Natalya Kaptsova

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The traditional girl's dream is a diamond ring, a wedding dress and, of course, the long-awaited prince himself. And, having received a marriage proposal, every girl asks the question - what is the best thing to do? Should I postpone the wedding and wait until my feelings are tested by time? Or should I immediately agree before the prince changes his mind? According to psychologists, it is equally wrong to immediately throw yourself into the wedding pool headlong and drag it out indefinitely. has its pros and cons at any age.

According to the law, yesterday's schoolgirl in our country can easily wear a veil. True, you still have to ask your parents for permission. Having barely received a passport, the young “bride” may well get married under such circumstances as pregnancy. But the main question remains: will such an early marriage bring happiness, or will passion die out at the very first everyday problems?

The most common reasons for getting married at 16 years old

• Unexpected pregnancy.
• Negative family environment.
• Excessive care and control of parents.
• An irresistible craving for independence.

Advantages of marriage at 16

• New status and level of relationship.
• Mental flexibility. The ability to adapt to your husband’s character.
• A young mother will retain her external attractiveness even by the time the child graduates from school.

Disadvantages of marriage at 16

Married at 18

At this age, unlike sixteen years old, you no longer need permission from the guardianship authorities and parents for your personal happiness. And it is quite possible to meet a man in whose life there is no ex-wife, no children from his first marriage, no alimony obligations. But many of the pros and cons of getting married at 16 also apply to this age.

Advantages of marriage at 18

• Blooming youth, which (as a rule) excludes the stronger half from walking “to the left.”
• The opportunity to remain a “young” mother even with a very adult child.
• You can make your own decision about marriage.

Disadvantages of marriage at 18

• Love at this age is often confused with a riot of hormones, resulting in the chances of becoming ex-wife increase exponentially.
• Maternal instincts are present in every woman, but at this age they have not yet fully awakened so that the mother can devote herself completely to the child.
• Such drastic changes as the inability to “hang out with girlfriends” or go to a club or salon often become causes of nervous breakdowns. In marriage, you have to devote yourself entirely to your family, which, alas, not every girl at this age comes to.

Bride aged 23-27

This age, according to psychologists, is ideal for marriage. University studies are already behind us, with a diploma in hand you can find a good job, a woman can already do a lot, knows and understands what she wants from life.

Advantages of marriage at 23-27 years old

• The female body is already completely ready for bearing a baby and giving birth.
• The “wind in the head” subsides, and the girl begins to think more soberly.
• Actions become balanced and dictated not only by emotions, but also by logic.

Disadvantages of marriage at 23-27 years old

• Risk of conflict of interests (one of the couple has not yet outgrown “nightclubs”, and the other is concerned about the family budget and possible prospects).
• Approaching the age when pregnancy may become problematic.

According to statistics and the opinion of psychologists, marriages that take place at this age, for the most part, are dictated not by love, but by sober calculation. In such marriages, everything is checked down to the smallest detail, from the family budget to taking out the trash can. More like this marriage is like a business contract , although one cannot deny its strength - even in the absence of the “passions of youth”, marriages at this age are very strong. Precisely because of the balance of his decision.
In conclusion, we can repeat one well-known truth - “All ages are submissive to love.” Sincere mutual love knows no obstacles, and a love boat, provided there is trust, respect and mutual understanding, simply cannot break into everyday life, no matter what age the Mendelssohn march begins to play.

The main reasons why people get married

Everyone wants to get married. Even those who prove the opposite. But some come out later, some earlier, depending on expectations in life. Everyone has it for marriage your motives and reasons :

• All my friends have already gotten married.
• Conscious desire to have a child.
• Strong feelings for the gentleman.
• The desire to live separately from parents.
• An acute lack of male care for a girl who grew up without a father.
• A man's wealth.
• The cherished status of a “married lady”.
• Parents' insistence on marriage.

Surprisingly, reasons for not getting married Modern girls also have:

• Reluctance to do housework (cook, wash, etc.)
• Independence and freedom, the loss of which seems catastrophic.
• Fear of pregnancy and loss of slimness.
• Uncertainty about feelings.
• The desire to live exclusively for oneself.
• Reluctance to change surname.
• Life position – “free love”.

In all the old times, people treated marriage completely differently. And our time is no exception. Now almost all people have different views not only on weddings, but also on the entire institution of marriage. While some adhere to generally accepted principles that people must legitimize their relationships, others believe that this is completely unnecessary. Moreover, there are also people who are categorically against marriage. They are so categorically opposed to the marriage process because they believe that there is no need to involve the state in their relationship.

There are not very many people who are categorically against marriage now. The majority is of the opinion that marriage must be concluded. This opinion is especially widespread among girls, who have always been sensitive to this issue.

However, even among women there is no final opinion about marriage. Some girls, upon reaching adulthood, immediately strive to tie the knot with their boyfriend. Other ladies, due to their busyness and/or usual reluctance, put marriage on hold, believing that they have nowhere to rush. But when is it time for a girl to get married? Representatives of the fair half of humanity ask this question quite often.

Maybe it's time to get married?

Not all girls realize that marriage is a really serious step. Therefore, before you do it, you need to make sure that there is a solid surface ahead of you, and not fragile ice or quick sand. After all, if you are not convinced of this, the marriage can collapse extremely quickly. It is not for nothing that there are statistics stating that in Russia and some other CIS countries, seven out of ten marriages break up. There is no need to be under illusions, believing that statistics concern everyone else, but not you. Before taking such a serious step, you must prepare for it so as not to become part of these disappointing statistics.

Many girls believe that it is time for them to get married when they begin to experience true love. They are sure that this feeling is quite enough to get married. However, this is not quite true. The point is that love is a necessary condition for marriage, but far from the only one.

Love, if there was any, quickly passes and marriages break up. Therefore, this feeling is not enough for the newly-minted married couple lived together for many years. To do this, you also need to be psychologically prepared for marriage. After all, after marriage, all sorts of unforeseen difficulties may arise in your relationship, which cannot be overcome without the right psychological attitude. In addition, in order to get married for more than a year or two, you need to be able to build relationships and sacrifice your principles in order to preserve them.

However, many young girls, having not yet learned all this, try to get married as quickly as possible. This can be explained by various reasons, including psychological ones.

Psychological reasons for the desire for early marriage

1. The girl’s parents have distanced themselves from her, so she is looking for warmth, care and love in marriage.

2. It also happens that a grown-up girl, for whom it’s time to become independent, is overly looked after by her parents, as if she were ten years old. Trying to hide from such annoying care, girls get married in order to be able to take care of someone else.

3. Psychologists identify another common reason why girls get married in early age. We are talking about an unplanned pregnancy. Perhaps this is the most common reason why young ladies get married. This reason is not psychological, but it can explain the desire to marry a man so that the child can grow up in a full-fledged family.

What makes girls rush into marriage?

1. From childhood, girls are given the idea that she must find her prince and marry him. Without this, her life will be incomplete and unhappy. Therefore, having matured, girls try to find their betrothed as quickly as possible and marry him. That is, girls don’t even bother to test the relationship over time, and immediately put the strain in their passport. They believe that they are doing the right thing because that is what adults told them to do when they were little.

2. When all the girl’s friends find their betrothed and get married, she begins to worry about this. The ridiculous thought that she will be alone for the rest of her life creeps into her head. And the more time passes since her last friend got married, the more the girl worries about this. Therefore, even at 25 years old, a girl begins to feel like an old maid, which, in fact, is completely unfounded. Well, in order not to feel like an old maid, the girl marries the first one who proposes.

3. Pressure from relatives and parents is also quite often the reason why a girl gets married at an early age. That is, relatives decide for the girl, hinting (or directly saying) that it’s time for her to get married. If a girl succumbs to such pressure, then there is a high probability that she will be unhappy in her marriage. After all, she will constantly be tormented by the thought that it was not she who made the decision to get married. Therefore, it is better not to succumb to such pressure, so as not to regret it later.

Benefits of Early Marriage

Early marriage is full of all sorts of disadvantages, but it also has some advantages that are not found in adult marriage. In early marriage, husband and wife experience brighter, richer and more intense feelings. Life seems wonderful and carefree to them. Although, it is worth noting that this may not last long. Sooner or later, the newly-made family will have to face the problems that all newlyweds of any age usually face. But for a while you can really enjoy yourself without thinking about all sorts of worries. At this time, the newlyweds are much more relaxed about everything that happens, so they may not notice each other’s obvious shortcomings.

In addition, early marriage provides excellent discipline and makes it clear what adulthood. People who get married at an early age really quickly become independent and learn to rely only on themselves. And if a person copes with these difficulties at the initial stage, then in the future it will be easier for him to solve various problems. Although, there is a possibility that young people may simply not be able to cope with the burden that falls on them. Moreover, sometimes this load is so heavy that people simply cannot bear it.

We should not forget that it is simply easier to have children at an early age. A young woman is much more likely to give birth without complications. In addition, when the children of the couple who married at an early age grow up, their parents will still be young and full of strength. Therefore, it will be easier for parents to understand their children.

The most suitable age for marriage

There is no specific age that is ideal for all girls to get married. Every woman must find for herself the ideal age for marriage.

18 years

A considerable number of girls are convinced that if according to the law it is already possible to get married, then it’s time to do it. They think that this age is perfect for absolutely all endeavors, including the birth of a new unit of society. But, in fairness, it is worth noting that most marriages that take place at such a young age collapse without lasting even a few years.

Even if a girl really wants to get married at 18, it is better for her to wait at least a few years. The fact is that at this age the lady has not yet fully formed, both psychologically and physically. Moreover, she may not be mentally prepared for the problems and worries that befall her after marriage.

Some ladies get married at 18 only because they think they have found the love of their life. But don't fool yourself. At this age, such a “love of life” is explained by the banal effect of hormones, which at the age of 18 play extremely violently in the body. Therefore, such a marriage becomes nothing more than the emotional outbursts of two young people, and not a deliberate act of adults.

At the age of 18, girls want to show their independence from their parents. Well, since this can be done through marriage, they get married without hesitation. But is it worth it? After all, even after marriage, a girl will not be able to escape dependence on her parents, since at the initial stage the newlyweds simply cannot do without help.

Moreover, most psychologists argue that marriage entered into immediately after reaching adulthood can cause the development of mental disorders. They explain this by saying that young people with their fragile psyches have to face really serious problems. In addition, such a marriage can become a serious disappointment, thoughts about which will haunt the girl all her life.

So, all girls who are going to get married at 18 need to stop for a second and take a sober look at all this, throwing away romantic and illusory thoughts.

20 years

This is a great age to experience a beautiful and romantic relationship, in which there would be both joys and disappointments. That is, at this age it is advisable not only to find your love, but also to have time to lose it. In addition, it is at this age that a girl must take care of her education if she wants to achieve anything in life. Therefore, twenty years of age cannot be called acceptable for marriage. Although, it is worth noting that it is more preferable than 18 years.

At the age of 20, a girl’s beliefs and life views can change so quickly that today she may dream of getting married in the near future, but tomorrow all her thoughts may turn to another idea, for example, getting an education. Therefore, if a twenty-year-old girl dreams of getting married, then she should not rush, because these dreams may evaporate in the near future.

And merciless statistics show that marriages that girls enter into at the age of 20 break up even more often than those of eighteen-year-old newlyweds.

23-25 ​​years old

Many agree that this particular age period is most acceptable for a girl to get married. This is explained by the fact that around this age every young lady completes her studies and finds a job. Therefore, the young wife has the opportunity to contribute to the family budget.

In addition, at this age a girl is almost completely formed physically. And psychologically, she is ready for marriage, because over a quarter of a century she has managed to survive a lot, including during her studies

And statistics are more favorable precisely for this age period, during which it is best for a girl to get married. Statistics say that ladies who get married at the age of 23-25 ​​are happy in their marriage. Well, families themselves collapse much less often.

25-30 years

Many unmarried women, after celebrating their twenty-fifth anniversary, begin to worry that they do not yet have a husband. However, they do this completely in vain. After all, the age period from 25 to 30 years is a wonderful time for a woman to get married.

At this age, a woman’s views on life are already fully formed. She understands perfectly well what she wants not only from herself, but also from her future husband, so it is much easier for her to find that same prince than for eighteen-year-old girls.

30-45 years

At this age, women wonder whether they should get married at all. Usually at this time they manage to achieve everything on their own and they have completely different concerns. Most often, at this age, women marry younger men. There are cases when ladies at this age marry 20-25 year old guys. And this is not surprising, because such a marriage helps them keep themselves in good shape and feel young longer.

Pages of women's secrets

On this score, I think that the idea of ​​women becoming as independent as possible is detrimental to society as a whole. Here in America (and indeed in the West in Europe) no one will look at you askance if at 30-40 you have never been married. Moreover, they will respect your choice, and if the person is gay, “his choice must be respected.” Yes, practically no one bothers about this anymore... This is the idea of ​​freedom of thought and equality!.. I believe that a person should be free, but turn inside out and engage in perversions, calling it freedom.

With this ideology (I can’t find the right word) that women are not going to get married now (... and have a child for themselves), they lose romance and mystery, which, in fact, is the main link in the chain of relationships. Have you noticed how over time a man’s masculinity becomes less valued, while a woman’s “strength” is praised? I believe that a woman should remain fragile and tender, the keeper of the hearth. No, let her work if she wants to - after all, many combine family and work - but she becomes almost a feminist and declaring war on the entire male race... this is too much...

By the way, I've been thinking about this a lot lately. There are so many thoughts that I’m afraid I won’t be able to express them correctly. By the way, I’m also 22. I remember the TV series we grew up watching. Now they seem naive to us, but this is not because we have grown up, because at that time Wild Angel, for example, did not seem naive to 22-year-old girls, but because the realities of life have changed. Why I touched on the series is because they reflect the spirit of the times. Back then, the topics of drugs and homosexuality were not touched upon in such series. Pure and sincere love was sung, the main character was distinguished by her femininity and romance, and now... Dear Mom. What can you watch now? Depressing and brain-numbing soap operas/serials, full of violence, drugs, promiscuous life and homosexuality. Okay, it's all TV, but they don't just write scripts like that. They write about what life is becoming, but it has already become such that pristine realities seem ridiculous and naive. That’s why I don’t know what will happen next to people, because “freedom” is already crossing all boundaries... In my sister’s class (she’s in 9th), one day during class, a couple of classmates pulled out electronic cigars and started smoking quietly. ... In my time we played gallows and sea battle - AND THEN, if the teacher didn’t burn...

It may seem that I have gone beyond the topic, but for me everything in life is connected and one depends on the other.

To put it briefly: I don’t like our time.

Good afternoon, dear ladies! How often do we ask ourselves questions about the men who are next to us. Is he right for me, will we get married, what awaits us in the future, how to build a healthy and strong relationship, and so on. A wedding is a fairly serious step. How do you know if you should get married?

A new stage in the development of relations

Let's talk a little about the history of the word married and what it means. It is logical that this word comes from the phrase for husband, for husband. Thus, the girl becomes part of her husband's family, she comes to his family.

Since ancient times, there has been a tradition of ransom: you have a merchant, we have goods. A man takes a woman under his wing, under his protection, under his guardianship.

Today, there has been a fairly strong transformation of the concept of getting married. Today, marriage is simply an agreement between two people to legitimize their relationship. For love, because of pregnancy, for convenience, for one’s own benefit, because of the financial status of one of the partners, and so on.

Situations are different. I can’t say that I have a bad attitude towards girls who marry a man for his money. Maybe she loves this person. Or perhaps there is only cold calculation here.

I hope everything is to your liking. You have found the one and only person with whom you want to connect your destiny. Love is one of the most beautiful feelings a person can experience.

But many people forget that love must be maintained. That this is not a feeling that lives on its own. He is nurtured, cared for, monitored and fed.

Imagine that love is ginura, a house plant. This fastidious plant is very sensitive to the temperature in the room, requires special lighting and does not lend itself to tricks to accelerate growth.

That's how love is. She needs special, scrupulous and careful care. If you abandon your love and leave it to fate, it will dry up. And if you take care, it will bloom and delight you with its healthy and lush appearance.

I suggest you read the article "". You will be able to understand how men and women interact with each other, what kind of relationships they build, and decide on your position in your couple.

How to determine if the game is worth the candle

Unfortunately or fortunately, there is no test that will tell you right time for Wedding. Only you yourself can understand when the time comes. Many couples really need to live together before deciding to take the next step. Others run to the registry office after a couple of months of dating.

I know two couples. Some lived together for almost ten years. Sometimes they quarreled, sometimes heart to heart. But in the end they separated anyway without getting married. And the second pair is the opposite. We got married four months after we met. They live and cannot get enough of each other.

Only your inner instinct and intuition will help you determine the right time for your wedding. You and your partner must come to this decision together.

It is impossible to force a person to do something against his will. How often do we hear stories about how a girl dragged a guy to the registry office. Such relationships will not last long. Sooner or later, he will still run away from her, because the wedding was not his conscious decision.

Don't chase the stamp in your passport. It is much more important to find a common language with your partner and decide to get married together.

Ask yourself what is more important to me: a wedding or a relationship with a person. Some couples live happily their entire lives without tying the knot. And this does not prevent them from being satisfied with their lives.

Nothing is impossible

Another very important point. Many young ladies consider themselves unworthy, they think that they will never find the happiness of a married woman.

First, stop focusing on the wedding itself.

Secondly, believe in yourself and love yourself.

You can get married a second time, or a third, with a child, or with two. It all depends solely on your view of this situation. If you are confident that you will find a suitable and worthy man, then you will not be plagued by doubts and self-doubt.

One of my clients for a long time suffered after a difficult divorce. We quietly moved forward. With each session she became a little freer and calmer. But in the depths of her soul there was a thorn: “I will never get married again.” But then one day, with sparkling eyes, she spoke about a man she met at an exhibition at work. Today they have been happily married for two years and are raising a little son.

In order for you to finally dispel all your fears and doubts, read the article “”. You will understand that nothing is impossible, everything is in your hands. You deserve happiness and love. Be open and good-natured, then happiness itself will stick to you.

What you need to be prepared for

In relationships, everything is not always simple, easy and clear. When people start living together, they learn to manage a budget together, make decisions that may not suit one of the partners, learn to negotiate and seek compromises, then raise children, and so on.

I would like to give you some useful and practical tips. To make it easier to resolve family disputes, learn to listen to your spouse.

It often happens that at the moment of a quarrel, partners do not hear each other at all, but simply try to express their position by shouting. Relax, throw away all negative emotions and just listen to what your loved one says.

Another important point is to be able to speak without raising your tone. Emotions often get in the way of sound decision making. The calmer you are, the more logical, common sense and correct solutions you will find. Screaming only gets in the way, to be honest.

Understand that you will not change your man. He is who he is. You can only help him become better. When you change yourself, then the man will follow you. Always start changes with yourself.

If you have any problem in your relationship, then first of all think about yourself, and do not blame your partner. Start with what you are doing wrong and what you can change. This will be much more efficient and productive.

And work on your love. Don't throw it away or let it dry out. Remember that for mutual happiness, you need to make efforts. Relationships don’t just work that way; they require your absolute participation.
I strongly advise you to familiarize yourself with one of my works: “”.

Be happy!

Does a girl have to get married?- It depends on what exactly she expects from life. All girls need to get married, just some need it earlier, and some later.

In general, every girl has her own idea of ​​marriage. That is, each of them has their own motives and reasons for getting married or not getting married. Which? Of course, you know them, but you can re-read them.

1. All my friends got married.
2. There is a desire to give birth to a baby, but legally, and not “stray.”
3. Eat strong feelings to a person.
4. A great desire to live somewhere, but not at home.
5. The girl grew up without a father, she really lacks the attention of a man, male care.
6. Curiosity kicked in.
7. U young man there is a lot of money.
8. The girl wants to keep her beloved with a stamp in her passport.
9. The girl wants to get married status.
10. Parents and relatives insist on marriage.

Reasons why girls don't want to get married

1. They don't want to cook.
2. They don't want to clean up.
3. They are afraid of losing freedom.
4. They are afraid of getting pregnant and gaining weight.
5. Not sure they need it.
6. Afraid to get married because I had a negative experience.
7. They love to live for themselves.
8. They love “free love” (open relationships that exist without any obligations).
9. They don’t want to change their passport or last name.
10. They perceive any life changes very painfully.

Did you find out something that is close to you? Now let's give a more detailed answer to this question.

Should a girl get married?

Worth it if:

• The girl feels that she is ready for marriage. She understands (both morally and physically) that the time for marriage has already come.
• The girl realizes that she is ready to change everything in life (lifestyle, habits, and so on).

What will have to be changed? What do you need to be prepared for?

Look:

• friends and girlfriends will have to devote little time (at least less than before marriage);
• you should dress differently (not as openly as you dressed before);
• will have to be at home more;
• you will have to go shopping more often;
• you will have to change your attitude towards freedom.

How to make a choice?

• The girl has grown up

She can do everything, takes change seriously, and is not afraid of difficulties, knowing them to the core.

• The girl fell in love and understands that this love is mutual feeling

Marrying for love is not a sin, not a whim, but great happiness.

• The girl really wants to get married

He wants it so much that he “squeaks.” There are girls for whom marriage is both a dream and an obsession.

• The girl believes that she has already achieved everything she wanted to achieve in life

All plans, all dreams, all desires... Almost everything came true! You can also remember that the girl is still unmarried.

Girls who think it's worth getting married

Violetta: What about without marriage? I see no point in life if there is no husband. And children are needed. Legitimate!

Ilona: My husband loves me. And I’m all for living “in style,” and not just like that. It’s more pleasant this way. You can’t imagine how nice it is to feel like a spouse!

Oksana: A woman needs a husband! It's boring without my husband! Uninteresting and unfun. I probably think so because I was lucky with my husband. Yes, this is my second marriage, and the first was a mistake. And who doesn’t make mistakes?

Romana: My husband is a useful person. And he will screw in a light bulb if necessary, and go to the store (pharmacy) if asked... I won’t talk about everyone, but my husband is just like that.

Girls who believe that there is no need to get married (not worth it)

Tatyana: I was so burned that I don’t recommend getting married. Even for the best and dear person in the world! I don’t believe them... First they are so good, and then they are “rednecks”.

Olga: Why a husband? The most golden person is mom. I live with her and am happy. I don’t need to lie to you and deceive you. That's the kind of person I am!

Daria: Why sign your name if you can live just like that? I have been living with a man for seven years. And I like this kind of life!

Violetta: I’m so disappointed in men that I’m definitely not going to get married. Even if they threaten you with death. They are all assholes!

Maryana: Alenka (my friend) submitted an application to the registry office. Then I regretted it, because I was completely disappointed in the guy. I don't want it that way. That’s why I won’t rush to this “institution.” I can afford it.

Girls! You should marry for love, not for profit. You can't play with feelings. Feelings are a fire that can seriously burn.

Don't get married if you feel like you haven't had your fill yet. Marriage is a serious step that should not be taken thoughtlessly.

Many believe that daughters repeat the fates of their mothers (the mother got married at twenty years old - the daughter will get married at the same age). And the daughters are waiting for that very “mother’s” age. If nothing repeating is observed, the girls worry horribly. What for? You can not do it this way.

Do not miss. . .