You know how it happens: everything is great with you, and you, unlike all your friends and acquaintances, are practically happy, you even have joint plans with your significant other, and there are practically no problems or scandals. You trust each other, so you have long ago told each other everything, everything, everything about your previous relationships. And then, as in the movies, “bang, and the second shift,” well, that is, her ex-boyfriend begins to appear and actively manifest itself in your girlfriend’s life.
At first, as if by accident, then as if for an insignificant reason, then “for a minute” they dropped into the bar, “well, you understand, we’re just friends.” Well, yes, if you, as an ex-boyfriend and current friend, meet your past girlfriend a couple of times, then friendship with exes happens, and this is even normal, but how to react to your girlfriend’s friendship with her ex? Riddle... So, let's figure out why she needs this, and what to do with this sweet communication?
Meetings behind your back
One of the worst options is when she secretly texts (maybe it's a meaningless “Hi! How are you?”, but still) and meets with her ex. Anything can happen in life, and perhaps you are unlucky because your girlfriend, deep down in her heart, considers not his ex, but you as temporary. Perhaps this is how she strokes her vanity. But more often it happens that an ex-man who left on his own, loudly slamming the door, suddenly realized his mistake and is trying to get the girl back, or simply wants to forget about the problems next to the person with whom he was previously comfortable. And your good friend simply cannot refuse him mercy, well, or nothing human is alien to her, and she simply experiences vindictive pleasure from his suffering.
What to do in this case? The fact that your girlfriend hid her "charity" activities from you seems to indicate that she doesn't really trust you. In this case, it would be most advisable to discuss everything calmly (without accusations or attacks) and give her the opportunity to speak out. There is a good chance that as a result of this it will turn out that she has long thought that you do not need her, that she is unimportant and uninteresting. And here the best thing you can do is let her speak out, let her understand that she is better than everyone, and this is beyond any doubt, and at the same time promise (and, if possible, fulfill her promise) to be more attentive.
If the ex is a “sacred cow”
If from the very beginning of your relationship she stipulated that communication with your ex is almost sacred, and he is practically an artifact, then you should not be surprised. That is, her ex is already a semi-mythical character, but dear to her memory. Perhaps he carried her out of a burning house or let her cheat on a test in the fifth grade, that doesn’t matter. The important thing is that preventing them from meeting is the worst thing you can do. This will almost certainly provoke her departure. Not to her ex, and not because he is an object of worship or passion, but because she will feel violated in her right to personal space.
Therefore, the best way out in this case is to treat your (already common) ex as an elderly relative who periodically appears on the horizon, that is, with restraint, indifference and just a little mockingly. And your girlfriend will certainly appreciate your nobility, calmness and self-confidence.
Ex as a reason for jealousy
It's quite common for a girl to use her ex to make you jealous, and this happens because she clearly doesn't get enough of your attention, or she clearly doesn't have enough adrenaline in your relationship. Well, or she re-read knightly novels as a child and still dreams of “attending” a knightly tournament. The way out of this situation is very simple: play along with it. If it seems to her that you have cooled down a little, then maybe you should “turn up the heat”? A few scenes of jealousy will be very helpful.
But, if you don’t like such games, then the situation can be simplified greatly: invite your girlfriend to introduce you to her ex. Well, since they are friends, and she is your girlfriend, then it is quite logical to meet her friend, and if the girl dreamed of a knightly tournament, then here it is. No, you don’t need to prepare spears, but it’s very necessary to witty and gracefully show that you are the present, and he is the joyless and, possibly, inglorious past.
If your girlfriend is stupid
Yes, as sad as it sounds, it happens. And this happens if your girlfriend not only constantly dates her ex, but also constantly compares you, and the comparison is clearly not in your favor. And if you can close your eyes to comparing your literary and cinematic tastes, then you should no longer do this when comparing your sex life with the exploits of your ex. No matter how sad it may sound, your girlfriend is a fool. Give it back to your ex. With things. No fight. He won't last long anyway.
Instead of an epilogue
And one more piece of advice instead of an epilogue. If you have a girlfriend, don't date your ex. Take this as an axiom. You shouldn't date your ex, especially if you broke up recently, and she's still pretty and single. Explaining to one girl that you are just friends with another girl is almost impossible, and it is absolutely impossible to explain to a current girl that you are just friends with your ex-girlfriend. Moreover, you are really not just friends, are you?
Do you still have doubts or think that your girl talks to ex? Then use these tips to expose their communication.
Girls are very secretive when it comes to communicating with their exes, so today we will look at very subtle points that will help you understand whether she is communicating with her ex or not.
Sometimes a situation happens when a girl communicates and meets with you and communicates with her ex. At the same time, you begin to notice that something is not working out in your communication. This may be caused by the fact that the girl wants more space when she is with you and behaves somehow strangely. Although she is open and quite joyful with friends.
Will you put up with this?
If your girlfriend recently broke up with her boyfriend and started dating you, it is possible that she may be thinking about him, but there is a fine line between when a girl remembers her ex and when she misses him. I have already written about Should I talk about my ex? .
You don't need to ask her if she thinks or yearns for him, even if this happens and you do ask, she will simply deny that she thinks about him.
All you need to do is talk to her and tell her that something has been going wrong lately, she is acting strange, as if there is a distance between you, you are confused by her indifference towards you.
If your girlfriend cannot decide who she should be with: with you or with her ex, then she will continue to walk in circles. The situation may not resolve in your favor.
14 signs your girlfriend is pining for, talking to, or dating her ex.
1. She keeps the distance between you and is closed at the same time. You walk with her, but you constantly feel some kind of coldness; she seems to be keeping her distance from you, although you are trying to get closer to her. To the questions: “Is everything okay?” She answers dryly, but assures you that everything is fine, but you see a completely different picture.
And at some point, in your conversation or communication, she sheepishly talks about her ex, highlighting something positive about him in one sentence.
2. She is excited. She becomes agitated and nervous when she and her ex cross paths. She can't stop talking about him, even though you've been together for several months.
If she tells you that she recently ran into an ex and she sounds more emotional or sounds more alive than usual, this is another sign that she's thinking about him.
She seems to elevate him, but at the same time she forgets that you are with her, not him. These stories may irritate you, but nevertheless, she hints to you that she still misses him, although she says it animatedly.
4. She compares you all the time. If your girlfriend often compares you to her ex, this is another sign that she is still choosing which of you is better. On the one hand, when you started a relationship recently, she can evaluate you and mentally compare you with your ex, all girls do this. But when she starts constantly comparing you out loud, especially when you're fighting or when she's mad at you, then that's not a good sign.
5. She contacts him. If they met recently and became just friends, but still hang out and chat nicely, then this may be one of the first signs of anxiety. Everything would be fine, but if their communication drags on and you realize that it is beginning to gain daily momentum, whether it is communication on VKontakte, or whether it is frequent meetings, then there is a possibility that you may lose her.
6. She still remembers the days she spent with him. When objects remind her of him first of all, and in this courtyard they walked together, and then they kissed for the first time - all this suggests that he is still alive in her thoughts. Why think so much about him? I think you already know...
7. If he has a girlfriend. If her ex-boyfriend has a girlfriend and her reaction is calm, then there is nothing to worry about, but if she gets irritated or angry, then she is still breathing unevenly.
8. You are a temporary boyfriend. Yes, life is tough, but sometimes girls use other guys to make their boyfriend jealous. It's like a game, but in this game you suffer more often.
9. She loves talking about her ex. She can't talk to you about her ex all the time, but when she meets her old friends, she's curious to know how her ex-boyfriend is doing.
10. She wants to be his friend. They broke up and she is dating you, but then it turns out that she would like to become his friend.
11. She “loves you” and thinks about him. She tells you that she loves you, but in reality, she reminds you that she thinks about her ex. This has been going on for a while now, but if you really put up with it, then you may love her, but unfortunately, you are acting as a handkerchief for her to blow her snot into. Therefore, read the article: how to become confident and finally do everything the way it needs to be done.
12. She allows him to connect with her.. He tries to make contact and surprisingly, she doesn't resist him. Instead, she puts on a sweet face and melts like a piece of ice in his warm hands, she's still pining after him.
If you understand that your relationship has just begun, and she has already burned your brain with stories about her ex, then don’t plan any colossal future for her just yet.
Do you still have doubts or think that your girl talks to ex? Then use these tips to expose their communication.
Girls are very secretive when it comes to communicating with their exes, so today we will look at very subtle points that will help you understand whether she is communicating with her ex or not.
Sometimes a situation happens when a girl communicates and meets with you and communicates with her ex. At the same time, you begin to notice that something is not working out in your communication. This may be caused by the fact that the girl wants more space when she is with you and behaves somehow strangely. Although she is open and quite joyful with friends.
Will you put up with this?
If your girlfriend recently broke up with her boyfriend and started dating you, it is possible that she may be thinking about him, but there is a fine line between when a girl remembers her ex and when she misses him. I have already written about that.
You don't need to ask her if she thinks or yearns for him, even if this happens and you do ask, she will simply deny that she thinks about him.
All you need to do is talk to her and tell her that something has been going wrong lately, she is acting strange, as if there is a distance between you, you are confused by her indifference towards you.
If your girlfriend cannot decide who she should be with: with you or with her ex, then she will continue to walk in circles. The situation may not resolve in your favor.
14 signs your girlfriend is pining for, talking to, or dating her ex.
1. She keeps the distance between you and is closed at the same time. You walk with her, but you constantly feel some kind of coldness; she seems to be keeping her distance from you, although you are trying to get closer to her. To the questions: “Is everything okay?” She answers dryly, but assures you that everything is fine, but you see a completely different picture.
And at some point, in your conversation or communication, she sheepishly talks about her ex, highlighting something positive about him in one sentence.
2. She is excited. She becomes agitated and nervous when she and her ex cross paths. She can't stop talking about him, even though you've been together for several months.
If she tells you that she recently ran into an ex and she sounds more emotional or sounds more alive than usual, this is another sign that she's thinking about him.
She seems to elevate him, but at the same time she forgets that you are with her, not him. These stories may irritate you, but nevertheless, she hints to you that she still misses him, although she says it animatedly.
4. She compares you all the time. If your girlfriend often compares you to her ex, this is another sign that she is still choosing which of you is better. On the one hand, when you started a relationship recently, she can evaluate you and mentally compare you with your ex, all girls do this. But when she starts constantly comparing you out loud, especially when you're fighting or when she's mad at you, then that's not a good sign.
5. She contacts him. If they met recently and became just friends, but still hang out and chat nicely, then this may be one of the first signs of anxiety. Everything would be fine, but if their communication drags on and you realize that it is beginning to gain daily momentum, whether it is communication on VKontakte, or whether it is frequent meetings, then there is a possibility that you may lose her.
6. She still remembers the days she spent with him. When objects remind her of him first of all, and in this courtyard they walked together, and then they kissed for the first time - all this suggests that he is still alive in her thoughts. Why think so much about him? I think you already know...
7. If he has a girlfriend. If her ex-boyfriend has a girlfriend and her reaction is calm, then there is nothing to worry about, but if she gets irritated or angry, then she is still breathing unevenly.
8. You are a temporary boyfriend. Yes, life is tough, but sometimes girls use other guys to make their boyfriend jealous. It's like a game, but in this game you suffer more often.
9. She loves talking about her ex. She can't talk to you about her ex all the time, but when she meets her old friends, she's curious to know how her ex-boyfriend is doing.
10. She wants to be his friend. They broke up and she is dating you, but then it turns out that she would like to become his friend.
11. She “loves you” and thinks about him. She tells you that she loves you, but in reality, she reminds you that she thinks about her ex. This has been going on for a while now, but if you really put up with it, then you may love her, but unfortunately, you are acting as a handkerchief for her to blow her snot into. Therefore, read the article: and finally do everything the way it needs to be done.
12. She allows him to connect with her.. He tries to make contact and surprisingly, she doesn't resist him. Instead, she puts on a sweet face and melts like a piece of ice in his warm hands, she's still pining after him.
If you understand that your relationship has just begun, and she has already burned your brain with stories about her ex, then don’t plan any colossal future for her just yet.
Despite the fact that the relationship with the girl may be completely idyllic, her communication with her ex-boyfriend becomes a big problem and the ground for quarrels. Experts advise to be attentive to the girl’s behavior, but not to control her in all actions, words and deeds. Not knowing what to do when a girl communicates with her ex, or how to react to such behavior, many men ruin their relationship.
In fact, communicating with an ex-boyfriend is not considered such a big problem that young people can quarrel or separate. To begin with, the couple needs a frank conversation, during which the motive for such behavior, the goals and format of communication with this guy, as well as the risks that this connection hides are clarified. Based on this information, the man will understand whether he should limit this communication.
The situation in which a girl began to communicate with her ex-boyfriend, due to its sensitivity and delicacy, requires careful study and investigation. It’s difficult for men to take any action; on the one hand, you don’t want to seem like a distrustful and suspicious type, on the other hand, this is a clear sign of disrespect towards him, and the worm of doubt still haunts him.
Knowing for sure why a girl communicates with her ex, a man will be able to find an excuse for her behavior. There may be several reasons, for example:
- A way to prove that the girl is not empty space. If a girl still has feelings for her ex-boyfriend, her current boyfriend can be a tool to prove that the girl is always in demand and popular.
- The desire to return to your ex-boyfriend. Rarely do any women end a relationship without having a backup option. It happens that a new guy is used only to get over a breakup with a loved one.
- Her ex-boyfriend understands her. If there are years of marriage and strong relationships between former lovers, they have probably become family to each other. But with her current boyfriend there is no such kinship of souls, and besides, the girl is not ready to open up to him, preferring her ex as a vest and support.
- Revenge on current boyfriend. Often he continues to communicate with his ex-boyfriend only in order to take revenge on his overly loving current chosen one, who does not deny himself communication with the opposite sex.
Other reasons include communication as a method of manipulation, an option for causing jealousy on the part of the current boyfriend if the passion in the relationship has faded. There are also reasons that are quite adequate and understandable for a man, for example, circumstances under which it is necessary to communicate, if former partners work or study together, etc.
What if a girl talks to her ex as a friend?
In the case where a girl communicates with her ex as a friend, the current guy first of all needs to maintain composure and sobriety of mind, without succumbing to anger, jealousy and other emotions.
Do you prefer to be friends with ex-girlfriends?
YesNo
Psychologists advise giving time for emotions to subside, and then performing a number of actions:
- Talk. The best solution to the question of what to do if a girl communicates with her ex is a frank heart-to-heart conversation. During the dialogue, a man needs to avoid blaming her, controlling her, and any provocation of negative emotions. The man needs to explain that this behavior of hers is perceived by him as disrespect, so he asks to change the situation. It is imperative to inquire about the motives and purposes of such communication.
- Ultimatum. If after the conversation she continues to communicate with her ex-boyfriend, the man needs to be firm so as not to be considered weak-willed in her eyes. Obviously, only an ultimatum will show who is more valuable to her, the current or former boyfriend.
- Conversation between current boyfriend and ex-boyfriend. Sometimes, if it is impossible to get out of such a situation, you just need to talk like a man with your ex-boyfriend; perhaps in the dialogue the man will learn a lot of new things about his passion.
- Attention. Sometimes girls provoke men with such actions only to attract attention to themselves by playing on feelings of jealousy. The man just has to give her the same attention, affection and care that will solve the problem.
- Conversation with her friend. Sometimes when communicating with your girlfriend's friend, you can find out the true motives because of which she prefers to maintain communication with her ex.
- Parting. If her interactions with her ex-boyfriend cause a hurricane of negative emotions, anxiety and stress, and she does not take any action, most likely, this relationship is doomed.
Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova
Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.
If there is a really strong, trusting relationship between a man and his lady love without quarrels, deception and reasons for suspicion, is it worth delving into this situation and sorting things out? Jealousy can cause the destruction of peace in a relationship.
Should you limit communication?
If a girl has good reasons for communicating with her ex-boyfriend, it is not always advisable to limit her in this. For example, if they study in the same institution or even in a group, they will still have to communicate, regularly crossing paths in classes. If a man puts pressure on her, lack of trust always leads to a break in the relationship.
To understand the format of communication with your ex-boyfriend, you can get to know him yourself, spend time together to get rid of bad thoughts from your head. And only if the girl is deceiving or does not say something, and does not respond to the request to limit such contacts, the man needs to put the question bluntly - either me or him. This way of solving the problem will show who she has true feelings for.
Conclusion
In rare cases, young people who have already separated manage to maintain good friendships. Much more often, exes simply stop communicating, especially if they are in a new relationship. Therefore, many men will not like the fact that the girl is communicating with her ex. Psychologists advise talking to her in order to understand her motives, explain her attitude to such communication, thanks to which a way out of the situation will be found.