This question is often asked by parents: how to deal with children's hysteria? It’s not pleasant when your child collapses on the floor in the middle of the street or in a store, screams in a bad voice and thrashes the floor with his arms and legs. People turn around, and you are ready to fall into the ground from shame, and at such moments your hand just reaches out to hit you on the butt.
A mother of many children shares her experience of overcoming children's hysteria. We bring to your attention this wonderful article.
Each of my children is something new to add to my experience and knowledge. Moreover, it must be said that each of them is never repeated and gives mother surprises to the fullest :) My daughter was no exception. Mom’s life is very boring, my daughter thought, and at the age of 1 year she began to throw real hysterics at us.
Hysteria is a fit with tears, convulsions and loss of self-control.
A child's hysteria is a certain kind of protest, a way to express anger and indignation. It's despair that you don't understand what your child is trying to “tell” you.
If you are faced with hysteria. My observations and advice.
1. Do not bring your child to the point where he falls into this uncontrollable state. If you see that a child is on the verge, do not be stubborn, go up to him, take pity on him, take him in your arms, try to distract his attention. As a rule, this is already enough to prevent hysteria from happening. The child very quickly switches to something interesting.
2. Do not leave your child alone during a tantrum. I often hear such advice - leave the child alone, he will scream and stop. It is forbidden! If this is hysteria, then under no circumstances should the child be left alone. First of all, this is due to the fact that an attack of respiratory arrest may occur. Why bring a child to this state on purpose? Hysteria will not stop on its own, because as I wrote earlier, it is a protest and a way to express your anger. What happens to you during a quarrel with a loved one who doesn’t want to hear you?! This turns you on even more! The “necessary” emotions gather like a snowball, and calming down in this state is very, very difficult.
I take my daughter in my arms if hysteria has already happened. I hold her tightly to me, try to talk to her, distract her. I do this all over the sofa, because... At the moment of hysteria, the child twists violently out of his arms. I bring my daughter to the window and start showing her the street. I tell her about the snowball, about the flashlights, the cars... The hysteria ends very quickly. Then we sit and hug for a long time, I make sure to tell her words of support, I don’t shame her for such behavior, I try to understand what she was trying to “tell” me with this.
3. It is necessary to clearly distinguish between whim and hysteria. It happens that we have the most ordinary whims. The daughter lies down on the floor, taps her hands and feet on the floor. Here you can completely move away so that the “one-man theater” stops showing the play. Sometimes it gets ridiculous :) I leave, and my daughter comes to me and lies down again. I leave again, and she comes again... In the end, everything ends with a laugh, and Kaprizka runs away!
4. You need to try to hear your child. Try to understand the relationship between the event and the reaction to it. Often the problem is so simple that the tantrum might not have happened if the mother had been more observant of what the child was trying to convey to her. In our case, my daughter doesn’t like having a diaper on that she’s peed in at least once. It's not all the time, but sometimes something comes over her and she asks to change it immediately. I've been looking for this relationship for a long time - I saw it. You change your panties, stroke your belly, say a kind word, take him in your arms and there is no hysteria.
IN in this case You need to understand one thing, the child will not tantrum out of nowhere. He only shows his reaction to misunderstanding on his mother’s part. The child does not know how to talk, i.e. trying to explain to you in an accessible way, which does not suit him. Do not leave the child alone, try not to make him hysterical. Take him in your arms and talk to him about what worries the baby now. Hysteria has its own period, as a rule, it occurs from 1 to 3 years, until the child is able to express his emotions in words. “I listen and hear you!” - this is the most valuable skill for a mother...
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If your child can burst into hysterical crying, as it seems, for any, most unpredictable reason, then no matter how good a parent you are, you cannot experience any good feelings during the next hysteria. You are overcome with irritation, and then anger - at the child and at yourself. At the same time, you often feel your own powerlessness, followed by extreme fatigue and despondency.
Add to this the embarrassment for your child’s behavior, if a hysteria catches you in public, multiply it by the lost time, because during the period of hysteria, not only your child, but also you will not be able to do anything at all.
And your child also has a hard time from his own screams. In addition, regular tantrums weaken the child’s nervous system and can become a bad habit.
Well, stopping a hysteria is not such a difficult matter. We are in website Let's tell you how.
1. The dispassionate way
The ease of this method is that it relies not on action, but on the inaction of an adult. You don't need to do anything at all. Continue (or start) doing your own thing. Pay no attention to the child and be absolutely calm.
But therein lies the difficulty. Try not to react to hysteria if irritation is creeping up, if angry words are already coming to your lips and if you want to stop this disgrace not just quickly, but this very second, even if this means spanking the child or getting him the moon from the sunny sky .
And yet, switch from children's screams to specific and simple tasks. You can tidy up the house a little. On the street - collect toys. If you are at home, move out of your child's sight. Wait until the raging child comes to you of his own free will.
There is one subtlety in this method. Keep not only your tongue from anger, but also your gestures, facial expressions, and movements. Your actions should not show that you are annoyed. Hysteria is not for your home. This is a random pest that is not worth your attention. And when the baby finally comes to you, don’t remember what has already ended, don’t reproach her for her bawling face.
Finish your business found on time together. Well, then relax together!
2. Distraction method
The question may be quite complex, requiring at least a minute of thought, or, on the contrary, it may be so simple that it will discourage you with its obviousness.
- Difficult questions: “Oh, what is this boy going to do on the swing? He’s not skating!” (you need to at least turn and look at that boy); “Did the phone ring just now?” (you need to listen).
- Questions to which the answer is obvious: “Wow! Where is your nose? "Wow! Do you have boots on your feet?
The specific actions that you encourage your child to do should be extremely easy, performed almost mechanically. “Calm down” is not a specific action - do you know how to do it yourself? “Get up from the floor” is not an easy action at all - the child wants to lie down and cry.
Offer your child, for example, the following: “Your pants are dirty, shake them off quickly”; “Your hair is so disheveled! Correct." Of course, any question must be asked in an extremely interested/surprised/puzzled tone, and the call for any action must be clear, calm, and without allowing any objections.
3. Exciting way
Returning from a walk, you leave your screaming child at the doorstep while you begin to unpack your purse. “Well, wow, there’s so much here! Empty envelopes came from somewhere... And some cards... But I don’t need them. What to do with them? And there’s also something in the other pocket... Let’s see.” A roaring baby will most likely fall for an envelope and a real adult card.
And if, in response to the hysteria that has begun, you, without being at all upset, say: “Oh, what whims have come to us! Need to get treatment! And the best cure for whims is a pie,” and go to the kitchen to bake an apple pie (of course, provided that you know how to bake and love it), the hysteria will leave your house for at least the rest of the day.
4. The harsh way
Let me make a reservation right away: harsh does not mean cruel. The “harsh method” is suitable only for those parents who know how to control their anger.
The first option in this case is the volitional decision of an adult, unambiguous and irrevocable, independent of the child’s behavior. That is, if it’s time to go home (which you, of course, warned the child about in advance, giving him time to finish the game), and the child categorically refuses and makes a scandal, you don’t back down, don’t get nervous and don’t try to explain something to the screaming child. But you don’t swear, scream or spank the child. You just take him by the hand, and if necessary, in your arms, and go home.
There is a second option. It won't always stop a tantrum instantly, but it can make hysterics less frequent. It consists in ensuring that the child is punished for unacceptable behavior. For example, after a scandal during a morning walk, you deprive your child of an evening walk. Or if the child categorically refused to put away the toys after himself and threw a tantrum about this, you remove the toys yourself, but do not return them to the child for some time.
5. The gentle way
Well, this method is certainly the most pleasant. You just need to hug and feel sorry for the screaming baby.
You love him, don't you? So, without words, remind your child of this. You scream and cry, it means you feel bad. And since you feel bad, I feel sorry for you. Both the baby and the grown-up preschooler really need to feel your tenderness.
And such hugs will help you calm down, extinguish the incipient anger and will not let you forget that your bawling, angry, disheveled child is the best in the world!
Instructions
Always be prepared for what your child might do - at home, on a walk, at a party. This is a common behavior in everyone under four years of age. The most difficult period is around 3 years of age. At this time, the baby can make a row several times a day, regardless of the temperature.
To deal with the nursery as quickly as possible hysterical, ignore her. As soon as the child is convinced that his parents are not too impressed by his “performances,” he will stop making trouble.
If you ignore a child's tantrum in force various reasons If you fail (you can’t stand crying, you’re embarrassed in front of people on the street, etc.), hug the screaming baby as tightly as possible. Hold him until he calms down.
Remember that “you can’t” is something that you can’t never, anywhere and under any circumstances! For example, you cannot play with an electrical outlet, you cannot touch a boiling kettle, you cannot run and play on a car. "Don't" must refer to vital safety precautions. Observe the unity of requirements, but do not overuse this word, otherwise it may lose its meaning. All other parental prohibitions can be expressed in a softer form, for example, “Don’t, ...”, be sure to explain to the child why this is not worth it.
Another important technique is switching attention baby. Children under one and a half to two years old very easily switch from a forbidden object to beautiful car that drives by, or at a green grasshopper sitting in the grass. All mom needs to do is say the cherished phrase brightly and with the expression: “Oh, look what a truck has driven!” At first, you may think that it is very difficult to constantly come up with something intriguing to your attention. This is true. But only at first. Later it becomes a habit and does not cause any difficulties.
It is especially important to learn how to switch children's attention from one year to the next: it is at this time that all problems associated with whims and hysterics. Remember: the baby should not develop the habit of screaming hysterically in order to achieve what he wants. As soon as you give in even once, everything is lost. Then you will have to rule for a long time and persistently again, and this requires much more strength from both the mother and baby.
There are situations when none of the above methods help - the child is capricious for any reason. Find out what is bothering your baby. After all, everyone knows that healthy child- cheerful and in good spirits. Perhaps the baby is sick or has teeth problems. In such situations, one can be more lenient in prohibitions; it is bad and he is not ready to perceive information. But as soon as the disease goes away, it is important to quickly return all the rules to everyday life and without exceptions.
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As soon as the baby doesn’t like something, he rolls up hysterical: stomps his feet, cries and screams as if something incredibly serious had happened. For children, this is an excellent way to get what they want, because... they already have a good idea that it will work.
Instructions
Try to predict hysteria, act proactively. It is necessary to avoid sharp corners and conflicts. Watch for the appearance of harbingers of irritation - anxiety, whining, tension, and when they appear, distract him. You can pay attention to the deterioration of his mood: “You’re tired, let’s take a walk.” The ability to monitor your emotions has not yet been developed, so you must regulate them. If the child is upset, use the calming method and help him restrain himself. Step aside, hug, stroke your back, sing a song.
Control your emotional state. Calm, calm again. Try not to communicate with the screaming person, do not even look in his direction until calm comes. He must understand that behavior will not be tolerated. Be persistent in your behavior; if you said “no”, continue to stick to your opinion.
If a tantrum occurs in your home, then one of the most effective, albeit quite cruel, methods is to lock the child in the room and let him “scream.” Another, much gentler solution also helps: hold your child close and talk to him quietly about abstract topics. The baby will calm down, and perhaps this will reduce the number of tantrums in the future.
Do not try to stop screaming and crying by drastic means: you should not hit, scream or push the child under any circumstances. This will only scare him, and the baby may withdraw into himself. Believe me, if it’s a child, it’s already hard for him, and it’s at least unpedagogical to make it worse.
No matter how nervous you may be, try to speak slowly and calmly. Explain to him that his behavior is fundamentally wrong, and if his baby wants to achieve something, then he will reach his goal much faster if he dries his tears and asks you “like a human being.”
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Every parent has encountered (or will still encounter) such a phenomenon as a child's tantrum. In essence, it is nothing more than a theatrical production aimed solely at public catharsis. In long-term behavioral studies baby it was found that not a single child would ever begin a “performance” without first making sure that at least one “spectator” was listening to him. It’s easy to guess that the duration of the “scene” directly depends on the “spectator’s” reaction.
Instructions
Try to keep yourself occupied with something. Offer, for example, to take a walk or entice him with some kind of musical toy (drum, accordion, pipe). In fact, music has a very beneficial effect on the child’s psyche. In principle, any creative process that requires concentration can also calm you down. Give him crayons, pencils, paints, etc. Remember that a lot depends on the tone in which you address your baby. In fact, a calm, balanced request comes much faster than a loud order that breaks into a scream.
Try to simply ignore your baby's hysterical behavior for at least 5-10 minutes. Set a goal not to communicate with him at all during this short period of time. As a result, the child will give up futile attempts to evoke sympathy for his person through tantrums. After he comes to his senses, reward him with communication, not forgetting to explain in a calm tone that such antics will not meet with your sympathy.
If it starts to drag on, take the baby to a room where he can be left alone with his own emotions. Before you leave him, make sure it is safe and he won't be able to hurt himself. Then leave the room. The principle of this method of fighting is the same - there is no spectator, and accordingly, there is no one to throw a tantrum for.
It happens that the “drama” plays out right on the street or in a store. In such a situation, be patient and wait until you get bored. Of course, you can try to distract the “young actor” from his raging passions. Although, it is unlikely that you will succeed, given that the hall will be completely sold out. But don't let the behavior get away with it. When the passions subside, explain to the baby that he behaved and upset you very much. Otherwise, your every appearance will be accompanied by similar antics.
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It is advisable to punish older children for such antics. For example, deprive him of some treat, don’t buy him a toy he’s been asking for a long time, forbid him to watch his favorite cartoon, etc. When taking action, be sure to explain the reason for the punishment. In addition, teach your child to admit his mistakes and apologize for them.
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Sources:
- How to stop a tantrum
Surely you have witnessed such a picture: in a store, a kid is capricious and whines: “M-a-a-m, please buy-and-and...”. To this the mother replies: “I’m so tired of your whims!!!” And... he gives in.
Afterwards, the mother usually complains that she cannot do anything about the whims of her beloved child. What can I say? She has already done everything to make the child capricious. It is her own fault that she indulges the baby’s whims, and at the same time does nothing to stop him from whining and being capricious.
But children learn everything from their parents! Newborns, if they need anything, communicate this with a loud cry. As the baby grows up, he learns to control his voice. And he begins, like a real researcher, to experiment with his intonations. And exactly how parents react to a child’s particular intonation largely determines whether he will use it in communication with them or not.
What is the most valuable thing for a baby in this world? Toys? They have enough. Food? Kids get it anyway. Cloth? Most children are indifferent to clothes, or even can’t stand them at all.
The most important and valuable thing for any child is love and affection.
The baby whimpered. (Remember: whining is not a requirement yet, it’s just an experiment!) Mom immediately runs up to him, takes him in her arms, and feels sorry for him. What does the baby remember? “If you need to get your mother’s affection and approval, you have to whine!” Then the child will discover that by whims and crying you can get something else useful for yourself from your parents.
What to do in such situations? Don't approach your child when he's crying? Of course you need to come! Approach and, first of all, check whether the baby really needs your help. If this is the case, you should definitely help. But if the child’s crying is caused by the fact that the child, for example, cannot reach the toy he likes, you should not give him this toy, even if the whimpering turns into loud crying. D = You need to try to distract the child’s attention with another toy or interesting thing, wait until he shows interest in it and only then can you take the baby in your arms. This seemingly simple method works flawlessly!
If the baby is already accustomed to achieving everything with his whims, much more effort will have to be made to wean him from this manner. However, if you are patient and do not indulge your child’s whims, the result will not be long in coming.
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Children's hysteria is not a rare occurrence. It begins around the age of two and is the result of the child's search for ways to communicate with people in order to get what he needs. Typically, hysteria in a child’s behavior disappears by the age of four, but sometimes it manifests itself at a later age. To cope with it, you need to act consistently.
Keep your composure
The most main mistake What parents can do is respond to a child’s hysteria with their own hysteria. You must have a calming influence on the child; if you cannot restrain yourself, there is no point in expecting calmness from the child. When your child throws a tantrum, calm down, listen to him and take a few big breaths before making any decisions.Reason for hysteria
In most cases, parents believe that a child’s tantrum is his attempt to achieve his goal. However, this is not always the case; the cause of hysteria may be, for example, lack of proper attention or physical illness (digestive problems, low blood sugar, etc.). Hysterical behavior can also be caused by lack of sleep and nutritional deficiencies. Determine the exact cause of the tantrum before you begin to deal with it.Give your child a choice
If your child throws a tantrum demanding certain things, you don’t need to simply tell him “no.” Instead, give him a choice, for example, if he eats candy too often and constantly asks for it, tell him that either he will eat it at the table or he will be punished. Always praise him when he does right choice. Choice helps the child see his actions.This approach often produces results with children 2–4 years old and does not work well with older children. The sooner you start teaching your child to choose his own behavior, the better.
Adequate answer
Depending on the reasons for the hysteria, you need to act accordingly. If your baby wants to sleep or eat, feed him and put him to bed as soon as possible. If he is afraid of something, try to calm him down. If a child asks to play with him, do not refuse him, this means that you are not paying enough attention to him. However, under no circumstances give in to your child if the hysteria is the result of a whim, otherwise you will develop the habit of getting his way only in this way. Let him know that you will only talk to him when he calms down. Only after this start discussing his problems with him.You cannot limit yourself to just rewarding your child for good behavior. He must feel and know that bad behavior will certainly be punished.
Don't argue
Never argue with a child if he continues to show violent discontent and the hysteria continues. Instead, tell him words that describe his emotions. For example: “You must be tired today” or “You must be really upset that you don’t have this.” These words will show him that you understand and sympathize with him, and they will also help him express his thoughts in the future.Talk to him about his behavior
It is useless to talk to your child about his behavior during a tantrum. Leave this conversation for later, but be sure to talk to him. Try to find out from him why he behaves this way, but do not put pressure on him, the child should feel that you love him in any case.Related article
Tip 9: What to do if a 3-year-old child throws tantrums
Three years is the age when a child begins to feel like an individual, an independent person. He develops his own desires, which sometimes differ from the opinions of his parents, which can cause irritation and even hysterics. In addition, at this age, children are still poorly able to express their desires in words and get upset because of this, which also leads to crying and screaming.
Why does a child throw tantrums?
A three-year-old child may throw tantrums for many reasons.
Firstly, children at this age have already realized that they are not one with their mother, that they are separate, independent individuals. They have their own needs, and since young children do not know how to wait and they have not yet developed patience, they begin to demand that their desires be fulfilled right now and, upon receiving a refusal, they become very upset and throw a tantrum.
Secondly, despite their independence, three-year-old children want their parents to show their love as often as possible, which previously seemed unconditional - now they need deeds and actions, but children cannot yet regard words and expressions of care as love.
Thirdly, they already know how to perform basic actions: walk, talk, dress, eat, but they still have few opportunities. Therefore, fears often arise that he will be left alone, that he will be abandoned. All these feelings are too confusing and complex to express in words, and the child becomes upset, screams, cries and throws tantrums.
Sometimes the baby knows that tantrums help him get his way and uses this method if he wants new toy, sweets, watch cartoons or play some more, in this case this is a method of manipulation that should not be encouraged. And in many cases, children simply do not yet know how to control their negative emotions and express them in this way - in the form of hysterics.
What to do when you are hysterical?
First of all, whenever and wherever your child has a tantrum, remain calm and do not lose your temper. Do not try to calm him down with convictions, nor stop him with shouting or prohibitions. It is advisable to either not react in any way to violent manifestations of emotions, or try to hug and cuddle the child if the hysteria has become uncontrollable. Say at the same time sweet words and console him.
Some psychologists advise going to another room and leaving the baby alone - if this was just a cunning manipulation, he will quickly calm down. But with a real hysteria, the child may become scared when no one is there, so it is better to be nearby and wait until the emotions subside.
Do not make concessions under any circumstances, even in public, when a child demands something - he will quickly understand that this is his way. Parents must have control over the situation. If the baby begins to behave too violently, he needs to be taken to a safer place.
After a tantrum, talk calmly with your child, try to express in words yourself why he was upset, so that he understands that this is more effective method express your wishes.
Is there in the world happy parents whose child would never act up? Probably, not. The peak of children's whims occurs at the age of 3 - 5 years, just at the time when the child first realizes himself as an individual, for the first time uses the pronoun “I” in relation to himself.
Whims affect the fragile child's psyche in the most negative way. Child psychologists even believe that the more often a child is capricious, the slower his development goes. Therefore, the capricious person should be called to order as quickly as possible. Just how to do this? Everything will depend on the cause of the whims, and it is very important to correctly determine this reason.
Perhaps something hurts the child, but since he is still very small, he cannot understand what is bothering him, he just feels uncomfortable. An incipient disease is usually indicated by a sharp change in behavior, excessive activity or, conversely, passivity. Talk to your child and ask if his stomach or throat hurts. Of course, any whims in this case are unconditionally forgiven.
A child can also use whims as a way to attract attention to himself. This happens when he stops feeling your love, when parents, busy with important and urgent matters, have no time to even talk to the baby.
Think about your behavior: perhaps screaming and crying is the only way for a child to make mom and dad finally notice him.
Do not forget that sometimes children throw a tantrum in order to force their parents to fulfill any of their wishes. If this method has already worked once, the child will definitely use it again, gradually turning into a little despot. In this case, you should immediately stop any attempts at dictatorship: do not pay attention to the baby, go about your business without even looking in his direction. When the child feels that whims are not bringing the desired result, he will calm down. Wait for the capricious person to completely calm down, and calmly explain that he will not achieve anything with such behavior.
But there are times when whims are a way of protesting against excessive care. Most often, children whose parents adhere to overly strict principles of upbringing and demand unconditional submission from the child resort to this method of proving their right to their own opinion. Think about whether you are abusing your power, whether you are trying to turn your child into a weak-willed creature who can only follow orders. And if this is the case, urgently change your behavior while everything can still be corrected.
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Screaming, stamping feet, crying... these symptoms are known to many parents, but not everyone knows how to deal with them. Meanwhile, there are simple and effective methods that will allow you to cope with such situations.
It is necessary to fight with a child, since a person’s character is formed in childhood. The habit of getting what you want through hysterics will gradually develop into the habit of getting what you want through scandals and threats. Neither children nor adults will want to communicate with such a person.
Methods for dealing with child tantrums
You can fight hysterics different ways, let's look at some of the most common and effective ones.
- Persuasion. You can try to calmly persuade the child to calm down, but this method only works if the child’s goal was not to receive toys or ice cream, but parental attention.
- Do not mention it. This option has the right to exist only at home, at a party or in crowded places; the child’s crying will irritate others.
- Sometimes it is worth punishing a child for hysterics, but not physically. In this situation, it is better to send the child to another room or put him in a corner.
- It is necessary to accustom the child to the fact that by crying he will not achieve anything, but can only lose pleasure (TV, walks, sweets and more).
Ways to prevent tantrums
If you have indulged your child’s whims for a long time, then a short time it will not be possible to get rid of them, since by the age of five he has already developed patterns of behavior at home, on the street, at a party and not only.
Before this age, parents should explain to the child that one should not shout or cry loudly on the street, one should speak politely to people, etc. Do not hope that the child will figure everything out on his own. Children always look at the behavior of their parents, so you should not explain one thing to the child, but act differently. In this case, no conversations or explanations will help; the child will do the same as you.
By showing patience in parenting, you can protect yourself and your child from tantrums for any reason. But there must be exceptions to any rule. In some situations, you need to show care and compassion towards a child even when he is capricious. Such situations include adaptation to a new environment, moving, new team, departure of parents for a long time, etc.
Video on the topic
A child's tantrum is a situation familiar to any parents. Everyone has encountered it. But some do it several times a year, and some do it several times every day. A psychologist or simply the wise behavior of parents helps to cope with this behavior.
Child's tantrum
Hysteria is a way to throw out accumulated negative emotions; it is a unique mechanism that allows you to relieve tension. Children do not yet know alternative methods and this is the most accessible for them.
In the process, the child screams, convulses, and bends backward. The attack itself usually does not last long, but many babies continue to cry and be capricious afterwards. Severe hysteria can cause vomiting, shortness of breath, and fatigue. This manifestation of emotions is most typical for children with weak psyches, aged from one to 5 years. People throw tantrums in public. The presence of spectators is the main factor.
How to avoid children's tantrums
To avoid children's hysteria, you need to follow simple rules. But the main thing here is not treatment, but prevention. Before going outside, shopping, or to the playground, make sure that the child is happy with everything: the shoes do not squeeze, it is not hot or cold, and it is comfortable. That the baby does not want to go to the toilet, eat or sleep. After all, hysteria is dissatisfaction, and it can be caused by anything.
The precursor to a child's hysteria is a whim. The child begins to ask for something, the parents refuse. To prevent the situation from developing, it is necessary to distract the baby. Turn your attention to something funny and bright.
Sometimes hysteria is a desire to attract attention. Or dissatisfaction with the behavior of adults, for example, parents swear and the baby begins to cry.
How to respond to a child's tantrum
Once a child's tantrum has begun, it is impossible to calm the child down. Don’t try, this will only prolong the “concert”. Don't pay attention, don't give in. Demonstratively pretend that you don't care. All you have to do is give in once, and such behavior will become the norm. You will regularly receive a portion of tears and screams when you do not agree to fulfill some request. Do not pick up your child at such times. Let him punch and scream. Make it clear that such behavior is indifferent.
You should also not scold your child for such actions. Then, without spectators, discuss with him that this is unacceptable, that nothing can be achieved in this way. Make it clear that you don't like it when he behaves this way. And explain to your child that not all desires can be realized. In these conversations, do not forget to say that you love him.
To stop this behavior forever, you need all family members to support your position. So that grandmothers, aunts, second parents, teachers in kindergarten, the nanny behaved the same way and did not indulge emotions. Then the child will stop expressing his dissatisfaction in this way.
And don’t listen to the advice of people passing by who witnessed your child’s tantrum. Only you yourself know how to behave correctly with your baby.
U small child The mood changes very often. Children are active and curious; they spend all their agility exploring a new world for them. When a child learns new words, he learns at an even greater speed new information, but cannot always express it in words, which can make him very angry. Add here also fatigue, a feeling of hunger or thirst - you get the standard hysteria in a child.
How to calm a child?
1) Try to avoid difficult situations in which your child may find himself. For example: You are about to go to the store when the child is sleepy or hungry.
2) Ignore the tantrum. If the process takes place without self-harm, as well as without damage to property, then the best behavior on your part will be to ignore his actions. When a child does not see that his fruits do not bring the desired result, he becomes quiet.
3) If a child causes harm to himself, others or property, then place him in a chair that is placed in a corner. Tell him that he can only leave the chair when he has calmed down. If he understands everything and calms down, allow him to leave the chair and praise him for his good behavior.
4) Praise your child only when he has completely calmed down, and not during the process. childish tantrum. Premature boasting will lead the child to think that it is much more profitable to hysteria and receive certain advantages for it. And aggression on the part of a parent will not teach a child to control himself while looking at a screaming or fighting father or mother.
5) Allow your child to solve certain issues. A child may become hysterical if you forbid him to do anything on his own. But he just gets to know the world. If a problem arises and the child wants to solve it, then, as a smart and reasonable parent, give him several solutions to choose from, and let him choose one of them. For example: what kind of shoes will he choose for a walk? Or what he wants to eat for dinner: chicken Kiev or sausages. This way you will limit the choice, but also allow the child to express his will.
The usual word “no” can serve as an impetus for the child to start hysterical. But, as a rule, this does not last long. Children with an unbalanced psyche and neurological disorders are susceptible to such emotional outbursts. And if you suddenly notice that your child begins vomiting or shortness of breath after a hysteria, this is a signal that you urgently need to show your child to a neurologist.
Children love to work for the public, so to speak, so they try to get their way in crowded places. And if the parents give in, then the child begins to use this method systematically. If you realize that your child is starting to get angry, divert his attention to something happening around him, look at a bird or a passing bus. If a tantrum occurs, do not calm the baby down, it won’t work anyway. Step aside and turn away from him. This will be a more effective way.
Do not punish your child for tantrums, especially in a crowded place. After he calms down, talk to him and find out what caused his behavior. Explain that you love him very much, but this behavior is wrong. And always stand your ground. If something is prohibited, then go to the end.
The best prevention of such hysterics is when the child gets enough sleep, is always well-fed and comfortably dressed. But it also happens that a child behaves badly in response to the behavior of his parents, if they constantly pull him or quarrels occur in the family, or even worse, if the parents throw out their negativity on their own baby.
Tip 15: How to avoid children's tantrums in public places
Every person, at least once in his life, has witnessed a situation in which there were: a child screaming on the street or in a store, demanding something from an adult, and an adult parent who cannot calm his child down with any persuasion or punishment. The main aspect here, of course, is permissiveness in upbringing, but not always, sometimes, and even very often, a child simply demands attention to himself, something bothers him or he is afraid of something.
How can you learn to understand your own child and prevent such manifestations, especially in public places? You need not only to listen, but also to hear what any person is trying to convey to your attention, and especially a child who has not yet learned to express his thoughts and experiences clearly and clearly.
The first thing you should pay attention to is, of course, upbringing. Do not allow anyone (and especially yourself) to overindulge or pamper your child, do not mindlessly fulfill all his whims. In order to prevent your child from “demanding” something in a store or near a kiosk, “throwing a tantrum” in the process, it is worth instilling in him one simple quality – responsibility. After all, it’s not difficult to give a child a bag of mittens or a handkerchief and tell him that he should watch it closely. Then all attention will be diverted to the “responsible task” that he was assigned as an adult.
Try to explain to your child (when he is already of a conscious age) that any purchase requires money, but you have to earn it, and not always the easy way(children understand this already around the age of 3-4 years). Then there will be many fewer problems with purchases.
If the child does not calm down, then perhaps something is frightening or bothering him, squat down so that your eyes are approximately at the same level, and listen to what he is saying. For an adult, children's problems may be trivial, but a child needs to be listened to and helped to cope with the situation that has arisen. Try to understand what caused such anxiety, hug the child (parental hugs even bring calm to an adult).
And most importantly, you must remember that under no circumstances should you “brush off” such situations or indulge them in everything. Then, over time, the child will withdraw into himself or begin to behave even more capriciously, based on the fact that the adult will do and buy everything just to prevent such situations.
Tip 16: How to respond to children's tantrums: execute or pardon
Children's tantrums are a very unpleasant phenomenon. Moreover, both the children who are the initiators of this scandal and the parents who have to blush for their unbalanced child are in an awkward position. Such situations usually end the same way. A tearful child, angry parents and a huge amount of negative emotions hanging in the air.
Particularly desperate parents may even use physical force and throw a couple of slaps at their raging child. But no matter what they say, this is the most serious mistake in the educational process. The use of physical force indicates the helplessness of an adult. This usually happens when parents do not have enough experience, patience and knowledge.
What to do and how to respond competently to children's tantrums? Let's immediately make a reservation in the sense that there are no single and universal methods. Each specific situation requires an individual solution. It is very important to take into account your baby’s temperament, your family’s value system and lifestyle. All this is of significant importance.
Even before your beloved child creates your next or first scandal, try to understand one important thing. No child will throw tantrums at you for no reason. There must be some root cause for this behavior of the baby. Perhaps your child is spoiled and this is what provokes him to such breakdowns. In this case, the main reason is illiterate upbringing. Or maybe the baby’s unsatisfactory behavior is caused by some kind of discomfort, for example, he is hungry, thirsty, or has a headache. It is clear that you will act differently in each of these cases. The most important thing is not to lose composure! Don't let the negative emotions caused by an unpleasant situation get the better of you. Otherwise, later you will regret what you did and said to your baby. And even more so, you shouldn’t hold a “debriefing” in crowded places. This is rude to say the least and very disrespectful to your child.
If your baby already knows how to speak or otherwise express his desires, then talk to him. The main purpose of this dialogue is to find out the reason why the baby is rebelling. However, this is very difficult to do when the child screams and resists. Therefore, initially make every effort to distract the baby (toy, stranger, song, etc.). Under no circumstances should you scare your child like, “Now that evil uncle over there will take you away.” This will make your baby feel insecure about you.
Even if there are a lot of people around you, don't worry. For you in this situation it is much more important psychological condition your own child, and not strangers. If the baby does not give in to persuasion at all, then calmly take him by the hand and take him home. Ignore your child's rage; he must understand that such actions usually do not attract people's attention.
The problem of tantrums in children of different ages, the main reasons for their occurrence. Universal templates for the correct response of parents to children's whims. Advice from a psychologist on raising a child without such manifestations.
The content of the article:
A child’s hysteria is a kind of signal to action, an active way to express internal feelings (resentment, reluctance to do something, disgust, pain) and show them with the help of oneself. effective method. First of all, he wants to attract attention to himself. Otherwise, he would simply come up and express his position, opinion or dissatisfaction. Very often, children's tantrums begin quite suddenly and in the most inappropriate place (in medical, educational and other institutions, in public) and when you least expect it. It is far from always possible to unravel the reason for such behavior in a particular case, so parents need to know how to calm a child during a tantrum.
Causes of tantrums in children
An emotional reaction in the form of crying and screaming is one of the effective signals of discomfort that a child can send. In some cases, such a reaction indicates not only direct needs, but also reveals other desires that the baby is used to realizing in this way.
In general, several immediate causes of hysteria can be identified:
- The only way to express. This reason occurs in babies up to the 1st year of life, when they are unable to express their dissatisfaction, discomfort, pain, and emotions in any other way. Babies are too small to react differently to what is happening, so they often throw such tantrums. Most often this happens if teeth are being cut, the tummy hurts, or the head hurts. The child perceives such sensations as a strong threat and often cries.
- Immaturity of the emotional system. Children who are a little older gradually learn to speak and can, in some cases, say what doesn’t suit them. Often a child from 1 to 3 years old, despite the fact that he can express his feelings differently, throws a tantrum, since this method is more familiar to him. This also happens at older ages. This happens due to the fact that the emotional component of the psyche is still maturing. Many processes are not developed at a sufficient level to provide a normal response to stress or to express inner feelings in a different way.
- Manipulation. A child begins to learn this unique art from the age of 3. In some cases, children can manipulate with tantrums into more early age, but this rarely happens. Before this period, almost all of the baby’s needs were immediately satisfied, so it is very difficult for a child to accept refusal for the first time. In addition, children are faced with the concept of compromise and smart choices for the first time. At this age, they quickly understand that hysterics can achieve more than just words. Often this indicates that the child is given very little attention and his words are not listened to, so he is forced to choose a louder way of expressing his own feelings and emotions.
- A change of scenery. It is very important for almost every child to feel the stability of the external circumstances that surround him every day. The established way of life provides him with a sense of well-being, which can disappear when circumstances change. The birth of a second child in the family, moving to another house/apartment, starting visits to a preschool institution, parental divorce and other causes of hysterics in a child have a serious impact on the psyche little man. Often even adults are unable to cope with such news, and for children it becomes a shock. It is to them that a hysterical emotional reaction can often develop.
The main signs of hysterics in a child
The manifestation of an emotional outburst in children can be completely different. First of all, it depends on the character and inclinations of the baby. For some, crying in a crowded place is unpleasant; they are embarrassed by those around them, while for others, unnecessary attention only intensifies the hysteria. Therefore, different children can react completely differently to the same factor. In addition, the signs of hysteria depend on the specific age at which the child can afford anything, his upbringing and manners.
There are several forms that can be components of a child’s emotional outburst:
- Scream. This is often the first reaction that sets off a cascade of others. Indicates acute indignation, resentment, pain or other sensation that acutely worries the baby at a particular moment in time. That is, the child suddenly begins to scream, scaring not only the parents, but also the surrounding adults and children who rush to his aid. While screaming, the baby may not see or hear what is happening around him, so words addressed to him at that moment are rarely beneficial.
- Cry. The usual emotional reaction in the form of loud shedding of tears most often occurs in public and with the expectation of a defensive response from the parents, who will immediately rush to calm the baby. Simply crying attracts the attention of other children and puts the child in an advantageous position. Adults pay attention to him and try to quickly satisfy the wishes of the little hysteric. Sometimes such crying actually indicates physical or psychological pain that worries the child.
- Sobbing. Often the baby cries bitterly, managing to choke on his own tears in the process. This is a sign of an unfolding hysteria, which is only gaining momentum. At the same time, tears flow in streams, and sobs add drama and bitterness to the sad image. In children with asthma, such sobbing may cause a feeling of shortness of breath. If this crying is true, it can harm your health and even cause nervous system problems in the future. This form of hysteria lasts long enough until the parents (those around) take action that will allow the child to calm down. Surging emotions take a lot of energy, so a child, even in the middle of the day after such sobs, can fall asleep, taking away the night's sleep.
- Behavioral changes. A frequent accompaniment of tantrums in children are various motor and motor reactions, which can even be aggressive in nature. That is, in the mildest variants of such behavioral hysterics, one observes throwing things around, stamping feet, throwing toys on the floor. The child will independently expend energy to calm the internal emotional storm. Sometimes he breaks toys, breaks some parts, hits his fists or his head against the wall and may even get hurt. Aggressive behavior poses a threat not only to the health of the baby, but also to surrounding children and adults. By breaking glass objects, a child risks getting hurt or harming someone else. At the time of such outbreaks, children often do not feel pain; it comes later with the awareness of what has been done or with the sight of blood appearing.
Ways to deal with tantrums in children
A child’s hysterics definitely requires intervention from the parents, and sometimes the help of an outside specialist. Very often, such behavior may indicate the presence of internal psychological problems that can manifest themselves in adult life. It is important to provide the child with timely help and ensure that such a reaction does not become the main one in the future. Proper upbringing and instructions from parents will protect him from psychological childhood traumas and an immature psyche in adulthood.
As is known, the most effective treatment- this is prevention. By raising a child correctly and instilling norms of behavior in him from childhood, you can get rid of the need to extinguish hysteria in the future. That is why you should spend a lot of time communicating with your child and teach him not only through clubs, educational games and TV shows, but also through ordinary conversations. The socialization of a little person should begin with parents explaining the rules of the outside world and those attitudes that will help in the future to give the correct emotional reaction.
There are several important aspects of such upbringing that will save children from hysterical outbursts:
- Setting boundaries. For example, from the first years a child needs to be told that he cannot behave the way he wants, absolutely everywhere. There are specially designated places where you can frolic, play, and jump. These are children's playgrounds, special entertainment points in shopping centers, and a park. If your mother, for example, did not allow you to run in line at the cash register at the bank, then this is normal, since you cannot behave like that there. From the earliest years, the child must understand the difference between a public place and a home and behave accordingly. It is absolutely impossible to justify unrestrained behavior by saying that this is a child and he must play. A child who is not brought up in a timely manner is difficult teenager and a troubled adult in the future. Therefore, in order to socialize a child as much as possible, it is necessary from an early age to accustom him to the rules of society and polite behavior at home.
- Conversations and refusals. You definitely need to talk to your child, asking his opinion on various things. For example, what he would like for dinner, where he wants to go for a walk today, what he prefers to wear. It is necessary for him to feel the importance of his “I” in the eyes of his parents. This is the only way he can assert himself without throwing tantrums. You should definitely explain to him why this or that time the child was not bought a toy. Usually parents refuse or say that there is no money for such purchases. This is tactically incorrect, since the child will feel disadvantaged due to the inadequacy of his father and mother. It is important to explain that he already has enough toys, and new ones will only be available next month or later. That is, the argument for refusing a child should not be a financial family crisis, but the powerful authority of the parents’ word. Only by teaching a child to respect his own opinion can one count on understanding on his part.
- Learn to express emotions. Naturally, the child’s psyche develops over time and comes to generally accepted norms. If a child is prone to hysterics or similar outbursts of emotions, parents need to help the child react correctly to the storm of feelings within himself. It is very important to help verbalize those feelings that inside a little person cannot find a way out. For example, a baby is crying because he accidentally broke/torn/lost his favorite toy. It is necessary to establish visual contact and express the feelings that overwhelm the child: “I know you loved this toy very much and you are offended that you can no longer play with it. You are very sorry that it was lost/torn/broken, but it’s not your fault, you couldn’t do anything. Besides her, you have other toys that you can play with.”
How to calm a child
Sometimes it is important to know how to quickly get your child out of such an emotional state. Absolutely all parents of those children who are prone to developing such outbursts should understand how to deal with a child’s tantrums.
First steps to calm down:
- Maintain equanimity and calm. You need to not look irritated and not be even more nervous than a child. This will cause the parent to behave worse than the child. You should control your emotions and not let them out.
- Talk. It is necessary to have a conversation with the child, convincing him that during a hysteria he cannot be understood. If the kid had said more specifically what he wanted, perhaps his request would have been granted.
- Prohibition of aggression. Under no circumstances should you scream or lash out at your child. Even if his behavior has put you in an uncomfortable position, you should keep your emotions under control. Yelling can achieve nothing but make the situation worse.
- Insulation. It is important to give the child time to calm the inner storm. If he reacts negatively to attempts to talk, you need to take him to a secluded place (if he is outside) or leave him alone in the room. Over time, he will realize the uselessness of his tears and calm down.
- Copying behavior. It is extremely common for children to look at their parents or loved ones and then act the same way. If your child suddenly begins to behave aggressively, you should figure out where he could see such a pattern of behavior. First of all, you should not quarrel, show aggression or other strong negative emotions in front of your child. The baby will absorb such a template and use it for his own purposes.
Important! If this behavior persists for a long time, you should contact child psychologist. A specialist will help find the root of the problem and correct the child’s behavior.
Naturally, parenting plays a huge role, but sometimes you need to know how to respond to a child’s tantrums in order to quickly calm him down. It is important to understand the baby’s behavior tactics and adapt to them.
A few simple techniques that are based on the basics of child psychology will help with this:
- Abstraction. This method works only at the beginning of an emotional attack and does not always work. Many parents use it quite often, without fully realizing the importance of such a technique. Children's attention is very easily distracted, and the dominant thought or experience can quickly be replaced by others. Therefore, parents can show their child beautiful toy, a bird in the sky, a car or another person to distract him from his hysterical outburst. Literally a split second of an interested look - and the baby will behave more calmly, since the emotional storm was stopped in time.
- Warning. Many tantrums can be avoided if the child is told in a timely manner what awaits him. For example, the birth of a second child in a family is always stressful for the first. Therefore, before this, it is necessary to talk with the baby and tell him what awaits him, what changes will affect his life and what exactly will change with the arrival of a sister/brother. Then the new favorite of his family will not be a surprise to him. He must understand before his birth that there will be two of them, and on equal rights. The same warning scheme works with kindergarten, and with visiting a public place, and in any other case.
- Tactics. It is very important that parents do not change their own opinion because of a child’s hysteria. If the baby sees that mom or dad can give in, all he has to do is burst into tears; he should expect such a reaction every time it is needed. Any hysteria should end with an explanation to the child of his wrongness. Therefore, it is categorically not recommended to back down and allow what was previously prohibited. We must not allow tantrums to become a child’s new tool of manipulation. The excuses that he is still at a very young age and does not understand the word “no” make no sense at all. The child begins to understand prohibitions from the first year of life. The parent will not allow the child to put small objects into the socket just because he is small and does not yet understand the danger. The same applies to prohibitions on unrestrained behavior in a public place, whims and other actions.
- Choice. In addition to the attention that the child must receive, it is also important to provide him with some freedom. This lies in the choice of basic living conditions. For example, if your baby throws a tantrum every time he is given a toy, you need to ask him next time. At the same time, it is necessary to indicate the options available to choose from so that the baby can decide among them. This also applies to hysterics about not wanting to eat a certain dish. If you directly ask your baby whether he will eat something, he may answer in the negative, and nothing can be achieved in this case. You should give him a multi-course option. He must make his choice independently, choosing the best from what is available.
Children's tantrums are a fairly common way to show their own opinion if no one takes it into account, talk about troubling problems, or show their own resentment. It is very difficult for a child to distinguish one emotion from another, as well as to prioritize between them, so from time to time they become overwhelming, and the child throws tantrums. It is important for parents to be able to prevent such a surge in time, recognize and extinguish it, and also explain why this cannot be done anymore.
Tantrums in children 1 2 years old
How to deal with hysterics in a 1-2 year old child?
(This is an answer to a question from one of the community members, and maybe even more than one. I wrote this post on my own, but realized that I was mistaken, now I’m publishing it here for the second time)
At first, tantrums arise spontaneously and unintentionally in a child, when some of his needs and needs are not satisfied and his nervous system does not have the strength to withstand this tension. Therefore, they often occur in a state of illness: the nervous system is already exhausted, and then you want to drink or your shoes are rubbing, and in general it is not clear what is wrong with the body and where it hurts. But behind the hysteria there is always some very real need.
However, the way to communicate this need is, to put it mildly, not very correct. Therefore, here you need to maneuver: to catch the message, and make it clear that this method is unacceptable, and teach other, more cultural methods. Of course, the cultural way is to say it in words, but a small child still has little opportunity to do this. He may not know the words, or he may not really understand what’s wrong.
Of course, if the child makes the connection. that he was hysterical - and got everything, then he no longer tries to master another way of expressing his needs. What for? And that's how it all works! Children at this age (1-2 years) remember simple cause-and-effect relationships very well and love to use them. For example, I pressed a button and the TV started playing. What joy and what power over the world!
I shouted and my mother gave me something to drink. Power over the world again!
So of course, if this connection is not broken now, it will only strengthen - but now you have to fight with the already established connection, so it’s difficult. But using spankings and punishments of this kind to express your rejection of such behavior is not very good, because this method only works to, so to speak, “win the battle but lose the war.”
The best method of dealing with such hysterics, already entrenched in behavior, consists of several steps
Try to satisfy the child’s needs in advance (for this you need to analyze the most common reasons hysterical and figure out how to give the child what he needs - food, drink, attention, etc. while he is calm).
If it was not possible, or the child wants something that is not allowed - in general, he became hysterical, the most important thing is to remain calm, in short words say, “we don’t do that. I’ll listen to you as soon as you calm down. Say it calmly. Say it in words.” That is, by all means make it clear to the child that his wishes will be heard as soon as he calms down. Of course, it won’t work right away, so here you can use the isolation method - you isolate the child for as many minutes as he is years old, you yourself remain outside the door and at the first signs of calm, you go to them, hold them close to you, reassure them and listen.
If this happens on the street, then it is better to use the holding method: You take the child in your arms or on your knees, even if he kicks or struggles, and squeeze him very tightly in your arms, saying “I love you very much, now you will calm down and we will talk” and hold it without letting go until it begins to relax and calm down. It is easier to hold the baby if you do it from the back, you can let your legs dangle freely, and press your arms crossed to your chest. Then he will not be able to hit, bite or scratch you.
There are two things to remember:
You can give the child what he wants only when he has calmed down enough. Then his associative connection between hysteria and satisfaction will gradually collapse.
The purpose of all these actions is not to punish the child, but to help him learn to cope with overwhelming emotions on his own.
By consistently implementing this algorithm several times, you will get rid of hysterics almost forever. Relapses are possible during illness or at a critical age, but it will be easier to cope with them if you eradicate this unpleasant habit now.
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