You have your first love, you think that your boyfriend is the best in the world. But for some reason your parents don’t agree with you and are categorically against your relationship. The situation is unpleasant, you have to be torn between close people. How to deal with the problem?

Or maybe they are right?

It is always worth listening to the opinions of parents. After all, they have more life experience and want only the best for you. What arguments do your parents give that this guy is not right for you?

Various social statuses

You come from a wealthy, intelligent environment, and the boy is raised by a mother who can barely make ends meet. You are a great student, but the guy is having a hard time moving on to the next grade. You are planning to enter a prestigious university, but your chosen one does not think about the future at all, spending all his free time on the street with friends and beer.

These are, of course, extreme estimates, but think about how similar or different your concepts about life are.

In this case, your parents are justifiably worried about you, they are also worried that the guy will have a bad influence on you and you will abandon your studies.

If you have serious plans for the future, you are responsible for your studies, and your boyfriend doesn’t see the point in this, then how will your relationship develop? Over time, you will simply stop understanding each other. Talk frankly with the young man, maybe it’s really better for you to break up now.

You are a home girl, and your boyfriend is considered a local punk. He is often seen in the yard with beer in the company of swearing teenagers, or he changes girls like gloves. Here parents have something to be horrified about.

Your relationship with your boyfriend is difficult

If you and your boyfriend fight often, your parents can't help but notice. Your sad appearance, mood swings, quarrels on the phone cannot but bother them. And if you complain to them, then they know only one point of view on the conflict and, of course, blame everything young man.

What father or mother would like the fact that some boy makes their daughter cry? They don’t care who is to blame for these quarrels, they are only concerned about the outcome - you’re upset, which means you were offended. Of course, they won't like the guy who makes you suffer.

What to do?

First, think about what causes your quarrels with the boy. If you don’t understand each other, or he behaves rudely, breaks promises, and so on, then perhaps you are not a good friend? If the quarrels are minor, you are just both too emotional, then try to make sure your parents don’t notice them.

Your boyfriend is different

If your lover belongs to some informal youth trend, is dressed atypically, or is engaged in an incomprehensible hobby, then the parents are somehow uneasy. Everything unusual is scary, and they want to protect their little blood from possible troubles.

For example, there is a stereotype that all rock singers are drug addicts, and bikers are alcoholics. If your boyfriend is just that informal, but at the same time quite adequate and reasonable, then be patient. Tell them about the guy's hobby, or make sure the guy can do it himself.

“You sit wrong, you whistle wrong”

Sometimes rejection arises from small things. For example, at a joint tea party, the guy held the spoon incorrectly, or allowed himself to come to visit in torn jeans. Didn't wash my hands before eating and so on. Every family has its own rules and its own “taboos”. If your boy does not fit into them, then in the eyes of his parents he may look like an ill-mannered boor.

What to do? If the parents’ complaints are justified, then talk delicately with the guy and give him the opportunity to improve. At the same time, try to explain to your parents that you don’t love a guy for his appearance and habits. Tell them about its merits.

Unfortunately, this happens. Especially with fathers. They cannot always quickly get used to the idea that their daughter has a new idol or authority. They don't like their daughter's boyfriend just because he is. Be patient and involve your mother in resolving this conflict.

Parents are upset that with the appearance of a boyfriend, their daughter seemed to have forgotten about them: she is not interested in family affairs, rarely calls, and is not at home all day. Show your parents more often that they are still dear to you.

Family diplomacy

If you are confident in your choice and believe that your boyfriend is your destiny, then fight for your happiness. But the fight in this case should be diplomatic: try not to enter into conflict. Show sensitivity, call mom and dad, even if you’re hanging out with a guy late into the night, and devote at least a couple of evenings to your family. Don't intrusively involve your boyfriend in your household chores.

For example, ask him to help you clean your apartment or carry bags from the store, change the wallpaper in your room, or dig up the garden beds in your dacha. Gradually the passions will subside. If your parents see that you are happy with your boyfriend, they will calm down.

Parents are those people who always protect, help with choices, and want the best. From the younger age When children walk under the table, parents raise them and guide them on the right path with their warm, caring hands. But then children grow up, become young men and women, they begin to have not only friendly relationships with peers and older and younger people, but also romantic ones. And then parents begin to sound the alarm!

“He doesn’t suit you! He doesn’t carry you in his arms, he’s sloppy (etc.)!” Mom screams. “He’s not a match for you. He can’t provide for your family. He can’t hammer a nail into a wall, fix a sink (etc.),” the father says, pouting. And the girl begins to be torn between her parents and the young man. Eternal conflicts begin due to the hostile attitude of her parents towards their daughter’s young man. “Parents are against the guy - what to do...” - the girl thinks feverishly. Is it really possible to leave your loved one because of the preconceived opinion of your parents? Of course, they want the best for their daughter, they care about her future, they want her to be successful, to have a strong family, loving husband- good support in everything. And they just can’t discern their future husband in their daughter’s boyfriend. He seems to them not successful enough, smart, strong, caring, gallant, etc. But we must remember that this is the daughter’s choice! You need to respect him! It was not for nothing that she drew attention to this young man?

What a girl thinks about after a while Serious relationships with a young man is how to introduce a guy to his parents. This acquaintance involves a kind of presentation of your choice so that parents do not have doubts about the relationship of their beloved daughter, so that they do not worry about trifles.

To meet, you need to choose a day when neither your parents nor your boyfriend will be tired from work/school. You can invite a young man to dinner, which the girl will certainly cook herself. You need to discuss everything with your parents in advance, talk about the guy, give him a brief description, if they don’t know it yet, you can tell them how brave and noble he is, how he once carried his beloved through the puddles, how he invited her to a tango evening to learn to dance together, how he carefully carries an umbrella when it rains so that his beloved does not get wet. This way the parents will be more inclined to get to know him. The guy, in turn, also needs to be prepared, together choose a suit in which he will come to dinner, or other clothes suitable for an evening meal and meeting his parents. You need to tell him about your parents’ hobbies, where they work, what they are interested in, so that the guy doesn’t accidentally start a conversation on his parents’ least favorite topic right at dinner, so that a negative opinion is not formed about him.

If your parents forbid you to date a guy, that's a different matter. What could be the reason? Maybe there is something alarming about him? Maybe they think that their daughter and her boyfriend are too different or too young for a relationship? We need to listen to their opinion! Falling in love is love, but you need to weigh all the points. There may be various explanations and reasons behind the phrase “my parents don’t like my boyfriend.”

In any case, only the girl should decide. This is her life, her choice, her destiny. If she loves a person and sees him as her “prince,” if she is confident in him, if his shortcomings seem to her only advantages, she cannot part with the guy. The opinion of your parents is important, you should listen to it, but you must act according to the dictates of your heart. Good luck!

On April 16, the series “The Last of the Magikians” starts on CTC Love. Main character- the head of the Magikyan family, Karen, who, together with his wife, is raising three daughters and trying to come to terms with their different characters, desires and, most importantly, boyfriends. And of course, he doesn’t like these guys, and he doesn’t hide it from anyone.

If you have encountered a similar situation - when your dad doesn’t like your boyfriend - then be sure to watch the series “The Last of the Magikians”, it will help you perceive this situation not so tragically and give you some advice. And yes, read the article below.

Tell me about the advantages of your boyfriend

For a father, his daughter is the most ideal creature on earth, and in his eyes, any guy will not be good enough for her. In such a situation, you need to explain to your dad what exactly you love about your boyfriend, how he conquered you. Then give your boyfriend different ideas, for example, painting the fence at your dacha, helping your father get a car part, etc.

Don't deprive your parents of attention

Often fathers cannot explain why they do not like their daughters' boyfriends. Absolutely everything irritates them, and they cannot justify their point of view. This speaks of banal parental jealousy. And it is caused by the fact that with the appearance of a man in your life, you began to devote less time to your parents. A way out of this situation may be duty calls, traditional Sunday dinners, or joint trips to the theater or cinema.

Common interests

Ask your boyfriend to find common topics of conversation with your father. Tell him what dad is interested in so that he is prepared and can start a conversation on a topic that will unite them.

Men's Day

Let your boyfriend take the initiative and invite your dad to a sports bar where they can watch a football game together. Either fishing or going to a car show. It all depends on what your dad is interested in.

Of course, we are not in the 18th century! We do not require parental blessing for marriage, and all human rights documents guarantee freedom of privacy. Date whoever you want, and marry whoever you want - mom and dad really don’t have the right to tell you.

But... what to do if your parents don’t like your groom, and you’ve always dreamed of friendly family dinners on Sundays, of all your loved ones and relatives getting along and living in peace and friendship?..!

Why might parents not like a guy?

Always, even the most ideal parents overcome some possessive feelings in themselves when their child grows up and falls in love, starts dating someone, then builds his own family...

The most wonderful son-in-law is a bit of a “thief.” It always seems to a mother that her daughter was best at home, in her parents’ family, that no one will ever be able to love her as much as her mother, no one will take better care of her...

The whole point is that parental love is unconditional, but marital love is not. That is, in the eyes of parents, all alternatives are, in general, worse.

And it is much more difficult for any man to please his future father-in-law and mother-in-law than for any other people.

The bride's parents expect from the future son-in-law that he will constantly give something to their daughter, give her gifts (not only materially, but also emotionally), while wanting minimally from her in return. Previously, all this was generally obvious - a son-in-law was valued the more, the more rams he agreed to give for the bride.

Now, of course, you can do without rams, but... It is difficult for a mother and father to accept a situation when a daughter builds a relationship with a person and does not expect “rams” from him. Or - when she herself gives a similar number of “rams” in return. Here, let him be any kind of person, but the parents of his girlfriend or wife will not like him.

In general, parents think that their daughter is ideal - men need to rejoice at the very fact of owning her. But it doesn’t happen like that, and it shouldn’t happen - even the most wonderful girl, for the sake of harmony in her relationship with a man, should try to charm him, keep him close to her, please him with something, do something for him...

Of course, parents don’t like a guy who hasn’t yet decided whether to get married or not! What if we are not talking about a wedding at all? Or if he wants some changes from the girl, work on himself, or simply delicious soup?..

What should the groom do to please the bride's parents?

Again, we are modern people. A man does not have to perform ritual dances with a tambourine in order to obtain consent to a relationship with a girl from her parents.

But it often happens that the guy himself strives to achieve harmonious (or at least neutral) relationships with future new relatives.

What advice can you give to a guy who doesn’t like his girlfriend’s parents?

• Care more and more ostentatiously for their daughter. Bring the biggest “brooms” on the eve of the day when her mother is due to pay a visit. Visit the bride, if she lives with her parents - only with flowers! You can also add candy or cake. Remember that their daughter is a princess! With all the peas, glass slippers and other fairy-tale rubbish. Start from this.
• With the future mother-in-law - more small talk, joint “family” tea parties, small offerings like “oh, I walked and saw the cakes - I immediately remembered that they were your favorite!”, etc. I understand your heavy sigh, but if the groom wants to please the bride’s parents, then... In general, mothers like it when a guy, while caring for his daughter, “looks after” his mother a little bit.
• With the future father-in-law - maximum demonstration of brutality. You can talk about work, cars, repairs (something else where you can hint at your hard work, “golden hands” and ability to work and earn a salary). It’s good to unite common views on sports (football) and politics - but the main thing here is not to make a mistake, because God forbid, you will turn out to be ideological opponents! You can just go out for a beer together - this usually brings men together.

What should a girl do if she realizes that her parents don’t like a guy?

Do not panic and do not arrange excesses for your loved one on the topic “Ahh, my mother is right - you are lazy!..”, etc.

Focus only on your heart and common sense. You are already an adult, and you don’t need to set the goal “so that your mother will allow you to date Vasya” - because you can do this anyway!

The optimal thing is to simply “meet” your parents and your man less often. You can even slightly retouch reality and, knowing your parents, tell them only what they would like about their future son-in-law.

It’s good if there is someone else who can speak well of your boyfriend to your parents (for example, your girlfriend, brother or sister, some mutual acquaintances, if any).

In general, the problem “my parents don’t like my fiancé” is not so catastrophic - after all, it’s your choice, and no one has the right to tell you how successful it is!
--
Author – Dasha Blinova, website www.site – Beautiful and Successful

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The time has come, and your daughter has found herself a dear friend, whom girls now more often call “boyfriend” than “my boyfriend.” Of course, first love is the strongest, the brightest and the most “to the grave.” My daughter dotes on him and believes that this is a once and for all life, she sees only the good in him and ignores the bad. But you don't like her friend at all. Your daughter doesn’t want to listen to your opinion or your warnings at all. After all, he is simply magical and the best, but parents, as you know, do not understand anything at all.

Parents may not like a boyfriend for two main reasons. The first is that you simply don’t like him for some internal reason. Second, he really is not a match for your child.

Parents may not like a guy simply because he is not from the desired social class, behaves differently than they expected, or has an influence on his daughter that they would not want. In the end, the daughter comes later, perhaps enters into an intimate relationship with him, and the parents worry about all sorts of illnesses and pregnancy. They are afraid that the girl will ruin her life, make the wrong choice and want to somehow stop this. Although, in fact, the boyfriend is not bad person. There is simply a mismatch of tastes between parents and daughter.

The second option is a completely different matter. What is “not a couple”? in this case? This is not at all the difference in his family’s income, social status and the presence of two marks in mathematics. The main thing is that young people have unequal relationships with each other. They are not a couple, but rather a boss and a subordinate. In this case, the girl is a “subordinate”. In fact, a young man often uses emotional violence towards his girlfriend, making her dependent on him.

If you ask your daughter directly whether her boyfriend is hurting her, she will most likely answer in the negative. But in the behavior of a young man prone to violence towards his partners, the following features are noteworthy:

He is known to abuse anyone, especially those who depend on him and who cannot fight back. These could be animals, children, weaker peers, the elderly.

Constantly looking for an opportune moment to demonstrate his superiority over others, especially if resistance is unlikely due to the situation. Throw an egg from a balcony onto a passerby’s head and hide, paint the door to the apartment of a neighbor he doesn’t like, spread rumors, etc.

Expresses sexist ideas. It says that a man is always superior to a woman in all respects. Insults a friend based on her gender.

Constantly calls his girlfriend on the phone, but not to talk about love, but to check where she is and what she is doing. At the same time, she more often expresses dissatisfaction with her answers about the current lesson.

Constantly follows her, prevents her from communicating with others, normal pastime, demands that she do what he considers right.

Behaves like an owner. He demands that only his interests, only his opinion be taken into account.

Doesn't take into account the girl's personal time and space. He may come and demand to cancel some planned and necessary business, because that’s what he wants. Can look into her purse and see what she is wearing there, into her desk, into the phone book on her mobile phone, look through her messages in in social networks. All this is explained by the fact that “we should not have secrets.” On the other hand, he believes that the contents of his bags, phones, and social contacts are sacred and should not be shared with his beloved.

Violates social norms and is prone to antisocial behavior.

It is not necessary that such a guy looks like a real monster. The vast majority of these young men are quite pleasant to deal with and make a very favorable first impression. They talk well about plans and outlook on life. If you observed any of the above, you may get the impression that this is a completely different person. This sweet and pleasant young man cannot kick cats and push old people.

Often a girl is not very inclined to talk about the dark side of her friend's personality. However, relationships are not a complete secret for parents, who can witness individual conversations, hear reviews about the gentleman from others, sometimes even your daughter can tell individual episodes of their interactions.

What are Signs that not everything is going smoothly in their relationship:

When they argue, the young man questions her feelings or vision of the problem.

He says that she must change, otherwise he will leave her.

Expresses his sympathy through the instillation of guilt. For example, “I’m dating you despite the fact that you... (not good enough/don’t do what I want/don’t have what I like).”

Makes hurtful and insulting remarks, gives derogatory nicknames, and does not apologize. She often calls this “the truth” and her opinion, which the girl should not challenge.

Humiliates her in front of friends, girlfriends and strangers.

Demands that she stop communicating with friends, classmates, and even behave in a certain way with her parents. He turns her against her family and friends, without hesitation to use lies or distortion of facts.

Everything described above is called “strong love”, affection, and therefore, the girl must do or accept all this “for the sake of love.” Otherwise, she is equated to a traitor who only pretends to love.

Different girls react differently to such interference in their lives. Some immediately interrupt communication, others are in a constant struggle with their boyfriend for rights and responsibilities, and some really try to become the best so that he can see how much she loves and appreciates him. Young woman will begin to change not in better side, and this will be more noticeable to parents.

How is it shown:

She often apologizes for behavior, asks permission to say or do something, although this has not been noted before. At the same time, the behavior concerns small everyday situations and is clearly at odds with the social situation. It seems that she is responsible for all the troubles on earth and is to blame for them.

She is constantly stressed and cannot make a decision even in a trivial situation.

She gives up those classes that were not only interesting to her, but also important. So, she may refuse to go to the educational institution that she dreamed of and prepared for, if the guy is against it.

Leaves her friends and girlfriends because her boyfriend wants it that way.

Doubts his intelligence, ability to reason and make the right choice.

Changes his appearance obviously not in a good way “because the boyfriend is jealous.” Stops using cosmetics, wears long skirts and in general begins to wear unattractive, sometimes even funny clothes, which make her unattractive and sometimes repulsive.

She develops quite large bruises, which she cannot explain in any way other than “accidentally hit herself” and “stumbled and fell.”

She constantly expresses fear that the guy will leave her. She is jealous, “sorts out” with potential rivals and even keeps an eye on them.

She wants to be perfect and constantly finds flaws in herself, because of which she falls into panic and despondency.

In general, the girl in such a couple takes all the shortcomings in the relationship and their threat of breakup personally. It was she who was not good enough, thin enough, beautiful, smart enough, etc. And her boyfriend is just gorgeous. And, of course, he feels very bad with such a fool like her. After all, he suffers and suffers, and she is not trying hard enough. She is in constant tension from the fact that she will not live up to it, will not be able to be perfect, and will be abandoned.

This situation is very traumatic for a girl, and can really have a significant impact on her future. First love can be a drama. This is the first attempt at the field of relationships. Conclusions will be drawn, some steps will be taken in the future, and maybe in the next relationship everything will be completely different. However, the situation changes dramatically if the drama is based on emotional abuse. Such a relationship can become a blueprint for a girl in the future if she is unable to draw the right conclusions for herself. Girls are differently predisposed to this skill. Some people succeed.

When all this happens, the parents " knowledgeable people“They immediately report that they raised their daughter incorrectly, which is why she ended up like this. If upbringing had been correct, such relationships would not have started. It is not always possible to predict the development of events. Teenagers don't always understand environment, however, just like adults. Sometimes a teenage girl enters into a relationship with a “bad boy” on purpose. Some believe that such relationships are “prestigious” and provide an opportunity to rise above the mass of their peers; some are looking for protection in the “bad guy”; others are rebelling against their parents’ opinion. And there are those who take on the mission to save this young man from himself and make him good with the help of love. He is very good, but no one knows about it. When they learn about his merits, everyone will love him. Or he will certainly correct himself and be the same... as the girl imagines him in her head. Those. they fall in love not with him specifically, but with the prospect. As you can see, quite a few situations and family scenarios can lead to such a girlish choice.

What should parents do? if they saw that their daughter was in such a relationship?

(1) Don't cut from the shoulder. If this happens, we must take into account that she depends on her boyfriend emotionally, and at the moment he has more influence on her than the parents themselves. At the same time, he is an angel in her eyes. Nevertheless, she attributes difficulties in relationships, as stated above, to her own account. Therefore, all attacks on the “angel” by parents will aggravate the situation. She will feel that she must maintain and protect the relationship at all costs. In other words, this is the “moment of truth” when she will truly prove her love to her doubting gentleman. In her eyes, her mother and father will become those who “don’t understand anything,” and she will most likely become emotionally withdrawn. Considering that by that time the girl will already be isolated from her girlfriends and boyfriends, she will be able to have emotional connection only with my boyfriend.

For this reason:

• Don’t give her ultimatums (“you must leave him immediately”).
• Don’t threaten to “deal with him,” complain about him, or “report him where necessary.”
• When discussing the situation with her, do not use information from 2 or 3 hands (“Aunt Masha from the 3rd entrance said”).
• do not humiliate, do not insult, do not manipulate with feelings of guilt, do not demand to choose between him and you, deprive him of an inheritance, not buy a fur coat, etc.
• Don't have a showdown with both of them at the same time. This could turn into a Romeo and Juliet situation. It is unknown whether Romeo will have a boyfriend, but the girl can take on the role of Juliet.

In general, don't treat your daughter the way her boyfriend treats her. And instead:

(2) Talk more often about her rights, not about the shortcomings in the relationship:

• Let her know that she is entitled to free time at a time when it is convenient for her to have that free time. She has the right not to change her plans if they are important to her.
• Explain that she has the right to communicate with those people she likes and with whom she is interested. She has the right to decide this herself, to focus on her feelings.
• Help her learn what she should have private life which belongs only to her. This applies not only to a certain separation from parents, but also from friends and boyfriends. She is not obligated to reveal all her secrets to anyone.
• Explain that blackmail, guilt, manipulation, threats, insults and control are not signs of “great and pure love.”
• Remind us once again that if someone’s jokes are unpleasant, you don’t have to tolerate them, take them for granted, or laugh at them.
• Strengthen in her the understanding that if her partner does not respect her personality, such as she is, then she is not obligated to maintain this relationship
• Tell and show her that in relationships people feel equal, no one should feel bad or humiliated in them.
• Share with her the knowledge that sex is not an obligation and should not happen due to threats and blackmail.

In other words, don't make decisions for your daughter because it can often have the opposite effect. Give her all the resources to decide in favor of herself and understand that she is in the wrong relationship, that this is not love, but addiction. This is the skill she really needs. Here it’s up to the parents to support her, give her the opportunity to show her initiative and make a decision.

Naturally, when this relationship threatens her life, health and freedom, parents must intervene in the process as effectively and quickly as possible, especially if the girl is underage. Adolescents in situations of emotional stress, given their imperfect regulation mechanisms, can often make rash decisions, follow a lead and succumb to manipulation.

And, of course, the best thing is if the girl learns her rights before forming such a connection. In this case, the risk of becoming emotionally dependent is much lower. In addition, it is very important to respect and demonstrate each other's rights in the family. This The best way integration of this part of beliefs into the personality of a teenager.