Family relationships are complex and multifaceted.

If a question arises, what to do if mom doesn't love me, This means we need to understand it comprehensively, since the reasons for this can be different.

What is better: to love or to be loved? find out right now.

Why do such thoughts arise?

It's hard to believe that mother has no feelings for her child. However, in practice this happens quite often.

Dislike is expressed in emotional detachment and coldness. The child’s problems are met with indifference, irritation, and aggression.

In such families frequent criticism and accusations that he is bad, disobedient.

If the parent usually wants to spend time with the child, then the one who does not feel the feeling of love will withdraw. Games and worries are burdensome.

Dislike for their offspring is common among mothers who take alcohol and drugs. In this case, the psyche changes, normal human feelings atrophy, and the need to satisfy one’s needs comes first.

Difficulties in expressing feelings often arise from fanatically religious mothers. In this case, a person develops a distorted idea of ​​the world, family, and his own offspring.

All life is subordinated to one idea, and close people must agree with it and correspond to a certain ideal. If a daughter is imperfect from the point of view of religion and the mother’s internal ideas about correctness, then the parent stops loving her.

For some women, the feeling disappears because her daughter failed her in some way. Moreover, the reason may be completely far-fetched, the child simply does not meet some invented criteria.

There are even more serious offenses when the daughter commits a crime, leads an immoral lifestyle, abandons his own children.

If there used to be love, now it is replaced by distrust, indignation, and the best way to restore peace of mind is to exclude the person from your life.

Resentment towards parents. How to deal with resentment and anger towards your mother:

Is this possible?

Can a mother not love her child? The ability to show emotions is inherent in the type of nervous activity and character. Lifestyle also has an impact.

It seems incredible that a mother does not love her child, but there may be reasons for this certain reasons:

Thus, the main reasons why a mother may not love her child are changes in the psyche, an initially cold mother, and the actions of her daughter, which are difficult to forgive. Of course here rarely is it about a complete lack of love.

Most mothers still feel affection for their child, even without showing it outwardly or expressing anger and irritation most of the time.

Maternal instinct is in our genes. It may not appear immediately, or the person is initially cold in the external expression of feelings, therefore it seems that he doesn't love.

The psychology of hostility towards daughters

Why do they say that mothers don't love their daughters? It is a common belief that mothers love their daughters less.

This is probably due to feeling of competition, the struggle for the attention of the main man in the house - the father.

A growing daughter reminds a woman of her age.

Such inferiority complexes are projected onto the attitude towards your child.

Why are children loved differently? Find out about it in the video:

Signs of maternal dislike

How to understand that a mother does not love her daughter? Let's look at the signs by which you can understand whether your parent really doesn't love you or just seems so.

Signs of dislike are usually are felt from early childhood.

In some cases, the attitude towards a daughter changes in adulthood because of her actions or simply because the mother perceives her age and aging in a negative way.

Mom doesn't love me. The Myth of Holy Motherhood:

What are the consequences?

The mother doesn't love her daughter. Unfortunately, the consequences of parental dislike affect the girl’s entire future life:

Living with the knowledge that your parent doesn't love you is quite difficult. A person is forced to constantly be in tension, looking for confirmation of a good relationship.

Unloved children. The influence of childhood resentment on fate:

What to do?

You will have to realize that in life you are faced with such a difficult situation. You shouldn't blame your mother for not being capable of love. It's her choice.

The main task- live, enjoy life, no matter what.

You are not responsible for how other people treat you, but you are able to control your own mental manifestations and actions.

What to do if your mother doesn't love you? Psychologist's opinion:

How to make your mother fall in love?

First of all no need to beg, demand love. This feeling is either there or not.

Look at your mother from the other side. She also has advantages, interesting aspects of her personality.

Give her the opportunity to open up. The best way This is what conversations are for. Unobtrusively inquire about her past, work, and ask for advice.

It is absolutely not necessary for your mother to love you, but you can become friends with her, close friends.

Her grumbling, nagging, perhaps such a peculiar way to express her love. Simply due to various reasons and character traits she can't say these words out loud.

The daughter's relationship with her mother undergoes various changes. If you thought that as a child you were not loved and appreciated enough, then as an adult everything can change.

Your actions and attitude towards your parents can make your mother finally see you as a person worthy of respect and love. Give her the opportunity to express herself, do not refuse help.

Is it really possible to make a mother love her daughter? This depends on many factors, character traits, the willingness of the woman herself to change, and her daughter accept your mother for who she is.

If, as an adult, you were never able to feel your mother's love, just accept it as a fact and try to maintain smooth, friendly relations as much as possible.

It also happens that family members stop communicating completely.

Here is the choice of each person, and in some cases the only way to solve the problem.

Don't look for love where there is none, do not try to gain attention and favor by any means.

Be yourself, show your individuality, you don't have to be what other people want you to be. But at the same time, do not forget to appreciate your loved ones at least for the fact that they gave you life.

Why are you unlucky in love? you will find on our website.

How to love your mother? Psychology of conflicts:

Expensive grown girls and Have you ever thought about how you treat your mothers and what words you say to them? Here I am, a mother who loved her daughter immensely, pampered, kissed, took on all the chores and what did I get? Now I also continue to clean, wash, cook, and not only for my adult daughter, who only knows her job, but also for granddaughter. I can’t live without my girls! But it’s all my fault, no matter what happens. I don't hear from my daughter kind words, and only orders. My granddaughter communicates well with me when my mother is not at home. But if my mother is at home, she begins to say bad words to me, push me, hit me (she is still small), apparently to please my mother. My mother, naturally, immediately blames me , which means I myself said and did something wrong to the child. And all this in the presence of a girl! She is raising a chameleon who will adapt to circumstances. It is very offensive and difficult to live like this. At the same time, I have heard more than once from my daughter that I am needed while my granddaughter is little, and then “you will live alone in old age.” Yes, and not That’s all I heard... Of course, after this I’m no longer an angel either, I can say something in response. We tried to sort things out with our daughter once and for all, to leave all the bad things in the past, but, unfortunately, nothing worked out... This is how we live.

My mother is completely inadequate. Sometimes I think that there is something wrong with her head. Sometimes she harasses her simply because she is bored. He has fun humiliating his daughter. God forbid it should come to this with your daughter. She herself is useless and unfulfilled. Even I don’t need her now since I realized that she never loved me.

No. This is impossible to forgive. My awareness of unlove came at the age of 26. Until this year of my life, I forgave her everything. At the age of 26, something happened in my life. And she turned away. Most close person took it and turned away from me when I needed help. Then she realized that she was not needed in her life at all. And generally unloved. My brother was always my favorite. I'm 35 years old right now. I'm very angry with her. For all. We live in different cities. I call her to check in once every 2 months. And hearing how much she loves me and misses me very much, that it would be nice to be around (she was there more than once - everything was as usual - humiliation and insults), I just grinned at these words to her. I don’t smile and be glad that she loves me, but I GRIN.
Because now I don't believe it. For me these are empty words. And yes, I need to prove my love with deeds, and not with words about it. I even forbid my husband to simply tell me that he loves me! Like this! Well, are you ready to forgive and believe, many years after REALIZATION of dislike, that your mother, it turns out, loved you all her life and did it for your own good?! Hardly.

But what if mom still doesn’t accept it? I’m 43 years old, insults, humiliation, constant insults and complaints, no matter how much money you give, no matter what you do, everything is small and bad. I don’t love her anymore, but I can’t stop communicating - my mother has grown old and her relationships with everyone are ruined. I’m calling, I’m on my way, I apologize, another hard “slap in the face”, after that I scream and small child, husband and so on in an endless circle.

there is no need to ask for forgiveness if you are not to blame... asking for forgiveness from a mother who does not love you means giving her a feeling of power over you. Don't apologize without guilt... don't

Complex topic. I know how many unloved daughters there are in the world. Many friends shared with me. I myself am in the same position. The childhood years when there was a father in the family are excluded. Then he left for a younger and more attractive woman. Finally, accusing my mother of cheating. It doesn't matter whether they were or not. But I, the spoiled daughter, had to pay for the insult. If she had not given birth to me, my husband would not have left. She considers herself the best. In her eyes, the culprit of the breakup was me, an eleven-year-old girl. The attitude towards me immediately changed. Constant screams, insults with swear words, everything is wrong - I stand, walk, hold my hands, sit... Every day there is swearing and even beatings. Over time, this attitude changed to constant demands for money, leveling of my successes and constant slander to others. It was necessary to maintain the image of the “enemy” in the family. Making excuses to everyone is a waste of time.
Despite the difficulties, I think that I have succeeded in life. True, I had to consult a psychologist. I have been caring for my mother for 11 (eleven) years after strokes. I try to forgive, but I can’t. With age, I realized its cruelty. And a person, despite illness and helplessness, does not change. Claims and swearing have not gone away

My mother only loved my brother, and I am the eldest “somehow.” The demand for me was different; I was brought up with a “whip.” Now I am 37. I am a successful, wealthy woman, my brother is a 30-year-old helpless man with an unfulfilled life. I forgave my mother a long time ago. I love her very much and am grateful that I have her - alive and well. But I’m not at all affectionate, I understand this and I can’t change myself, it’s ingrained in me. Dear mothers, love your children, but in moderation.

My mother, too, when I was little, was constantly dissatisfied with me, constantly furious if I did everything the way I wanted... Many years later, I understood why she behaved this way, because as a child she could not even say her opinion, because she always did what her older sisters and brothers told her and she did not dare to disobey.
And as for the fact that this may be reflected in the future, I believe that this depends on the person himself, because everyone builds his own life, he is the master of his life. We must forgive and let go, because it is not for nothing that they say that the grave will correct the hunchback. And most importantly, stop blaming, you need to live in the present.
Now, I have an excellent relationship with my mother. I forgave her because I understood why she had such an attitude towards me.

My mother loved only my older sister. She shut me out and went for a walk with my sister. When I learned to walk, out of thirst I found a can of kerosene and drank it. I always, all my life, wanted her to love me. As a child, I brought her any tasty treat. This is a trauma for life. My sister is selfish, my favorite. The most offensive thing is that I often heard from her that she and her sister crawled under the train, and I stayed on the other side, the train started moving. My mother said that if I climbed after them, it would cut me. She told this laughing. Apparently a guardian angel protected me. When she died, I helped wash her and told her - I FORGIVE YOU.

I support Miroslava - this forever remains: “you don’t deserve it”, “you’re worse than everyone else, other people have children, and why are you like this to me” - and then there are a lot of words, which one, I just don’t want to repeat... And you always prove that you deserve... She I understood old age, but I was almost old by that time, and it’s no longer necessary. It just hurts incessantly. Mom, mom, where have you been all my life...

Everything is said correctly. Mom's dislike is a curse that haunts you all your life. And it’s not about self-realization in professional activities, but about finding your love. When, even understanding that love is a given, you still try to earn it. Because you can’t do otherwise, because all your life you’ve been told that they don’t love you for this, that and that. Since childhood, you have been taught to deserve love, and not by someone else, but by that person whose love is a given, a given, and not a merit. Problems in my personal life are a consequence of my mother’s dislike. And this is natural, because if the closest person - your mother - does not love you, then who will love you?..

I appeal to the grown-ups, the unloved and unhappy daughters! Or maybe you need to ask yourself a question: “How much am I capable of giving warmth and love to my mother? Am I overstating my demands on her?” After all, she is a simple woman, with her own pros and cons, joys and problems, with a developed or not very developed ability to express her feelings. Who needs this picking in their relationship with their mother? With an emphasis on blaming her and selflessly reveling in the theme: “Does my mother not love me?” Try to build your wonderful relationship with your children. I think that you are confident that you can do this. What do they think about this relationship? Grown-up daughters! Be Wise and truly grown up!

All that can be done is to understand that the way you imagined an ideal family is your personal idealization. Why do you insist on it, especially as an adult?
You have seen cases of such treatment, or drunkenness in the family, or when alone everything for the child, but nothing for anyone else!
Say: “This also happens! And I’m not the only one!” Your idealization (created by you), based on nothing, has collapsed. You see that reality does NOT coincide with your expectations, but you insist on your own. WHY???
They took note that this also happens, and said: “all people are different, I allow them to behave as they consider necessary or correct, depending on their moral principles.”
As long as you rush around with your experiences like this, also building internal dialogues with such people, it will be so.
They behaved this way, and what do you have to do with it?
In any case, you will not solve the problem. However, you can forgive me. How is that? Yes, just recognize the right of others to lead as they want.
We can say that we can set a deadline for correcting the situation. No? So no. That's it, there's nothing to discuss. You can't change anything else.

Yes, Zoritsa, of course, all people are different and have the right to behave as they see fit. But in this case we are talking about the mother’s behavior - and it is this behavior that shapes the personality of her child. And no matter how much later this grown-up child does auto-training, no matter how much he understands and forgives his mother, no matter how much he cultivates self-confidence - all the same, huge complexes from childhood, only driven deep and far away, will remain for the rest of his life, breaking it . Therefore, of course, it is necessary to “let go” of all past grievances, but at the same time it is necessary to realize that, by and large, nothing can be corrected. Provided you constantly work on yourself, you can only more or less successfully pretend that “everything is fine, beautiful marquise”...

And even as a child, I was able to say to myself: “It’s not me who’s bad, it’s you!...” And I stopped paying attention to criticism from my mother... let him speak! Otherwise I would simply go crazy! She did what she thought was necessary and did it right! Yes, what would happen to me if I listened to all the criticism addressed to me and took it to heart? I’m very grown up now, but even now, every time I meet, my mother will “do” something. And already as an adult I often ask myself the question: “What did I do wrong as a child?” I studied well at school, graduated from college and got a profession, I was always in good standing at work... What's wrong? The mystery of the human soul.

If I hadn’t been paying attention, I wouldn’t have asked myself the question of what was done wrong?.. Usually those for whom everything is software live like that - everything is software. And what did he do wrong there and for whom is it all software. And so you simply ASSURE yourself that everything is fine with you, you don’t feel it, but you assure yourself. Everything was, is and will probably be good for you, why is she still not happy with you and finally won’t love you and won’t rejoice with you in your successes?! Yes, what's wrong? Damn it!

As they say, the grave will straighten the hunchback. For all my actions, I hear only words of condemnation from my mother. And I'm 43 years old. I told her that I would no longer share or tell her anything. Did not help. Therefore, I constantly argue with her, defending my point of view. Tired of it. I just try to communicate with her less often and take care of myself.

My mother never loved me, although I am an only child... unfortunately, I realized it late... at the age of 35... in fact, I understood it a long time ago, I took it for granted at the age of 35... it’s very hard to understand that your mother doesn’t love you ..those who didn’t pass will NOT understand..at the moment I’m 48 and to every phrase my mother will always find a negative answer, including insults, if she doesn’t find other words..besides, she’s jealous of how I live and work so much that I don’t wishes my family prosperity.. she thinks that the life I have is better, more beautiful and more worthy.. when I buy food, things or shoes for myself (my husband or daughter), she criticizes everything.. but then I find a sweater or jacket , hanging out of place or trousers with a stain..she always tried to wear my shoes until I stopped buying low-heeled shoes..she can’t wear stilettos..when I cook food, she criticizes how I cook and doesn’t eat.. but at night we caught her eating from the frying pan... it turns my father against me and now he also doesn’t eat the food I cooked... by the way, we live with our parents and my husband realized that my mother didn’t love me before I did... At first he was tactfully silent, and lately he has had to protect me from the attacks of my own mother... how to let this go??? how to forgive this???

Hello, dear psychologist! I am turning to you for advice, since the situation does not suit me at all and, to some extent, interferes with my life. Yesterday I realized that I don't love my mother. We live separately, I don’t have a father, she has a man. I came to visit her, and, despite the fact that we rarely see each other, we managed to quarrel during just half an hour of being together on the same territory! And it would be nice if there was a serious reason. But she came up to me and began to mockingly point out to me the things I was doing wrong. She always does this. It feels like she hates it when I have good mood. And in my childhood, she allowed herself to take out her dissatisfaction with life on me, while her life is much better than most of my friends. Now she teases me angrily and accuses me of some things that I don’t want to do (she doesn’t do it herself either, but in my performance it’s almost a sin). And her catchphrase is “Tell me again that I’m wrong!” - what is this anyway? Is this how you should communicate with children? And then she pretends that nothing happened. Life is not a very fair thing, but for some reason I can accept insults from strangers calmly, even with humor. Her jokes always bring me to tears, despite the fact that I usually restrain myself quite easily. As a result, I don’t feel the slightest desire to communicate with her, I don’t miss her, and I don’t want to go to see her unnecessarily either. She actually does a lot for me: she helps, gives gifts on holidays, negotiates on various issues, etc., she doesn’t drink, she’s very smart, beautiful, she didn’t raise her hand to me. Everyone around her is delighted with her. As a result, I feel like an ungrateful bastard. But as soon as she opens her mouth to me, this “bastardism” awakens in me again. It always seems to me that she treats others much better than she treats me. Of course, those around you don’t have to tolerate this and will certainly respond! And what can I say: if someone my age spoke to me in similar intonations, he would need a traumatologist. But I am completely powerless in front of my mother. And she never says anything like that to me in front of strangers. This hypocrisy absolutely infuriates me. I must love her, respect her, be grateful for her birth, for her upbringing. How can you love if you don’t want to love? If before things ended in resentment, now I simply cannot love her. And is this normal at all? I still don’t have children, I just don’t want to. And one of the reasons is I don’t want my children to think about me the same way I think about my mother. Thanks in advance.

Zhanna, Russian Federation, 30 years old

Family psychologist's answer:

Hello, Zhanna.

And it would be nice if there was a serious reason. But she came up to me and began to mockingly point out to me the things I was doing wrong.

Why do you think the reason is frivolous? Systematic devaluation is serious. This means that your mother did not invest much love in you either. And you can't help but feel it. Parents are expected to accept, support, approve, and help. What do you get? And you sound like “she always did this”, “she took it out on me when I was a child...”, etc. Did your mother give you enough warmth, support, care, understanding, acceptance? Or mostly did you receive criticism, devaluation, proof of your own (her, mother's) rightness, humiliation of you as an individual...? It is clear that, most likely, different things happened. The question is what happened more and how do you feel now. And now you feel, judging by the story, humiliated by such an attitude, indignant, offended... And you have the right to such feelings, as well as to a different attitude towards yourself. But you can't force her. You can ask, say under what conditions you are ready to communicate and under what conditions you are not, but, of course, you cannot force it. You can make your choice - to communicate or not. You definitely have the right to this.

She actually does a lot for me: helps, gives gifts on holidays, negotiates on various issues, etc.

Are you ready to accept these gifts and help, taking into account the attitude towards you? There is a subtle point here: you accept these gifts and help, and this gives her the right to treat you this way. If you stop accepting, perhaps you will be more firm in saying that you do not intend to communicate in this style? Perhaps you feel constantly indebted to her for gifts and help? But maybe, in order not to feel indebted, you shouldn’t accept them then?

I must love her, respect her, be grateful for her birth, for her upbringing. How can you love if you don’t want to love?

On my website “Mirror of the Soul” (link in profile here to Cleo) there is an article “5 myths about children and parents.” I think that after reading it, you will have a lot more thoughts on the topic of who really owes what to whom in such a situation, and also about why you cannot love her. Well, about the normality or abnormality of everything that is happening... more precisely, about the pattern.

Sincerely, Anton Mikhailovich Nesvitsky.

In the public consciousness, the idea of ​​a union between mother and daughter, based on mutual, indissoluble, enduring love, exists as a sacred truth, exceptions to which are unacceptable according to the highest moral laws. What happens in life? Elena Verzina, psychologist, candidate of medical sciences, tells.

Note that mammals, which include the species Homo sapiens - lionesses, chimpanzees, dolphins, and even birds - eagles, swans, penguins, they also feed, raise and train their lion cubs, dolphin cubs, penguins, until they can begin an independent life. True, unlike women, representatives of the animal world become pregnant, give birth and take care of their offspring, obeying exclusively the call of nature.

A woman gives birth to a child consciously and does it for herself.

Only for myself! To satisfy the biological instinct of procreation; to realize oneself in the role of a mother according to the civilizational tradition and the commandments of religion; to start a family with a beloved man and live surrounded by loving children; so that there would be someone to look after her in old age; just for your own health or even to get maternity capital. We are not considering here unplanned children who are born because “it happened”; but after the birth of a child, as a rule, love for the newborn is also born with an irresistible need to take care of him - that very maternal instinct! And what is a daughter’s love for her mother - also an instinct, or a programmed heartfelt feeling embedded in her heart when it beat under her mother’s heart, or this conscious feeling of gratitude to her mother, who gave her life and accompanied her on the difficult path of becoming, or this fulfillment of a duty prescribed by morality, despite the fact that failure to fulfill this duty will inevitably receive universal condemnation?

Alas, there are many everyday stories when daughters experience negative feelings to their mothers -

deep, hidden feelings, even despite outward appearances good attitude to them. Psychologists know how common such feelings are. For daughters experiencing this, it is very difficult to admit this not only to a psychologist, but also to themselves, except perhaps to take out their pain on an Internet forum, fortunately speaking openly and communicating with friends in misfortune softens the pain and, moreover, remains anonymous. It is pain, because the loss of the feeling of love for the mother is destructive to the psyche, this loss undermines the daughter’s confidence in her moral worth and jeopardizes the formation of healthy relationships with her own children.

Or maybe this is just a myth about holy love for a mother, created and cultivated in society in the interests of its stability, reproducibility, preservation of family units, and it is quite possible to move from holiness to balance, from a taboo subject to interested analysis? Let's put the question bluntly.

Is a loving attitude towards a mother an innate, eternal manifestation of daughterly feelings? And do we have the right to say that adult daughter immoral if instead of the beautiful “My mother is the most best mom in the world!" she dares to say: “She ruined my life, but as a child she gave me her love, and I can’t help but be grateful to her for that,” or the most transcendental:

I don't love my mother.

We are not considering here children’s manifestations of childish grievances, well studied by psychologists, subconscious complexes (Electra or Oedipus complexes), conscious manipulations by parents aimed at satisfying children’s “wants,” or reactions to quarrels among adult family members, among which the child is forced to choose one side . Of course, one cannot ignore the friction in relations with the mother that arose in the daughter in childhood, but in the plastic childhood There are enough proven psychological methods that, with careful attention to the child, allow one to overcome tension by the time of transition from adolescence to youth. Youth comes early, and with it girls begin to feel like adults. Let's listen to the voices of our adult daughters (after all, we will forever remain their parents), and try to see in the example of one of them the origins of mental ill-being.

daughters-mothers.jpg

Oksana. 50 years old, late child, with higher education, lived with her mother and her husband. Two years ago I buried my mother, who was bedridden in the last months of her life after a stroke. At the same time, she never tired of repeating that because of her mother’s illness, she denied herself a life beyond the fulfillment of her daughter’s duty. And after the death of her mother, Oksana’s life is painted in dull tones of enduring misfortune. What is hidden behind this sad fate, why does Oksana clearly want to be unhappy?

Oksana’s mother did not love her husband, the girl’s father, and clearly demonstrated her dislike and disrespect for him. As a girl, Oksana always took the side of her powerful and successful mother and, like her mother, neglected her father. After graduating from college, she fell in love with a good guy from another city. But to leave, to leave my mother?

It’s impossible, you can’t leave your mother.

Then there was a marriage in his city, without much love, with another good guy, who sincerely loved Oksana. But the mother so actively helped her daughter’s family in everyday life, in organizing her relationship with her husband, in raising her grandson, that the husband could not stand it and left. Oksana was left alone with her mother, and soon she married again a stupid man, a loser (she really wanted to feel her dominance, so it was no coincidence that a weak man ended up next to her), whom her mother disliked very much and with a restrained arrogant attitude showed her son-in-law in his place.

And then, at a very advanced age, my mother herself got married and brought her husband into the house, so after some time Oksana and her husband had to provide physical assistance to the elderly couple. Mom’s new husband died, mom fell ill, Oksana looked after her “as expected,”

but she did it somehow very harshly, angrily, unkindly, nervously,

the way a very strict mother behaves towards her child, as if she suddenly got the opportunity to command the one she had obeyed all her life.

Now she tirelessly mourns her mother, and everyone around her should remember this loss. There is no one who deprived the daughter of her father’s love, who destroyed her first marriage, involuntarily forced her to care for an old man who was stranger to her, but who served as an excuse for the daughter’s failed fate. How dare she leave forever! Grieving over the loss, the daughter lives today with a feeling of uncompensated guilt, both her own and her mother’s guilt before her. Being unhappy is her excuse today. Does she love her unforgettable mother?

Yes, of course, but with a strange love, like a victim’s tormentor.

In general, those who have not known discomfort in relations with their mother cannot even imagine how many young women in the world are suffering from the awareness of their dislike for their mother, looking for a way out of this unbearable state. On the other hand, there are many who managed to get over the disease, overcome the destructive feeling of guilt before their mother - guilt for not loving her, move away from the stereotype of selfless love for family care and restrained signs of attention, and even allow themselves to open up: “I don’t love mother". Thus, they are trying to save themselves from a painful, unnatural break with the mother to whom they owe their birth. But we must admit that if this is a cure, it is only temporary, and the disease is recurrent. It is hardly possible to completely distance yourself from the unique mother-child bond. It is possible to find a cure.

If a young woman cannot get rid of the pain in herself because she does not love her mother, cannot overcome indifference or pacify hatred of her, then she must try to understand, for example, with the help of a psychoanalyst, why an unhealthy relationship with her mother developed, recognize the insurmountability of the collapse that has occurred and let go of this pain: don’t judge your mother, but forgive yourself, maintaining an accessible, neutral form of relationship, especially since mothers get older with age, and daughters, in any case, will not do without caring for them.

This question sounds somehow strange and unnatural. Duty to love? Our feelings are free, they are not subject to logic and reason, but they move us and fill our lives. Are we obligated to love our mother?

A baby is born thanks to his parents, first of all his mother, who carried him under her heart for nine long months, protected him from the dangers of the outside world, and gave him all her love and time. The baby grows up, first of all, thanks to his mother’s care for him. During the first days and months of his life, his mother is with him constantly: feeding him, swaddling him, dressing him, bathing him, walking him, and carrying him in her arms. And he does it with love, with the desire to make his child healthy and happy!

Mom replaces the whole world for a little man. And the baby, in addition to purely physiological needs, experiences unconditional love for his mother, which grows stronger every day. At first he tries to express it with a smile, and now he can express his feeling in completely recognizable words, saying: “Don’t be afraid, mom, I love you!” It seems that with this course of events, the mother will not even think that if she takes care of her child and devotes time to him, then he is obliged to love her in return.

A child loves his mother not at all because she has beautiful eyes and not because she buys him dolls or cars. He just truly loves his mom! Mother and child love each other with unconditional love and live by these feelings. Mutual feeling contributes to the harmonious development of parent-child relationships (although this does not mean that there will be no difficulties and periods of crisis).

However, not everything in life is so smooth. There are different mothers. Everyone has their own “laws” and life values. Someone, raising a child, buying him clothes, food and other vital things, visiting the hospital, clubs and sections with him, feels full confidence that his son or daughter owes him something. Yes, for all the blessings, children are simply obliged to love their mother. And this thought slips into the mind of the woman-mother, it grows stronger, she is confident that she is right. And now she mentally or more clearly obliges her child to love.

The question arises: does she herself love the one she gave birth to? Or even in relation to the closest people, the market relations “you give me - I give you” are in the foreground? Some kind of love happens by calculation. You can spend a lot of time with your child, study with him in various developmental groups, buy him expensive things and fill the apartment with sweets and toys - and in return you will receive the indifference of a child’s heart. An angry thought flares up: “I’m everything to him, but he’s...ungrateful!”

Children learn to love from their parents, especially from their mother. They are so sincere and sensitive that you cannot deceive their hearts; they still do not know how to pretend like adults. And if you don’t give your child a piece of your soul, love will not appear (although there are exceptions here: it happens that a mother puts her soul into her child, and subsequently receives indifference and complete detachment as a reward).

As we grow older, many of us consciously understand the fact that our mother gave us life, took care of us, and, despite our different feelings towards our mother, we are grateful to her for what we are, for what we have become. Even with complex personal relationships, we tend to respect and honor our parents and feel gratitude for having given birth, raised, and raised us on our feet.

What if the mother is an alcoholic? What if she gave birth and was thrown out onto the street? What if I refused at the maternity hospital? What kind of love is there, it would seem. She is absent from such a mother’s side, and she has thrown off all her obligations! But in any case, the child dreams of love, dreams of a good and kind mother who will hug him.

Love is something that comes from the depths of the soul. Loving is a natural human need; without it there is no life. And children are the flowers of life, and they reach for the sun, i.e. to the warmth that mother's love gives them. Is the word “must” appropriate here?

We are obliged to repay the debt if we took money from a bank or borrowed it from a friend, we are obliged to repay the debt to our homeland, we are obliged to pay alimony, we are obliged to comply with certain norms of the society in which we live, we are obliged to maintain cleanliness and order in various government institutions - and we do a lot of things obliged. But no one is obliged to love anyone. And if this ever happens, then it will no longer be our world, it will be an artificial world of new, unreal people.