therapy can be prescribed.

How do whims manifest themselves depending on age?

It is important for parents to take into account age-related changes and crisis stages in the process of education. Only in this case can you avoid conflicts with your child and prevent the appearance of whims.

Infants

Children under one year old require special attention. Whims and crying can indicate discomfort and illness, so behavior cannot be ignored. Why are babies capricious at 1 month? One month old baby is capricious and cries due to hunger, fever, wet diaper. As soon as the discomfort is eliminated, the baby becomes calm and cheerful. At 2 months, the baby cries due to discomfort (wet diaper, uncomfortable clothes, hot air, change of weather), lack of attention and communication, fatigue or pain.

All of the above reasons can cause anxiety in the behavior of a 4 and 5 month old baby. An additional factor is teething. At 8 months, the child begins to actively explore the world around him. The appearance of new people, prohibitions, improper daily routine, little attention - all this negatively affects the child’s behavioral sphere.

Baby is naughty before bed

If a two-month-old baby is periodically capricious before bed, the reasons may be associated with intense emotions and pain. Emotional overload. Not only negative, but also positive emotions excite the baby's nervous system. Two hours before bedtime, active games and watching TV should be avoided. It is useful to bathe your baby in water, listen to calm music, and read a book. The same reason can lead to changes in the behavior of a child older than 6 months.

Wrong daily routine. From the age of 3 months, your baby should be taught to get up and go to bed at the same time. Accustoming needs to begin, as closer to 7 months it will be more difficult to do. Parents sound the alarm when the baby suddenly suddenly becomes capricious when rocked. This usually happens to infants over 10 months of age. Older babies no longer need to be rocked to sleep; they can simply be put into bed.

During feeding

When a baby cries or whines during feeding, the condition may indicate a disease (otitis media, stomatitis, sore throat).

If your baby is crying and fussing at the breast, there may be not enough milk, a strong milk flow, or an unpleasant taste in the milk.

Whims in one year

At 1.5 years old, whims and crying appear in response to prohibitions and refusal. Parents need to be consistent and constant in their demands.

Two years

Children already understand what is possible and what is not. It is easier for them to explain the reason for the ban. In case of whims, it is easy to switch the child’s attention to another object or event.

Crisis of three years

By the age of three, the social circle of friends expands. At this age, many children are sent to kindergarten. Conflicts between peers and parents often become the cause of whims and hysterics.

How to calm a baby?

How to cope with whims? The following tips will help:

• pick it up and press it to your stomach;
• get a massage;
• distract attention with a ringing bright object or a loud voice;
• turn on a pleasant melody;
• changing hands helps, for example, the baby can be given to grandma or dad;
• Toys and mobile phones are distracting.

What to do if a child cries? A walk outside will help. How to respond to a child's bad behavior? You cannot raise your voice in response to whims and crying. You should remain calm and try to redirect the baby’s attention.

Prevention of capricious behavior in children

How to wean a child from whims? Psychologists advise following some rules:

• There is no need to suppress the child’s independence and perform simple actions for him (buttoning a jacket, putting away toys).
• It is important to control your emotions in response to your baby's tantrum. You need to be calm, self-possessed, and under no circumstances should you shout back. It is better to ignore the moment of whim, and then calmly explain the behavior.
• Blackmail tactics should not be used in education. For example: “If you don’t put away your toys, you won’t go for a walk.” This behavior provokes a response in older age: “If you scold me for bad grades, I won’t come home.”
• It is important to be consistent and faithful in your chosen behavior tactics. You cannot solve a problem one way today and another tomorrow. If a decision has been made to refuse something, then this should become the rule.

There is no point in reproaching your child for bad behavior. You need to explain to him that the action upset him, but this is not a reason not to love him.

When you need specialist help

If your child is often capricious for no reason, you should consult a specialist. Problems begin to be solved by visiting a pediatrician and neurologist. A child may cry and be capricious all the time due to diseases of the internal organs, so the help of other specialized specialists will be required.

The birth of the first child in a family is a great joy that brings new worries. Sometimes the baby's behavior causes confusion among parents.

They cannot understand why a newborn baby cries during the day and does not sleep at night, and what to do in such cases. Several versions arise in my head about the cause of the scream. In fact, it’s not difficult to find out why the baby is dissatisfied.

Over time, you will learn to distinguish characteristic signs by which you can determine what is causing your child’s dissatisfaction. But the most interesting thing is that before the age of three months, many babies cry for no specific reason.

This phenomenon can be explained by the imperfection of the digestive and nervous systems at this age. By three months, the problem of constant unmotivated screaming most often goes away. For some children, whims all day long can last up to six months.

From this article you will learn

Fatigue is the reason for screaming

It's already 10 pm and the baby can't sleep. During the day he calmly fell asleep, and in the evening he began to be capricious. The reason for crying cannot be hunger because the child has recently eaten. His tummy is soft, he does not strain, therefore, excess gas in the abdomen and colic cannot be the cause of screaming.

A newborn baby may show unmotivated restlessness when overexcited. Too much information constantly enters his consciousness during the day. Sometimes this behavior can be observed after a walk or visiting guests. People say in such cases that the child is capricious because he has been jinxed.

A baby up to three months old may show fatigue by crying for a long time. Nothing wrong with that. He calms down so much. Having screamed, the newborn sleeps safely, and mom and dad go to drink valerian.

If after feeding in the evening or during the day the baby begins to scream, he does not push, he has a soft stomach, a normal appetite and a completely healthy appearance, the cause of the scream may well be fatigue.

Conversations, persuasion, games, as a rule, only aggravate the situation. How to help a child in this case? Some children, after screaming for 10-20 minutes, fall asleep on their own if they are left alone. Some people find that rhythmic rocking in their arms or in a stroller helps them fall asleep.

If hunger caused whims

Some parents worry that the child began to cry from hunger. In the first two weeks after the birth, the newborn sleeps more. Mom feeds him every day according to a schedule or on demand.

The baby gets used to a certain rhythm. Mom also begins to understand when the baby’s appetite is increased, and when he can easily sleep through eating only half of his allotted portion.

When breastfeeding, the more milk the baby needs per day, the more milk the mother produces. Don't rush to teach your baby to artificial nutrition, thinking about combining breast and bottle feeding.

If the breasts do not empty properly, milk production may decrease and soon stop altogether. Although the cause of a decrease in lactation can also be a woman’s overwork or strong anxiety.

How to determine why a child is really crying - from hunger or for another reason? You can easily understand this by his behavior. At first, he sleeps less during the day than he should, and greedily takes on the food offered to him. Then, if he is malnourished, he will begin to cry immediately after feeding, signaling his dissatisfaction to his mother.

If the baby has eaten only half of the portion offered to him, then his crying two hours after feeding may mean that he is hungry. But if the child does not sleep, is capricious and strains an hour after a hearty meal, most likely he has colic. A cry three hours after eating may well mean hunger and a call to feed.

If a child cries incessantly for 10 minutes after a two-hour sleep, try putting him to the breast; there will be no harm in him eating ahead of time. If less than two hours have passed since the last feeding, let the baby cry for 10-15 minutes, you can give him a pacifier to calm him down. Watch to see if he strains when he screams.

Other reasons

There are 10 reasons why a baby may cry all day. Your task is to establish the truth and help. Among other things, crying can be caused by the fact that the child is sick. Then other signs of the disease should appear.

Skin rash, fever, change in color of the skin and mucous membranes, cough, unusual color and smell of stool. A sick baby is a reason to immediately call your local doctor. Under no circumstances should you self-medicate.

Can wet films cause crying? In rare cases. Only if there are signs of irritation on the skin, which intensifies when in contact with moisture. But there will be no harm if you change the diaper one more time.

Can crying before 10 weeks of age be caused by being spoiled? No, the baby does not yet know how to manipulate others and quite sincerely expresses his feelings.

If he cries, it means he is really experiencing discomfort. Why is it necessary to calm and help? But don't panic. Most often, a child who is constantly naughty becomes calmer after three months.

Excitable baby

It is quite easy to distinguish increased excitability. Another thing is that you cannot neglect it and adapt the child to your own needs. An excitable baby shudders during the first 10 weeks of life sharp sound, he is tense, it is difficult for him to relax. In the first few months it will be difficult to get him to take a bath. Such children often suffer from colic.

Perhaps the doctor will prescribe a sedative and recommend a gentle regimen. Fewer visitors and new experiences during the day, quiet sounds and conversations, tight swaddling.

Colic in a newborn

With colic, the newborn screams from pain that occurs in the intestines due to gases accumulating there. The baby strains, jerks his legs, turns red. He cries because the pain is very unpleasant and sharp. This phenomenon occurs at the end of the first month of life.

During the day the child sleeps peacefully and suddenly a screaming attack begins. The child cries, strains, blushes. Very often, the mother who breastfeeds the baby is blamed for the occurrence of colic. Indeed, some foods can cause increased gas formation and the mother should familiarize herself with the diet during pregnancy.

For example, eating some vegetables raw is not recommended for women in the first months of breastfeeding. You will need to give up sauerkraut and various preserves.

Peas and other legumes are prohibited. The diet of a nursing woman is somewhat reminiscent of table No. 5 according to Pevzner, which is used for diseases of the gastrointestinal tract and liver. You cannot drink coffee, alcohol, or chocolate.

It is advisable to drink green tea during the day or, if you are lucky enough to get it, white tea. You should give up tea at night. There is nothing particularly complicated about this diet.

How to help during colic

Parents do not need to panic when their baby experiences colic. It must be remembered that this is a fairly common problem associated with the formation of the digestive tract. If the child cries, does not sleep during the day and is pushing, you need to try his tummy. With colic, it will be hard and tense.

You can give your baby Espumisan or dill water. Fill the heating pad with warm water and wrap it in a diaper, place the baby on it with his stomach. The water should not be very hot.

The heating pad should not burn when you touch your wrist. If the baby does not sleep during the day due to colic, calm him down and take him in your arms. Don't be afraid to be spoiled. After three months, the colic problem will go away on its own.

If your baby is easily excitable, he may suffer from colic more often during the first ten weeks of life. Consult your doctor to find the right medicine for him.

Avoid walks in crowded places and home visitors. When your baby doesn't sleep during the day, you can give him a pacifier to make him feel calmer.

Let your baby grow faster and be less capricious!