Almost every person adheres to certain principles throughout his life, which can be adjusted depending on situations. One of these can be called a label specially created in the imagination called: “What cannot be forgiven.”

Let's talk about this topic in this article. What is forgiveness, what can and should be forgiven, and what cannot be forgiven, since the offender will strike again. In addition, we will discuss what you cannot forgive a guy and a girl when it comes to relationships.

What is forgiveness

Everyone who professes any religion knows: to forgive is a godly and right thing. It is considered wrong to carry a grudge, but an even more wrong action is an act of revenge. The best thing you can do if you have been offended is to forgive the person and let go of the situation, that is, stop thinking about it and playing it out over and over again.

Probably each of us understands: to forgive is right and good, but it is not always possible.

Why don't we want to forgive people?

There may be several reasons for this. So, one of the most common is that we like to be offended. That is, they caused us some damage, violated our dignity, have pity on us! And if there is no one to feel sorry for, there is no need - I will just walk around and savor my insult, like a slice of sour lemon.

The second reason lies in the impossibility of forgiveness as such. That is, we have certain principles that determine the value of our personality. For example, we tell ourselves: “I’m so beautiful, you can’t raise your voice at me!” And then life brings us together with a person who did not know this truth about us and “surrounded” us with a three-story mat. Forgiving him means overstepping your own principles, and this is quite difficult to do.

The third reason may be what kind of offense was inflicted on us. What if, according to our concepts, it is incommensurable with nothing? It's one thing to forgive a person who hit or humiliated you. It is possible, although not easy. Is it possible to forgive someone who took away health or life? loved one, willingly or unwillingly? Is it possible to forgive a doctor who committed a crime or a driver who accidentally hit a pedestrian? Let's talk about this further and find out what cannot be forgiven and what needs to be forgiven.

About self-esteem

You know yourself very well, don't you? What exactly do you like and what do you not? Where did you grow up, study, work? Who are you friends with, who do you dislike, and who would you like to meet as your soulmate? The collection of all these sensations, memories and mental images is your “I” or ego. Imagine: you suddenly lose your memory as a result of an accident. You come to your senses, look in the mirror and see your reflection... You understand - it’s you, but who are you?

Memories seem to be erased. It turns out that if you take away our memory, we will lose ourselves? No, that's not true - we will lose our self-image, and nothing more.

Now about the principles. All your dogmas, ideas and rules are the same feigned components of “I”. You created them, carefully sculpted them and carry them with you so that your self-identity is as complete as possible. After all, the more you can tell about yourself, the more complete a person you are. So, you know, to the question: “What cannot be forgiven a person?” There is only one answer: “Everything can be forgiven. The only problem is the desire to do it.” If you go beyond your ego for even a second, you will know: you have no principles or rules, and you can even pardon your own executioners in your imagination.

Why are we taught self-esteem and pride?

Parents tell us about what cannot be forgiven in the process of raising us. This is done for a good purpose - to protect kids from mistakes. After all, everyone should have a sense of their own dignity, self-love. Mom will not want her daughter to suffer from her husband’s fists in the future. The father will not wish his son so that he Therefore, since childhood, everyone carries in his head the title: “What can never be forgiven.” Note that the box is closed. Parents tell us that we cannot forgive, but they do not reveal their cards completely: what will happen if we do forgive the offender?..

Therefore, every man knows that a woman cannot be forgiven, and every lady keeps in her head a scheme of what she will not forgive her chosen one, and so on. Most often, these principles are as solid as flint, and violating them is tantamount to betraying oneself.

What cannot be forgiven: "Ask" list

Let's make a list of the most acute situations and actions that are very difficult or even impossible to forgive:

1. Insult to human dignity or humiliation.
2. Physical violence.
3. An accident that had tragic consequences.
4. Intentional harm leading to a tragic event.

As we see, there is always something worse than what has already happened and which “cannot be forgiven.” For example, some unfortunate person was publicly scolded and humiliated by his boss. The person swears to himself never to talk to him again and considers him enemy number one.

But if in the evening this same poor fellow finds out that his wife also cheated on him, then the morning situation with the boss will no longer seem so sad. The boss can already be forgiven, but the wife becomes persona non grata in the soul of this man. Go ahead. Agree that the same betrayal will not seem too much grief compared to points four or five.

This thought experiment demonstrates that the category “What cannot be forgiven” is relative and can change in your mind. You are the rightful owner of your principles and beliefs. Therefore, it is up to you to decide whether to forgive the offender.

Learning to forgive

Not being able to forgive is like throwing heavy cobblestones onto your already heavy burden in life from time to time. Have you noticed what happens in the mind with “unforgiven” and therefore unresolved situations? Many people are dragging their feet kindergarten memories of how they were offended and teased. Further in life - even more grievances. They accumulate and increase in size, at the same time giving rise to complexes and negative expectations from others. “I’ve been bullied so many times, which means I’m a loser. Weak person. If I were good, I wouldn't have been betrayed so many times."

Believe (and check) that forgiveness is the simplest and most natural thing you can do in response to an offense. This is what the Bible and the Church teach us. What can't be forgiven? From the point of view of Christianity, there are no such acts. Everything can be forgiven!

Accept the imperfection of the offender. Understand that he is only human. He has his own fears, views on life, complexes. Perhaps, by hurting you, he just wants to get out of his quagmire, to become higher, albeit dishonestly, at your expense. Forgive him. Wish him happiness, because a satisfied and happy person will not cause or wish anything bad to another. And you will see that the situation will be resolved, that a burden will fall off you, it will become easy for you! And the offender will leave your life or apologize if it is your loved one.

“Forgiveness is my favorite rake”

Have you ever heard from women who are regularly beaten by their husbands that they understand why this happens? Like, their mother told them a long time ago that you can’t forgive a man for violence, but they, so and so, forgive, and therefore suffer. How does this fit in with the theory that you need to forgive?

Everything is very simple! Forgiveness is necessary, and even necessary. But the act of forgiveness, alas, does not make the offender a saint. If you forgive an unfaithful person for betrayal or an aggressive person for beatings, you will not protect yourself from the tyranny of this person in the future. What to do? Weigh soberly what kind of person he is, and - most importantly - what place he occupies in your life. Perhaps it would be better to forgive him and... forget, let him go on all four sides.

What you can't forgive in a relationship

For example, you found out that your beloved girl cheated on you. It hurts you, but you love her very much and therefore forgive her and decide to continue to be with her. A year passes, and you again learn about infidelity. So, did you forgive her in vain?

Let's clarify something. Forgiveness does not mean allowing a person to commit a dirty trick against you again. Forgiveness means accepting the situation: “You are wrong, but I forgive you. You are only human, and therefore you have the right to make mistakes.” That's what you should think if you've been hurt. But continuing to live with someone who beats you, calls you names or cheats on you is another matter. Most likely, the person treats life and you personally in a completely different way than you think is right. If you were betrayed once, there is a high probability that it will happen again. However, it is quite possible that this will not happen again. In general, what to do next is up to you, but you must forgive!

A little more about relationships

Don’t ask any more questions like: “What can’t a man be forgiven?”, as if a representative of the stronger half of humanity is some kind of separate subspecies. Every man is unique, everyone's mistakes are unique. The fact that you have come across not very good “gentlemen” simply indicates that you are progressing in development and refuse to be content with little.

No less ridiculous are questions like: “What can’t you forgive a girl?” Remember that you need to forgive a person in any case, regardless of gender and age, and this is important not only for him, but also for you. But whether to continue to build a relationship with the offender or to separate is already your conscious choice. Forgiveness in itself does not oblige anyone to anything.

What to do if it is impossible to forgive a person?

There are things for which it is not possible to forgive a person. It is very easy to talk about how to let a traitor or foul-mouthed person go in peace, but there are offenses that are very difficult to forget. We are talking about accidents, accidents, negligence, not to mention an even greater evil - deliberate crimes. How can you forgive a culprit if behind the person’s appearance there is

Let's be honest: this is a complex topic. You may not be ready to read what we have to say next, but it is true nonetheless. Hating someone eats away at your soul. If you have been seriously hurt, you have only two options: bury yourself in this misfortune, experiencing it again and again, or allow yourself to move on by letting go of the situation. What to choose is up to you, since you are the master of your life.

How to forgive a crime and a criminal?

The word “criminal” comes from the word “to overstep,” that is, this is the person who oversteps universal human norms, forgetting about the value of life and health. Such people exist and, most likely, will always exist. We cannot look into their heads, read their thoughts, but if we could do this, then, according to psychologists, we would see there a child whom someone once greatly offended, but he could not forgive. Now it may be your turn to draw a conclusion. But remember that forgiveness is not necessary for someone else, but only for you.

To summarize

We may think that it is impossible to forget some things and grievances, but we can just as easily just “let go” of the offender. Remember that forgiving does not mean allowing him to continue to abuse you. Just try to accept his imperfections, admit that he is just a person who has the right to make mistakes. However, do not confuse forgiveness with permissiveness. If the one who hurts you is like that by nature, just leave him and go on your way.

And one more point that should not be forgotten. The longer you carry the load of grievances, and the heavier it is, the worse it is for you. You lose your joy in life, your self-esteem drops. Forgive everyone who has ever hurt you, let those people go in your mind, and you will immediately feel relief.

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 4 minutes

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Surely every person has his own list of words and actions that should never be forgiven to anyone. But love and close relationships often force us to reconsider our principles, and sometimes even change them.

Falling in love sometimes closes a woman’s eyes to the ugly masculine actions of her partner, often forcing her to forgive what, in general, should not be forgiven.

So, what actions and words can never be forgiven even to a beloved man?

• Treason.
  On the topic of unforgiveness of betrayal, the opinions of women and men unanimously agree in their majority - you cannot forgive betrayal! Infidelity contains several negative aspects - this is the pain of realizing the deception of a loved one, hatred of betrayal, and unbearability from the thought that he was close to another woman, this is also the torment of the fact that someone has broken into the close world of your relationship with your partner also, having soiled and desecrated the Temple of your love. Sometimes betrayal cannot be forgiven even by strong man, and the fact of betrayal can simply trample a weak, sensitive person.
  Should I forgive someone who cheated? Of course, everyone decides this for themselves. But remember that to forgive does not mean living the rest of your life with a person under the yoke of suspicion, pain and this resentment. Forgiving betrayal means letting go of the situation, completely clearing your heart of grievances and starting life from scratch, never returning to the past. Read also:
• The man raised his hand to the woman.
  The sad statistics provided by psychologists indicate that the fact of the first case, when, soon becomes part of his rule of communication with his partner. A man by nature is very strong, and he is able to protect his loved ones, as well as refrain from excessive emotionality and aggression. Strong man will never allow himself to humiliate a loved one.
  The one who raised his hand to a woman is a creature with an unbalanced psyche, who will easily do it the second and tenth time, each time becoming more and more excited and using more and more sophisticated methods of humiliating his wife.
• A man beats children.
  While the debate continues about whether physical punishment of children is necessary or is not permissible, those men who do not have the right to be called men open their hands to their children, explaining this with fatherly love and the desire to raise them to be good people.
  The highest role of a mother is to protect her children. from all the cruelties in this world. So is it worth forgiving a person who regularly tortures your flesh and blood? Is your love for your husband or the habit of living with him worth all the humiliation, physical and moral pain of your child?
• Lie.
  Whatever a man's lie - small or big - it can become a serious obstacle to this couple's path to happiness. As a rule, it is small lies that undermine relationships - every day, bit by bit, suddenly over time growing into a snowball that can no longer be moved to the side. A man's lie is a serious reason to doubt his feelings and sincerity . Relationships are built on trust; if there is no trust, there will be no love.
• Public words of insult towards a woman.
  Dirty words spoken by a man in public should not be forgiven. If a man suddenly begins to share intimate secrets of your relationship with friends, rudely criticize you, and utter obscene expressions at you, this is a serious reason to reconsider your relationship with him. Under no circumstances should a man be forgiven for such behavior. - unless, of course, you want to remain humiliated and insulted for the rest of your life, and possibly beaten, in public.
• Disrespectful attitude towards women.
  “That blonde has a super figure, and after giving birth you spread out like a cow”, “What do you care about this woman, you don’t even know how to cook”, “My ex kept order, but yours is always a mess” - and so they continue Comparisons of you with all women on Earth, naturally, are not in your favor. Should this be forgiven?
  Respect is one of the pillars on which Love stands. There is no respect for you - and this love becomes “lame”, or maybe it doesn’t exist at all. Most likely, the painfulness of his own EGO forces a man to compare you with other women, humiliating you. Do you really need this weakling?
• Men's laziness.
  How often in life do we see families in which the woman is “me and the horse, me and the bull, me and the woman and the man,” and the man lies on the couch, finding endless excuses for his passivity... Such a man is not looking for additional opportunities to earn money , he does not try to solve financial crisis situations in the family, does not do any housework. The most favorite pastimes of such a man are watching TV, lying on the couch, meeting friends in the garage or beer bar, fishing, eternal smoke breaks...
  Are you sure that at the moment when you are suddenly unable to provide for your family and do all the housework, your man will take upon himself to solve the problems? So Is it necessary to put up with his passivity today? – the answer is quite obvious.
• A man's greed.
  It is very difficult for a woman to feel loved and desired if her man is stingy with gifts and purchases. In such couples, constant friction arises over supposedly excessive spending on the part of the wife and children. The woman in such a couple is unlikely to receive luxurious gifts, and if bouquets are bought for her, it is only based on the principles of economy - cheaper, discounted.
  With such a situation, any woman, if she has not completely given up on her life, will be very difficult to come to terms with . And is it necessary to forgive a man for greed?
• Insults to your relatives.
  If a man sincerely loves you, he will never stoop to insulting your parents, children from a previous marriage, brothers, sisters, etc.
  According to many people, under no circumstances You can’t forgive your man for insulting his family - even if they were uttered in the heat of the moment, and one cannot forgive his ugly actions towards relatives.
• Bad habits of men.
  Under no circumstances should a woman put up with the most common bad male habits - drug addiction, gambling addiction. A man who seeks solace in these manias of his does not actually love you - these passions replace love for him. Although he can swear his eternal love for you - but of course, it is very convenient for him to return after night drinking or after major losses to the house, where he will be fed, reassured, and caressed.
  Alcoholism, gambling, and drug addiction cannot be forgiven for a man!
• Male egoism and egocentrism.
  Your man speaks only about himself, attributing all family achievements to himself. He is ready to go on vacation to the country that he chooses; it is he who decides which friends should be friends with you, and which ones should forget the way to your house. A selfish man constantly desires attention to himself, but is very stingy in giving attention to his companion or children.
  By forgiving male egoism and coming to terms with this state of affairs, a woman a priori assigns himself secondary roles in his life. But excuse me - where is the love here?!

If you step back and look at adultery through the eyes of psychologists, it turns out that the cause of the offense lies not only on the surface: everyday life, habit, novelty, etc., but also in the human psyche itself, in the oscillatory processes of the cerebral hemispheres. When the relationship between the hemispheres is stable, a person is characterized by stable behavior. When disrupted, mental processes become impulsive.

Cheating, according to psychologists, refers to the actions of impulsive (or unstable) people. After all, when a person is under the influence of an impulse, he cannot behave differently. In addition to acute positive outbursts, negative ones appear - the desire to lie, be jealous, deceive, which ultimately leads to infidelity in a couple. A balanced person does not see the need to do this, although he is also not immune from adultery.

But there is also back side. If the first of the pair has an impulsive psyche, and the second has a stable one, and if the latter is not aware of the opposite of the first, he subconsciously creates an intolerable psychological situation that entails deception.

How to understand the intolerability of a psychological situation? A person with a stable psyche perceives the real picture of the world; he is in constant search and creative work, that is, it evolves. A person with impulsive mental processes is susceptible to illusory perception. This creates a kind of internal conflict that both are unaware of. Stability will definitely try to balance instability, and the first will try with all his might to pull the second to his level. Moreover, this will happen at the expense of the strength of one and without much zeal on the part of the other.

A partner living in illusions may at first try to prove his love, play the role of a balanced one, but in the end this will only lead to the fact that “pulling up” to the highest level will turn into humiliation and insult. This is where jealousy, deception and the desire to lie take their roots. The end point is a love affair with another person. So, in addition to superficial reasons, there is also a hidden psychological reason why a person betrays - an unconscious desire to prove his worth to a too “correct” partner.

Is it possible to forgive the betrayal of a loved one based on such behavioral processes? A stable psyche will immediately grasp the nuances and make a choice: accept the loved one as they are and try not to create “unbearability” or take care of increasing the psychological level of the impulsive with the help of a psychoanalyst. The second way to resolve the conflict is possible only if the latter wants to get rid of illusions and look at the world more realistically.

For a balanced person, a casual relationship is not a form of betrayal, therefore it is quite possible to receive forgiveness for betrayal. But the impulsive person’s answer to the question: is it worth forgiving betrayal will be formulated somewhat differently. More precisely, a reaction is expected here rather than words, since a person is capable of:

• Be deeply offended and depressed.
• Cheat in revenge and make up excuses, shielding yourself.
• Cling to the role of “victim”. This way he will prove how pure and innocent he is compared to the “correct” one.
• He will leave forever, slamming the door. Perhaps he was waiting for an opportunity to get rid of the discomfort that was created by others.

Almost all psychologists have one common opinion about infidelity: it is one of the most serious traumas that is very difficult for the human psyche to cope with. The deception of the one whom he trusted the most causes pain and depression, the inability to look at the world soberly, and starts an endlessly rotating carousel of questions: “Should we forgive betrayal?”, “What if it happens again?”, “Or maybe he doesn’t not my person in life? Even an accidental mistaken connection can destroy strong and long-lasting relationships.

Experiencing mental stress, people more easily succumb to physical illness. Wives who have been betrayed suffer from female diseases. Husbands are overtaken by alcoholism, which also has a detrimental effect on health.

Coming to your senses after an event is extremely difficult, but even more difficult is the decision itself what to do with your soul mate - forgive or leave.

If your loved one packed his bags and went to live with his mistress without much discussion, everything will be resolved by itself. Here the conditions themselves dictate what to do next - gather your will into a fist and learn to live in a new way. Well, or think through tactics on how to get your partner back.

And if the unfaithful repents, begs for forgiveness, swears that he did not want to betray, then it is more difficult - the choice has to be made by the one who was betrayed, the responsibility for the decision: whether to forgive the betrayal falls on his shoulders. To give a final answer, it is necessary to abandon hasty conclusions and do the following:

• Cool down, return to a calm state
• Wait for the period when the mental wound stops bleeding
• Step back from what happened to soberly assess the situation

It's easy to say - you might think, but it is very important to set your priorities correctly. If the one who cheated really wants a second chance, then he will definitely give you time to recover and agree to wait until you are ready to talk. A quick temper or a depressed state will not benefit anyone in the couple.

'Cause one more helpful advice about whether to forgive an unfaithful person - live a little apart (one or two weeks).

During this period, you can determine how bad your life is without a loved one, or vice versa - how good it is when betrayal does not remind you of itself, looming before your eyes all the time.

How to make a choice: forgive or leave?

A conscious answer to the question: is it necessary to forgive betrayal does not appear immediately. The psyche must go through several stages of “digestion,” and this requires time.

When a little time passes, the event no longer comes to the fore, it is easier to cope with it, and it becomes possible to think clearly about whether to forgive the betrayal or not. Now is the time to initiate a frank conversation. But, attention! Hysterics, scandalous tone and ostentatious performances with throwing things away are automatically left out of the conversation. It is better to focus on discussing the following points:

• Circumstances under which the unpleasant event occurred

When finding out, you must turn on a cold mind and listen to your partner’s words, and not your feelings. After all, during a conversation they can slide down to the initial level and overshadow sober perception. What is important to find out here? If the event happened while you were drunk or because you were not around for a long time (instinct played a role, winning over reason), then the chances of being forgiven increase. If the affair with another person lasted a year or more, the situation changes - the delusion turns into a cruel deception, and the chances of being forgiven decrease. Think about how well you know the person you trusted for so many years, as well as yourself, and is it worth forgiving betrayal in this case?

• The attitude of the cheater to his action

Whether there is remorse and how high the level of this feeling is in the one who cheated is what is determined next. When a person is indifferent and insincere, you will immediately understand it. He will PRETEND that it’s hard for him, PLAY repentance, assent and TRY in every possible way to please you. Eyes are the mirror of the soul, look into them, they will say everything instead of words.

• Intentions regarding you

It happens that the person who cheated does not need forgiveness. He betrayed on purpose, and then he himself made sure that the second of the couple found out about what happened. It is clear that the traitor’s intentions regarding his family are not serious. The priority is a new passion, and therefore any reason for separation is a relief. The person was simply afraid to take responsibility for such a serious step and shifted it onto the shoulders of the already suffering party. It’s another matter when the person who cheated really needs you, your family, forgiveness and offers to choose the punishment that will atone for his guilt.

What to do with the information received?

When the situation has become a little clearer and a new portion of painful information has been digested, it is time to decide whether to forgive or not. If you remain in limbo and don’t know what to do with a traitor, perhaps the following tips will help you decide. So, it makes sense to grant forgiveness if:

• Adultery is a one-time and only serious offense in the entire life together. When a couple really is two halves of a whole and both, living in absolute harmony, have always felt this, then parting is simply a sin.
• No matter what the traitor is, he is still dearly loved and the partner cannot imagine his future life without him.
• The one who is betrayed depends entirely on the one who betrayed. This refers to the financial side. There are cases when the wife is a housewife, and the children have not yet reached the age when they can provide for themselves. Here betrayal fades into the background, remaining not forgiven, but living together continues due to circumstances.
• You are one hundred percent sure that this will never happen again.

There is no need to forgive betrayal when

• They repent of their actions, but are not responsible for their similar actions in the future. An honest confession is good, but from now on you will have to worry about every minute. What is the point?
• They shift the blame onto another, arguing that he is a bad family man or lover.
• It’s not the first time they’ve changed, and accordingly, it won’t be the last.
• They admit that they are madly in love with their lover or mistress and do not intend to break off the relationship. To the question: “Why do you still live with me?” - they answer that they are afraid to make mistakes in the new, lose the old and be left with nothing.
• It turns out that he has been living with two families for a long time and cannot decide with whom it is better.

There are also cases when a traitor’s mistake becomes a reason to dot the i’s for the deceived. Perhaps the marriage was no longer working out anyway, faded love has long turned into a habit, there is no point in torturing yourself further, and the reason to separate arose by the will of fate.

And it also happens that forgetting about such an incident is completely out of character. Then no circumstances, relationships or intentions will be able to help the cheater.

Analyze, compare, draw conclusions

Cases from life show that the consequences of adultery in every family can be completely opposite. After all, people’s reactions and conclusions depend on their upbringing, childhood complexes, temperament, mentality and other factors. These factors also influence what future awaits people who decide to forget about the trouble and move on with their lives. Let's look at examples of behavior and turn of events after making a mistake in other people's families. People can:

• Without understanding or listening to the other side’s version, they break off the relationship, but after a while, waking up, they want to bring the other half back.
• There are marriages where the question: is it possible to forgive betrayal is not even considered. They simply turn a blind eye to betrayal and live according to the principle “take a walk and come back.”
• Others endlessly believe and hope that this was the last time there was betrayal. The infidel, in turn, swears allegiance to the grave, but then does the same thing again.
• For still others, adultery becomes an incentive to work on oneself (both externally and spiritually). The injured party does not take on the role of a victim, but is actively engaged in restoring the family, which in the end it succeeds.
• Still others file for divorce, despite a one-time mistake, small children, etc. As a result, they find a second husband/wife and live happily with them.
• And there are also those: they forgive the wrongdoing, they themselves beg the unfaithful not to abandon them, and after a while they realize that they cannot live with the humiliation they have experienced - the traitor constantly reminds of it with his presence.

But what to do in your case - forgive or leave forever - is up to you to decide. You will certainly have your own unique example of the further turn of events.

Most importantly, remember that honesty, love and trust in each other are the foundation of marriage.

If one of the bricks is removed, the house will crumble. And restoration will require patience, inspiration and a mutual desire to build anew. Would you forgive an infidelity if you knew the other person wasn't willing to work on the relationship in the future? If yes, then get ready for the fact that you will have to do the work yourself, because the other one will let them take their course and will continue to have affairs “on the side.”

And vice versa, you should not think about forgetting betrayal when the person who stumbled realizes his mistake and takes full responsibility for it. If there is love and honesty, trust can be restored over time.

Hello, dear friends!

Close people sometimes act badly, causing enormous trauma to a person’s consciousness. The motives for the actions of each of us are determined by the degree of development of our worldview, education and principles.

If the picture of a behavioral model is not correlated with our understanding and expectations, then it will not take long to wait, hiding in the heart for a long time.

It happens that people, because of one wrong act, cut off all ties and contacts with a friend or parent, forever harboring a grudge against a previously trusted person. As a result, any attempts to establish contact become fruitless. Is it possible to forgive betrayal? How to rid yourself of soul-tearing experiences and the habit of living in past, painful memories?

Trust is an unshakable confidence in the integrity, sincerity and purity of intentions of a loved one, which is expressed in relationships between individuals.

Having violated this harmony, it becomes unbearably difficult to return to the previous status of a warm relationship. Trusting after being stabbed in the back is a million-dollar test!

As if out of luck, angry expressions, your emotional echoes of what is happening, constant questions creep into your head: “ how and for what?”, which complicate the situation and suppress the resentment deeper and deeper, locking it somewhere in the boxes of the subconscious.

How to survive meanness and re-establish a connection with an individual who has stumbled in her decision? How to learn a lesson from the incident and start living again, letting go of the past?

What do grievances lead to?

A person who has passed through painful and bitter moments must understand and be aware of the negative emotions being maintained. The force of their destruction has a huge impact on the psyche, nervous system and the entire health of the body.

The desire for revenge is a ticking time bomb. The pain carried inside will sooner or later break out of the shackles and cause damage of such force that subsequently the person may be ashamed of what he has done.

By bringing himself to the height of passions inside, the individual loses control over his life. The meaning of his thinking becomes the desire to cause harm, so that the individual realizes the full depth and bitterness caused by betrayal.

Such punishment promises a refraction of the way of thinking. By responding with evil to evil, a person equates himself with the offender and completely turns off logic and reason. This leads to physical or moral damage, which sometimes promises more global problems in the life of an ex-loved person.

Living in the past is stupid. If you are unable to influence the situation, then what is the point in your world to start hostilities with an individual who acted as she saw fit or who did not sufficiently think through all the consequences of her actions?

Accept the situation and forgive

The main problem is that people cannot come to terms with what happened. They try in every possible way to prove to their opponent why he shouldn’t have behaved/acted/thought/said that way.

Betrayal is one of the most unpleasant experiences you can go through. It happens due to many reasons: a partner’s betrayal, a friend’s deception, the habit of pushing lies wherever necessary.

But, as practice shows, you shouldn’t shoot from the shoulder! You need to understand the logic and motive of an action before putting your horn against the fence and interpreting your truth and truth.

Forgiveness is the most powerful tool that is given to people. It can heal the soul and make you look at an event from a completely different angle. What needs to be done to get out of the whirlpool, anger and rejection of reality?

1. Take control of yourself in “unemotional hands”

The first thing to do is try to calm down and push your emotions aside. Of course, I understand how difficult it is to do this, especially for people who tend to react emotionally to any incidents in life.

But just because you create chaos and panic, sowing chaos, enlightenment will not come. It won’t get any easier, but you will only exhaust your nerves and make sure that the desire to understand what happened has disappeared. And the phrase " let it all go!“will be able to drag you into a completely different direction of development.

2. Analyze the situation

Think logically and reasonably about why or in the name of what did the person do this? Throw your beloved Ego a little further and think not only about your feelings, but also about those that other people experience! After all, the sun does not only revolve around you.

Stop looking at yourself as random circumstances and yet another injustice. Perhaps what happened is your fault? Ignoring, lack of attention, problems in communication, etc. d.?

3. Listen and be heard

In order to objectively perceive the real picture, you need to listen to all points of view. The most important thing is to find the courage and willpower to talk after a conflict. Because you silently swallow the insult, and then run around with it like a fool with a written bag, it will not become easier for anyone, including you.

Give the opportunity to explain, listen to the answers, exclude accusations! In any case, this has already happened, and waving your fists after a fight is bad manners.

4. Forgive yourself and the person!

Give the person an opportunity to correct the mistake. Give yourself a chance not to lose the ability to trust people again. Of course, I can’t promise that the old trust will return. You can't mend a broken cup. And at the same time, you can maintain communication and a normal human attitude towards the individual.

5. Move on with your life

After forgiveness, you will be able to choose in what status you are comfortable remaining - friends, loved ones, acquaintances, comrades. But the most important thing is not enemies! This is already wonderful news that over time, it will transform into something more, if you decide so. Be reasonable, friends!

That's the point.

Subscribe to my blog updates and recommend it for reading. In the comments, tell us how you survived the betrayal and what conclusions you drew?

See you on the blog, bye-bye!

“I don’t know what will happen to me if you stop loving me! I'll probably die! - loud and familiar words that people in love, young and not so young married couples say to each other. Beautiful vows, promises of eternal love, delicious breakfasts, warm evenings with tea... And suddenly everything ends. And you realize that a person dear to your heart has betrayed you.

Betrayal is, of course, a severe blow to both self-esteem and the subtle mental organization, but still it is not fatal. Lack of oxygen, insane resentment, the desire to immediately hurt a loved one just a day ago. Many people are familiar with this feeling. After some time, a person tired of grief is faced with several questions: is it possible to survive betrayal and how to do it, forgive or not forgive betrayal, how to move on. We'll figure out.

Is it possible to survive betrayal and how to do it?

If this question nevertheless arose before you, then it is possible that that same youthful maximalism is still speaking in you. Of course, you can survive. Everything is real, believe me. This is very painful, I understand you, but life does not end there.

Accept the situation. What's done is done, don't redo it. The person accidentally or intentionally stumbled. And even so that you found out about it. Don't think about it, don't try to understand, analyze. Thoughts about this act of your loved one will drag you even further to the bottom of depression.

Allow yourself to be an unhappy person for a few days. Emotions must have an outlet. Without resorting to alcohol and other harmful things. Break dishes, cut curtains, tear photos, scream, cry, talk to loved ones, demanding support, you need it now.

Take a break. You need to find something you like, change your surroundings, perhaps change your style of clothing, hairstyle, hair color, even your eyes (lenses).

Don't become isolated. Chat with friends and relatives, make new acquaintances. The four walls of a house are the most ungrateful advisers, especially if everything in this house reminds you of past pleasant times.

Become aware of the fact that the person is not dead. Everything can still be changed. It is worth tearing out your hair on your head only when pieces of earth fall on the lid of the coffin, and until that moment any situation can be resolved.

So we come to the question of whether it is possible to forgive betrayal and how to regain trust.

How to forgive the betrayal of a loved one?

Our grandmothers and great-grandmothers said this: “The sword does not cut off a guilty head.” A man came with repentance, forgive him.

Is it worth forgiving - of course. Whether you want to maintain any relationship with this person in the future is another matter. It all depends on the situation. There are millions of scenarios for such a conflict.

You have been together for many years. Your soulmate is going left, and you will know about it. Whether the person told you on his own or you found out from girlfriends, friends, or from the homewrecker himself is not important. The fact itself, the deception was revealed. The loved one apologizes, asks for another chance, or asks for forgiveness, but says that it was an absolutely informed decision and the affair can be ended. The main thing is honesty.

If you experience deep feelings even after this news, it makes sense to try to build a new relationship, forgetting about this situation and never remembering, because it will not bring good to anyone, and it can easily destroy you, first of all. Forgiveness is for strong people. Without figuring out how, with whom, just forgive and forget, continue to live and love.

If your significant other announces a breakup, but there is a fire in your soul and you are not ready to part, then you will have to remember folk wisdom: “You won’t be nice by force.” Forgive and let go. This is a way out of the situation. There is no need to fall at your feet, beg, or put pressure on your conscience. The person has already decided everything, accept his decision and let him go. The main thing is not to harbor anger and resentment. It won't be easy, but you can do it. This way you can prepare your heart for a new relationship.

Unfortunately, man is very weak by nature, and anyone can take a wrong turn. Most complex issue, which can arise: how to regain trust? If you managed to forgive, save your family, your feelings, then the thought of a relapse will still live somewhere subconsciously. Books and the Internet are replete with sayings: “Betrayed once, betrayed again!”, “People don’t change!” and so on. Don't think about it, don't read bad advice. Let go of the situation. If you managed not to destroy the world after the news of betrayal, and preserve love, then live it today, tomorrow... No need to guess ahead.

There is an interesting technique. Remember yourself as a child and your parents. A broken cup caused anger or sadness, but this did not make you anyone in the life of your family. And perhaps your mother hid the cups higher up, fearing a repetition of the situation, but you also tried not to upset your beloved parent anymore.