Almost all parents know how to dress, feed and provide care, but no one gives advice to parents about raising children, so dad and mom raise their children the best they know how. Of course, there are parents who read a lot of relevant literature, where psychologists talk about parenting and teach the ability to communicate with a child, but, unfortunately, not every mother and father can find time to read books.
How to help parents who know little about raising children, who don’t know how to be strict and kind at the same time, how to become a close friend to their child without losing authority, here are the most important tips for parents that will help in raising children:
Never try to raise a child if you are in a bad mood. Remember, only your positive mood will help establish close contact with your child.
Education should be gradual. Raise the bar in a timely manner, but gradually.
Remember that children are our reflection. They take our example and act most often as we act in our lives.
To successfully communicate with a child, use only the form of an emotional, vibrant and confidential conversation. Speech can be strict, but in no case harsh or rude. Only a calm and trusting tone can convey to the child the thoughts and demands of the parents.
Become a close friend for your child who, in the right situation, will give practical advice and will not condemn his action.
Teach him to love himself and the people around him. This will make him a confident person and help him communicate with others.
Learn to be strict, but kind at the same time. If you always show love towards your child and scold him only when it is really necessary, this will certainly give results in your upbringing.
Teach him the ability to defend his principles in life.
Always listen to your child carefully, looking into his eyes, only then will he feel that his problems and inner state really concern you.
Try to spend as much free time as possible with your child so that he always feels needed and loved.
Never break up after quarreling with your child, first make peace, and then go about your business.
Always praise him for being at home at the moment and then he will always rush home, feeling needed.
Always tell him that he is very good, but not better than others, so that he does not grow up to be overly proud and hypocritical.
Consider his opinion and choice. Never criticize him, even if you don't completely agree with him.
Teach him to be responsible for his actions. Always evaluate his actions, but in no case himself, and if he does not understand something, point out his mistake, telling him what you would do in his place, leaving the right of choice and decision-making to him.
Never remember the mistakes he has already made. Everything that was supposed to remain in the past.
Do not give him ultimatums, do not lecture him, do not allow evil ridicule or comparisons that could humiliate or hurt him.
If you are disappointed or offended by his behavior, tell him so. But don’t focus on his behavior, just tell him about your feelings.
Reduce excessive control as much as possible, as this rarely leads to success.
Don't place high expectations on him that he can't justify. First, clearly define for yourself what you specifically want from your child, and then be sure to find out what he wants himself, and try to agree on the fundamental and most important points.
In conversations, avoid verbosity so as not to lose the main meaning of the conversation.
Your suggestion should be of a subtle, varied and consistent influence on the child.
Always talk to him as to an adult, without an abundance of diminutive words.
In disputes, if possible, give in so that the child does not feel that he is eternally wrong, by doing this you will teach the child to give in and admit defeats and mistakes.
Love him not for his intelligence, talent, beauty or giftedness, but simply for the fact that he is!
Remember that you need to be sure to instill the three most important qualities: resourcefulness, respect and responsibility. Remember that successful people become those people who never lose heart, treat the people around them with respect and know how to be responsible for their actions.
Of course, it’s easy to give advice to parents about raising children, but it’s quite difficult to implement it, but if you really want to raise a kind, good, responsible, loving and successful person, then you need to try to do everything possible so that you never regret your “blunders” in upbringing, but only be proud of your child.
Love and take care of your children!
Yurkevich Margarita Igorevna
Educational psychologist
MBDOU Kindergarten No. 40 “Friendship”,
Stavropol Territory, Pyatigorsk
Draw up and hang in a visible place the rules of behavior in your family. Develop them with other family members and your child. Rules can be abstract (“behave well”), but it is better if they are concrete (e.g. “don’t say bad words”). Familiarize your child with the rules.
If the rules are not followed, punishment will follow. Punishment should not be physical! This may be depriving the child of certain benefits or the “time-out rule” works well. If you see that a child is “overflowing”, then first there is a warning. If he breaks the rule(s), then he is taken to the “place for naughty people”, and they explain why he is punished and how long he will stay here. If the child screams, spits, etc., ignore him. No need for unnecessary words! Remain calm and equanimous. After the punishment time has passed, go up to the child and ask: “Does he know why he ended up here?”(answer). "I'd like you to apologize."
Compliance with the rules is strictly for all family members. The best way To teach something is to show it by example.
Punishment follows immediately after the offense. Do not use the words: “Now I’ll show you...” followed by nothing.
Always follow a clear routine and routine on weekdays and weekends, under any circumstances.
If a child calls you names, then this should be included in the rules - prohibitions, if violated -> punishment or ignore the child, telling him that if he says or thinks so, then “I don’t want to communicate with you.”
If a child is capricious and throws a tantrum, then:
a) hug him, holding him close and calming him down, verbalizing his emotions (“I know you’re angry because...”)
b) leave the child in a safe place, depriving him of spectators.
8. Don’t scold, but criticize your child! This means saying to a child’s misdeed not “you’re a bad boy (girl),” but “you’re good, but now you did something bad.”
9. Praise your child whenever possible and encourage his good behavior.
10. Teach your child to be independent. Distribute responsibilities in the family. Let everyone have their own “work front”. And the child does what he can, participates in the discussion of family problems.
11. Give your child the right to choose and listen to his opinion.
12. Adhere to a single parenting style in the family.
13. Don’t give your child “loopholes” in upbringing. He shouldn't see:
a) that mom and dad say and demand one thing, but do another;
b) that mom and dad have different views on education or that grandparents interfere in the process;
c) that today it is impossible, but tomorrow it is possible;
d) today this is followed by punishment, but tomorrow not;
e) today there is a regime, but tomorrow suddenly there is no regime.
14. Spend time with your child fruitfully - reading, discussing cartoons, playing, joint activities.
15. If a child shows aggression, then look for the roots of the problem. More often than not, problems lie in imitation of our behavior or the behavior of cartoon or game characters. Correct this area. No violence, either in life or on screen. Teach kindness, replace games and cartoons with alternative activities: reading, modeling, games, drawing.
16. Give vent to aggression in the form of outdoor games, sports, and art.
17. Don’t sort things out in front of your child!
18. Always voice your emotions (“I’m angry with you,” “I’m unhappy with you,” “I’m offended,” “I’m proud of you”) and teach your child the same.
19. Know the “sharp corners” in communication with your child and try to smooth them out. Anticipate the “moment of explosion.” Nip bad behavior in the bud.
20. If you feel like you are ready to explode, stop and count to 10. Know how to admit your mistakes, know how to apologize to your child and he will learn to admit where he was wrong. Talk to each other about everything and repeat often that you love your child.
Parents should have no doubt that their child, like all other children, is unique. But at the same time, he is not an exact copy of one of the parents. Therefore, it is unreasonable to demand that he implement the life program invented by his parents and achieve the goals they set. Let the child live his life himself, find his place in it, become himself with all his advantages and disadvantages. You need to accept him for who he is and look more at his strengths.
What should parents do and shouldn't do when raising children?
- You should not hide your love for him from your child; he must understand that parental love will accompany him under any circumstances.
- You can safely take your baby on your lap, hug, kiss and look into his eyes whenever he wants. Affection is good encouragement.
- But love should not turn into uncontrolled permissiveness. Therefore, it is necessary to define clear boundaries and taboos, but there should not be too many of them. But the established prohibitions must be followed strictly.
- You should not rush into punishments, but it is better to influence the child through requests. If disobedience is shown, you should first make sure that the request corresponds to the capabilities and age of the child.
- If a child openly demonstrates disobedience, then it is time to think about punishment, the severity of which should correspond to the severity of the offense, and the child must understand why he is being punished.
- The easiest way to find the key to a child is through play, when you can transfer knowledge, skills and concepts about many values. The game makes it easier for adults and children to understand each other.
- You need to talk to your child more often and explain the reasons for restrictions and prohibitions. Let him learn to express his experiences verbally, analyze his behavior and the behavior of other people.
- Using their love, tact and wisdom, parents can best preserve their child’s mental health.
- A child learns to communicate with people from adults, who are for him a scale, a measure, criteria for evaluating himself and others. Entering the world of peers and adults, the child begins by judging the world with an eye to the laws taught to him by adults.
- It is important to understand that the way adults treat a child not only affects the latter’s behavior, but also his mental health. If the child is not confident in the positive attitude of the adult towards himself or is even confident in the negative assessment of the themes of his personality, then this causes suppressed aggression.
- You cannot raise a child while in a bad mood.
- When raising a child, you need to give him independence, and not control his every step. Education cannot be replaced by close care. After all, adults themselves do not like it when people interfere in their affairs, delve into little things, and impose ready-made solutions, and children are like that. However, they do not yet have enough experience, therefore, when they try to achieve everything on their own, they still need the help of adults, but unobtrusive, tactful and moderate.
- The child should clearly explain what is required of him and at the same time ask what he thinks about it. Since children will inevitably have their own path in life, different from that of their parents, they do not necessarily want the same things as their ancestors.
- It is more important to evaluate not a person, but an action. This is where the most serious parenting mistakes most often occur. One should say “you did bad” when assessing an action, but instead they often say “you are bad” when assessing the child’s personality.
- It would be more accurate to show the way to solve the problem, rather than suggest the solution itself. From time to time, together with your child, you need to analyze his false and correct paths to achieving his goal.
Creating a favorable atmosphere in the family
Nurturing hard work
The child needs to be encouraged more often for initiative, independence, and work well done, and in case of failure, not to be irritated, but to explain patiently again. It is useful to involve him in family affairs and teach him to complete the work he has begun. In a family, everyone, including children, should have their own responsibilities. Labor should not serve as a punishment.
Cultivating Kindness
Human life is spent in communication. For a child to grow up kind, there must be a lot of joy in his communication with adults, in joint work, play, rest, and learning. Kindness begins with love for nature in general and all living things in particular. The child needs to be taught not to be indifferent and angry. You need to show love and exactingness to your child at the same time. Adults themselves must do good deeds and be able to control themselves, because children learn all this from them.
Adults must remember that children, under the influence of the experience of communicating with them, form self-esteem and the assessment of other people, and at the same time another important feature- sympathy for other people, the ability to experience other people's joys and sorrows as if they were your own. Communicating with adults, the child understands for the first time that in addition to his own, it is important to take into account the point of view of other people. The manifestation of pedagogical authoritarianism during informal communication with children gives rise to a lack of independence in them, an inability to express their opinion and defend it. When communicating with a child, you need to forget that only the words of adults contain the truth, because in the process of communication you need to understand your opponent and identify yourself with him.
In light of the above, the following tips for parents on raising children should be helpful:
- Parents should think about what difficulties their child faces when transitioning from junior classes to average. If he asks for help with his homework, you cannot refuse it. But you shouldn’t do everything instead of him, but with him, thereby teaching him to be independent.
- We need to help a fifth grader learn the names of all the teachers in different subjects.
- You cannot speak negatively in the presence of a child about his school and teachers, even if there is a reason for doing so. It is better to deal with the problem without him, having the teacher as an ally.
- You need to provide your child with an age-appropriate daily routine and comfortable workplace in his room.
- A teenager should have emotional comfort at home, for which you need to be able to communicate with him.
- Any achievement of a child should be rejoiced, but he should not be compared with other schoolchildren. The assessment should be given to the child’s actions, and not to the child himself.
- It is necessary to invariably greet the child kindly, in what form, when and from where he returns home.
- It is useful for parents to read books on educational topics and remember that being a parent is a natural human state, and not a profession or duty.
- If you have to scold a child, then only not with the words “You are always...”, “You are always...”, because the child is always and in general good and only at the moment did something wrong, which should be pointed out to him.
- Having quarreled with a child, you must reconcile with him, and only then can you leave him and go to another room.
- It is necessary to ensure that the child is attached to the home.
- Children miss the existing communication with their parents, so it is useful to read an interesting book out loud with them, thanks to which spiritual communication will become richer.
- If a parent feels wrong in a dispute, then he should be able to admit it, so that the child himself learns to admit defeats, mistakes and give in.
- You need to encourage the teenager, which gives him confidence. But in cases where he is wrong, there is no need to be shy and criticize him. Criticism and praise need to be combined.
- There are important qualities that parents should instill in their children - responsibility and respect.
Is parental anxiety good or bad?
Anxiety is a feature of the human psyche, when in different life situations a person tends to experience anxiety.
Time flies extremely quickly, and soon your child will become a first-grader. Is he ready for school? How much knowledge should a preschooler have by this time? What is more important: knowledge or psychological readiness? There are a lot of questions!
All preschool children are different. Some go to kindergarten, learn letters and numbers, and attend classes with a speech therapist and psychologist. Others have never been to the garden, and their social circle is limited to the parents and children of their friends. Still others, without attending kindergarten, manage to study in various centers early development, circles and sections. Whichever of these categories your child belongs to, if there is at least six months left before school, then everything can be fixed!
Psychological aspectRecommendations from psychologists to parents of preschoolers very often boil down to the fact that the main criteria are the ability to concentrate attention for more than 30 minutes, as well as perseverance. If in kindergarten children are familiar with the rules of conduct during classes, then for children who preschool institutions do not attend, sitting at a desk for more than 15-20 minutes is a difficult ordeal. Even the most interesting topic is not able to hold the attention of a preschooler for more than 10-15 minutes. The best solution is to attend short-term groups at school. Unfortunately, such groups do not exist in every school. If you do not have the opportunity to enroll your child in an early development center, then arrange impromptu lessons at home. Instruct your child, for example, to draw a picture, but try to make sure that while drawing he does not get distracted and sits in one place. Another piece of advice for parents of preschoolers: when studying at home, try to make sure your child does what you assign him, and not what he wants. That is, let him draw a tree, as you said, and not a typewriter or the sun.
Do not forget that most mothers do not have special education, so many things necessary to prepare for school may be missed.
Important skillsThese qualities are no less important for a preschooler than knowledge of letters and numbers. A child must be able to take care of himself: comb his hair, dress, and seek advice from adults. In addition, at this age, children have information about their place of residence, surname, names of parents and place of their work, seasons, age.
Before school, parents should take care of... Such “training” is best done in the form of exciting games. Count birds and people on a walk, pay attention to the colors of cars, and at home, after a walk, ask your child how many white cars, for example, he saw. Reading and memorizing poems is great, and if the child knows a lot of them by heart, ask them to recite a poem on a specific topic (about mom, about friends, etc.).
In the memo for parents of preschoolers, attention should also be paid to the development of the child’s logic. To do this, you can use a series of pictures or figures, where one or two elements will be superfluous (a vegetable among fruits 
or a living creature among objects).
EXPLANATORY NOTE
Every year in our groups kindergarten monitoring of the level of development of children, the readiness of children to study at school is carried out, one of the main tasks of which is to obtain more complete information about the individual characteristics of the development of each child and the group as a whole. Based on these data, we are developing recommendations for educators and parents to optimize the process of raising and developing children.
The selection of recommendations is justified by an analysis of the results of “Psychological and pedagogical diagnostics of the development of children of early and preschool age” edited by E.A. Strebeleva, during which it was revealed that the most “weak points”, i.e. Those qualitative characteristics of mental development that in most pupils do not correspond to the age norm are the low level of development of auditory and visual attention, memory, thinking and speech, as well as the low level of development of fine motor skills.
We invite you, dear parent,
holding your baby's hand,
climb these together
magical steps up.
Don't forget to bring your game with you
(after all, your child is still a preschooler, and you and I know that the development of a preschooler child occurs best in the form of play), good mood, and most importantly, the joy of communicating with your “child”!!!
Good luck on your journey!!!
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN KNOWING HOW YOU CAN DEVELOP ATTENTION??? Can:
●Develop auditory attention through exercises and games to develop attention, widely presented in the literature for teachers and parents.
●Change forms of activity frequently. During school lessons, children will be required to quickly switch attention from one activity to another. This property of attention can be formed with the help of motor exercises. The child must begin, perform and finish his actions at the command of an adult, quickly moving from one type of movement to another: jumping, stopping, walking, etc.
●Use game elements in joint activities.
●Teach children to recite the game instructions several times. Use didactic games with clearly defined rules.
●Observe with children more often and discuss what they hear and see.
●Help the child develop the skill of consciously directing attention to certain objects and phenomena.
●Help the child develop the skill of managing attention in accordance with the goal. Regularly include in children's activities the completion of tasks according to a pre-developed action plan: you can make constructions from construction sets, drawings, ornaments, appliqués, crafts, the shape of which you specify verbally or using a diagram.
●Train children in retelling stories and fairy tales according to a schematic plan drawn up by you.
●Teach children to focus on a specific activity, concentrate their attention on it, without being distracted. Include in your interaction with children games and exercises that require quite a long concentration: draw a city, build a complex bridge, listen to and retell a fairy tale, etc.
●Create means - stimuli that will organize the child’s attention.
●To develop attention, use games with rules and dramatization games.
●Offer children:
– repeat words, numbers, sentences spoken by you;
– unfinished phrases that need to be completed;
– questions that need to be answered, encouraging those children who try to answer them more often.
●Offer to compare, analyze a sample and the results of your own or someone else’s work, find and correct errors.
Can be used
games and exercises that help develop attention:
●“Don’t say yes or no. Don’t wear white or black.” (The adult asks the child questions. The child answers them, but should not name forbidden colors or say “yes” and “no.”)
●Games - puzzles.
●Riddles.
●"Find the differences."
●"Find two identical objects."
● “Be careful” (performing gymnastic exercises on a verbal command).
● “Magic word” (the adult shows the exercises, and the child repeats them only if the adult says: “Please!”).
● “Where was that” (the child remembers the objects lying on the table; the child turns away, the adult moves the objects; the child indicates what has changed).
● “Name what you see” (the child must name as many objects in the room as possible in one minute).
●Game “Dwarfs and Giants” (the child must listen to the adult’s verbal instructions, not paying attention to his actions).
●Exercise: in the newspaper, in old book on one of the pages, cross out all the letters “a” with a pencil, trying not to miss them (the task can be gradually made more difficult by asking the child to cross out all the letters “a”, circle all the letters “k”, underline all the letters “o”).
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN KNOWING HOW YOU CAN DEVELOP THINKING AND SPEECH???
Can
●First of all, through didactic games and exercises to develop the ability to:
––compose a group of individual items;
––identify objects according to their purpose, according to their characteristic features;
– classify objects and generalize them according to their characteristic features or purpose;
– understand the meaning of a literary work; reproduce the content of the text in the correct sequence using questions;
––compare objects;
– correlate the schematic image with real objects;
––draw independent conclusions;
– answer questions, make conclusions;
––establish cause-and-effect relationships.
●Use tasks more often on:
––comparing a pair of objects or phenomena - finding similarities and differences between them;
– finding an “extra” word or image that is not connected by a common feature with the others;
––folding a whole from parts (cut pictures);
– sequential arrangement of pictures and composing a story based on them;
– awareness of patterns (consider an ornament, a pattern, continue it);
– tasks for intelligence, logical reasoning, etc.
●Promote knowledge of properties various materials, their functional potential, the creation of images, models of real objects through visual arts(sculpting, appliqué, drawing, etc.).
●Promote understanding of the content of life situations, imitation and playback of them, replacing some objects with others.
●To develop thinking, use fairy tales, sayings, metaphors, and figurative comparisons.
●Teach the child to identify and connect those aspects of the situation, properties of objects and phenomena that are essential for solving the task.
●Promote the development of the ability to move on to solving problems in the mind.
●Create a complex environment so that the child can interact with different objects.
●Expand children’s horizons, their basic ideas about natural and social phenomena, accumulate children’s knowledge and impressions by discussing with them the books they have read and analyzing people’s behavior.
Can be used
games and exercises that promote thinking development:
●“Lay out the pictures” (learn to take into account the sequence of events).
●“Word endings” (learn to finish a word using the initial syllable).
● “Find an extra object”, “Find an extra figure in a row” (learn to classify objects according to their characteristics and purpose).
● “Creative approach” (the child is shown objects that do not have a specific purpose; the child must figure out how this object can be used).
● “Antonyms” (the child is given a word, and he must name the word with the opposite meaning, for example: “heavy-light”, “strong-weak”, “light-heavy”, etc.).
●"Unicube", "Loto", "Domino", puzzles, construction sets.
●Riddles.
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN KNOWING HOW YOU CAN DEVELOP YOUR MEMORY???
Can:
●Develop the child’s skills:
– voluntarily evoke the necessary memories;
––remember the sequence of events;
– use mnemonic techniques when memorizing;
– use the image as a means of developing voluntary memory;
– repeat, comprehend, connect material for the purpose of memorization, use connections when recalling.
●To improve the memory process, develop in children the techniques of meaningful memorization and recollection, skills:
– analyze, highlight certain connections and characteristics in objects, compare objects and phenomena with each other, find similarities and differences in them;
– make generalizations, unite various subjects according to some common characteristics;
– classify objects and phenomena based on generalization;
– establish semantic connections between the presented objects for learning and surrounding objects.
●Promote the acquisition of the ability to use auxiliary means for memorization - combine a verbal explanation with a demonstration of nature or with an image of the objects or phenomena in question. Use pictures, tables, diagrams (especially for children with good visual memory).
Can be used
games and exercises that promote memory development:
● “Remember objects” (teach the child to remember and reproduce information).
●“Detective” (development of voluntary memorization; the child looks at 15 pictures for 15 minutes, after which the pictures are removed; the child must name the pictures that he remembers).
● “Pyramid” (development of short-term mechanical memory. An adult first names one word to the child, the child must immediately repeat it; then the adult names two words, the child repeats them; then the adult names three words, the child repeats, etc.).
●“What did you see on vacation?” (the adult asks the child questions about the events taking place on vacation).
● “Pathfinder” (the adult shows the child a toy and says that he will now hide it in the room; the child turns away; the adult hides the toy; the child must find it).
●“What did you have for lunch?” (the child must list everything he ate for lunch).
● “Clothes” (the child must remember in what order he dressed in the morning).
● “Draw the same one” (the child draws a simple object on a piece of paper; then the sheet is turned over, and the child must draw exactly the same object).
● “I put it in a bag” (an adult puts different objects in a bag in front of the child; the child must remember what is in the bag).
● “Short story” (adult reads a short story; child must reproduce it).
●“Tower” (the child is shown a schematic representation of a tower consisting of many geometric shapes; the child must remember these figures and name them).
● “Stick figure” (the adult lays out a stick figure; the child remembers it and lays out the same one from memory).
IT'S TIME FOR US, FRIENDS, TO LEARN HOW TO DEVELOP FINE MOTOR SKILLS!!!
1. To directly develop the muscles of the arm, for this you can:
––roll pebbles, small beads, balls with each finger in turn;
– knead the plasticine with your fingers;
– launch small tops with your fingers;
– clench and unclench your fists, while you can imagine that the fist is a flower bud (in the morning it woke up and opened, and in the evening it fell asleep - closed, hid);
– make soft fists that can be easily unclenched and into which an adult can stick his fingers; and strong ones that cannot be unclenched;
– use two fingers (index and middle) to “walk” on the table: first slowly, as if someone is sneaking, and then quickly, as if running (the exercise is carried out first with the right and then with the left hand);
––show only one finger separately - the index finger, then two - the index and middle, then three, four and five; show only one thumb separately;
– drum with all fingers of both hands on the table;
– wave only your fingers in the air;
––make “flashlights” with your hands;
– clap your hands quietly and loudly at different tempos;
––gather all the fingers into a pinch (fingers gathered together and scattered);
–– string large buttons, beads, balls onto a thread;
– wind a thin wire in a colored winding onto a reel, onto your own finger (you get a ring or a spiral);
– tie knots on a thick rope or cord;
– fasten buttons, hooks, zippers, buttons, clasps, tighten lids, wind mechanical toys with a key.
Such types of activities as visual and constructive are useful.
2. Build a graphic skill, for this you can:
––draw by points;
––draw in large squared notebooks (drawings by squares);
––hatch in different ways;
–– trace the contours of the figures.
Teacher-defectologist of group No. 1 L.P. Gnatchenko