Nika, good afternoon.

What exactly were you afraid of and what do you mean by the concept of virginity?

You write:

We drank some tea and talked. Then they played something out and switched to intimacy. The guy is also 16, but because of his lustful nature, he likes to do everything rough. I love it too. But the fact is that there was no such thing as sexual intercourse.

The very phenomenon of preserving the hymen is often given excessive importance, although in essence it is just a thin strip or several fused strips shallowly at the entrance to the vagina. They may initially be almost invisible and at the beginning sex life not even tear, but pull back. Tearing of these pieces of skin can occur at any age from strong jumping, playing sports, riding a bicycle, or the very careful hygiene approach of an overzealous girl.

If you look at the issue of virginity more broadly, then you are no longer a virgin, since you are sexually active. Sex is not only the penetration of the male genital organ into a woman’s vagina, but also oral caresses, mutual touching of intimate parts of the body and other ways of obtaining sexual pleasure. So, if you and a young man exchange affection, then you are essentially no longer a virgin in the full sense of the word. The same applies to sex: masturbation, which many children have been doing since kindergarten.

It is clear that you are afraid of your strict mother, but it is not clear how exactly she can find out that the hymen is broken, even if this is the case.

1. The hymen itself could stretch a little, but it was preserved.

2. The only way to be sure of this is to examine the internal structure of the vagina. This examination can be carried out either by a doctor at your own request, or by you yourself. No one else has the right to do this, especially by force. Mom also has no right to go with you to the gynecologist’s office and demand examination results from him without your consent either. I hope she's not doing an inspection. Otherwise, you have the right to seek help from a lawyer or social worker, since these actions may be regarded as violence, including sexual violence and humiliation.

Nika, if you value your virginity so much, then be careful and know how to stop the impulses of your suitors. If you yourself want to receive sexual pleasure, then you don’t have to lie to yourself and honestly admit that you like it regardless of your mother’s requirements. Whether to have sex or not is your responsibility, and you shouldn’t expect guys or other people to protect what belongs to you.

No external changes occur in girls when the hymen is broken. Most likely your mother is afraid of an unwanted pregnancy, which could occur and radically change your whole life.

Anastasia Biryukova, Gestalt therapist in St. Petersburg, Skype from anywhere in the world

Good answer 17 Bad answer 3

Hello. I'm afraid to go to the doctor even though it's not my first time. I'm 19 years old and I'm a virgin. Although for some time I had doubts. I have with ex-boyfriend There was penetration, but it was incomplete. There was no pain, but there was a little blood. Could he have taken my virginity? And how to correctly explain this situation to the doctor. I'm ashamed. Please tell me.

Yulia Bloshchanenko, Vladivostok

ANSWERED: 07/29/2016

Hello, no need to explain anything. This is not why you go to the doctor. Perhaps there was a partial rupture of the hymen.

Based on your description, I think you may have lost your virginity. But there is no need to be afraid and make excuses before the gynecologist.

Clarification question

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All girls try to remember their first sex. It is very important for them how they lost their virginity, where it happened, with whom. Many people want to share pleasant rather than negative emotions. Therefore, they try to gather as much information as possible about at what age it is better to lose their virginity, where it can be done more romantically.

Many men want to deflower as many young beauties as possible. Experienced partners understand that there can be no trifles in this matter. Everything is important: the environment, the mood, the preparation, the manner of behavior and communication. And you shouldn’t believe any stories about deflowering.

How to properly deflower a girl: truth and myths

We propose to dispel the misconceptions that many girls and boys live in:

• Myth No. 1. Optimal age for "entry into adult life" - 13-14 years old. Are you interested in an honest answer to the question “At what age is the best time to lose your virginity?” Remember: there is no good age for first sex. But from the point of view of the maturity of the body, it is advisable to wait until the 18th birthday.
• Myth No. 2. For the first sex, you need to find an adult man. In fact, there is nothing mandatory in choosing a partner. Of course, it’s more calm and comfortable with an experienced man.
• Myth No. 3. All girls who decide to lose their virginity must be prepared for pain and significant blood loss. During defloration there is not always bloody discharge, sometimes it is completely absent. As for painful sensations, it should be noted that with strong excitement they are insignificant.
• Myth No. 4. With each new year, the hymen becomes thicker. In reality this is not the case. Its density, like its structure, depends solely on the characteristics of the organism.
• Myth No. 5. Using a condom causes more pain. This is stupidity, especially since modern contraceptives are produced with lubricant. First sex, like any other, should be safe.

It is important to remember that a girl’s attitude towards sex and men depends on the emotions that first sex evokes. Therefore, they should be especially pleasant and positive.

How to lose your virginity without pain and fear

At what age is it normal to lose your virginity? This is not the only question that puzzles young creatures. The first sex is always associated with fear of pain. But you can get rid of worries and worries if you carry out the appropriate preparation. Tips for getting rid of fear and pain before first sexual intercourse:

1. Do not drink strong alcohol on such a significant day. To relax, you can sip a little wine or champagne.
2. Think in advance where the fateful meeting will take place. All attributes, from the bed to towels for the bathroom, should be prepared in advance.
3. Stock up on condoms. They will protect you from STIs and unwanted pregnancy.
4. Buy a special lubricant that will relieve vaginal dryness and reduce the likelihood of pain.
5. Agree with your partner about foreplay. You might want to play a sex game.

Responsible approach to preparation, thinking through everything before the smallest details will allow you to relax and concentrate on sexual intercourse. If a girl feels aroused, she will not have to experience pain. Sometimes the rupture of the hymen is compared to an injection. Therefore, as soon as you decide to say goodbye to innocence, not only ask yourself the question “at what age is the best age to lose your virginity,” but also study how best to prepare for intercourse. And the main key to success in first sex lies in complete trust in your partner.

Choosing a position for painless deflowering

Having firmly decided at what age it is better to lose your virginity forever, you can move on to choosing a suitable position. There are postures that make it easier for the penis to penetrate the vagina and, accordingly, reduce pain. The most comfortable positions for a girl to relax are:

• "Rider". The guy lies on his back, the girl sits on him, and herself controls the penetration of the phallus.
• "Missionary" Classic version: the man is on top, she is on the bottom on the back. The main thing here is to trust your partner.
• "Spoon". The girl lies on her side in a bent state, the guy penetrates her from behind, slightly raising his leg.
• "Doggy style". The virgin stands on all fours, and her partner enters her from behind.

The choice of pose depends on the personal preferences of young people. The last position is considered the most difficult, and the most common is missionary. You can always experiment. The main thing is not to get carried away with games. After all, the main goal is to choose a position in which the tear of the hymen will occur as quickly and painlessly as possible. In any case, the presented poses will be useful to you in your future sexual life. By following the advice outlined above, you can “cross the threshold” of intimate relationships almost painlessly. Congratulations to you!

The most mysterious and intimate area of ​​human life is sex, and the issue in this regard has no equal. If inaccuracies and controversial issues constantly pop up in the topic of female virginity, which has long been studied and retold a thousand times, then what can we say about virginity among guys? The topic of the innocence of boys is surrounded by a large number of guesses and inaccuracies, which are associated with both the physical condition of the guy and the moral one. And therefore, in order to understand what virginity is for guys, how they lose it, and whether they lose it in principle, you need to take a closer look at psychological state virgin boys.

The difference between boys' and girls' virginity

For a girl, virginity is a matter of her honor. For centuries, girls have been taught to preserve their virginity for a single man. And therefore, girls have developed an ideology according to which she can and should give her honor only to a man who is not indifferent and dear to her. Girls cherish their innocence as something sacred, they are proud of it. By giving herself to a man, a girl gives as a gift one of her most precious assets - her virginity.

Guys, unlike girls, on the contrary, tend to get rid of the “title” as quickly as possible, and innocence itself is not a value for them. It doesn’t matter to them with whom and where this first sexual experience will be had, it is more important that it happens as early as possible.
But that doesn't mean guys don't lose their virginity, they don't.

Guys' virginity is not physically marked in any way, but psychologically they experience a huge amount of emotions. Such a feature as virginity oppresses guys from the very beginning of puberty. In the period before sexual activity, boys constantly worry about the fact that they are still virgins. Therefore, having lost his virginity, a huge psychological burden is removed from a guy, which to one degree or another made his life difficult - this is considered the loss of innocence in boys.

Myths and reality

The first most common myth is that boys lose their virginity much earlier than girls. In fact, most often guys have their first sexual experience between the ages of 16 and 19. So why did such a myth appear? Everything is explained by the psychology of virgin boys. As is already known, boys strive to quickly get rid of innocence, at least in words. Therefore, a lot of little 13-year-old womanizers appear, telling about their sexual adventures to their peers, who, in turn, continue to spread this information to other acquaintances. This is exactly how this myth came about.

The second myth is the statement: if a guy is a guy, then he is definitely ugly. This opinion appeared, most likely, due to skin rashes and acne on the faces of guys in adolescence. But absolutely all boys go through this stage, and it is simply impossible to tell which of them is a virgin and which is no longer a virgin.

The third myth is based on the opinion that it hurts just as much as it hurts girls. This is an absolute lie! Guys' virginity is not physically marked in any way. This fact has been proven many times by experts in this field.

And finally, the fourth myth about guys’ virginity is that a guy’s first sexual intercourse lasts a few seconds. In fact, deflowering boys can take several hours. The reason for this is the psychological pressure experienced by a guy at the time of his first sexual experience. A man in bed must play an active role, as it is established in their upbringing, so an inexperienced virgin will experience constant discomfort and fear of making a bunch of mistakes in front of his partner. Such a moral burden can slow down the whole process or completely discourage the guy.

Thus, it is clear that boys lose their virginity in the same way as girls, only it happens differently and a different nature is at the heart of this process.

Virginity is, in a general sense, the physical and mental state of a girl, and young man before the start of sexual intercourse. In medicine, virginity is considered to be the presence of a hymen in a girl. The hymen is a small fold of the vaginal mucosa, it is located between the labia majora and minora. The fold itself is elastic and contains muscle fibers, nerves and blood vessels.

Ways to lose your virginity

1. A girl can deprive herself of her hymen. Nowadays, during menstruation, most girls use tampons. They are one of the most convenient hygiene products. But virgins should use them carefully, as a tampon can cause you to lose your virginity. We must remember that there is a small special hole in the hymen; it is through it that women’s discharge passes. In addition to all this, it can stretch, since it itself is elastic. But for each female representative it stretches in its own way - for some it is better, for others it is worse. So some people may have their hymen break when using a tampon, but others may not.
2. People masturbate to achieve orgasm. Is it possible to lose your virginity by masturbation? By masturbating very intensely, a girl may well deprive herself of her virginity. But it all depends on how she masturbates. Since the hymen is located at a depth of 3 - 4 cm from the entrance. To make sure whether you lost your virginity through masturbation, you just need to see a gynecologist.
3. The most terrible process is that many modern girls are afraid of the first sexual intercourse, since there must be blood and unbearable terrible pain. Girls, you can lose your virginity without blood. In some people, the hymenal tear is weak due to the location of the blood vessels and there may not be any bleeding the first time. There are cases that the hymen may be absent or not developed, so only a gynecologist can identify it.

Our science has reached the point that it is possible to restore the hymen through surgery. So in our time it is possible to lose your “virginity” twice.