It’s good that in life you can meet people who share their most intimate things with us. Finding good friends is not so easy, but it is much more difficult to maintain a good relationship with them.
Friendships are created in childhood; a person at this age is naive and will do anything to maintain the friendship. As a person grows up, he may face betrayal from friends. Then he begins to approach the choice of friends more carefully.
Although this saves us from possible disappointment, it can make us lonely. How can we learn to trust our friends?
We must not forget that not all people are ideal, and your friend may let you down at the most inopportune moment. You need to determine the degree of sincerity that is acceptable between you.
You must be sure that your friend will not tell anyone about your secrets and will not envy the fact that you are more successful than her.
What not to tell your friend
Your family or marriage
If problems arise in, they should concern only you and your loved ones. Even if everything is fine, then there is no need to brag to your friend about gifts from your husband, as well as about children that your friend does not have. Show mercy and spare her the manifestation of envy.- If you are tactful and sensitive, then you don’t need to talk about what might upset your friend. Although she loves you and also rejoices at your victories, her failures will stand out against the background of your success.
- You should not discuss your husband’s shortcomings with your friend, as well as your family quarrels. You may arouse sympathy from others, but you will add problems to yourself.
- Do not discuss the topic of intimacy with a friend, this is a private matter between you and your partner. A friend may spill all the details to someone else or use the information received for her own purposes.
Career and business theme
Success is the most dangerous enemy of friendship.- You may want to share your accomplishments and work plans with your friend. Then you begin to notice that your plans are not coming true. At first you may think that this is the evil eye, but your friend is not at all to blame. There is no need to confuse a dream and an already completed action.
- If you brag about what you real life has not yet been achieved, then you will immediately relax and will not be able to achieve what you wished for. In order for the result to be achieved, do not blame your friend for being jealous of you, just do not share your plans with her.
A person is designed in such a way that he needs to share his experiences with someone. And often the role of the one with whom they share is played by girlfriends and friends.
I will not repeat the hackneyed truth “about female friendship.” I’ll just say that you need to be very careful with your friends. Especially when it comes to good news. Don't forget, women are often jealous. And this envy can ruin your plans,” says psychologist Andrei Danilenko.
Don't talk about growth plans
The test of success is difficult for any relationship. No, of course the format when successful person“Everyone who cares sticks” is possible, but there is little sincerity here.
To be honest, people envy success. Therefore, never share your plans for the future. Tell only what has already happened.
Quarrels with husband
If we are talking about the fact that your husband hit you, in this situation you need to tell everyone about it in order to create appropriate fame for him and, if anything, have witnesses.
If you quarreled over untidy socks or a cup, then such quarrels should not be taken out of the hut.
About appearance
Remember, girlfriends are never objective in matters of appearance. Therefore, do not discuss the procedures you plan to do or the hair color you dream of.
On a subconscious level, most likely, they will advise something that will make you worse.
Shopping plans
Women often compete with each other: this applies to both men’s collections, the brand of car, the cost of renovating an apartment, the presence of branded handbags, and so on.
In female friendships, there is often a moment when one friend shared what kind of dress she dreams of, and others immediately bought a similar one. Of course, the example with a dress is primitive, but it’s better not to talk too much about the things you want to buy. Let it always be a surprise.
It is happiness when there are people in life whom we can trust even more than ourselves, who do not play on our strings, do not deceive us and say only what they really think. And this is dictated not by their own psychological problems, but by sincere love and participation. Where can you find such people?
Finding true friends and maintaining long and warm relationships with them is not so easy. And not everyone succeeds. Friends, as a rule, are found in childhood and adolescence, when we are not yet so closed, naive and ready to do a lot for a friend. As if remembering that childhood readiness for sincerity and acceptance, we recognize friends precisely by these traits.
As we grow older and have repeatedly encountered ingratitude and betrayal from loved ones, we become careful and careful in choosing friends. On the one hand, this protects us from unnecessary disappointments. But on the other hand, it does lonely . We may have many female friends and even girlfriends of varying degrees of reliability. But we are not one hundred percent sure of everything.
How to find a middle ground in a relationship with a friend?
First of all, you need to understand that ideal people do not exist and someday your friend may not act exactly like that or not at all as you expect.
Find out what mutually safe level of candor is possible between you. And can your friend, for example, keep her mouth shut if you reveal too revealing information about yourself to her? Will she be able to withstand your boasting about her overwhelming success if she herself is in the black hole of existence?
If you're not afraid, tell me, but then don't be upset if you feel alienated or the whole city finds out about it. It may also happen that a story about your troubles will prompt her to provide unexpected help, which will lead to undesirable situations, such as “I wanted the best, but it turned out as always.”
What should you not tell your friend, even if you trust her completely?
Let's try to outline dangerous places from different areas of life that could sharpen contradictions and provoke consequences of revelations that are not entirely desirable for you.
Marriage, family
The topics are to some extent closed, because they concern only your family. Especially if there are problems. And even if everything is fine, don’t jinx it by boasting to your unmarried friend about your wonderful relationships, gifts, acquisitions, don’t boast about your children if she doesn’t have them yet, etc. Be merciful and have mercy on her ears.
There are women who like to discuss with their friends the shortcomings of their husband, his weaknesses, and their family problems. It seems to me that by washing dirty linen in public, they do not make it cleaner, but pollute it even more. Getting carried away by denunciation, inventing and embellishing for the sake of a catchphrase flaws , perhaps, they evoke better sympathy, but in doing so they bring problems and troubles upon themselves and their family.
What you can and cannot tell your friend
I remembered my friend, who told only good things about her problematic husband, although we knew that he was a decent slacker, and walked to the left, and drank. We were surprised at her then and shrugged our shoulders. But time passed, and we divorced our positive husbands, and she raised her careless husband into a wonderful owner and attentive father of the family. Only by my faith in his strengths and kind words to him. You could say she programmed him for positive personal growth.
Should you be open with your friend about your sex life?
Sex
The bedroom door is closed, and a disclosure taboo is established on everything that is behind it. If you don’t understand this, then one day you may encounter an anecdotal and very bitter situation when your friend, who knows the intimate details of your life, suddenly unwittingly makes them a matter of publicity or inadvertently pricks you in a sore spot, makes a bad joke or takes advantage of you.
What you can and cannot tell your friend
– Why don’t you sleep with/date anyone? - you can ask her. And she will answer:
- Whenever I think about it, I remember yours.
- Mine?
- Well, yes, I think, God forbid someone like him (impotent, idiot, slob, etc.) gets caught!
Agree, it is extremely unpleasant to hear this from a friend, even if you yourself have said this about your husband more than once. It’s even worse if, when meeting him, she somehow shows her knowledge of the intimate issues of your life. He will look at you in the wrong way, or smile, or joke meaningfully. This, by the way, may cost you not only your relationship with your husband, but also his potency . After all, this area of life occupies a disproportionately larger place in a man’s life than in a woman’s life.
Business and career
Can you tell your friend everything?
Have you ever wondered what best friends are for? The answer, at first glance, is simple to the point of banality. Of course, in order to lend your fragile shoulder as soon as the need arises. Who can you trust if not her? Who will cry with you about your unsatisfactory personal destiny? Who will squeal with joy that luck suddenly fell right on your head? You can trust her with everything - from a bank card PIN code to a loved one. Female friendship– a thing, of course, amazing, although little studied. But what about your friend's 100% access to your personal information? Perhaps there are some caveats here.
Who are you, my friend?
Oh, how difficult it is to find a person in whose soul the same melodies play. Which surprisingly complements you or is simply your second “I”. Once we have found a girlfriend, we are sure that the idyll of mutual understanding will last forever. But this, with rare exceptions, is just a misconception. People and circumstances around them change. The one with whom she shared not only secrets, but also her only “decent” skirt, can become a sworn enemy. Especially if the main goals of life are at stake, be it a chance for career advancement or one beloved man for two. Therefore, if you don’t want your opponent (aka ex-girlfriend) best friend) had aces up his sleeve against you, it is better not to tell compromising facts about yourself. All “deadly secrets” - only to your own reflection in the mirror!
1. Success
Your friend, of course, sees for herself how lucky you are in your personal life (given her problems!). And it’s simply impossible not to notice your career achievements. This topic becomes especially dangerous if your friend’s state of affairs is the complete opposite. The main thing here is to remain modestly silent, without initiating conversations about your own “lucky star”. Maybe your luck will somehow be forgiven.
2. Family troubles
Stories that your husband is probably having an affair with “this new secretary” will cause a storm of sympathy from your friend and a significant amount of hidden gloating: “I’m not the only one who’s doing badly.” It may very well be that your suspicions are unfounded, and your relationship with your husband is at yet another peak of tenderness. And behind our backs, whispers will continue about the unhappy life of “one well-known couple.”
3. Intimate life
Needless to say, questions of an intimate nature can only be presented to a specialist if there is a special need. Your friend doesn’t seem to be one of those? Bed is a matter of only two people. And no one has the right to give him an “expert assessment.”
Should you get rid of your girlfriends?
A reasonable approach to relationships will allow you not to see your friend as a constant source of danger. After all, there are so many interesting topics to discuss: fashion, colleagues, classmates, art, a new boutique and, of course, the weather forecast.
You have a boyfriend, you are in seventh heaven, that your personal life is finally settled. Friends, having learned that your heart is no longer free, will immediately begin to ask who this guy is, where you found him, etc. and so on. The number of questions regarding your relationship with your loved one will not decrease over time, but rather increase. However Don’t rush to tell your friends everything. There are some things they don't need to know at all. What you should be silent about when telling your friends about your boyfriend.
About your conflicts with him
All couples fight, however Not all couples and do not always tell their friends about their conflicts. Sometimes it happens that a seemingly ideal couple suddenly breaks up, and people are perplexed: “How is this possible? After all, they were perfect couple" It’s just that these people don’t make the details of their scandals public, and what others don’t see doesn’t exist for them.
About the fact that you pay for the apartment
You shouldn’t tell your friends that as a couple you pay utilities and deal with loans. In your couple, this may be accepted by mutual consent, but your friends may think that the man is sitting on your neck.
About the fact that he doesn't like your friends
Why tell your friends that your boyfriend doesn't like them?? He doesn't show it outwardly. It is unlikely that you will be comfortable being in the company of your significant other and your friends at the same time, knowing that they are aware that he cannot stomach them.
His physical disabilities, phobias and sexual problems
It is unethical to tell someone else about what should remain between you and your boyfriend. It is unlikely that you would want your boyfriend to tell his friends, for example, that you are terribly afraid of the dark or about some problems in bed.
About the fact that you hardly share your plans for the future
There may be many reasons for this, but your caring friends will definitely decide that he does not love you and is not serious about your relationship.
About his infidelities
Full family life it is possible after betrayal, and you understand this and may want to forgive your loved one, but your friends will certainly be against it. They will probably try to separate you, with good intentions, as it seems to them.
About his problems with relatives
We have already figured out that it is better not to tell your friends about your quarrels with your boyfriend. You shouldn't tell them what your boyfriend is having. problems with parents or other relatives. These are personal problems of his family, and there is no need for anyone else to know about them except you.
His gifts
Perhaps you have come across a man who does not know how to give gifts at all, and therefore constantly gives you all sorts of absurd things. And there is no need for friends to know about this, otherwise they, again, will decide that the guy doesn’t love you.