– a state of peak arousal in a child, which is expressed in the loss of full control over one’s emotions and partially over actions (ways of expressing emotions). A classic example of a child's tantrum is a loud cry, crying, turning into a squeal, which may be accompanied by falls, rolling on the floor, or destructive reactions. Sometimes a desire for self-harm is revealed: children bite themselves, start hitting themselves on the head, etc.

Being in such a state, the child is closed to habitual communication with him: he is not able to adequately perceive speech addressed to him.

A child's hysteria can be either a conscious reaction-manipulation or a poorly realized phenomenon. In the first case, we are talking about the developed habit of managing the behavior of adults, and in the second, about an acute reaction to some external event. Let's figure out what it is and how to calm a child during a hysteria psychologically competently, without harming him.

It is natural that as children grow older, they develop individual interests and needs, which often diverge from the desires of adults. And if a child cannot get what he wants, then it is likely that his dissatisfaction may find an outlet in a hysterical reaction.

The hysterical reaction is an ancient way of responding to an unsafe situation, which is also found in the animal kingdom. For example, an animal caught in a net begins to rush about randomly until it becomes exhausted or is randomly unable to free itself from the trap.

So, a child’s hysteria is a way of reacting to a difficult, incomprehensible or dangerous situation for his well-being, when he has no other “tools” to overcome what is happening.

Here are the main reasons for the appearance of hysterics:

• inability to express your dissatisfaction in words;
• desire to attract attention;
• an attempt to achieve something.

Other reasons include:

• authoritarian parenting style, in which the child does not have the “right to vote”;
• permissive parenting style, when parents do not react in any way to the child’s misdeeds and achievements;
• the imbalance in the “carrots and sticks” system, the obvious inadequacy of educational measures;
• general weakness of the nervous system;
• fatigue, hunger;
• post-infectious hysterical reactions as a consequence of exhaustion of the child’s body.

Often, when faced with such behavior of a child, parents want only one thing - for all this to end as quickly as possible, and many lose sight of the fact that it depends on the reaction of adults whether these attacks become more frequent or fade into oblivion.

So how to deal with such incidents? Firstly, it is necessary to clearly distinguish between ordinary children's whims and a full-fledged hysterical attack. Whims, although they can take the form of hysteria, are always used by children consciously in order to circumvent any adult prohibitions, or to get something that is missing “here and now.” There is an important digression here - during tantrums and whims, children do not harm themselves.

But full-blown hysterical attacks, as a rule, are involuntary, although they are manipulative in nature. They occur in a situation when a child loses control over the emotions that overwhelm him. The attack is accompanied by screams breaking into squeals, often scratching of the arms and face, and sometimes beating the head against something. In situations where we are talking about suspicion of pathological condition, a so-called hysterical arc may be detected, which is described in the article on hysterical personality disorder.

It is important to understand that hysteria is an extremely violent emotional reaction in which the child has almost no control over his actions and all the phenomena associated with it (aggression, irritability, attempts to break something, blows and self-harm) are involuntary.

By the way, in such a state, children are capable of greatly harming themselves, since the pain threshold usually increases. Another feature of hysterics is their rapid extinction in the absence of the expected reaction from adults.

Managing children's tantrums

How to calm a child when he is hysterical? This is a key question for most parents, but before answering it, it is necessary to trace the “history” of the development of such behavior. The first full-fledged hysterical reactions in children develop after the first year of life, and the peak period occurs at the age of 3±0.5 years. The crisis of three years is a period of development of independence (“I myself”) and opposition to parents.

During this period, some children may have hysterical attacks several times a day, although this will be a reason to think about the child’s mental well-being. This is a period when hysterical reactions can become a powerful tool for a child to achieve goals.

As a rule, hysteria does not come suddenly - it is preceded by a period of sullenness, silent discontent and whining. In principle, during this period you can try to distract the child from his condition with something interesting (trying not to indulge) in order to prevent hysteria.

All children have their own interests - some will be soothed by a colorful book, others by their favorite toy. And a simple conversation with a child or a simple request can return him to a normal state. Various ways Distracting the child is effective when the attack has not progressed. During the attack itself, of course, such actions will not have the desired result.

How to reduce the risks of developing hysterical reactions in everyday life:

• rest and a stable (but flexible) regime;
• preventing children from overtiring (so-called early development does not always bring the desired results);
• allocating sufficient time for the child to do his own things: games, drawing, etc.;
• help the child express his feelings in an acceptable way - through speech, do not forget that it is necessary not only to listen, but also to recognize the child’s emotions: confirm his right to be offended, angry and other unpleasant experiences so that the child feels accepted;
• by the age of three, learn to give your child more freedom, do not try to do everything for him - for many children it is precisely this overprotective behavior that leads to hysterics;
• leave the right of choice to the child;
• in the absence of a choice, clearly inform the child what should and will be done;
• when crying, ask the child to do something simple, and do not try to feel sorry for him every time (although, of course, this is also necessary).

Hysterical reactions at 1.5-2 years

Up to 2 years of age, tantrums in children are most often the result of fatigue or tension, since the nervous system is still actively developing. Closer to 2.5 years capricious behavior and tantrums become a way of manipulation and expression of disagreement.

By this time, children already partially understand the meaning of the words “no, I can’t, I don’t want” and begin to actively use them to express disagreement. But at the same time, the child does not yet have enough speech skills to fully express his disagreement, and realizing this, children choose the only form of behavior available to them - hysteria. But neither immediate satisfaction of the child’s demands nor harsh punishments will give a full result.

- how to calm him down? The two most common mistakes are attempts to rationally persuade the baby to calm down (do you think a two-year-old child is able to listen to the arguments of logic?), or “abandoning” him with a phrase like “that’s it, mommy is leaving.”

In the first case, you provide an incentive to continue the hysteria, and in the second, you can severely traumatize the child (scare him), which can lead him to loss of trust in the world (in the person of significant adults) and in the future become an impetus for the development of uncertainty, fears, and anxiety and isolation.

It is enough to be close to the child, to support him, but not to persuade him, and even more so, not to leave him. Often a silent presence is enough to very successfully stop a hysteria. Moreover, do not try to satisfy the child’s demands - this will show him that protest in the form of hysterics is an ideal means of achieving what he wants and blackmailing parents.

Punishments are also not the optimal way to solve the problem, since they can only aggravate the child’s condition. During a hysteria, a cold presence is enough, and after it has passed, a full-fledged conversation with the child, why this happened, what he wanted, and how it could have been done differently.

The fundamental point is do not deprive your child of communication, because it is through communication that development occurs, and for a child this is a sure indicator of your love for him.

Hysterical reactions at 3 years old

Many parents notice that this is a period when the child literally forgets all words except “I don’t want” and “no.” This is the first period of rebellion and disagreement in a child’s life, when he understands that he is a separate person. Hysterics during this period are not uncommon, and the wisest decision in these conditions is to distract the child’s attention from the subject of the hysteria and communicate with it.

But again, distracting the child’s attention is a preventive measure; during an attack that has already developed, this will not help; all that remains is to wait out the storm and discuss what happened with the child again.

In such situations, it is important to maintain your own balance. For example, one of the mothers being consulted developed the following behavior strategy: during a tantrum, she simply told the child that she would be happy to talk to him about what he wants when he calms down and continued to go about her business (without leaving the child). After just a few “unsuccessful” attacks, the child independently called his mother for a conversation.

Is treatment necessary?

We have come to a very delicate point - the need for professional intervention in the family situation and the child’s behavior. As we have already said, up to a certain point, tantrums are a normal phenomenon, which subsides by the age of 4-5 years. For example, the question often arises of how to calm a newborn baby during a tantrum; There is only one answer - no way. Infants and newborns are only capable of expressing the unhappiness of their condition by screaming (as a form of hysteria), be it hunger, abnormal temperature conditions, or lack of communication. All of these are normal reactions.

How to calm a hysteria in a 2-3 year old child is more or less clear, while for an older child preschool age(closer to 6 years), hysterics can acquire an openly manipulative or pathological character.

If, through hysterical behavior, a child constantly strives to achieve his goals, then there is a need to diagnose the entire system family relations. In this case, it seems logical to contact a systemic family therapist to identify the causes and ways to eliminate the problem.

In this case, the reason will lie not so much in the child himself, but in the system of mother-child-father relationships, and it is likely that correction of relationships in the family will be required and literally the construction of a new system of interaction between parents and children.

If pathological relationships are not corrected in a timely manner, the child may subsequently experience serious problems in the school sphere.

With hysterical reactions that are not overtly demanding, especially by the age of 6, it is worth thinking about the fact that the problem lies with the child himself. In this case, it is worth showing the child to a specialist child development and child pathopsychology in order to conduct a fine diagnosis and assess the possibility of developing a hysterical disorder, or to diagnose hidden pathologies.

As a rule, by the age of 6-7 years, children master a wide range of ways to express their dissatisfaction and protest, and hysterical reactions recede into the background and gradually fade away.

Until the age of six, hysterical reactions (if they are not regular) are a more or less normal type of child’s reaction to problematic situations, but if such behavior persists at subsequent ages, we recommend that you consult the appropriate specialists for advice.

Why do babies cry? Every mother who has listened to the signals of a newborn understands that crying does not happen for nothing. He is motivated, and children are not initially capricious. They are trying to reach us, but whether we understand them or not, that is the question. This is why it is unacceptable for us to give a crying child a pacifier. This will block his reasonable face! How then should we understand it? As a rule, we do not engage in distractions. After all, he needs to be distracted from some urgent need or need, and isn’t it easier to just satisfy it. Children do not want a “star from heaven”; what they want is what they really need for life and growth. And the vocabulary of these “needs” is actually very simple.

Method number 1. Give breast on demand

When a baby is hungry, he makes it clear easily and easily. He either begins to suck his fist or makes searching (slightly grunting) movements with his nose, as if hoping to stumble upon his mother’s nipple. At the same time, he may sigh hysterically and mumble something, saying “a-ha, a-ha, a-ha.” Of course I give him the breast, he eats and calms down. And not always only when he is hungry, sometimes when he is tired, upset or anxious. Because, in addition to food, the breast gives powerful calm, not only, by the way, to the baby, but also to me, which is not unimportant if I am nervous.

When my children suck for a long time, their heart begins to beat more calmly, their breathing slows down, their body relaxes, and not only pleasure but also deep relaxation appears on their face. In some books you will find advice such as “do not teach your baby to hang on your chest for 40 minutes, he has eaten and that’s enough, take out the breast, give him a pacifier” (see Dr. Komarovsky). Of course, all markers are different in taste and color. I decided that my kids would not eat a pacifier, and not only because “this is the right path to a rubber woman,” but also because I don’t mind giving them breasts. A baby focused on the nipple outwardly “goes dumb”, he is in an autistic state (I’m talking about a condition, not a disease), he is not here. Focused on the chest, the baby completely dissolves in communication with his mother. For a mother, this can be difficult (then the method will not work), or it can be easy and joyful: this is a pause in the middle and end of the day, relaxation, a time when she restores a subtle connection with the baby and even time to read for pleasure, oddly enough. (“He was so pleased, and it didn’t cost me anything.”) I read so many wonderful books about babies and children while I was breastfeeding. Reading fiction seemed somehow impolite to me. But reading about children was just that. This is how you become well prepared in matters of natural and conscious parenting (these are two little different traditions parenthood that has developed in contrast to the routine-based “norm”). But in general, if everything is fine with breastfeeding, then there is no more free way to calm a child in the world. After all, there is a big difference in walking and rocking and in sitting or lying comfortably and feeding. My eldest daughter did not need rocking at all, but could hang on her chest indefinitely. What a freebie it was! With some skill, you can learn to breastfeed during the day without looking up from your own food, and at night - almost without waking up and without experiencing any difficulties. And the child will receive plenty of maternal love.

Method number 2. plant

If you have never planted a baby, you will be surprised how much anxiety in babies during the first three months is caused by “toilet” matters. During this period, their “things” are often not rhythmic. The baby may not pee for 2 hours while walking in a sling, but when you come home you will get five peees in half an hour. He may not poop for several nights in a row, and then give you a “fun” night of pooping and “preparation” before it. He can poop twice a day, maybe six, or maybe ten, and it’s exciting to prepare for it every time. Babies may become anxious and even cry very intensely before peeing and try to tell you to help them. After peeing, they may cry if they were not understood. Before pooping, they may become quiet, freeze and be especially concentrated, or they may cry, trying to tell you to unwaddle, undress, and take them out.


The disembarking mother, who responds to this concern with actions, reduces the need for crying; instead of sobbing, the child grunts, the mother understands him and he does his business. It is important that the mother sees what motivates each specific cry: she does not try to call the doctor and does not consider the child capricious, she does not try to swaddle him or distract him. It is useless to distract the attention of a person who wants to go to the toilet. You can, of course, talk to him if you take him out of the sling or run to the nearest bushes (in summer) or to the house (in winter). Children (even newborns) somehow understand their mother’s message “we’ll be there soon” and tolerate it. But ultimately, he should not be calmed down, but disembarked. If, by the way, the child bursts into tears because he was not understood about the toilet, then there is no use in dropping him off. You need to calm him down in another way (give him the breast) and wait until he relaxes. It is important that in this case we do not rock the child to sleep (this confuses the instinct), but let him satisfy the need. I don’t know what you will do with a disposable diaper in this case; apparently, you will form a stable reflex of ignoring your bodily impulses (pee under yourself, don’t cry). The children will be worried at first, but then they will get used to it, of course. You just won't know when he's worried about the toilet and when for another reason.

Method No. 3. Take in your arms (carry in your arms, give body to body contact)

"Nine months in the mother, nine months on the mother." This postulate of natural parenting is built on the baby’s need “not to be alone.” There are many reasons for this, but I physiologically feel the desire not to tear my child away from his body ahead of time. For him and me, it is extremely organic to feel each other’s breathing and heartbeat, to constantly touch and be in an uninterrupted connection.

Of course, we are talking about wearing “on demand”. Sometimes a baby cries just because got lost, lost in a space too large for him, surrounded, lost his mother. Mother should be nearby from the point of view of his survival, this is justified. Of course, “mom” can be another caring family member - grandmother or father. You can change the handles, the question is that they are family and friends. And so that they always exist. Dolnik in “The Naughty Child of the Noosphere” has a wonderful story about this, which I always remember when it’s difficult for me, if the baby “watches” my presence every minute, “does not let me go” even to go to the toilet or take a shower (as a result, everything you quickly learn to do this without letting go of the baby, and this also promotes contact and synchronization). Imagine that two mothers and babies are walking through a primeval forest. They put their babies on the ground and went into the bushes to “do business.” One of the kids screamed immediately, the other half an hour later. What do you think, asks the malicious Dolnik, which of them left its mark on evolution? After this simple question, the answer to which is obvious (in the primeval forest, someone who lay silently on the ground for half an hour was eaten in the same half hour), I immediately feel better. We, Dolnik concludes, are the descendants of those people who screamed right away. I look at my child and laugh: “You will definitely leave your mark on evolution.” Roughly speaking, the faster a child screams when he has lost his mother, the greater his impulse towards life (survival). Of course, over time, he learns to be calm in a safe, familiar environment (for example, on his “rug”, at home). But it takes time to even get used to this environment. Just about 3-6 months, and until that time the safe environment for him is his mother.

Method number 4. Carry in a sling

It happens that strangers who see me with a baby in a sling on the street say: “Your baby probably never cries.” Unfortunately, sometimes she cries. But the habit of wearing a sling from the first days (I use a sling from 9-10 days after giving birth, when I actively begin “household” life at home and walks, before that I get by with carrying it in my arms) leads to the fact that the sling sometimes becomes an independent way of calming down. not reducible to mother's hands.

Hands are beautiful, but firstly, they get tired, and secondly, the mother often needs them free, especially when she has another small (albeit older) child. The sling swaddles the baby, creating a familiar “cocoon” of safety. As a result crying baby sometimes it calms down already in the process of winding the sling. This happens in those cases when I managed to feel it during (one step before the disorder) tiredness and desire to sleep. If she missed the right moment of optimal load and was driven to hysterics due to hyperexcitation, excess impressions or fatigue, then it will be difficult to wind up, but immediately after winding, the mother’s active rhythmic movements or a rhythmic walk will quickly calm the baby. Up to three months, the baby will mostly sleep in a sling; later he learns to stare and stay awake from there. Still, from the point of view of “freebie”, the sling is in second place, second only to soothing on the chest. After all, unlike motion sickness, it leaves your hands free and allows you to do other things at the same time. For example, playing with an older child, walking with him, shopping or doing housework, and even (sitting on a fitball) working at the computer. Carrying in a sling also good remedy calm the baby during the period of colic, as he “relieves” excess tension in the child’s abdomen through “body to body” contact. During acute colic, breastfeeding may not work and a sling really saves the situation.

Method No. 5. Take a bath or shower

We actively use water to relieve stress. And we passively use water to relieve tension. For example, if at 6 or 7 in the morning in winter in Moscow the baby got me up to do his big “business”, and after that he gets worried and doesn’t fall asleep: he spins around and neither here nor there and his chest doesn’t calm him down and it’s just not normal to stay awake maybe, but I want to sleep (for the life of me), then I take him in my arms and quietly crawl into the hot bath. I light a candle or a small lamp in it, draw some nice water and lie in it with the baby (he is on my stomach or on my back, his legs are partially lowered into the water). I'm dozing. I wait until he knocks with his arms and legs in half an hour, finishes big or small things (I drain the water, of course, if “big ones” happen) and crawl into bed, where I give out my breasts. After this, I am provided with another 1-2 hours of deep sleep. If the baby did the same thing in the morning of a warm spring day at sea, I have breakfast (even at 6 in the morning) and go for a walk with him so that I can go to bed early in the evening and synchronize our rhythms. That is, it’s about my comfort, which I will pass on to the baby in any case.

If I don’t want to sleep myself and am ready to exercise physically, and the baby is nervous, then I don’t get into the bath with him, but simply fill it with comfortable water (30-36 degrees) and bathe him with procedures like “bathing a baby in a large bathtub” . This gives him distraction and exercise, followed by sound sleep. In this case, the baby rarely poops in the water, so you can not drain the water for several hours, but simply top it up with hot water and bathe him again if his nervousness returns. Cry - if feeding and disembarkation does not go well - go to the bath - rest - go to the bath, etc. This is for long winter Moscow days, when walking does not take up the central part of the day.

Method number 6. Rock the baby (“Help me sleep!”)

We specifically do not write about this method as the first one, because motion sickness is not logical to use if the child is hungry, wants to pee or poop, and even in every case if he is “lost” and wants to be in his mother’s arms. This is what needs to be done if other needs are “not visible”, and the child is nervous and clearly does not want to be actively and calmly awake, therefore tired. The result of motion sickness is usually sleep. We didn’t have to rock our daughter to sleep at all, but babies are different and we had to practice with our son. There are so many wonderful ways to get motion sickness that we want to dedicate a separate post to them. We can simply list them here. The most efficient thing is simple rock in your arms or on a fitball.

The ball is wonderful, it is especially good for those who rock not every day, but from time to time, for example, for grandparents. Rocking on a ball does not require any special sensitivity for the baby, it simply “takes with rhythm”. I prefer (if possible, if the baby accepted it) rock on a hammock, because it relieves the back.

Husband (Sasha) when he gets motion sickness, dancing. He takes dynamic music (like "7-40") and does not hesitate to play it loudly, after which he jumps with all his heart. The baby falls asleep by the end of the 2nd or 3rd song. He holds the baby vertically “in a frog” like a sling. Most often I dance in a sling, because after this method it is not always possible to put the baby down so that he can sleep easier and leave him to sleep in the sling. It is obvious to us that an adult rocking a baby, first of all, rocks himself; he transfers himself into an altered (by rhythm) state of consciousness, in which, due to his body (breathing, relaxation, disconnecting consciousness from everyday problems), he “turns off” or relaxes the baby. If the mother has enough physical activity or has the opportunity for long walks, and also if she spends a lot of time in the fresh air, the baby usually does not need motion sickness. We believe that motion sickness is more “in demand” for children born in cities during the autumn-winter period.

Motion sickness too driving in a car. You need to choose routes with monotonous driving, preferably without traffic jams (otherwise you can end up in a very unpleasant situation with an irritated baby when he will not be able to sleep). You need to get used to taking the baby out of the car. Most often, mothers carry the baby along with the chair. I can’t do this (and our cradle in the car is too heavy for this), I take the baby out of the chair and carry it in my arms. To do this, you need to take into account the phases of sleep. It can be carried out during the deep sleep phase, when breathing is deep and the body is relaxed. If you try to transfer it to the REM sleep phase (the dreaming phase, when the body twitches, the baby moves and squeaks), then he will wake up. Therefore, if I get to a place in the REM sleep phase, I still drive around for a while, waiting until I fall asleep soundly. Sleep phases alternate approximately every 45 minutes. That is, once every 45 minutes of deep sleep, a short-duration (7-10 minutes) REM sleep phase occurs. If you “rock” during the REM sleep phase, you can calmly rest during the next phase of deep sleep (without rocking). The same applies to sleeping in a sling. It is during the deep sleep phase that you can cook soup, watch a movie or work on the computer; in between it is better to pump up your energy. All this applies to a greater extent to the grown-up baby, since in the first three months babies already sleep most of the day; it is not necessary to “protect” their daytime sleep. It is also important that in some of these dreams the mother chooses the time to rest herself, otherwise she will be exhausted by the end of the day.

Method No. 7. Calm mom down

The limitation of the hand-carrying method is that the hands convey the calmness of a calm mother and the nervousness of a nervous or angry one. This is not a reason, if the mother is upset, tired or angry, to deprive the baby of physical contact. Then he will be even more lost, because he will still feel his mother’s discomfort and the alarming situation.


But this is a reason to shift attention from the baby’s excitement to what is happening with the mother. My husband and I noticed interesting fact. Sometimes, if I cannot calm the child down (of course, not at the moment of a sharp cry, but at a moment of prolonged and tiring nervousness), then it helps the child if my husband massages my legs (the baby lies either on me or next to me). The meaning is simple: you can relax the mother and the baby will automatically relax. Regularly send mom to the bathhouse or swimming pool, for example (I do this with kids). Provide mom with relaxation in any acceptable form. We use the Reiki method (for mom) if we feel that the “degree of nervousness” in the house is going through the roof. This allows not only to reduce the anxiety of children, but also to save them from unwanted diseases during infancy.

Method No. 8. Warm or ventilate the baby

Here we are talking about the optimal temperature regime and its regulation. The baby will worry and even cry if he is cold or hot. This is not a reason to keep a constant thermostat around him with a constant +26 degrees. This will lead to low adaptability. We try to let the baby try different things in the first months of life. Colder - warmer - at home with clothes - at home without clothes - outside in different weather in a sling, in your arms or in a stroller, etc. So that he can breathe cold and warm air. We give it a try and see what happens. For example, the skin of our babies clearly reacts to overheating. Even at +24 degrees at home, it can give prickly heat if the child is dressed and sweats in his clothes. The skin reacts before they start crying. Therefore, we react to overheating by skin rather than by crying. On the contrary, sometimes a child may cry when he is cold and “asks” to be wrapped up. One of our friends told me that her newborn daughter: “She cries after a bath, enjoys swimming, and then, when we unwrap the towel to dry, she starts crying, she’s cold. We immediately warm her arms and legs, and her chest calms down, but there’s no other reason besides being cold.” there seems to be no crying." For us, the solution is obvious - why unwrap such a child from a towel? Wrapped it on the chest, the towel itself will dry inside. If this girl doesn’t like contrasts, why give them to her? Some babies rub themselves with pleasure, but pleasure comes first here.

Method number 9. Talk to the baby

From the first day, I noticed that Nikita calms down better if I talk to him, looking him straight in the eyes. Much better than, for example, motion sickness. "What are you talking to him about?" - friends and family asked me. “Of course, about past lives,” I said, “I ask him to remember more.”

Well, you can and should talk about everything with newborns, explain to them what is happening. To say that they are in their home, among their family. Tell me about this family. It is not necessary to lisp, but speak directly, looking into the eyes. Not in the “radio that broadcasts by itself” mode, but in the contact mode. They understand, and it is useful for us to learn to treat them as human beings. And they even believe us and calm down.

Method No. 10. Apply dynamic gymnastics, massage or other bodywork practice

Let’s say right away that we did not use dynamic gymnastics (authored by Leonid Kitaev) in a technical and comprehensive manner, since it requires great physical strength from the mother or is entirely entrusted to the father. But in saying this, we are of course disingenuous, because in the terminology of Leonid Kitaev, any moving practice for contact with a child, in the range of movements acceptable for a parent, is a kind of dynamic gymnastics.

I didn’t at all want to somehow twist, hang and throw my babies in the newborn period and the period up to 3 months, maybe because they did not suffer from increased tone or colic (which is very well removed by such practices). But my son grew to 3.5 months and 7 kg and became such a strong and strong baby that I felt that his need for movement was greater than his own abilities in movement and coordination. How does this manifest itself? He cannot lie on his back for a long time (it’s boring), he rolls over, and he also cannot crawl yet, and this makes him nervous, making jumping, swaying movements with his whole body, as if he wants, but cannot, crawl forward. As a result, he cannot lie down at all: he “worked” for 10-15 minutes, “plowed”, as they say, and again went to his mother. Of course, 3.5 months is normally too early for crawling. But this particular baby, smart and very active, although lacking tone, clearly shows that he wants more. Well, son, then let's fly. At the same time, mom will pump up her triceps and biceps...

Method No. 11. Adjust the environment

And, of course, we leave the most important thing for dessert. In addition to operational needs, there is an emotional (and eventual) background. Here, of course, we can simply say something about the habitat. Sometimes, if a child cries, it is enough to simply turn the music on (if she never plays in the house) or turn it off (if she always plays in it). But in general, we are talking here more about the favorable or unfavorable environment in the house, events in the life of the parents and especially the mother. And often the baby is the most sensitive creature in the family, since he still cannot lie (even to himself). And then he signals that there is trouble from which he (or his mother) needs to be pulled out. For example, sometimes I conduct psychological consultations while my child is in my arms (in a sling). And I notice that the baby begins to “swear” and “get nervous” if something goes wrong with the consultation. Roughly speaking, when a client (partner) lies. Baby is the perfect lie detector. He does not tolerate turbidity in situations and relationships. As soon as the consultation goes through the “muddy” topic and catharsis sets in, the baby calms down and usually falls asleep. There are different ways to judge whether babies belong at work as mothers. We will write about this separately someday, and probably quite soon. But I (Lena Pavlova) have to work with my children - filming, editing, teaching, consulting, making payments, writing posts or reports. And I'm used to trusting them. If they are nervous and their immediate needs are being met, I look to the environment for the cause. They are sensitive to conflicts in the house and will be worried “before” adults start scandals, as well as “after” the conflict seems to be settled, and adults walk around irritated. And also on the eve of dad’s bonus at work or before the car breaks down. There is no need to think that you can do whatever you want in front of the baby, that he is small and does not understand yet. He understands the deep non-verbal aspect, perhaps more accurately than adults. If you went to visit a family where they treat you with hostility, do not be surprised that when you return home you find your baby covered in a rash, for example. This understanding of favorable and unfavorable places is especially clearly visible in travel, we wrote about this. And, if you trust your child as a partner and clear out the dirt around you, then, ultimately, you yourself will become healthier and maintain sensitivity to the child. After all, the baby’s capabilities are abundant and what is used is preserved. His intuition will be useful to him in life; there are many areas of application for it in different specialties.

Method No. 12. Adjust rhythms and routines

As you understand, we, like other natural parents, live in a regime on demand. If he wants breasts, he gets them. If he wants to pee or poop, he is taken out. If he wants to sleep, we put him to bed. If he wants to “go for a walk,” we let him stay awake, but we don’t entertain him if it happens at night (kick your feet as much as you want, I’ll sleep next to you) and we keep him company if it happens during the day. Gradually some rhythms appear, quite flexible. By three months, some natural analogue of the regime is formed. We know how many times a day our baby prefers to eat, poop, and sleep. In order for this rhythm to appear, we did this together with the baby during this time. great job towards each other. He signaled to us with all his might, and when they didn’t understand him, he cried. And we listened. In a soft or hard form, it is already sensitive or busy. If we tried to understand, then he tried to strengthen his signals. It is important that the sooner our reaction to the first “requests” occurred, the less he needed to cry. Optimal act one step before he cries and then he didn’t have to get used to crying in order to get through to us. Don't be upset if he did cry. Kids differ in their level of demands, and perhaps yours is one of the more demanding ones. If you listen to him, you can turn his intuition into something that will be very useful to him later, will be useful in life, and will give the application of his subtlety and sensitivity.

Links

1. William Sears, Martha Sears. Your baby from birth to two years.
2. Jean Ledloff. How to raise a happy child. The principle of succession.

Individual consultations

Adults use words and facial expressions to express their emotions, but a baby who has just been born does not yet know how to talk and can notify about any changes in his condition by screaming or crying. The mother must learn to understand by the nature of the “sound signals” what is bothering her baby, and help him cope with the unpleasant situation. Today the site for mothers will give several useful recommendations How to calm a newborn baby based on the cause of his anxiety.

What to do first?

As soon as the baby begins to whine, the mother should clearly know what to do in this situation:

1. Calm down. Experienced mothers of many children They can easily cope with this task, but if you have your first child, you will have to quickly learn to pull yourself together. This is not always easy, because some children cry constantly, and this condition exhausts both the child and everyone around him. If there is a husband or other family members nearby, put the baby in their hands temporarily, leave the room and catch your breath. Have you calmed down? Now your task is to help the baby return to a calm state.
2. Find out the reason for crying. There can be quite a lot of factors that cause a child’s dissatisfaction. They need to be eliminated step by step, one by one, until you get to the cause that has become an irritant for the child.
3. Eliminate the cause of concern. If you learn to recognize your baby’s condition by the nature of his behavior and crying, you will find a couple of universal ways to calm him down. infant.

Never ignore any manifestation of anxiety on the part of your baby, hoping that “maybe he will calm down himself.” Infants do not cry or scream out of nowhere: such a manifestation of emotions signals the presence of discomfort - hunger, heat, wet diapers, pain, etc. You, as a parent, have a responsibility to understand your child, no matter how difficult it may seem at first.

Causes of anxiety in newborn babies

There are several main reasons why infants behave restlessly:

1. Hunger.
2. Air has accumulated in the tummy.
3. Overfilled diaper or wet diaper.
4. Hypothermia or overheating.
5. Discomfort from wrinkles in clothes and diapers.
6. Colic.
7. Overexcitement or fatigue.
8. Feeling of fear.
9. Pain caused by disease or vaccination.

As you can see, the baby has enough reasons to be worried.

How to calm a baby?

And now on the website we will analyze each of the reasons in order and find out how to eliminate them.

1. The child may get hungry. Our Soviet-era grandmothers will say that a child needs to be breastfed after a certain period of time, but modern pediatricians recommend feeding a newborn at his first request. If the baby suddenly whines, perhaps he is just hungry. In this case, give him the breast, while making sure that he takes it correctly. All children at the age of 1 month constantly need maternal warmth and attention, so the nipple is a unique way to understand that mother is nearby. Even if the child is not very hungry at this moment.
2. After feeding, the baby swallows some of the air with the milk. And if he doesn't burp it up on time, it can become a cause of concern. So, how to calm a crying one-month-old baby in this case? After you've fed your baby, pick him up in an upright position with his chin on your shoulder and lightly tap him on the back. The air will come out and the child will immediately calm down.
3. Discomfort from feeling damp. The diaper must be changed every 4 hours and after each bowel movement. Diapers will have to be changed several times more often, so as soon as you hear that the baby is groaning, check if he is wet.
4. He feels stuffy or cold. Overheating is as harmful to a newborn as hypothermia, due to the immaturity of the heat exchange system. Therefore, check whether his room is too stuffy or cool, and whether he is wearing a lot of clothes. Do not dress your child in clothes made of synthetic materials and ventilate his room more often.
5. Buttons on clothes or folds in diapers can cause discomfort for a baby. Use only soft diapers made from natural materials and without pills, and dress children under 1 month in vests without buttons. Change your baby's clothes and swaddle him and rock him a little to calm him down. Sometimes swaddling with handles helps to pacify even the most active screamers: a tight fit of the fabric is associated with tightness in the womb.
6. The child is overexcited and does not want to sleep. This happens when there are guests at home. The emotions received by the child during communication do not allow him to sleep peacefully, and whims may begin.

Bathing before bed, a light massage, rocking in a crib or stroller, an evening walk, breastfeeding at night, a pacifier, a pleasant melody or a pleasant monotonous sound, hissing, rocking, a lullaby, a mobile over the crib with funny little animals and pleasant music - ways to calm down before infant sleep, mass. The same methods can be used when the baby is overtired when daytime sleep is not enough. And in order to prevent the baby’s repeated whims at night, it is necessary to establish a daily routine.

1. Sometimes babies left alone in a room can get scared. This usually happens when the mother, having safely put the baby to sleep, goes to do household chores. The child, waking up and finding no one nearby, begins to worry. To prevent whining from turning into screaming and crying, you should quickly return to the room and rock the crib or pick up the baby in your arms. Small children under 1 month especially need this.

And a couple more useful tips. Children from birth to 3 months calm down faster from techniques that remind them of intrauterine life: sucking, rocking, hissing, laying on their side in the fetal position and swaddling. And starting from three months, babies are already able to switch attention from one object to another and look at it for a long time. Colored paper, air balloons, rattles, bright pictures in a book will help him get distracted, and soon he will forget why he started this whole concert.

How to help a child with colic?

Colic is the most common reason intense, hysterical crying, when the child characteristically draws his legs in, and his tummy becomes hard and swollen. Usually observed daily in the evening, and many mothers throw up their hands, not knowing how to calm their one-month-old baby. There are several proven ways to reduce pain caused by the immaturity of the gastrointestinal tract of a newborn:

1. Lay him on his back and, using closed fingers, carefully, controlling the pressure, begin to massage the tummy clockwise, avoiding the liver and navel area.
2. Warm a clean diaper or blanket on the radiators and apply the warm side to the tummy.
3. Place your baby in the sling, exposing your belly and his, and walk around the room, humming a lullaby. Hissing softly next to a month-old baby's ear is a little unusual, but this approach may remind him of the sounds of his mother's blood flow and breathing when he was still in her belly.

If no conservative methods have helped, and you do not know how to calm and put a newborn baby to sleep, you can seek help from a pediatrician who will prescribe medications that are safe for infants against excessive gas formation: Espumisan in the form of a suspension, Plantex or fennel-based tea.

And you should definitely reconsider your diet: it is possible that the child reacts to certain foods that are best excluded for a while.

How to calm your baby if he is sick?

If the above reasons are excluded one after another, but the crying does not stop, it is worth paying attention to whether there are any additional symptoms indicating the onset of the disease: fever, inflamed mucous membranes, rash on the face or body. Three things most often cause concern:

1. Teeth cutting. Pain in the gums can be relieved by a cooled soft gel ring, as well as special painkillers to relieve itching, approved at this age: Kalgel or Dentinox-N. You need to wrap a clean finger with sterile gauze and apply a little product to the inflamed gums.
2. Hysterical incessant crying is characteristic of otitis media, when the remains breast milk or mixtures enter the ear canals and cause inflammation in the ear. The pain in this case can be so severe that small children refuse to breastfeed because... the sucking process causes them an attack of pain. Try pressing the tragus with your finger: if the child jerks his head back and screams, this is a serious reason to urgently consult a doctor. To relieve pain, you can give Nurofen children's syrup according to the dosage indicated on the package.
3. The period after vaccination is often accompanied by pain; hyperemia and swelling may be observed at the injection site, which affects the well-being of the infant. To help him cope with the pain, you can give him Nurofen and Fenistil antihistamine drops the day before, on the day of vaccination and the day after it.

Remember, all medications and doses are prescribed strictly by the pediatrician: independence in these matters is not encouraged.

Often mothers, in despair that they cannot cope with their children’s daily tantrums, begin to look for the reason within themselves. There is no need to do this: sooner or later you will definitely learn to understand your baby.

Ekaterina Rakitina

Dr. Dietrich Bonhoeffer Klinikum, Germany

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Eco-friendly parenting: If a child runs around the apartment non-stop, screams in a voice that is not his own, rolls on the floor, makes chaotic movements with his arms and legs and does not hear at all what you are saying to him - catch him, hug him and in a quiet voice invite him to play.

How to calm a child

If a child rushes around the apartment without stopping, screams in a voice that is not his own, rolls on the floor, makes chaotic movements with his arms and legs and does not hear at all what you say to him - catch him, hug him and in a quiet voice offer to play.

©Julie Blackmon

So, here are 20 ways to calm a raging child:

1. Ask your child to remember how a cow, frog, or dog screams. Or show your hand, nose, knee. For an older child, ask them to count from 1 to 20, and then from 20 to 1.

2. Freeze and die. There are many variations of this game. For example, on the command “Day” the child jumps and plays. And on command “Night” pretends to be asleep. Or let the baby imagine that he is a mouse and runs and plays until you say “The cat is coming!” Instead of a verbal command, you can give a sound command - clap your hands or ring a bell. With older children, play “The Sea Is Troubled.”

3. Calm storm. A variation of the previous game. It does not require complete freezing, but “calm” is quiet, smooth movements, a whisper. I don’t think there’s any need to explain what a storm is.

4. Agree with your baby that as soon as you press on his nose, he will immediately “turn off.” You can expand on this idea by drawing a remote control (or use an unwanted TV remote). Press the button on the remote control and say: “reducing the volume (turning off the sound, turning on slow motion).” Let the child follow commands.

5. Invite your child to imagine that he is a tiger on the hunt. He must sit motionless in ambush for a long time, and then jump and catch someone. Or, together with your child, catch imaginary butterflies, which you need to slowly and very quietly creep up to. Under some playful pretext, hide together under the blanket and sit there quietly.

6. Invite your child to imagine himself as a whale. Let him take a deep breath and dive into the depths. The whale can be given instructions to swim to different continents or look for something at the bottom.

7. Ask the child to close his eyes (if he agrees, cover his eyes with a handkerchief) and sit still, waiting for a certain signal. For example, when the bell rings for the third time. Or ask your child to do something with his eyes closed (build a pyramid, put a car on the windowsill, collect cubes from the floor).

8. Ask your child to perform a difficult movement that requires concentration.(run your finger through the drawn labyrinth, drive the car by the rope between the pins). Promise a prize for completion.

9. Try an exercise for alternating tension and relaxation. For example, you can move a sofa that is obviously too heavy to lift, and then fall and rest. Or invite your child to imagine that his and your palms are snowflakes. Let the snowflakes fall smoothly to the ground. And then take imaginary snow from the ground and forcefully clench your hands into fists (make snowballs).

10. Offer a game. You say a word, and the child tries to pronounce this word louder than you. And then, on the contrary, ask the baby to speak more quietly than you.

11. Take a sheet or thin blanket and swaddle the “baby” tightly. The age of the child does not matter, but it is important that he likes this game. You can pick him up, rock him, sing a song.

12. Take a napkin (or a piece of wood) and throw it up. Tell your child that while the napkin falls, you need to laugh as loudly as possible. But as soon as it falls, you should immediately shut up. Play together with your child.

13. It’s better to teach your child even when he’s still very young that when you open your arms, he’ll run into your arms.(I know, many parents do this). If this hug is pleasant, by 3-5 years the habit will remain. Therefore, spread your arms and when the child comes running to you, hug him tightly and hold the hug for a few seconds.

14. Encourage your baby to run and jump, but at the same time constantly perform some simple movement. For example, keep connected index fingers or rotate with your hand.

15. Sew a bag the size of your palm and pour 3-4 tablespoons of sand or cereal into it. Invite your child to run, jump and have fun while holding this bag on his head. Promise him something nice (treat him with something, play or read) if the bag does not fall until the timer rings (depending on age, the time period is 1-5 minutes).

16. Offer the game “Captain and the Ship”. The captain must give commands (“Right”, “Left”, “Straight”), and the ship must strictly follow them. For an older child, you can choose a goal (for example, swim to the hallway) and place obstacles in the room (skittles, Stuffed Toys). The child can choose any of the roles.

17. Block the road or grab a child running around the apartment. To pass (free) he must answer a question that requires concentration (For example, name a sea animal, count the number of windows in an apartment, or come up with five words starting with the letter “A”).

18. Ask your child to squat down and pretend that he is a ball. Lightly tap the top of the head and let the baby bounce. Speed ​​up and slow down the clapping, making sure your baby jumps at the pace you set.

19. Ask the baby running around the apartment to carry out your tasks(jump three times, run to the kitchen and back twice, jump off the couch four times). It is important that the active task is combined with the need to keep count of actions. For each completed task, draw a flower or a car in your child’s album.

20. Invite your child to repeat all words and actions after you. Start showing fast, jerky movements or shout loudly. Gradually move to calmer, smoother movements and quiet speech. In addition to achieving an immediate effect, these games will also help the baby learn to control himself. Do not forget that it is also important for parents to be patient and not lose composure, since the child takes an example from you and feels and reflects your own state. published . If you have any questions about this topic, ask them to the experts and readers of our project .

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consumption, we are changing the world together! © econet