What makes a family stronger

January 14, 2018 - 3 comments

What do people want in a couple's relationship? Be happy. Why can't everyone do this? Because not everyone knows the reasons that lead people to make mistakes in relationships. And no one knows exactly what actions can strengthen a family.

System-vector psychology shows how to strengthen relationships and what exactly makes a family stronger.

What to do to keep your family strong

Most often, when we get married because passion has flared up, we think that it will last forever. However, these are just illusions. After 2-3 years, the natural attraction in a couple ends, the passion for each other becomes weaker. Other things are already seen as more significant, for example, career, money, raising children.

Communication between husband and wife gradually comes down to discussing daily everyday details, new events, kisses become routine, and by night there is no strength or desire left for passion.

If by this time a strong emotional connection has not been created in the couple, then most likely the couple will break up, and the former spouses will comment on this as “they don’t get along,” “she (he) doesn’t understand me,” and so on.

What to do to keep the family strong and not fall apart

Due to ignorance of the laws by which our psyche works, we all make mistakes, and without knowing it, we begin to do things that destroy our families.

For a family to be strong and happy, it must have at least two components:

The presence of an emotional connection in a couple;

The ability to understand the mental characteristics of another person.

You can learn how to effectively build a strong emotional connection at Yuri Burlan’s training “System-vector psychology.”

If a couple has this connection, then from the outside it seems to others that these people simply love each other. In fact, such relationships are work.

Mental intimacy is much more strong feeling than falling in love at first. She grows, of course, on the basis of sexual attraction, but this cannot be done without a woman’s ability to evoke deep feelings in a man.

Unfortunately, many of us do not even suspect that at first glance, innocent gatherings with a friend and pouring out her soul on the topic of relationships with her man are nothing more than the creation of a sensual connection with her and the simultaneous destruction of this connection with her spouse.

Men, in turn, can also do unpleasant things. They often start, for example, an affair on the Internet with some sexy lady, complaining to her that the wife doesn’t understand, doesn’t love, and so on.

And it seems to everyone in the couple that the partner has changed, and now he no longer loves and is not loved as much as before. In fact, the natural attraction was gone, and the lovers never built an emotional connection.

Understanding the psyche of another person will help make a family stronger

Without understanding each other's mental properties, no couple will be able to withstand mutual reproaches, insults and accusations for long. And just pretend that everything is fine, for a long time it won't work either.

Understanding each other's psyche is an integral part of relationships between people in general. And in a couple it is a matter of life or death for the family. Only this can save the family, and make it stronger over the years.

People who have system-vector thinking can easily understand:

Why is your partner constantly offended?

Why does he/she always slow down when you need to do something quickly?

Why does a husband (wife) have a hundred reasons not to fulfill a request right now and postpone it until later;

Why does a partner forget important and significant events and dates?

Why is he (she) annoyed by what you like so much?

This list can be continued indefinitely.

How understanding people's psyches strengthens families

At a minimum, you begin to see your partner not as you think, but as he really is.

“... Not only is there no trace left of resentment and misunderstanding... Such unreal closeness appears in our relationship (sometimes even, after a long silence, we begin to say the same thing!))) After 20 years, we get to know each other again! Isn't this a MIRACLE?!

Sexuality? It seemed that I had no problems in this area)... But what is happening now...!!! The sensations on the physical level are brighter (many times!!!), deeper, sweeter!) You feel everything - it seems, even the movement of your partner’s thoughts... It can’t be described in words, it’s so much! And everything that happens to me happens without any mysticism or witchcraft. This is the power of AWARENESS!..”

“...We celebrate every month of our reunion and decision to build new relationships. It's already the sixth!) We're getting to know each other again, and it's great! I love my husband! I was not left without this feeling. And most of all I want to give him as much happiness as possible!!! I know that there is no limit to development and I am suffocating with anticipation))) All relationships between people are based on emotional connections…»

“... Lately, I involuntarily began to notice that the time of conversation with my wife is lengthening each time. Suddenly some little things come up - “conversational chewing gum.” I understand that this was previously alien to me - no logic, no interest. The unconscious, apparently, thus fills me with an oral vector, and I am happy that this happened. In this way, I meet my wife halfway and I think that this will only benefit our relationship...”

By following simple and true advice from psychologists, you can make your marriage happy and strong. And if everything is fine with you even without these tips, then this article caught your eye for a reason. With its help, you will learn simple truths that can be useful on your life's path.

What makes a family strong?

1. Show respect for your spouse

This is very important rule. After all, living in marriage, partners often begin to lose respect for each other. Why is this happening? Because everything has already been “captured”, the stamp stands and there is nothing to admire. This is how people are made.

It is your responsibility to respect your partner and his choices. If you are not satisfied with something, you need to speak up and put forward reasonable criticism. Then you will be heard, and your partner will take your remark into account without offense.

2. Get advice

Scandals in the family often result from the rash actions of one of the spouses. This could be buying the “wrong” household appliances or buying vacation packages without the consent of your spouse. Actions can be any, but scandals are caused by the fact that you did not consult, having decided everything for two.

A simple conversation with your spouse, suggestions and advice can save your marriage from scandal and strengthen a trusting relationship.

3. Show “weakness”

Weakness can and should be shown in some cases. For example, you argue for a long time with your husband (wife) about the correct name of the actor. The spouse insists that this is exactly how it is, but you, without knowing the name, still disagree and stand your ground. As a result, you are guaranteed a scandal out of the blue.

The fact that you do not give in in an argument and show “weakness” will not increase your happiness. Nobody says that life is built on concessions, but sometimes it is necessary. Especially in family life.

4. Don't be shy about your desires

There is a misconception among some people who are afraid or embarrassed to reveal their desires to their partner. Why then did you tie the knot? To hide your desires and look to the left?

Don't be afraid and take this issue seriously. After all, your partner is also probably full of surprises that you previously had no idea about. By revealing your “secrets,” you let a new “stream” into the usual flow of married life.

5. Start the morning with a smile and “warm” words

Partners who have been married for 3 years or more are susceptible to the syndrome of “spoiled” mood in the morning. Having risen from the bed, they walk around with a dissatisfied face and grumble. Starting the morning in this way, the day also turns into “something”.

Change everything for the better, or better yet, prevent this syndrome. Wake up with a smile, hug and kiss your partner. Let him grumble, it won't last long. “Sow” joy and love into your life in the morning.

6. Help each other

An old stereotype that a woman’s place is at the stove and a man’s place is on the sofa. Not much has changed in our time, but the fact that it is necessary to help each other was not always the case.

To live in understanding, we need to take care of each other. A man will not fall apart and fall face down in the “dirt” if he helps his wife around the house or in the kitchen. A woman will not cease to be a woman if she helps her husband, repairs a car or putty on the ceiling. Mutual assistance brings closer and strengthens marriage.

7. Talk about love

A couple who has been married for a long time slowly moves from love “twitter” to everyday “croaking”. It seems that it is even considered normal when partners are constantly unhappy with each other and say barbs. Gradually, such communication becomes the norm, between two people who once loved each other very much. Don't let this happen! Talk about love, show affection, continue the “path” of love.

You have been presented with 7 steps that will strengthen your marriage. The main thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is trust. It allows you to be honest, to love your partner for who he is, without trying to change him. Love, trust and make your marriage stronger!

The topic of our conversation today is the concept of “strong family”, what does it include?

Today, the concept of a “strong family” presupposes a family in which the full development of a mature personality occurs, capable of taking responsibility for their actions, for future offspring, honoring their parents, knowing how to love, protect, and forgive. A strong family is a family capable of creating the moral and spiritual education of the younger generation, introducing children to national traditions and culture, including the culture of family relationships. And in order to give all this to your younger generation, you need to understand on what principles a strong, friendly family is built. After all, all that we can pass on to our children is our own experience.

Of course, it’s good when you learn from the mistakes of others, it’s not bad when you learn from your own mistakes, but it’s not bad at all if the time has come when you already know everything and there’s nothing left to learn. I hope this hasn’t happened to you yet, so let’s start from the beginning.

So, you got married or got married. What's next?

Let's figure it out together with you - on what principles a strong, friendly family should be built.

So, the first aspect.

Husband and wife must understand their functions in the family. A man must be a man and understand his area of ​​responsibility, a woman must be a woman and perform the functions of a wife. First, let's look at what the responsibilities of a husband include:
1. Financial support for the family. When a man leaves the threshold of his house, his area of ​​​​responsibility begins, in other words, “hunting”.
2. Protecting your family from all dangers. Being by nature physically stronger, he takes on this role.
3. Hard work that requires good physical characteristics.
4. The male component in raising children. Here we need to understand the role of a man, taking into account the difference in raising a girl and a boy.
The wife, as the keeper of the family hearth, must understand:
1. Everything that is in the house is her area of ​​responsibility.
2. Building harmonious relationships between spouses and children is her responsibility.
3. Psychological support for a man in all his endeavors is the basis of harmonious relationships.
4. The female component in raising children and its role, taking into account the difference in raising a girl and a boy.

Second aspect.

Equal relationships in the family. When your relationship is built on recognizing your partner as an individual, without humiliating or insulting each other, but taking into account an understanding of your functions.

Third aspect.

No one can be corrected. This is especially true for family relationships. One of the greatest misconceptions of man is that someone can be corrected, made better, cleaner. Confuncius once said: “If you want to change something in your family, start with yourself.” This does not mean that while taking care of yourself you remain indifferent to the manifestations of your partner. But here you need to clearly understand that the language of the teacher and the “instructor” will not be very effective for building a strong family. If not to say it's the other way around.
While engaged in your own upbringing, do not forget the language of dialogue. And if you don't like something about your partner, talk to him about it openly. The first problems begin in the family, when you try to close your eyes to something and accumulate in yourself the first “glimpses” of future problems.

This leads to the fourth aspect.

Do not accumulate complaints against your partner, but also do not pour out everything that has accumulated in you on his head. A calm, frank conversation can have a much greater effect than mutual reproaches and insults.

Fifth aspect.

Take care of your relationships. Do not allow strangers into your relationship, especially when you have a wonderful, caring relationship with each other. Don’t complain about your troubles in relationships, don’t listen to the advice of “well-wishers,” especially if their family life doesn’t quite work out for them. Better listen to what your heart tells you. It is the best adviser; you can only hear its advice when your mind and feelings are calm.
Therefore the sixth aspect is as follows:
Don't give in to emotions in problematic situations. Tell yourself more often - stop! And ask the question - what is more important to you - maintaining peace in the family or proving your superiority? If excellence is more important, then you decided to start a family too early. And maintaining peace requires a calm attitude, because only in such a state can you make the right decision and not do another stupid thing.

Seventh aspect.

Learn to respect yourself and love. If you succeed, then you can always give love and respect to your partner and children. Understand what these concepts are and how you understand them. After all, a strong, friendly family should be built on mutual respect and trust in its partner. If you are interested in this topic, we can discuss it in our future materials.

Eighth aspect.

Nothing strengthens family relationships more than shared interests. Make time for this. If interests do not coincide, feel free to compromise. It's worth it, but that doesn't mean your personal interests should be forgotten. Of course not. And from here we can formulate ninth aspect.
Each spouse can have their own free space. Your friends, interests, hobbies. And if there is trust in each other, then this will not be a problem.

Tenth aspect.

Treat your partner's relatives with respect, even if they seem completely unpleasant to you. Try to find something good in them and focus your attention on this. By doing this, you will provide invaluable support to your partner, accepting his entire family as a whole.

Eleventh aspect.

One of important qualities character that both spouses must work on is patience. After all, building a strong, friendly family is not possible without effort. Patience is one of these efforts that helps to calmly endure all the hardships of family life.
Many will say - what about love? From the perspective of my personal 15-year experience of marriage, I can say that love is the manifestation of these eleven aspects, this is another of the efforts that must be carried out regularly in life in order to create a friendly, strong family. Good luck to you on this path, whose name is great family.

Elena Platonova.

Millions of people dream that they will have the strongest family in the world, and they sincerely believe in it.

Unfortunately, faith disappears somewhere as soon as they legalize their marriage. They fail to actually create family happiness, strengthen relationships and save the family from divorce.

Many people want to legitimize their relationship, and they pursue one goal: “I want to live together with the person I love and is close to me. I feel good with him. He understands me and loves me."

At the beginning of creating a family, when the feeling of falling in love is still active, these are the feelings that are experienced. And as we know, feelings are fickle things.

95% of couples get divorced or live together, while hating each other.

Such couples do not live, but exist and torment themselves with constant quarrels. They burn themselves from the inside, taking offense at everything that is not done. All my family life they fight each other in hopes of reforming their partner. The spouses resist to the last, defending their views, not wanting and not being able to listen to each other.

The result is hostility, alienation and hatred. And this will continue until they understand that they are getting what they are condemning.

Life will teach them the same lesson, because it is stupid to judge and condemn a person and blame the circumstances that they themselves created!

What does a strong family depend on? How do 5% of couples manage to save their marriage and truly make it happy?

And we will begin our answer with the fact that every person has a choice:
A) argue with Life for your illusory beliefs and expectations, or
B) become more aware, see and accept all reality.

A conscious person makes no claims to anyone, not even to himself. He does not blame circumstances, and takes full responsibility for his life.

It is this kind of awareness that strengthens relationships in the family and makes it happy. A strong family is considered to be one where spouses live in harmony with each other. They enjoy mutual communication and company. Where each spouse is ready to give in and forgive some of the other’s shortcomings.

The calmness with which they approach any incident helps them realize the reality of what is happening. They look with humor at the fact that the world does not coincide with the picture in their heads. They clearly understand what they want, this does not mean that others want it too.

Spouses of a strong family know how to forgive. Forgiving for them does not mean approving actions that they do not like. But they will not remain silent, because so far there are no people who have telepathy.
They describe their feelings and emotions, but do not get personal.

Such couples know how to trust themselves. Only by trusting themselves do they learn to trust others. Trusting yourself means accepting everything that is their essence. All their shortcomings and good qualities belong to them, and only they can manage them.

Each spouse respects himself and respects others. They know how to listen and hear what they want to convey to them. They respect each other's opinions and find an equitable solution.

And if there are children in such a family, then these are happy children.

These children believe that they are loved and valued. They trust their parents and know that their children's emotions and feelings will be understood and accepted.

Parents know how to raise a child correctly, because they go through the same upbringing themselves.

If you sincerely want a happy and strong family, and if you decide to improve your old life, then I will share with you one unique exercise.

Take a notebook and pen and start writing on each line, every day for 10-15 minutes, phrases such as: I have a strong and happy family! I love (name) and share my love with him! I know how to listen and understand (name)!

These phrases will help you, as they once helped me, to return prosperity to your family life. You can come up with a lot of phrases that will help you improve your relationships. For this you will need 2-3 months of daily training, but believe me, it's worth it. A strong family is a family of brave, intelligent, responsive and unique individuals.

« Friendly family- a strong family".

Parable: “Once upon a time there lived a family in which there were 100 people, but there was no agreement between them. They are tired of quarrels and discord. And so the family members decided to turn to the sage so that he could teach them to live together. The sage listened carefully to the petitioners and said: “No one will teach you to live happily, you must understand for yourself what you need for happiness, write what you want your family to be like.” This huge family gathered for family council and they decided that in order for the family to be friendly, we must treat each other, adhering to these qualities...”

A family is built on trust and love, on mutual respect and understanding. All these are components of a strong foundation for a family - family values. These are the common interests of the whole family. We are not born with them, family values ​​are not inherited, they cannot be bought, but you can only acquire them and cherish them all your life, cherish them like the apple of your eye.

My family consists of 8 people. I work in kindergarten"Sunny" as a teacher. My husband works as a driver. We have two lovely girls who attend the same kindergarten where I work. My mother-in-law is a teacher by training, and worked as a kindergarten teacher for several years. Currently retired, he works at the ice rink. 2 more of my husband’s brothers and a daughter-in-law live with us. One brother is serving, and the other recently returned from the army. Daughter-in-law is a hairdresser by profession. I believe that we have a very large and friendly family.

Our family lives by the motto “A friendly family is a strong family.” WITHThe family, as the main element of society, has been and remains the custodian of spiritual and moral values ​​and national culture. Thanks to the family, the state strengthens and develops, and the well-being of the people grows. Strong, the large family should become a standard phenomenon in society.

We come from Dagestan. And many people know that Dagestan is a peculiar and unique region, where all nationalities (and there are more than 40 of them) learned to live as one family, where over the course of many centuries their spiritual values ​​were developed, a culture and a system of education for the younger generation were formed. This system is based on traditions and adats that have existed for thousands of years. And our family also has such traditions.

One of the first ancient traditions of our family is to give a newborn child a name. The name is usually given to the newborn by the eldest in the family.Newborn children in our family are named after deceased ancestors on the paternal side, but if at the right time the free name of the ancestors is not found or there were several of them, there were various ways choosing a name. In particular, boys are named after the Muslim name of the month in which he was born, and names in honor of prophets are also common. And the girls are given the names of the wives of the prophets.In the case of frequent deaths of children in the family, they usually give special names that deceive the evil spirits who mortally harm the children. This is how my mother-in-law named my children in honor of my great-grandmother and her paternal sister.

Uniting our entire family into one big family such folk traditions, such as holding the holiday of the first furrow, the holiday of flowers, the holiday of cherry picking and others. A fire is also lit, and the whole family, including very old people, jump over them, hoping to be freed from sins, illnesses, adversities and troubles of the old year.Children, jumping over fires, shout loudly: “I myself am down, and my sins are up,” and walk around the village with bags, collecting gifts.

Another tradition that was passed down to me from my mother-in-law, and to her from her mother-in-law, is carpet weaving and knitting. To this day, she and I can sit in the evenings and knit socks with colorful patterns.

A lot of different traditions, customs and rituals were collected by our great-grandfathers. Our parents strictly followed these established traditions and customs. Our current generation no longer follows these rules so strictly. Many traditions are unknown to us, but we also honor and try to observe some of them.

My daughter and I also took part in the family festival “Family, Ugra, Russia.” Participating in the competition was very interesting and exciting.While participating in festivals, we danced the “Lezginka” dance. Lezginka is a dance that has passed through centuries, passed down from father to son, from mother to daughter. Today anyone who has the desire can master it.I have been going to a dance club since childhood, and now I have taught my daughter some moves. Having participated in this competition, we received a winner's diploma, which made us very happy.Revival of the Lost family values can lead to the revival of society, because Having a family, a person has a reliable rear, he has an urgent need to take care of his family, his children.

I also really love our family tradition: giving poems of one’s own composition on one’s birthday. We have a common family album, which is updated with new wishes every year. When I leaf through mine, my whole life passes before my eyes. At one year old, my mother wished me to run with my legs as quickly as possible; at three, my father wrote humorous poems about the first time I rode a bicycle. At ten, when I was intensely involved in athletics, my grandfather wished me to become an Olympic champion. Reading such poetic congratulations from loved ones is always a little touching and joyful, because once again you understand how much your family loves you. I am sure that there is no strong family that does not have its own family traditions and values. They help us believe in the continuity of life and the triumph of love. My husband and I love our children very much the way they are and the way we are raising them. For this they try to become even better. I think that time will pass, and we, as parents, will be proud of our children. This will be gratitude for our hard work as parents.

We all carry a certain amount of “baggage” from our parents’ families. Our ancestors pass on to us their experience, knowledge and beliefs regarding every area of ​​family life: when and who to marry, who to marry, how many children to have, how to raise them, how to deal with teenagers, how to earn a living, what kind of work is best the best, how to measure success, how to cope with crisis, loss, trauma and tragedy, how to meet old age with dignity.