- Find support in the past. First love is part of our personal history. Returning to our youth, we look for a source of unspent strength within ourselves.
- Confirm your worth. It is important for us to make sure that our life choices are correct and to end relationships that did not continue. By parting with the ideal images of the past, we can build new relationships in real circumstances.
In response to the question “Would you like to meet your first love again?” We are unlikely to clarify who we are talking about. For each of us, there is a specific person behind this phrase.
What motivates us when we try to find his traces? What do we miss in the present if we readily plunge into the past? What do we expect from meeting a person with whom we broke up 10, 20, 30 years ago?
Return to yourself
39-year-old Tatyana found a forum where her classmates communicated, and among them was her first lover.
“We separated in the middle of 9th grade: my family moved to another city. For a long time I could not decide to write on the forum, and then I was very worried, waiting: would Victor answer or not? He answered, and now we text ten times a day, we can’t stop talking. It seems that we have again become as naive and sincere as we were 25 years ago.”
The search for first love is nostalgia for the era of innocence, romanticism, brightness of emotions
For many, first love symbolizes a moment in life when we felt full of energy and the future seemed so promising. The search for first love is nostalgia for the era of innocence, romanticism, and brightness of emotions.
“For the first time, blinded by love, we are spontaneous, we are attracted by internal impulses and desires,” says Gestalt therapist Olga Dolgopolova. - We create an ideal image, essentially projecting our desires and needs onto a specific person. We expect from him what we lack in life: understanding, tenderness, support, sexuality...”
If the relationship between young people develops, then the ideal romantic image gradually gives way to to a real person. First love years later is often sought by those who were unable or did not have time to get to know each other well enough.
“But even in this case, our feelings are directed not towards another, but towards ourselves,” says consulting psychologist Boris Masterov. - We unconsciously strive to find ourselves in the past - in a time when, as it seems to us, we were better, cleaner and full of joyful hopes. And often behind this there is a desire to return to one’s unrealized “I.”
Express the unsaid
Those who go in search of their first love often say that they are also attracted by the feeling of understatement, incompleteness of the relationship.
This is especially acute if the relationship ended due to external circumstances that the lovers did not have the strength to fight at that time. Parental pressure, moving, public opinion...
“Unconsciously, identification arises with fairy-tale-mythological couples, literary heroes: Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, those whose love was forbidden, impossible due to external circumstances,” says psychotherapist Alexander Badkhen. “Early romantic relationships are also idealized in culture: poetry, music, literature, cinema.”
Finding first love is a cry for help to someone who was once dear to us
The feeling of incompleteness gives rise to internal protest and the desire to find your first love, to “close the topic.”
This is confirmed by 28-year-old Anna: “We broke up because his parents sharply objected to our meetings. For a long time I could not believe that he chose them and not me... Now I would like to see the man who was my first love, so that he would see me and understand how wrong he was. Well, at the same time, make sure that I don’t care about him.”
Get a second chance
When we experience success, when the quality of our life changes, or we go through a personal crisis, we need to feel something constant, something constant. To maintain our identity, we look for support in the past.
“We return to “familiar territory” because the old relationship is always safer than meeting a new person. The search for first love is a call for help to someone who was once dear to us,” explains Alexander Badkhen.
“The easiest way is to go where it was once good. And first love, if it was not associated with humiliation, is a very positive feeling,” agrees Boris Masterov.
Newfound love gives many a feeling of rebirth, as if they have found the recipe for eternal youth
Those of us who have achieved success in different areas of life most often go in search of first love: those who have a family, children, perspective job...What are we missing?
Getting your first love back is like throwing off decades of years and feeling young and full of energy again.
Svetlana gave birth to a son at the age of 20. Sergei was her first lover, but he refused to marry and disappeared from her life.
“When my son was supposed to return from the army, I gathered my courage and called Sergei. We met, and a week later we realized that we couldn’t live without each other. Now we are together. It’s like I’m back to my 20s, I’ve lost weight, I play sports... I’m absolutely happy. I haven’t told my son yet, but I believe that he will understand me. I wish every woman at 40 years old the same beautiful and strong love as in her youth, you just need to get over the resentment and learn to be happy in the present.”
Newfound love gives many a feeling of rebirth, as if they have found the recipe for eternal youth.
Women's interest
Why do women more often go in search of their first love? Dreams allow them to distance themselves from everyday everyday worries, where day after day they need to play the roles of a good wife and caring mother. They often dream of their first adult relationship, which was not yet burdened with adult responsibilities.
“It is important for a woman to feel that there is something permanent in her life, something that does not change with age, that can be experienced and felt again,” says Olga Dolgopolova. “But if a woman constantly thinks about the past and strives to live in memories, this suggests that she is afraid to look forward and avoids reality.”
Anton Lazarev
Find the starting point
For each of us, the first love experience is one of the most important events in life. This is the end of childhood, the first departure from the family circle, a step into adulthood.
“First love, first meeting - this event changes every person,” says Boris Masterov. - We feel that we are no longer the same as we were before. To some extent, this is a choice and trying your own path. Indeed, to one degree or another, all subsequent love relationships develop in accordance with the first love.”
Alexander, 38, married a woman who once had an affair with a foreign student. The couple broke up: he left for his homeland, and she did not dare to radically change her life.
“Milena tells me about this story as if it were something she had experienced, but I see that in fact the plot is not finished. I don’t want my wife to forget her first love - it seems to me that this feeling gives new light and warmth to our relationship. I’m even sure: if it weren’t for this novel, she wouldn’t have chosen me.”
“The way we treat each other, how we touch, how we make love, what we say - all this is somehow connected with the experience of first love,” explains Boris Masterov. “We either take this model of relationships and partially reproduce it in subsequent love experiences, or we build on it, building something completely opposite to the unsuccessful experience.”
The road to renewal
Sometimes meeting your first lover can be disappointing.
“It is similar to the feeling we experience when returning to the city or neighborhood where we spent our youth. Once there, you suddenly notice how different reality is from the image that is preserved in our memory, says Alexander Badkhen. “It may still remain one and only, but it takes up less space in the soul than before.”
Even if we again encounter something that once pushed us away, this experience will still be useful
This is confirmed by 39-year-old Evgenia: “It was enough for me to hear his “Hello!” on the phone. - and the world blossomed with new colors. I knew his voice so well. Then we met again... and the charm was lost."
43-year-old Ilya says: “I admit, when Masha and I met after 20 years of separation, my heart almost broke into pieces: we still love the same books, films, admire the same people... But, when I realized that we could start all over again, I realized that despite all my “coincidence” with Masha, I truly love the woman who gave birth to my children.”
If you want to meet a person with whom all the best and brightest things in the past are connected, you need to meet. Even if we again encounter something that once pushed us away, this experience will still be useful.
“So we see the whole person and part with his in an ideal way, says Olga Dolgopolova. - But at the same time we have the opportunity to start building new relationships, not necessarily love ones. We can enjoy communicating with each other in real circumstances.”
The experience of searching and returning is always valuable, even if it is associated with the loss of illusions
There are memories that stay with us for a lifetime. The way we build our families is largely determined by early relationships - with parents and loved ones.
“They contain a psychological starting point,” adds Alexander Badkhen. - Our first love is the continuation of these relationships, their reconstruction, the first independent attempt to recreate them. This is its special psychological value. This experience remains in a hidden place in our soul, accessible to us throughout our lives, and we never lose sight of it.”
The experience of search and return is always valuable, even if it is associated with the loss of illusions. We need it in order to better understand ourselves and move on with our lives.
Men prefer new things
Men are less likely to search for their first love, but you should not blame them for being less sensitive than women.
“Men are more focused on meeting immediate needs,” explains Olga Dolgopolova. - They want to experience emotions, show interest, realize sexuality immediately, without putting it off for a long time. If a man dreams of something, it’s probably not about a relationship, but about social success, a career takeoff; his fantasies are in the outside world.
Representatives of the stronger half of humanity love the experiences and feelings that a woman evokes in them. In addition, returning to a youthful hobby can significantly complicate their life: a man may feel at a disadvantage in relation to his lover's current partner. And he doesn’t need such competition. So men would rather look for new relationships than look back.”
As soon as they hear the phrase “first love,” romantics begin to smile dreamily, and skeptics begin to chuckle cynically. Everyone thinks about their own things.
For some, it is associated with first kisses, walks under the moon, eternal vows, secret dates. But smart people understand: if there is a first, then there must also be a second, third, thirty-third, eight hundred and forty... Even Don Juan couldn’t do this? He just didn't live long enough.
First breakup
The first love entails the first separation. Now all the curses have been said, and the damage has been brought to the homewrecker, and all the animals have been named, but the heart thirsts for revenge.
Years pass and everything is forgotten. It is not time that heals, but long washing of the bones of a former passion.
Gradually a reverse metamorphosis occurs. More and more abandoned love takes on royal features. This is where a treacherous thought is born: “Maybe we will be together again. We felt so good."
Surprise
Most often, first love emerges unexpectedly. Someone stuck a sharp heel into your leg, in response you build a three-story structure, turn around - and there is your first love. Having run half a block along a dark alley, nervously clutching deodorant in your hand, you hide in the gateway from a maniac - and this is your first love.
Having met his first love again, a person is always transformed. If in a normal situation he would behave rudely, harshly, indifferently, apathetically, then former memories awaken the best feelings.
The more time has passed since the day of separation, the warmer the meeting. Often, former lovers try to renew their relationship, despite the fact that they parted with scandals, police, breaking of dishes, furniture and body parts.
A suddenly resurrected first love has several options for behavior: return to the past, accept the present and hang himself, i.e. self-neutralize. Let's take a closer look.
Bring back your youth
Renewing a relationship with first love, a person involuntarily returns to his youth. Then they could chat all night long, wander the streets of the city all evening, and make unexpected surprises.
You’re waiting for a former fairy tale, but for some reason love is dozing in front of the TV, instead of going for walks, drags you “somewhere to sit,” but she wanted to ride on “our” swing, so it crunched under her... Apparently, someone replaced her first love. It’s good only in memories, and not with this stranger, who may simply be hinting at sex for one night.
Reality test
The hardest thing is to accept the present. A whole era has passed since the parting. The discrepancy between life attitudes, ideals, aspirations, and social status often simply does not give a chance to first love. “How could you wrap sandwiches in my dissertation draft?” - “Let’s use the money we saved to buy a boat.”
And these are just words. When first love returns, a parallel scanning of external appearance occurs. Once a thin teenage girl who was supposed to 
meet the concept ideal woman, has turned into a portly aunt, and the boy with luxuriant hair is now combing his thin hairs over the resulting bald spot. The test of truth is the most difficult.
Having met your first love, you urgently need to cross to the other side, hide in a bomb shelter or fly into space. First love has practically no chance of existing, so it is better to die immediately. Why bring up the past again? What if this is a classic femme fatale? To live your dreams? To be sad every day about your lost youth? To see changed “love”? To then run away and suffer again?
Man is a complex creature. He doesn't look for easy ways. That's why first love flings itself, like a songbird, against the thorns. Many die, but those who manage to survive retain their feelings forever.
If there is a first love, then there must be a last one. It’s good when both of them coincide, because flirting on the side is a dangerous game, even if it is connected with first love, maybe this has its own.
Meeting your first love is a significant event, even if many years have passed and everything is long in the past. After all, so many exciting and dear memories are associated with first love, and it doesn’t matter whether they are sad or joyful.
A person’s reaction to this event, according to the observations of psychologists, depends not so much on whether it was happy or unhappy, divided or unrequited love, but on the quality of his current personal life.
If at the time of meeting with a former lover or sweetheart a person’s personal life can be called happy and successful, then this meeting will most likely remain fleeting.
But if there are serious problems in your personal life, then the thought may well arise: “Shouldn’t we start all over again?
Reasons for the desire to resurrect first love
Loneliness The longer it lasts, the harder it is to experience and the more you want to end it. Well, a romantic meeting with your first love is not an excuse to try to find long-awaited happiness in your personal life? Problems in Marriage A failed and unhappy marriage is a good reason to start another relationship and try. What if you're lucky this time... Desire for romance and thrills First love is the most romantic, touching and beautiful feeling. Sometimes we miss all this so much real life! Therefore, someone may think that a fleeting romance with a lover or sweetheart from the past is not an obstacle to an established, stable, albeit boring, marital relationship. Feelings are still alive It’s rare, of course, but it happens that the first love remains the only one in a person’s heart, even despite the passing of years and a stormy personal life. Then, of course, the interest in resuming the once interrupted relationship can be very strong.Is it worth starting over from the beginning of something that has long been in the past?
It is impossible to answer this question unequivocally - it all depends on the circumstances. If both are free, then why not try to make each other happy?
But if one of the former lovers (or even both) is burdened with family and marital obligations, then perhaps you should not jeopardize the happiness of many people for the sake of your selfish desire to return to the past.
But even if both are free, you still shouldn’t rush things. After all, people tend to change with age, and it is not a fact that these changes will be for the better.
What can you do to avoid unnecessary disappointments?
- Talk about everything in detail. Having met your first love over a cup of aromatic coffee and started a frank conversation, it would not be a bad idea to inquire about the work, interests, hobbies and views on life of the person with whom you intend to start a relationship again. It may well turn out that the former lovers have long been connected by absolutely nothing except youthful romantic memories.
- Meet longer, because first love is one thing, but completely different.
- In any case, remain friends. Memories of youthful love are precious in themselves, regardless of whether the chosen object for falling in love was suitable or not. Therefore, even if an attempt to revive old feelings fails miserably, it is advisable to remain friends forever and keep the best memories of each other.
There can be many options for how you can behave when meeting your first love. You can talk for a while and go your separate ways, you can exchange phone numbers, or you can agree on a date if your heart dictates.
Meeting with first love after 30 years (Tatyana Egorova 11) / Poems.ru
Met by chance, thirty years later
We didn’t immediately notice that her mother had been watching us for a long time. The flaring passion was mercilessly extinguished by her stern, cold gaze. We didn't see each other again that evening.
Anya, Anya, Anyuta... I repeated this name like a spell. I dreamed, I dreamed about her. And why didn't I ask her address? Where can I look for her in a huge city?
Everything turned out to be much simpler. And in real life this could not have happened if not for a miracle. Anya turned out to live next door to my classmate. Isn't this divine providence?
This is not love, this is nostalgia for the past, don’t get confused. I also encountered this once, I spat for a long time and what could I possibly fall in love with? True, I have changed a lot, it is noticeable to everyone, which has only benefited me.
If love has awakened mutually, then it is better not to stifle it or ignore it - but to take a walk without informing the family. And then decide together what to do next.
Still no call. suddenly. but she's not ready!
Yeah, when it ripens, it will reach condition (with udders and wrinkles). To be sure to be disappointed
She is 56 years old, however. If 40 years have passed)
Going to meet my first one love, a person idealizes her in advance and dreams of meeting a young girl or boy. In reality, he sees in front of him a completely different person, who has different habits, views and tastes. A real partner is often different from what he was like in his youth, because he didn’t have any problems, he didn’t have to earn a living and think about responsibilities. As a result, very soon you can discover that the hero from the fairy tale called “First Love” is the same earthly person who makes mistakes, can be harsh and rude. He is the same as the others, and maybe even worse. Often, having met his first love, a person understands how dear the one who has been with him all his life is. It’s not for nothing that people have a proverb: “An unattainable thing always seems better than the one that lies at hand.”
It seems that it’s easier to “finalize” - to say that you value the memories of your first love and you enjoy immersing yourself in your youth and first love, but that’s in the past. You have grown up and you want to be “here and now,” and in this NOW there is no place for the man from your first youthful love. Or is there still a place and in what capacity?
It is more difficult to resolve internal contradictions: on the one hand, you want to be a man’s “outlet”, you need these rare meetings with the tenderness of first love, and on the other hand, “a man is not suitable for life”, on some scales - feelings, on others - rationalism - “ I want it and it hurts.”
Girls, watch the films “Who are you to him?
howl of love and the film “Lover” - about secret love.
Love is such a scoundrel
She'll go completely crazy.
When he comes, go find out
Sometimes she herself doesn’t know...etc.
L. Ivanova, (Shura from “Office Romance”)
Ira, I sympathize that he turned out to be an alcoholic. Some manage to cope with this disease, but it is very difficult, because its severity is similar to cancer, or even worse. Talk to him and offer help only if he himself wants get rid of this scourge. I think there is enough information on the Internet about overcoming it. But you can bet your life on it. Is he worth such sacrifices? He started drinking, like everyone else, for his own pleasure, and now he is an alcoholic, and save him, the miserable one. I think your feelings for him have already faded.
Cat 07-11-2012 08:32
Della Street: He chose this lifestyle, he wanted to be a weakling, he decided to whine at fate and become an alcoholic.
Correctly and well written, Della!
And Olga is right, Some people manage to cope with this disease, but it is very difficult, because its severity is similar to cancer, or even worse.
I’ll tell the truth that our men, the majority, DO NOT know how to drink and drink incorrectly and terribly. Many confidently think that after one bottle he is a real tough man, this is not correct and humiliating, he is a real DRINK! And what’s good after a bottle? Nothing! Alcoholism is a disease.
Drinking alcohol is an art and leisure, just like smoking a cigar, if with fish soup or herring then a glass of vodka no more than three glasses, and if with a shish kebab a glass of red semi-sweet wine or a mug of beer. The grossest and most cruel mistake is to drink in a bathhouse or in sauna, straight heart on the wall to be shot. Drinking bottled beer on the street in the morning and just like that is disgusting and there is no culture, like wearing sweatpants with shoes and a shirt. Dear men, it’s not difficult for you to be clean and decent if you don’t want to be This is good riddance to the cemetery, and very soon we will be written into the Red Book of Humanity.
Della Street 07-11-2012 09:04
I nevertheless decided to write about the case of one of my friends, but so that they would not take it as an axiom. One of my friends lost her husband too early; he was killed because of his work. She lived alone for many years and raised her daughter. And one day her neighbor comes to visit her with her friend. And my friend was divorced at the time and, out of universal grief, decided to quench his universal sorrow in a glass of alcohol. But he somehow liked my friend, although she did not tolerate drunks and drunks well. He began to go to her under the pretext of repairing or doing something in her house. After some time, my friend told him, if you want to live with me, stop drinking. They have been together for over ten years. Very much with my daughter a good relationship, and at first there was a war. He is an excellent owner, a wonderful husband, and a real father to his stepdaughter. But this case only proves that alcoholism is incorrigible. And only the person himself can say to himself - STOP! I know one person who was cruelly twisted by fate. He had every chance to spite everyone to continue a very good career - he was a military man - to start his life again. But then excuses were found - either mom is too protective, sometimes scolds too much, then everyone around is to blame, there are many reasons. But he also clearly admits that he DOESN’T WANT to quit drinking like this. Although he turned out to be happy man in that they offered him and helped him fight this illness. You have to deal with these people like you deal with drug addicts - harshly and harshly. And then strict control over oneself until one is one hundred pounds sure.
Ira 08-11-2012 08:35
And I became so depressed after it. I spent so much mental energy on him and for 8 months he was the only one in my head. I didn’t pay attention to either my son or my grandchildren all summer. He, only him. And there in Crimea I looked after him with love. And now he calls me names, sits at home, doesn’t go to work, I blacklisted him. I know that his end is not far off. He has heart problems due to drinking. Mitral valve or something? And I’m sorry that I didn’t live with him and didn’t get it best years his. If I couldn’t forget him for 37 years, it was probably love. And I lived my whole life with people I didn’t love. And he was native there in Crimea. I didn’t feel these years spent apart. But he is degrading rapidly; he can drink for a month without stopping. And the stage there is already the penultimate one. I've read a lot about this and I understand. But I don’t want to move and suffer with him for the last few years. There’s a daughter like that, she’ll think that I’m hooked on St. Petersburg. And I haven’t dreamed of this Peter for a hundred years. I don't like megacities. I lived my life in a small town and it was okay.
Ira 08-11-2012 08:51
There, the daughter already made a fuss and took him to the notary to sign over his share to her. He rewrote it. And I also don’t like his frequent statements: you’re getting fat there, and I’m hungry. In the south everyone paid equally. For vouchers and everything else. I noticed some kind of stinginess: we come to the market, we don’t need anything. And we need everything. And we’ll go into the store, not a step towards the display cases. I go up and buy. And then he eats with pleasure. They quarrel over rent and divide it among everyone. This is all so foreign to me. Saves energy. In short, many unpleasant traits began to arise in old age. You just need to forget everything. I lived before him. He honestly told me: I forgot you and didn’t even remember you. It was you who found me.
Della Street 08-11-2012 11:35
Ira, this once again proves that our wonderful Russian women, out of desperation, imagine an object of love; it is even more dangerous when they endow this object with positive properties.
Ira, you are strong, you look at things realistically, you should never regret anything. How do you know what would have happened if he had spent his youth with you? Do you need hate? Dirt? I don’t think so. Otherwise, regret and pity will remain. And this will pass over time. Maybe, on the contrary, fate saved you from him. After all, if he were a good person, he would not have fallen like that. And so... he turned out to be a weakling. There are actually a lot of them now and it’s their choice, unfortunately..
menu 08-11-2012 13:45
It’s also useful to read psychologists. They write that ladies think about their first love all the time. But men remember it when they feel bad, and when they feel good they don’t remember it at all. That is, dependence on first love is basically a purely female phenomenon.
Ira 09-11-2012 08:13
Girls, thank you! I’ve been drinking heavily all my life. My mother drank heavily. Then the son started drinking. But I quickly encoded it, and then my wife kept a tight rein on it. But it has already been coded 2 times. And he breaks down a little and immediately drinks for several days. And this one shouts: you can save me, but you don’t want to. I'm disappearing. Presses on pity. And as soon as he begins to remember all the sins of his youth. And I am this and that. But he himself turned away from me at one time and did not help. I disappeared alone with my child. There was nothing to dress or feed. I don’t know how I got out of this mud. I went to the north of Tyumen for 35 years and somehow achieved something. God probably helped. And life spread it everywhere for him. A good family - mother, father, then 2 older sisters who studied and lived in St. Petersburg. They immediately arranged registration for him and at least some housing. And I got my first apartment at the age of 33. Therefore, I will not spoil my quiet life. As I read an interview with Larisa Guzeeva yesterday: alcoholism is incurable. Let him live high as long as he can. He loved that one like crazy, now suddenly he loves me. And I think he’s grasping at straws. What, there are no women in St. Petersburg? Eat. I just felt a soft spot for him in me. I didn’t even earn a pension myself. Sits on the neck. I'm just afraid to come to what I left a long time ago.
Della Street 09-11-2012 13:32
Ira, I sincerely wish you to find a normal man, if you want, of course. And this one. . . . Well, that's it. Degradation is obvious. There's nothing to save here. The governor correctly wrote in the next topic that there are also normal ones. Not everyone is a bastard and a drunk. There are just a lot more married people than single people
lady 09-11-2012 17:12
love leaves a painful memory of that
like running through a wet forest from a wild downpour
how they sculpted a funny animal out of snow together
and love is like life - imagined endless
how all the lonely people were looked down upon
how fatigue anxiously crept into a happy heart
and love still leaves such melancholy
that it would be better if there was nothing left of her at all
Freelander 10-11-2012 14:27
I don’t understand why Russian men are drawn to drinking so much that over time they turn into drunks. I myself am absolutely indifferent to drinking. I drink a little on big holidays and that’s enough for me. Loneliness is not the best better life Of course it bothers me, but that's no reason to get drunk into unconsciousness
Maman 10-11-2012 15:43
Freelander, but you are very black and you walk around with sabers, women are afraid of you... and according to your letters, I like you, let’s say, you’re rustic. Maybe others will like you too. Why are you alone? Look what the choice is here.
Maman 10-11-2012 15:47
Ira
don’t ruin your life. let him live as he wants. You’re doing a great job in life. Next time go on a ticket without him, why the hell do you need him. You wrote everything correctly, very interesting.
Freelander 10-11-2012 17:28
maman, yes, everyone in the city loves to live. Fuck who will come to live in my village
Maman 10-11-2012 17:42
and don’t be so modest and write in your letters here, they say, I’m looking for a couple and soap right away. Throw away the knives and take flowers in your hands instead, whiten your physiognomy a little better.
Della Street 10-11-2012 18:00
Normal Freelander))) it’s just that there are probably no suitable ones based on age. Have you tried searching for people in dating or posting your profile?
lady 10-11-2012 18:58
Freelander I read in the newspaper
height 168 weight 72 dimensions 120-70-120 I don’t know how to cook, wash, clean and I don’t want to get married even in the far north))))))
I want to treat life with humor and the search for happiness - an unexpected thing, you don’t know where it will land on your neck, you don’t know where you’ll catch it
Freelander 10-11-2012 22:34
Della Street, yes, my dating profile hangs here, but for some reason, many quickly curtail communication after I send photos to girls. And they respond to my profile very rarely. During the entire time that the profile was hanging here, at most 5 girls wrote to me with an offer познакомиться.
Pushistik 11-11-2012 00:42
Freelander, and if you put a photo in your profile where you are white-skinned) people pay little attention to profiles without a photo, as a rule, put a photo.
Freelander 11-11-2012 08:09
Soleil, what does the geyphone have to do with it? I’ll buy myself a Samsung laptop 2.Pushistik after the new year, then I need to dye my hair blonde and blue color put contact lenses in my eyes. I have a photo on my profile
Della Street 11-11-2012 09:38
🙂 Freelander, then you need a good matchmaker 🙂 who will promote your candidacy in the right direction 🙂 and also, Freelander, search for the address of the Aibolit newspaper that Olgita left. Or just type Aibolit in Yandex. Health. Life. I think that's what it's called. There you can look at the address and read the online pages Let's get acquainted. Or it’s best to write a letter there yourself. It seems to me that there will be more sense there. 🙂
Freelander 11-11-2012 10:30
Della Street, as Maman noticed, I look like a chock. So I need to look from the Caucasus))) since Russian girls avoid me and are scared
Freelander 11-11-2012 10:51
admire)))
Della Street 11-11-2012 12:01
Freelander, what now? Listen to everyone who says what? I looked at your photos. I don’t know who saw anything terrible there, I personally saw and still see a very handsome guy, his eyes are generally smart and lively. And you yourself are good too. And you don’t need to humiliate and humiliate yourself like that. Most likely, the girls who wrote to you were narrow-minded, who only need a fat wallet. Why do you need these? The main thing is to knock on all the doors, maybe one will open. He who seeks will find. And it will be easier for you, you are a man, not a woman, there are too many of us, and there are fewer of you, and there is more choice. I remember what you wrote about this, you don’t want to just climb and search now, but haven’t you tried it on your territory among hearing girls? And once again, Freelander, you are very, very handsome. 🙂 and you are no idiot.
Marty 11-11-2012 12:30
Freelander
beard suits you. and without a leather jacket and without a hat you would look much better. you should work on your style and the girls will come out in shoals, you will still have to choose.
Cat 11-11-2012 12:41
Girls, let's hurry up! He has a Land Rover Freelander! Who doesn’t know and doesn’t know the car well, look at the photo
Pushistik 11-11-2012 12:42
Freelander - well, you are almost light-skinned, in winter you will probably be even lighter, otherwise, judging by the words here, I thought you were as dark as a Hindu))) here at our university there are students from India - grimy is even an understatement for them - I have never seen a dirtier skin color)))
And what about the chumps? What are you talking about? Girls also stick to lumps, there was one of Caucasian nationality who studied with me at school, and he enjoys a lot of success with girls, and despite the fact that he is not at all macho, neither in figure nor in face. It’s just interesting for everyone to be with him - he’s smart.
Here, freelancer, maybe you are intimidating with your communication, attitude, etc.? But not by appearance! Think)
And in other sites for the deaf, put out questionnaires, and in VES magazine) why some kind of aibolit? meeting deaf people there is like a needle in a haystack.
do you know that?
Pushistik 11-11-2012 12:44
Cat - is that you driving?))))
Cat 11-11-2012 12:46
Che, Pusha, it’s your gender that’s driving))))
Cat 11-11-2012 12:48
Freelander 11-11-2012 14:39
I ran away. For myself, I am sure that I did the right thing, that I did not need to spend many hours next to him to understand how everything had changed. But there are a couple of people in my life whom I, on the contrary, would really like to meet. These are no longer children's novels, but more adult stories. And I’m not looking for a continuation, but just dreaming of finding out how everything turned out. But at this thought my heart sank somehow strangely. I understand that this is curiosity, that this is important to me, but won’t this become a meeting similar to the one described?
Family – separate, personal life – separate? Judgments about a family that does not interfere with personal life at all amazed me. True, I didn’t believe them... It seemed to me that there was love, it was just hidden under the mask of cynicism... I understood this from the way Zhenya spoke about his child... How Alik, having offered to go to his home, then somehow understood “sacrilege ” of his proposal, became embarrassed and said: “Yes, what am I? Of course, we won’t go home to me...” As he said, he sought his wife for 4 years. How he mentioned that he would never let her go on vacation alone... “That means they love her,” I thought. “They still love their wives.”
Love has passed... It will forever remain in the past. Its pure, tender, milky chocolate taste cannot be compared with the “sweetener” that offers “déjà vu”. There is no need to compare - and there is no need. Let the past remain forever in the past, because it still cannot be returned. Life is a great cook. She constantly prepares new desserts for us. So I'll wait...
- Find support in the past. First love is part of our personal history. Returning to our youth, we look for a source of unspent strength within ourselves.
- Confirm your worth. It is important for us to make sure that our life choices are correct and to end relationships that did not continue. By parting with the ideal images of the past, we can build new relationships in real circumstances.
In response to the question “Would you like to meet your first love again?” We are unlikely to clarify who we are talking about. For each of us, there is a specific person behind this phrase.
What motivates us when we try to find his traces? What do we miss in the present if we readily plunge into the past? What do we expect from meeting a person with whom we broke up 10, 20, 30 years ago?
Return to yourself
39-year-old Tatyana found a forum where her classmates communicated, and among them was her first lover.
“We separated in the middle of 9th grade: my family moved to another city. For a long time I could not decide to write on the forum, and then I was very worried, waiting: would Victor answer or not? He answered, and now we text ten times a day, we can’t stop talking. It seems that we have again become as naive and sincere as we were 25 years ago.”
The search for first love is nostalgia for the era of innocence, romanticism, brightness of emotions
For many, first love symbolizes a moment in life when we felt full of energy and the future seemed so promising. The search for first love is nostalgia for the era of innocence, romanticism, and brightness of emotions.
“For the first time, blinded by love, we are spontaneous, we are attracted by internal impulses and desires,” says Gestalt therapist Olga Dolgopolova. - We create an ideal image, essentially projecting our desires and needs onto a specific person. We expect from him what we lack in life: understanding, tenderness, support, sexuality...”
If the relationship between young people develops, then the ideal romantic image gradually gives way to a real person. First love years later is often sought by those who were unable or did not have time to get to know each other well enough.
“But even in this case, our feelings are directed not towards another, but towards ourselves,” says consulting psychologist Boris Masterov. - We unconsciously strive to find ourselves in the past - in a time when, as it seems to us, we were better, cleaner and full of joyful hopes. And often behind this there is a desire to return to one’s unrealized “I.”
Express the unsaid
Those who go in search of their first love often say that they are also attracted by the feeling of understatement, incompleteness of the relationship.
This is especially acute if the relationship ended due to external circumstances that the lovers did not have the strength to fight at that time. Parental pressure, moving, public opinion...
“Unconsciously, identification arises with fairy-tale-mythological couples, literary heroes: Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, those whose love was forbidden, impossible due to external circumstances,” says psychotherapist Alexander Badkhen. “Early romantic relationships are also idealized in culture: poetry, music, literature, cinema.”
Finding first love is a cry for help to someone who was once dear to us
The feeling of incompleteness gives rise to internal protest and the desire to find your first love, to “close the topic.”
This is confirmed by 28-year-old Anna: “We broke up because his parents sharply objected to our meetings. For a long time I could not believe that he chose them and not me... Now I would like to see the man who was my first love, so that he would see me and understand how wrong he was. Well, at the same time, make sure that I don’t care about him.”
Get a second chance
When we experience success, when the quality of our life changes, or we go through a personal crisis, we need to feel something constant, something constant. To maintain our identity, we look for support in the past.
“We return to “familiar territory” because the old relationship is always safer than meeting a new person. The search for first love is a call for help to someone who was once dear to us,” explains Alexander Badkhen.
“The easiest way is to go where it was once good. And first love, if it was not associated with humiliation, is a very positive feeling,” agrees Boris Masterov.
Newfound love gives many a feeling of rebirth, as if they have found the recipe for eternal youth
Those of us who have achieved success in different areas of life most often go in search of first love: those who have a family, children, a promising job... What are we missing?
Getting your first love back is like throwing off decades of years and feeling young and full of energy again.
Svetlana gave birth to a son at the age of 20. Sergei was her first lover, but he refused to marry and disappeared from her life.
“When my son was supposed to return from the army, I gathered my courage and called Sergei. We met, and a week later we realized that we couldn’t live without each other. Now we are together. It’s like I’m back to my 20s, I’ve lost weight, I play sports... I’m absolutely happy. I haven’t told my son yet, but I believe that he will understand me. I wish every woman at 40 years old the same beautiful and strong love as in her youth, you just need to get over the resentment and learn to be happy in the present.”
Newfound love gives many a feeling of rebirth, as if they have found the recipe for eternal youth.
Women's interest
Why do women more often go in search of their first love? Dreams allow them to distance themselves from everyday everyday worries, where day after day they need to play the roles of a good wife and caring mother. They often dream of their first adult relationship, which was not yet burdened with adult responsibilities.
“It is important for a woman to feel that there is something permanent in her life, something that does not change with age, that can be experienced and felt again,” says Olga Dolgopolova. “But if a woman constantly thinks about the past and strives to live in memories, this suggests that she is afraid to look forward and avoids reality.”
Anton Lazarev
Find the starting point
For each of us, the first love experience is one of the most important events in life. This is the end of childhood, the first departure from the family circle, a step into adulthood.
“First love, first meeting - this event changes every person,” says Boris Masterov. - We feel that we are no longer the same as we were before. To some extent, this is a choice and trying your own path. Indeed, to one degree or another, all subsequent love relationships develop in accordance with the first love.”
Alexander, 38, married a woman who once had an affair with a foreign student. The couple broke up: he left for his homeland, and she did not dare to radically change her life.
“Milena tells me about this story as if it were something she had experienced, but I see that in fact the plot is not finished. I don’t want my wife to forget her first love - it seems to me that this feeling gives new light and warmth to our relationship. I’m even sure: if it weren’t for this novel, she wouldn’t have chosen me.”
“The way we treat each other, how we touch, how we make love, what we say - all this is somehow connected with the experience of first love,” explains Boris Masterov. “We either take this model of relationships and partially reproduce it in subsequent love experiences, or we build on it, building something completely opposite to the unsuccessful experience.”
The road to renewal
Sometimes meeting your first lover can be disappointing.
“It is similar to the feeling we experience when returning to the city or neighborhood where we spent our youth. Once there, you suddenly notice how different reality is from the image that is preserved in our memory, says Alexander Badkhen. “It may still remain one and only, but it takes up less space in the soul than before.”
Even if we again encounter something that once pushed us away, this experience will still be useful
This is confirmed by 39-year-old Evgenia: “It was enough for me to hear his “Hello!” on the phone. - and the world blossomed with new colors. I knew his voice so well. Then we met again... and the charm was lost."
43-year-old Ilya says: “I admit, when Masha and I met after 20 years of separation, my heart almost broke into pieces: we still love the same books, films, admire the same people... But, when I realized that we could start all over again, I realized that despite all my “coincidence” with Masha, I truly love the woman who gave birth to my children.”
If you want to meet a person with whom all the best and brightest things in the past are connected, you need to meet. Even if we again encounter something that once pushed us away, this experience will still be useful.
“This is how we see the whole person and part with his ideal image,” says Olga Dolgopolova. - But at the same time we have the opportunity to start building new relationships, not necessarily love ones. We can enjoy communicating with each other in real circumstances.”
The experience of searching and returning is always valuable, even if it is associated with the loss of illusions
There are memories that stay with us for a lifetime. The way we build our families is largely determined by early relationships - with parents and loved ones.
“They contain a psychological starting point,” adds Alexander Badkhen. - Our first love is the continuation of these relationships, their reconstruction, the first independent attempt to recreate them. This is its special psychological value. This experience remains in a hidden place in our soul, accessible to us throughout our lives, and we never lose sight of it.”
The experience of search and return is always valuable, even if it is associated with the loss of illusions. We need it in order to better understand ourselves and move on with our lives.
Men prefer new things
Men are less likely to search for their first love, but you should not blame them for being less sensitive than women.
“Men are more focused on meeting immediate needs,” explains Olga Dolgopolova. - They want to experience emotions, show interest, realize sexuality immediately, without putting it off for a long time. If a man dreams of something, it’s probably not about a relationship, but about social success, a career takeoff; his fantasies are in the outside world.
Representatives of the stronger half of humanity love the experiences and feelings that a woman evokes in them. In addition, returning to a youthful hobby can significantly complicate their life: a man may feel at a disadvantage in relation to his lover's current partner. And he doesn’t need such competition. So men would rather look for new relationships than look back.”