At the same time, you spent a lot of money, a huge amount of time, transferred a whole bunch of emotions. What can I say, you love this girl and are ready to build a serious relationship with her. However, your competitor is not like that. At best, he invested nothing in this girl; at worst, she invested in him. Nuclear delirium. You are with this girl with all your heart, but she refuses you, and he doesn’t put her in anything, but at the same time she falls in love with him and is ready to wag her tail or something else in front of him. Where is the logic?
Bastard is a strong man
Usually in such situations they answer something like: “Women are very strange creatures. They have no logic, so don’t try to understand them.” However, in reality this is not the case. There is logic in everything. Of course, the female instinct that tells a woman that you are a loser and that bastard is a tough man cannot be fully called something logical, because this instinct works according to outdated data, but if we understand that a woman’s choice is influenced by her instinct, we can understand why women don't appreciate good attitude to them. I'm better than him
This is exactly what girls think when you shower them with gifts, give them countless compliments and devote all your free time to them. A strong man is an independent man. A strong man is a man who can contradict a woman. In some cases, instinct behaves so illogically that women fall in love with men who beat them, considering such redneck individuals to be strong males. However, let’s return to the most common case, when a man devotes all his free time to a girl, and she tries in every possible way to run away from him to some bastard who doesn’t care about her. The point is that this girl doesn't think you're enough strong man because you treat her too well. “Since he gives me gifts and looks after me, it means that he needs me more than I need him. Therefore, this man is weak. I’ll find myself a strong male who won’t appreciate me,” says the female subconscious.
Women despise weak men
Women look down on weak men, so forget about everything your mother taught you as a child. There is no need to try to please a woman. Try to please yourself, promote your interests, taking into account the interests of your girlfriend. If you treat a girl better than she treats you, she will consider you a weakling and send you to hell. Therefore, treat the girl the same way she treats you. If she gives you expensive gifts or just constantly tries to please you with something, reciprocate her feelings. If she even congratulates you on your birthday only in words, reciprocate. If a girl demands something from you, but she is not ready to give you something in return, then she already considers you a weak man, and your relationship is already doomed to collapse.
Girls appreciate a good attitude
Girls appreciate being treated well when they treat you well too. If she loves you, you will not have any problems after the gifts given or the attention paid to her. Most likely, she herself will want to give you something based on her financial capabilities, or simply to please you with something. However, this happens quite rarely. Most often, the girl is simply bored or she is just looking at you and there is no talk of any love. In this case, you need to adhere to some proportionality.
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I really appreciate educated young men who actually behave as men should behave.
I appreciate guys who are purposeful and kind.
I don’t like it when guys gossip, show off, swear, or show disrespect for girls, children, and older people.
A guy doesn’t have to be very smart and handsome, like from the cover of a magazine, he must take care of himself (in moderation, no need for these glamorous, tanned boys, in tight trousers, with a Dolce Gabanna strap and other attributes).
I appreciate and respect guys who have their own opinions, but also the ability to compromise.
I appreciate guys who look after a girl, I like it when they give flowers, give compliments, look after, in general, behave in such a way that you feel - you are special, you are a girl.
upd. You asked me to write more, and I did, but that doesn’t mean that I have a list of the “ideal” guy. These are just traits that I respect, but they are rarely found in one single copy. This is good, a person without flaws is something unreal)
I had the imprudence to act disgustingly towards a friend. took it away from him. nothing came of the relationship, and my soul is still disgusted by the action.
intelligence, kindness, decency and optimism.
that is, mind, soul and pleasant character. Soulful, but stupid - it will be a little boring, although not bad. I'll call you "my stupid little one"))
A cold mind without a soul - what the hell.
Smart, sincere, but sad - also bypassed. Although you can still try to fix this. Instilling an optimistic outlook on life is not that difficult, although you will have to work hard.)
And in general, I can bypass easily irritable, mercantile and calculating bitches three blocks away, hiding behind a camouflage net)
I appreciate intelligence and intelligence, care, I appreciate having a higher education, I appreciate determination and having big plans for life, I appreciate when a guy doesn’t smoke, rarely drinks and plays sports. A license, a car, a good-looking appearance with a good figure are also welcome. and the main thing is that he knows how to sincerely and deeply love and care for his family.
Yes, another accessory, a beautiful thing. Major boys choose glamorous girls for the same reason. In the end, everyone is happy.
Let them live in their own world, but we feel good in the real world, with sweaty brutal men.
Mutual respect, the ability to make concessions and seek compromise, sincerity, the ability to keep each other on their toes and not get bored of each other. :)
I appreciate the way my girl paints her eyes!!!
I met one. I don't know anyone like him anymore
fools)) there is only one meaning - to fuck stupidly))
A fool is one who does not see any difference in this. And then he wonders why they don’t give him girls. Even sex needs to be done beautifully. Not everyone has it. And if a woman ends up getting “stupid fucking” and not intense and awesome sex, then good luck, she’ll be branded impotent for life. So sometimes it's better to hide your intentions ;-)
As a result:
MxSnake: it’s just that no one is interested in explicit offers to have sex for three years now that I’ve been on this site
Even though she’s a girl... But still.. A girl should be smart, but not show it off, beautiful, but not a beauty queen, so a highlight..
Why don't men appreciate you? Why don't they reciprocate? There is hardly a girl who would not ask herself this question. What is the reason for such non-reciprocity in relationships? And also how to deal with this, and how to put your relationship at the proper level? It is to these questions that we will give answers.
In order to understand how to get a good attitude from your loved one towards you, you need to find the reason for non-reciprocity. In fact, there may be several reasons for non-reciprocity. But we will look at 2 main reasons for unworthy treatment of you:
- The person does not have feelings for you - that is, perhaps you have simply become uninteresting to him. This could happen because you are too intrusive or do not develop with him and he is simply bored.
- Low self-esteem - due to your constant good attitude towards your loved one, you have devalued your importance in his eyes. This is one of the main reasons that a man does not value a good relationship. Low self-esteem arises again from your obsession and annoyingness.
You need to understand that you need to love and support your boyfriend. But you shouldn’t lose your self-respect at the same time. By losing him, you will lose your value in the eyes of a man.
Now let's look at how to solve this problem:
Raising your self-esteem - in fact, falling from a mountain is easy, but getting up is hard. Although it is difficult, it is possible:
- Stop annoying your guy - reduce the number of outgoing calls. Stop running after him, he is not a child, but an adult. Give him time to think. Communication is a dialogue, and in a dialogue you need to give the guy the floor.
- Go for a walk with your friends - let him be a little jealous. True, before this, warn him about your plans, so that when you meet, this does not lead to a quarrel.
- Bring a little pleasant unpredictability into your relationship - take the guy to places where you have not been before. Go somewhere to relax. Or, over time, arrange romantic evening. Pleasant surprises increase your value.
- Find common interests - this will allow you to find common ground in communication with a man. He will be interested in communicating with you. By doing so, you will again raise your value in his eyes.
- Give him more freedom - men are freedom-loving creatures. And when someone encroaches on their freedom, they immediately become not themselves. Freedom helps a man to think and gives him time to miss you. Don't make the mistake many women make and deprive them of their freedom.
Understand that too much kindness on your part is not always good either. After all, in this case you lose your value, and, as they say, you receive evil for your good. Be fair to yourself and find some new hobbies to protect your boyfriend from being annoying. And then the guy’s interest in you will return very quickly.
Why don't people appreciate a good attitude?
Why don't people appreciate a good attitude?
Sometimes many people may not appreciate a good attitude towards themselves, due to the fact that they do not believe in sincerity. They may not believe because they themselves are not angels and cannot treat anyone well. But they do this out of some personal need and completely without any sincerity. Sometimes people simply don’t trust anyone, and may think that some kindness towards them is a mask, and not a good attitude.
Another person thinks that the whole world should revolve around him and everyone owes him. Although in fact, this is completely not true, no one owes anything to anyone in this world.
Any good attitude must come from the heart, and not because it is necessary.
And what a person does not value and then loses, a person begins to value after he has lost.
Therefore, send your goodness into the world and people in order to receive the same in return.
A good attitude presupposes that it is done for the good, and not as a way to make money, to make a person owe something. But people think that they will need to fulfill your whims because you treat them well, so they do the opposite.
Another reason is that every person has an inner demon that wakes up. when something good is done, and incites a person to do something bad in revenge.
In addition, people are so embittered, always dissatisfied with life, with themselves, with their surroundings, that they splash out their negativity on everyone.
That's how people are. And what happens when we love? We forget about ourselves. Less attention for yourself, more for your loved ones. When you don’t love, you are self-confident, hope and depend only on yourself, but when you love, your loved one comes first, you worry about him, take less care of yourself and already depend on him, albeit morally, but you do. In love, the main thing is to preserve yourself, because they loved us for who we were. There is no need to replace a man's mother, he needs a wife. You need to constantly improve yourself - when you are alone there is a lot of time for this, and when you are with your loved one, there is almost no time..
Because man is a selfish and unreasonable entity, it is unclear why he lives and dies. Only one question and answer is appropriate here: Why all this?
In your question, the truth is only partial: You yourself know this very well and perfectly
From your own, perhaps bitter experience, And you once trampled those paths,
That we are led from feeling to reflection And understanding of our nature to deepening.
We are designed this way, and this is the whole nature: Above all things for us is freedom.
The slightest prohibitions and restrictions provoke reactions of resistance in us.
Love is free, Carmen sang, But in love we demand reciprocity in return,
Limiting the freedom of the loved one and thus inflating his energy of resistance.
This is a huge incredible art - there is no way to deform another feeling,
Catching the edge and that border, Where to slow down and where to stop.
And even a kind and approving attitude must be calm so as not to cause rejection.
Many people are designed in such a way that in any positive they will look for the negative. Even if a person does everything for you with great love and respect, the person will still find that something is wrong with him. And he won’t appreciate this love and positivity. But when the other understands that all this is not valued and leaves, then the person understands what he has lost and begins to appreciate.
Many, alas, very many people simply do not see and do not know how to distinguish between good and bad.
It seems to them that good treatment of them is an absolute and well-deserved norm, and not an exception.
Recently, I even try to give good things to my children only on merit, and not because they are both my children. Because the following picture emerges: the lazy older one gets candy (figuratively) and the diligent younger one gets the same candy at the exit.
And what is the concept that children develop: the eldest believes that regardless of her actions, The candy will arrive anyway, so why bother? And the youngest is perplexed - why does the same candy arrive to her, but after effort and effort? Isn't it easier to do nothing? There will still be candy.
It seems that she didn’t live long in the world, but she was filled with gratitude for good deeds - through the roof. People sat on my neck more than once. And when I tried to throw it off my neck, they threw mud at me.
A good attitude is when the lazy and the hard worker are given the same. And this is not good. The result is always disastrous.
Do we really treat people well solely to receive approval, support, or material gain in return? All this is more like an inferiority complex, fears that come from childhood. By any means you need to earn the approval of others and then you will be good to everyone. I try to follow in life the words spoken by the Dalai Lama: follow three rules in life: respect yourself, respect others and take responsibility for your actions. You may receive an appreciation for your good attitude unexpectedly, and not necessarily from the person to whom you did good. God sees everything and all our good and bad deeds lie on the scales of our lives.
What the author of the phrase meant by love has nothing to do with love. Here we are talking about the desire to have. When a person says: I want, I want, I want!, he places himself in the ranks of those who want = do not have. Those who don't want have. They admire those who have. Those who want are not admired. And yet, yes, people do not appreciate it when people want to fuck them, and they also hypocritically consider this a good attitude, which means they will demand retribution for it.
My opinion is that people have become selfish, spoiled by attention to themselves. They simply don't care about our attitude towards them. People begin to appreciate a good attitude towards themselves only when you begin to treat them like a swine and when, probably, it is too late to ask for forgiveness. It seems to me that they themselves do not treat others with respect.
Don't do good, you won't get evil...
Because what is GOOD, in your understanding, does not at all mean GOOD in the understanding of another person... and certainly does not mean that he should appreciate your GOOD attitude towards him... This is YOUR desire to treat a person in a certain way, not his ….If you want something in return for YOUR GOOD, then it is quite possible that you are pursuing some kind of interest of your own… and the person feels it.. There are plenty of options..
The point is that the concept of good is not really good for everyone. Well, remember?
I go through life stories, and I understand that I often and thickly imposed my understanding well and this was troublesome and unnecessary for them. Sometimes it’s good when we think only about ourselves and live for ourselves, and don’t impose ours on anyone. It’s good when they understand you, but it’s even better when they don’t try to understand, don’t help unless you ask, and don’t judge you by their own criteria.
I often ask myself this question, there is, of course, an exception, you can’t speak for everyone, but in general, this is the case. They will see you as a person only when you show someone strength. But I personally have no interest in communicating after this. Slave psychology rather outweighs.
Man is such a social animal that he often takes everything good about himself for granted. Here, natural selfishness, and our inherent cynicism, and at times education plays an important role - in a word, we need to work on ourselves
Why don't people appreciate being treated well?
Question to a psychologist
Asks: Love
Answers from psychologists
Biryukova Anastasia Evgenievna
Replies on the site: 3625 Conducts trainings: 1 Publications: 64
The girl acted as she did and she may well not be accountable to you for her decisions. If you are ready to go to work without pay, this is your choice. Why are you doing this, I personally don’t understand.
Depression comes to those who care too much about something other than themselves, ignoring their normal needs and desires. I assume that you generally have a character that helps you get closer to depression. It makes sense to reconsider some habits.
If you need help from a psychologist, contact Skype counseling. You cannot save the whole world, but taking care of yourself is your duty and responsibility to your health.
Good answer 5 Bad answer 0
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich
Replies on the site: 18080 Conducts trainings: 0 Publications: 6
Hello. Love. There is a good rule - No one owes anything to anyone. According to this rule, no one should care about your well-being, the number of hours worked, fatigue, except you. And, if you do not give any signals of resistance to such a situation, then the other will be more indifferent to your situation. There is a second rule - How I treat myself is how others will treat me. You allow others to treat you unceremoniously, so others act as you allow. Therefore, there are no contradictions. You You can be indignant at the bosses, indignant at the girl’s behavior and encourage her to work, tell everyone how hard it is for you and how unbearable it is to work like this. But you don’t protect yourself. Then there’s no one to expect help from. Everything will always be as it was and is. And You will be unhappy and depressed. The way out is to love yourself and then stand up for your rights. Then the manager will add someone to you, or you will go home earlier without overworking. Each person acts according to his own value. And while you cannot stand up for yourself, Your insecurity is noticed by those who benefit from forcing you to work like this.
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychotherapist-psychoanalyst Volgograd
Good answer 3 Bad answer 0
Chemeris Olga Valentinovna
Love, hello. An enterprise that does not take into account the basic needs of a person - “they don’t pay for overtime, they don’t give vacation...” treats you with deep disrespect.
What makes you work there? and what does this have to do with the girl who figured it out faster. “I’m already exhausted from work and they won’t pay me for overtime. "
Dear Lyuba, these are complaints against the management of the enterprise, but not against a colleague. Let’s think about why you are suffering so much and why you are allowing yourself to be used.
With respect, Olga Chemeris.
Chemeris Olga Valentinovna, psychologist Kostanay
It is very important when there is someone in life for whom you can do a lot. It is very difficult to live without a loved one. But what if your girlfriend doesn't appreciate or respect you? How to get a girl's respect and make her appreciate and listen?
Is it possible to get a girl's respect?
Favorite people are the most precious thing in everyone's life. Without the support and understanding of family and friends in our time, it is very difficult to achieve success in life. However, there are situations when the girl you love does not appreciate the actions that you do for her, and also does not appreciate you as a person.
In such situations, no matter how hard the guy tries, his actions do not inspire respect from the girl he loves. Taking into account the fact that such situations are not uncommon, the question “how to get a girl’s respect?” is extremely relevant.
First of all, in order to make a girl respect herself, it is necessary to demonstrate to her the respect of others. You should be respected by your friends, your parents, teachers and other people.
At the same time, you shouldn’t embellish yourself. For example, lie about the fact that you have your own business or influential friends, because in the future this may cause serious complications in a relationship. Visit the pool, gym, or just do something interesting. You must convince the girl that you are a comprehensively developed person.
In order to gain the girl's respect, you must make the girl herself start looking for a meeting with you. Women always value more what they don't have, which is why by reducing the likelihood of your regular meetings, you will become more in demand.
By surprising your girlfriend, you will make her appreciate you, since they are very sensitive to the monotonous gray everyday life. Regularly arrange various surprises for your girlfriend, and also try to please symbolic gifts. To do this, you can wake up earlier and prepare breakfast for her. By introducing romance into your relationship, you will not only force her to respect you, but also become much closer to each other.
If all the above methods do not work, you can take specific measures. You can, for example, temporarily stop or limit communication with her, so that she understands that it is much more cozy and comfortable with you. The fact is that a person begins to appreciate what he has only when he understands that he can lose it.
Give the girl the opportunity to lose you, and if she realizes her mistakes, let her feel all the charm of your relationship with her again. If everything goes smoothly and she really loves you, after your reunion, the relationship will reach a whole new level, and rest assured that she will begin to appreciate you and what you do for her.
It is very important that you show your girlfriend that other people respect you. Otherwise how can she respect you? To do this, you must gain the respect of others, and this is not done in one day.
To achieve respect in your circle, always keep your word, be a true friend, never betray anyone or change your principles, even if at some point it is beneficial. Subsequently, you will regret it anyway, so always remain in harmony with your conscience.
Be a reliable shoulder and support for the girl, a person she can rely on day and night. In this case, there is no need to run around and fulfill any of her requests - explain to her right away that you are not her servant. But in cases where she needs your help and protection, she can count on you.
Show her that you have other interests besides her and that you can keep yourself busy with something. Go out with friends to parties, tell the girl about your business. In general, try to do something interesting so that your girl understands everything. Go to the gym, swim. In general, make sure you have almost no free time left.
Do not speak a large number of time on the phone. Otherwise, the girl may think that you are a lazy person. Also, she may understand that you can devote all your time to her. After all, the main thing to remember is that if you love a woman less, then she will like you more. And that’s why, show love to your girlfriend, but not in very large quantities.
How to get a girl's respect? Try to make the girl herself start looking for time to chat with you. After all, all girls value what they don’t have. So always remember this. If your meeting is highly unpredictable, this will be even stronger nicer to a girl. But still, you shouldn’t go too far with this. If you put off meeting her every time, she may think the most unpleasant things about you. So be careful.
If things are going too badly, you have lost the girl’s respect, then you need to act specifically. Stop communicating with her altogether for a while. Let her come running to you. After all, we are all designed in such a way that we begin to appreciate everything only when we lose it. And if the girl understands that she can’t live without you, then everything will work out and your relationship will return to its previous course.
How to get a girl's respect and make her obedient
First of all, when such a question arises, you need to remember that your beloved is an adult, even though it sometimes seems to you that she behaves like a child.
Very often, girls who are naive at first glance have a strong character, which is why, before forcing a girl to obey you, you need to take a closer look at her and understand whether she is even capable of becoming obedient.
First of all, in order to gain a girl’s respect and make her obedient, you need to understand why you need this. Are you trying to break her character, subjugate her, impose your will on her? If yes, then you should deal with your complexes, as this is an unhealthy desire.
It’s another matter if your girlfriend doesn’t value you, plays and manipulates you, doesn’t appreciate you. Then it’s better to just break up with her and engage in self-development in order to begin to respect yourself. And only then start relationships with girls.
But consider the option when you need to gain the girl’s respect and make her obedient, because she has difficulties with behavior, and you feel responsible for her, or you are older and wiser.
Never tell a girl directly that you expect complete submission from her. Also, don't compare your current girlfriend to her friends, or yours. ex-girlfriend, especially if this comparison is not beneficial for her. When expressing your complaints, start the conversation with praise, gradually moving on to the fact that, despite this, there are some shortcomings. If she allows you to flirt with other guys, you should gently hint her about it, and try to surround her with your attention, so that she never looks at other guys again.
In order to gain a girl’s respect and make her obedient, you must first specify your complaints. So, for example, if you don’t like that your girlfriend is often late at work, find out why she is late in the first place. After this, try to explain to her that you are very worried and worried about her.
Remember that by achieving complete submission on the part of a girl, you can thereby deprive her of the right to vote, and soon she may simply become your reflection.
How to get respect and obedience from a girl
Sometimes men get tired of women's oddities. The heroine of a famous film, “all so sudden,” can turn anyone’s head, but building a long-lasting relationship with such a girl can be very difficult. Young people dream of an obedient girl.
Remember that your girlfriend is an adult, even if it seems to you that she is just a child. Sometimes, behind external beauty lies a very strong character. It’s also better to take a closer look at her and decide, is she ready to become yours forever?
If you are confident that you are capable of being a husband, come up with a transformation plan that will not affect the positive aspects of your chosen one. She will probably be happy to obey you, because many women dream of men who take the solution to all their problems into their own hands.
Don't forget that your ways to gain a girl's respect and make her obedient should not humiliate the girl. No matter how much you would like her to become blonde and change her sneakers to high heels, these decisions should only be made by the girl herself. It is possible to express similar complaints in a mild form, but you should not demand a radical change in image. Look for a compromise. Let her also express her point of view regarding your appearance. Make concessions to each other.
Don't directly say that you expect her to obey. In addition, there is no need to compare your girlfriend with her friends in a way that is not in her favor, and you should not use your ex-darling as an example. All this will only make you more angry. If you express your complaints, always start with praise. Say that she is undoubtedly very beautiful. Although is it necessary to flirt so openly with men? Surround her with care and attention, and she will definitely look only at you.
Tell us about your complaints. For example, you are not happy that she returns from work very late. Find out why she is delayed. Explain that you are worried about her. Try to talk more about your feelings and do not demand that the girl become a housewife. And if it is yours cherished dream, look for opportunities to increase your income. Convince her that with your income she has the opportunity to travel all year round instead of getting bored at the office.
How to gain a girl's respect and make her obedient? Firstly: prove to her the benefits of this situation. Secondly: explain that if she completely trusts your tastes and preferences, she will live as if behind a stone wall. Thirdly: try to solve several of her problems, and she will understand that she will never be lost with you.
Don't forget, if you achieve complete submission, you not only deprived your girl of the right to vote, but also took full responsibility for her life. Do you want a girl who is just your mirror image?
Why don’t girls build relationships with good and kind guys, but choose “cattle people”?
It all depends on the age and intelligence of the girl. If there are girls around you who, in your opinion, deserve the best guys, but at the same time they date rednecks, then your opinion is wrong, this means that such a girl is not as good as you thought.
Once upon a time I also asked myself this question, but I got the answer to it myself through life experience and the opinions of other girls. A worthy girl will never build a relationship with “redneck”, because she knows her worth and knows what she really wants from her soulmate, her brain is not saturated with this “yard” romance, so to speak, if we are talking about “redneck” " Believe me, with age, having gained experience, a girl begins to understand what kind of guy she needs, and then she thinks about what qualities did not suit her with that “redneck”. She begins to appreciate his valuable qualities in a man and takes into account every little detail, which definitely indicates that she does not want to build a relationship with “rednecks”.
If you are currently in love or have a potential girlfriend that you like, but she is in a relationship with some ram, then the most the best option for you to find another, smarter and intellectually developed girl (this is how I solved this problem at one time). How to do it? Let's start with the most banal: look at older girls, perhaps even older than you, if, of course, you are sure that she will be interested in you) Look for girls who study at universities, and simply those who do not seem to you “the same as everyone else” rest". After you find a girl who suits you, she will appreciate all your qualities that are not inherent in cattle and then you will instantly forget that girl you have been thinking about for so long
Good luck!
Don’t wait for answers, it’s better to grab coffee or tea, rolls or cookies, jam and read the book “Gone with the Wind.”
The girl will be Scarlett O'Hara, her choice will be Rhett Butler.
Get both an answer and pleasure.
Of course, this is not the only or exhaustive answer, but it is wonderful.
p.s. I would just hint that life is more complicated than rednecks against good guys)
We deceive ourselves that they are better. And in the first place, they look better than the good guys. Then love is evil and we all know the ending. Usually, after a quarter, we realize the full scale of the mistake of choice and begin to scour in search of a handsome guy with whom it’s nice to exercise naked in bed, feed him cabbage soup, and laugh heartily when you remember how weird you were at the university. I, as a representative of 25+ and with experience in relationships with “rednecks,” know what I’m saying.
A girl will always choose the first between a scoundrel and a good one, because they have a lot in common!
She is not interested in someone who is kind and good, because he is predictable, decent, banal,
and for her, decency is all anti-sexual,
you'll have to compete with the scoundrel,
swim in beautiful lies and rudeness!
But closer to 30 years old, having passed on the hands of the scoundrels,
Having drunk the cup of violence and humiliation, they are thinking of taking a good-natured woman as their husband!
In fact, good guys are popular with their target audience. Only here a girl is often chosen “uncomfortably”, preferring the first beauty of the university/city, etc., to the quiet, sweet neighbor. And then they are surprised when she chooses a boorish idiot, forgetting that nice guy and the first beauty initially have different priorities. But the “good guys” don’t want to lower the bar, believing that there is something wrong with the young ladies, because how can you not fall in love with such an exceptional good guy? And it doesn’t matter that he earns little, lives with his mother and looks like he doesn’t understand anything. But he's good! It happens that a quiet and modest girl begins a relationship with cattle. Everything is simple here: she is looking for qualities that she herself does not have. The ability to insist on one’s own, arrogance, the ability to “go over the heads.” At the moment of meeting, she does not think that these qualities will play against her, she sees how he does something that she would never dare to do in her life, and she admires it. Arrogance turns into determination, rudeness and rudeness into fearlessness. And now, he is no longer a gopnik, but a knight in armor. In addition, we must not forget about the influence of the father. If a girl spent her entire childhood watching her drunk dad chase her mom around the house with an ax in her hand (and there are quite a few such families), she will most likely have a hard time with a good guy. It's bad with the cattle, but familiar and predictable, and the good guy is some kind of unknown animal. It’s unclear what to do with it and how to behave; this uncertainty is frightening.
Where it all begins
When the time comes for the transition from the state of a girl to the next stage - a young girl, changes inevitably come in her behavior, in her thoughts, and in her entire body as a whole. Without delving into the physiological side of the issue, we can say that the girl’s behavioral characteristics during this period are characterized by protest sentiments. She begins to reject the demands of her parents and teachers, argues on any occasion, demands more freedom, strives to break established rules, and is burdened by the care of her elders.
At this moment, she is especially interested in what has been forbidden until now. I want to walk until late; go to the cinema and clubs; dress the way she likes, and not the way adults advise. Most often, conflicts begin at home. Parents give in on some things and insist on others. In fact, the girl is in a state of permanent war. At this moment, the image of the “bad guy” becomes something of a symbol, the personification of one’s own aspirations; one gets the feeling that he won his “war”.
He seems free, independent, experienced - he certainly saw everything that she was not allowed to do. In the girl’s understanding, such a guy holds in his hands a forbidden fruit, in the struggle for which she uncompromisingly conflicts with adults. And it seems to her that by getting such a guy, she will get everything at once. The phase of falling in love begins. And here events usually develop in two directions. If a girl is brave and confident enough, she begins to seek the guy’s attention; if she lacks the courage to do this, she suffers in silence. In both cases, this period will leave its mark on her subsequent life.
Let's say a girl is determined enough to start pursuing a bad guy. What benefits does she think she will get from this? First of all, increase your status in the eyes of your peers (and in your own). If a bad guy pays attention to her, and even more so singles her out from everyone else, it means that she corresponds to his level, they will begin to treat her differently, and consider her as adult and free as he is. According to the young girl, this circumstance alone is worth the fight.
She understands that most other girls feel about the same in relation to the bad guy, the principle of competition comes into force. She may not even think about the personality of the guy himself, since in this case it is not he who is important, but his status. Therefore, by the way, often girls, without losing the pace of the struggle, can switch to another bad guy, for example from the same company, and feel great about it. In such a situation, can she turn her attention to a modest, quiet, good guy? Of course not.
Another reason why girls prefer bad boys is the need for security. It seems to her that such a confident, experienced and mature guy will be able to protect her from other guys. In fact, at this age the priority quality is the ability to stand up for oneself. Young men often find out each other’s abilities in this regard through conflicts. It seems that the bad guys have earned the right to behave freely and confidently among their peers by gaining the upper hand in these conflicts.
Why girls don't appreciate a good attitude
It would seem that kindness is the most attractive quality a person can have. But it does not always benefit its owner: it is a known fact that women are attracted to exactly the opposite traits. This seems completely illogical. Why don't girls like kind guys? Is there anything that can be done, and does it make sense?
Common Causes
Every established opinion has an explanation. In this situation there are several of them:
Substitution of concepts. What characterizes a person as good? Usually this is a desire to come to the rescue, support, take care. But very often people confuse kindness with weak character. It seems that a kind person will not be able to show toughness where it is needed. This substitution of concepts repels women. They may feel like this guy is being pushed around by everyone. The other side of this substitution is that the manifestation of cruelty is considered an indicator of strength.
To be fair, it is worth recognizing that not all representatives of the stronger sex correctly understand what kindness is. It is worth being able to distinguish the kind from the weak-willed and completely controlled by mom.
Charming villains. Another reason is that the entertainment industry represents evil people in the best possible light: they are witty, strong, calculating and elegant. Having watched enough of this kind of films and TV series, some young ladies bring this idea to life, firmly believing that embittered, indifferent and tough men actually have subtle spiritual facets.
Such views affect not only men: some girls, following fashion, are called “bitches” and behave accordingly. It is logical that such a lady and a companion need an appropriate one who could “pacify” her. This applies to situations when the girl does not want Serious relationships- then it’s easier to while away the loneliness with someone who is also not looking for them, rather than breaking the heart of a serious person.
To be fair, tough people often know exactly what they want and are more confident in themselves. They care little about the opinions of others about their own actions. This has a fascinating effect, such people are considered more reliable and independent - perhaps the decisive factor in a man’s attractiveness in the eyes of women.
Habit. What is considered the norm in society. If a girl grew up in a family where her father behaved cruelly, this could greatly affect her attitude towards the opposite sex. She simply cannot imagine that her husband could behave differently. Her impression is this: there are no good people, there are those who successfully pretend.
This opinion is reinforced by adult women who have lived their lives with oppressive husbands. They teach: “everyone endures, and you endure,” “so what, what cheats, does not hit,” “well, let him drink, but the man is in the house.” It is sometimes difficult to imagine how such absurd opinions take root in our minds.
The other side of the coin: sometimes an outwardly respectable citizen turns out to be the worst scoundrel. So with the “bad guys” the future is at least immediately clear, you don’t have to wait for a catch, and sometimes there’s even a glimmer of hope for a pleasant surprise.
Thirst for thrills. There are ladies for whom life is not sweet without a scandal. They believe that loud quarrels and passionate reconciliations are an indicator strong feelings. How can you quarrel with someone who is calm, kind and balanced? If not, then the young lady begins to miss strong emotions and the guy seems uninteresting to her. Absurd insults, accusations, and provocations appear. Relationships turn into a nightmare.
Sometimes the situation looks different: a guy considers himself good, but at the same time he is a pedant, demanding accuracy, punctuality and correctness in everything. When everything is squeaky clean, most ladies will be bored and want some kind of fun and ease.
If others consider someone a scoundrel, and then he suddenly treats someone well, this is very flattering to the chosen one. And vice versa: if a guy treats everyone well, his lover cannot feel special.
Sometimes there is a game of contrast: this is well understood by excellent students whose brother or sister is a C student. The parents praise the latter for every four, but the next five does not evoke emotions. If someone is rude, any manifestation of tenderness is perceived as something special, and if a person is always kind, some stop being grateful and appreciating it.
Stockholm syndrome and other pathologies. There are cases where the victim experiences an unhealthy attachment to his tormentor. She herself can explain this in different ways, starting from the great mission to help the unfortunate and ending with fate, karma and reincarnation. It is rare when a girl is able to look at a situation from the outside and understand that what is happening is not normal.
Attachment to an unpleasant type does not always mean a diagnosis. Sometimes we are talking about low self-esteem - a girl can simply force herself to believe that she is worthy loving man. Depression can also have these symptoms. This should not be confused with excessive self-confidence when a girl claims that her beloved is simply a person not understood by anyone in the world, but she will definitely be able to understand and change him.
What to do
What can a guy do if he feels like he is being avoided for this very reason? Firstly, you should make sure that everything is really so. Ask friends or family for advice and do an honest self-examination.
Someone might come up with the idea of hating girls and showing it to them in order to get the desired reaction in return. On the Internet you can find a lot of advice on this matter: harass your chosen one, give her no rest, be sarcastic and forget about gratitude. If such a relationship seems healthy to someone, then these people will be happy. But in real life everything is different.
If you re-read the reasons listed above, it becomes obvious that such girls do not quite correctly assess what is happening in their lives. Relationships with them will not bring happiness; there will be a constant struggle with whims or phantom fears.
In addition, a truly kind person is not like this for the sake of some girl, but for his own sake. Having sunk to the level of a scoundrel, you can become interested in a couple of infantile beauties, but lose self-respect.
The best option is to adopt the advantages from negative characters, thanks to which all their shortcomings are eaten up. First of all, as already mentioned, confidence in yourself and your actions. Understand what is important in life and why it is needed. Pay less attention to the opinions of strangers.
Sense of humor. Good, “correct” people rarely know how to joke and understand jokes. There is no need to take yourself and what is happening too seriously - communicating with cheerful and spontaneous people will help.
Good appearance. This is where the “movie villain” effect comes into play: stylish, attention-grabbing. Suit according to the figure, good hairdresser and the gym will help you not only look good, but also feel more confident.
Such a guy will definitely meet someone who can appreciate his merits. The main thing is not to waste your time on those who don’t need it.
Olga, Chelyabinsk