home Epilation Why you can't have imaginary friends. A child's imaginary friend: should I worry? Why do imaginary friends appear?

Why you can't have imaginary friends. A child's imaginary friend: should I worry? Why do imaginary friends appear?

An imaginary friend in a child, according to many psychologists, is a common phenomenon. Inventing a friend for yourself before a certain age is considered absolutely normal. Experts associate this with the development of imagination and creativity in a young child.

By about three years of age, a child begins to actively fantasize and think. It is at this time that imaginary friends appear. A child can invent absolutely any creature; an invisible friend can be an animal, just a person, a fairy-tale hero, a cartoon character, or something completely non-existent.

When parents first learn about the appearance of an imaginary friend, they begin to worry and think that something is wrong with their baby. No need to panic. The child develops imagination. It is better to become interested in a new friend, his name, appearance, where he lives, what he likes to eat, etc. That is, you need to show participation.

Often an imaginary friend is also useful for parents. By asking a child about an imaginary friend, about his fears, desires, dreams, difficulties, parents can find out what worries the child himself. Children are not always able to express and even understand their desires, and through an imaginary friend, parents are able to learn about the child’s problems.

“A child should feel support from his parents: from the father - strength and protection, from the mother - care and affection. But if you brush your child off all the time, he will be less likely to turn to his parents with trivial problems. In the future, this can lead to the fact that the child will have nothing to talk about with his parents, nothing to entrust to them, because from an early age he is accustomed to solving “his own problems” himself and answering questions that arise, knowing in advance that mom and dad don’t have time for such nonsense." (meduniver.com)

So, an imaginary friend is not a tragedy. But you need to know when to stop. If a child is friends and talks only with a fictional character, refuses to communicate with other people, if he is very worried about everything that happens to his fictional friend, if this makes him lethargic or too excited, irritable, whiny - the game should be stopped! For example, try to send a friend on a trip to his grandparents or on a long journey, in general, remove the character without a scandal. And this is the time to come up with a game for the child that he has not played before, an activity that can “switch” the baby.

In most cases, children forget about their fantasies already at the age of 7-8, when they begin to communicate a lot with their peers. The emergence of new acquaintances and new knowledge does not allow one to withdraw into oneself. The child appreciates and understands that communication with real friends is more dynamic and more fun than playing with himself.

According to child psychologists, if an imaginary friend does not disappear at this age, it is a clear sign lack of parental love in the child. The baby does not realize how much mom and dad need him, how valuable he is to them. It all depends on the parents, they must give the child the necessary attention, together with him go out of the fictional world into the real one, and fill the space remaining from the fictional world with their attention and communication. After all, the main thing is not how much, but how exactly to spend time with the baby. For example, play with your child for at least half an hour a day, and then discuss the game. It is very important to read to children at night. If the child is already a schoolchild, this is the help of parents in completing homework.

You shouldn’t be afraid to invent and fantasize with your child, you just need not to cross the line and be able to attract the child in time to the real world, which is no less amazing than the fictional one.

Who is an imaginary friend?

The desire to make friends is typical for all age categories, regardless of gender. Both men and women want to have a close soulmate. Unfortunately, in real life It’s not always possible to have a faithful comrade nearby with whom you can talk frankly. And sometimes you really want to trust him with your thoughts and thoughts.

The problem of the imaginary friend has been known since ancient times. Sorcerers could use drugs and spells to summon various spirits and genies. People believed that with the help of such imaginary friends they could solve their pressing problems.

Different peoples worshiped household gods - peculiar family friends. For example, among the Slavs in pagan times Chur was considered the patron saint of family estates. They asked him for intercession to protect his home and loved ones from the evil eye. The expression has survived to this day: “Keep away from me!”, that is, “Take care of me, God, from evil forces!”

The desire to have an imaginary friend in Tibetan Buddhism was transformed into such a concept as a tulpa, when an effort of will could cause a strong hallucination. In the sensations of the person who called her, she became a completely tangible image (it could not always be a person), you could trust him and have frank conversations with him. In Ancient Rome, such a conceivable friend was called Alter ego - “another me.”

Agatha Christie wrote dozens of detective stories, and in her old age she admitted that she had been communicating with imaginary friends all her life. This didn’t drive her crazy, but it helped her creativity a lot.

Reasons for the appearance of an imaginary friend

So who is considered an imaginary friend these days, why is he needed and is communicating with him harmful? Before answering these questions, let's find out the reasons for its appearance.

Why do children have an imaginary friend?

Who hasn’t known the Kid and his friend Carlson since childhood? The story of the Swedish writer Astrid Lindgren about the touching friendship of a boy and a funny fat man living in a house somewhere far away on the roof appeared, I think, for a reason. Just like the Soviet fairy tale by writer L. Lagin “Old Man Hottabych”. The genie released from the bottle became a real friend of the pioneer Volka and helped him in various funny situations, which he himself created, and then helped him successfully solve.

What do these two fairy tales have in common? They are nothing more than a cleverly narrated need for imaginary friends in children.

The desire to “get” an imaginary stranger as a friend lies in the peculiarities of the baby’s psyche. It is believed that 65% of children between 3 and 7 years old have an imaginary friend. Psychologists do not see anything bad in this so-called Carlson syndrome. Such children are spiritually rich and have great creative potential. Talented guys, in a word! An imaginary friend helps them develop their intelligence, which will certainly be useful in later life.

However, such a virtual friend does not always appear in a child’s life at his whim. The reasons for children's fantasies are different and not always good, among them are the following:

Lack of parental attention. Parents are constantly busy, do not pay attention to their child, loneliness forces him to look for a friend in his fantasies.
Parenting mistakes. The child is given attention, but communication is reduced to a minimum; the baby wants to be read a bedtime story, and in response: “You’ll fall asleep without it!”
Boring childhood. There are few children's games and fun, everything is put on a rational basis: you don't need it (because it's expensive), parents don't send the child to any club where he is drawn, there is no time to take him to sports and other sections. The child suffers from boredom and invents friends and bright adventures for himself.
No contact with peers. The child is withdrawn and cannot find a common language with other children, for example, in kindergarten. Involuntarily, he withdraws into himself and communicates with an imaginary friend in his fantasies.

All these reasons do not at all indicate that the child has mental problems, but there is a fear that he may go into an unreal world. And in our time, when the computer in many families has replaced books and live communication, it is not at all difficult to get confused in your own imagination and virtual friends. But there are also positive qualities of an imaginary friend, which is why children need him so much.

These include:

The imaginary friend is brave and always ready for adventure.. He is a faithful comrade, he will help out in any situation, with him you can safely embark on any risky journey, for example, go into the impenetrable jungle or descend in a bathyscaphe deep to the bottom of the ocean.
Helps develop intelligence. Communicating with such a friend, the child becomes developed and exhibits bright creative abilities. There is a high probability that over time the baby can become a bright creative personality.

It is important to know! An imaginary friend in children is not a disease. However, to prevent the imaginary friend from becoming dominant in the child’s life, parents should pay more attention to their child.

Reasons why teenagers have an imaginary friend

An imaginary friend among teenagers is a widespread phenomenon these days and is associated primarily with infantilism. It seems difficult to call a guy or girl a child, but their behavior retains childish traits. From a medical point of view, this is a developmental delay. Such young people are “inhibited” in communication, it is very difficult for them to find a boyfriend or girlfriend. The lack of communication forces people to go into the virtual world, which is not a problem at all today.

Computers and tablets are now available to almost everyone. For lovers virtual communication even special computer programs appeared. For example, the All Ages add-on for The Sims 3 gives you the opportunity to find an imaginary friend.

In China and neighboring countries, young men are fascinated by anime-style drawings of imaginary girlfriends in their photographs. The hobby has become fashionable; guys go to cafes with their imaginary partners, play football, and travel.

The reasons for such success of imaginary friends among teenagers lie in character traits that are far from the best, for example, a person who is withdrawn and insecure. Our age of total computerization only indulges such weak personality traits.

Medical reasons why teenagers make imaginary friends include:

Autistic disorders. Actually, this is a mild mental illness when there is no ability to maintain social connections. Such a person is closed in on his own experiences, communication with others causes her difficulties.
Infantilism. A teenager thinks and acts like a child, and therefore is simply afraid of decisive adult actions. It is difficult for him to find a real friend to communicate with.
Serious illness. For example, a child is bedridden for a long time. The circle of communication with peers is reduced to a minimum. An imaginary friend comes to the rescue.
Psychological trauma. Divorce or death of a parent, change of place of residence, conflicts with loved ones can force you to look for a virtual friend.

There are a number of completely different reasons why developmentally normal teenagers make a virtual friend. It turns out that it has many advantages:

Knows how to listen. He has an easy-going character and will always listen to his friend with attention.
Won't give away secrets. You can safely trust him; he will never tell anyone anything, even if he shared intimate details of his life with him.
Attractive appearance. If a girl makes herself an imaginary friend, then only a handsome one!
Will never change. He will always be with you through thick and thin until you give him up.
Not angry. He will not get into a quarrel or fight with you; on the contrary, he will always support you in a difficult situation.
Easy to communicate with him. From a psychological and financial point of view. You don’t need much persuasion, for example, to go to a cafe, and there is no need to spend money on it.
Not annoying. Appears only when you want. And he leaves at your request.
He's lonely. He has no one but you, and therefore it is easy to communicate with him.

From this we can conclude that a virtual friend (girlfriend) is needed by young people with a vulnerable psyche who have problems with communication. However, such friends cannot replace real, live friendship. Leaving into an unreal world, where everything is unsteady, blurry and far-fetched, will not make a teenager happy.

It is important to understand! True happiness can only be found in real communication with real friends.

Why do adults have an imaginary friend?

Imaginary friends among adults are not at all uncommon. Many people have probably noticed that a man is walking down the street and talking to himself. Some may find this strange, like crazy. But not everyone is like that with mental disabilities. Just a man talking to his good acquaintance - a virtual friend.

As people age, most people give up virtual friendships and find real friends. However, not everyone is in a hurry to part with their childhood fantasies.

The reasons why they remain in the souls of adults can be very diverse:

Protracted Carlson syndrome. Inherent in so-called scammers (English term) - “adult children”. Such men and women can be quite successful in life, but they are illusions early age continue to warm the soul. They are in no hurry to part with imaginary friends; such a friend can replace a family, which is why they often remain lonely.
Closed character. I didn’t know how to communicate with peers in childhood and adolescence, and remained that way throughout adult life. The character developed in adolescence is almost difficult to change, and there are times when a close friend really wants to pour out his soul.
Depression. When a bad mood prevails for a long time, the circle of communication is limited, a person communicates with his Alter ego - the “other me”. This is his true friend.
Vulnerability. Feeling of helplessness in front of external circumstances - the world is cruel! - makes you seek the support of a strong person. This is psychologically explainable; many foreign and domestic films are devoted to this phenomenon. After all, not everyone feels like Rimbaud, so for self-defense they find a superhero in an imaginary friend.
I want to talk. Even a sociable person sometimes needs to talk at length, but friends have no time to listen to everything, moreover, if the topic is intimate and sensitive, even close people are not interlocutors. Your problem may be spread “a secret around the world.” And an imaginary friend is reliable, he is only yours!
If a person is a believer. Such people pray and talk with God, with their guardian angel. They consider the saints real, entrust their everyday concerns to them, and ask them for advice and help.

Is internal dialogue with imaginary friends a mental disorder? Not at all, but in each specific case you need to figure out why a person needs this. It is likely that this is simply an inability to find your true friend in real life, or perhaps a mental disorder, even a serious mental illness.

It is important to know! If a person walks down the street and talks to himself, this does not mean that he is unhealthy. He just lacks real communication.

Key signs of having an imaginary friend

Many people hide their intimate, fictitious colleague, but there are very specific signs by which you can determine who is friends with a virtual person. Signs of having an imaginary friend include features that lie in the individual’s worldview and personal qualities associated with character.

Worldviews include:

Faith. Regardless of what a person professes, it can be Buddhism, Islam or Christianity, as well as numerous branches of these religions. All of them imply spiritual communication with higher otherworldly forces, in fact - with imaginary friends.
Occult studies. A teaching that is contrary to faith. The world is infinite, some believe that beyond the cognizable there is another mind, and try to contact it.

Personal characteristics include:

Loneliness. Indicative of adulthood. A lonely person needs a friend and often finds one in the illusory world. A boy can find a virtual girlfriend, a man can find a wife, a woman can find an imaginary lover or husband.
Conversation alone. A completely normal, successful person in life talks to himself. It seems so to others. In fact, he communicates with an imaginary personality created by him - his inner counterpart.
Stressful, depressive situation. When negative emotions eat away at the soul and there is no social circle, an imaginary friend comes to the rescue.
Passion for computer. Virtual world For some young people and even adults, computer games replace real communication. Here they communicate with superheroes and consider themselves the same. This gives strength and confidence.

It is important to understand! All signs of having an imaginary friend do not indicate mental illness.

Ways to get rid of an imaginary friend

When friendship with a virtual friend has grown into a painful, painful state, communication with him has ceased to bring previously desired pleasure, an imaginary friend becomes a disease. Here it is already necessary to take urgent measures.

To get rid of an imaginary friend when the friendly relationship with your “other self” becomes unbearable, you need to:

Reevaluate your position in life. If you can still control your emotions, you should try to get rid of your “inconvenient” friend yourself. It is important to rethink your ideals, change your behavior, turn your face to the real world in order to find the support of true friends.
Seek help from a psychologist. If a person is unable to get rid of his imaginary friend, the help of a specialist is needed. He will prescribe a course of psychotherapeutic assistance, these could be sessions of hypnosis, cognitive behavioral psychotherapy or gestalt therapy. Treatment will help you overcome complexes, such as uncertainty and suspiciousness, and return to a normal life without imaginary interlocutors and heroes.
Get rid of loneliness. The advice here may be different. Some people just need to get married, while others will find the joy of communicating with our smaller friends, for example, a cat or a dog. The famous Russian writer Ivan Bunin dreamily said in his poem “Loneliness”: “It would be nice to buy a dog.”
Engage in creativity, sports. Only in real communication, among enthusiastic people, can you make real, rather than fictitious, friends.
Find anything you like. A worthwhile activity, say fishing, will help you forget the world of illusions and return a healthy outlook.
You need to improve your relationships with your loved ones. Family is a real support in life, and if relationships have been damaged, they should be repaired. In this world, no one needs you except your loved ones. All imaginary, imaginary friends are lies and self-deception.

Important! It is possible and necessary to get rid of an impolite imaginary friend; for this you need to make every effort and effort.

How to get rid of an imaginary friend - watch the video:

An imaginary friend is a special state of mind. Whether it is harmful to health cannot be said directly. First of all, you need to figure out who has such an acquaintance - the best and closest. Sometimes virtual friends can cause illness, then the help of a psychotherapist is needed. And so communicate with your unrealistic friend if friendship with him gives you pleasure. And don't be shy to talk while walking down the street. It's not your concern when someone pays attention. This is the problem of someone who looks at you with a smirk.

Imaginary friends are the norm for young children between the ages of three and five, so in most cases there is nothing wrong with this. Imaginary friends disappear from children's lives at the age of eight or nine, when they are replaced by real ones. But during this time, quite strange and even terrifying things can happen. Children tell stories that can terrify even the most staunch cynics. Now you will learn ten stories about imaginary friends that are really scary.

Evil is coming

Imaginary friends can sometimes have less than ideal names. One girl had completely normal friends Dodo and Didi, with whom she constantly communicated and told her mother stories about them. Until one fine day the mother came into the room at the moment when the girl hung up the toy phone and absolutely calmly said to her mother: “Evil is coming.” It turned out that Evil is another imaginary friend who should come to visit, otherwise he turned out to be quite standard, just the choice of name was far from the best.

Bad boys from the kitchen

One boy, when he was four years old, heard voices that frightened him terribly. When he grew up, he had his own son, who at the age of six told him that he had an imaginary friend, Ben. And this Ben told his son that he was one of the “boys from the kitchen,” as his father called the voices that frightened him in childhood. The son spoke in great detail about what these “boys” did to his father. His father had to call Ben a liar who is trying to undermine his father's authority, but since then he has not been able to sleep peacefully.

Angels

It's one thing when a child behaves as if angels are talking to him - these are just the same imaginary friends. But it’s completely different when the grandmother hears this child say in one of these conversations: “I can’t kill him - he’s my only dad.”

Roger's Murder

Sometimes children get tired of being friends with someone who doesn't exist and they forget about their imaginary friends. But sometimes it happens a little differently: in one family, the youngest child had an imaginary friend, Roger, who lived under the coffee table with his wife and nine children - everyone knew about it. But one day the child came to his parents and said that Roger would no longer live with them, because he had shot his imaginary friend and his entire family.

Funeral

Another rather strange way to get rid of an imaginary friend is a funeral. One boy had a friend, Tony, who turned out to be an old man and at one point died in his sleep. The whole family, in order to calm the child, had to bury Tony in a shoebox.

Dead friends

A kindergarten teacher once heard a not so pleasant story about an imaginary friend. In the process of talking with one of the children, she found out that his imaginary friend was dead.

Ghosts

But the most frightening stories are those in which ghosts turn out to be imaginary friends. A woman in a red dress, whose name was Frennie, came to one boy at night - and she floated in the air. As it turned out, the family had a relative named Frennie, who died and was buried wearing a red dress. When the child was shown a photograph of a relative, he confirmed that it was this woman who came to him at night.

Children from Ancient Egypt

Another story can be terrifying, although it cannot be classified as stories with imaginary friends. The fact is that one girl was watching TV with her parents and saw a video clip stylized as Ancient Egypt. She watched it to the end, then turned to her parents and said that in those days they sang completely differently. The parents laughed and asked the girl to sing as she should. She sang a song in a language her parents did not understand, to a melody that sent shivers down my spine. She then drew a dress that was incredibly detailed and identical to those found in museums dedicated to Ancient Egypt.

The man from under the bed

Many children are afraid of monsters under the bed. But not everyone, when asked what the person they saw at their grandparents’ house looked like, answers that he has no face.

Adult games

One six-year-old boy was playing with his imaginary friend Greg. The father asked him what exactly they were doing, and the child replied: “We make children.”

Congratulations, your baby has made a good friend. One bad thing is that no one except the child himself hears or sees him. It exists only in a child's imagination.

How should moms and dads behave in such a situation? Let’s say right away that you definitely shouldn’t sound the alarm and panic, since in most cases imaginary friends are childhood- This is an absolutely natural phenomenon that will soon go away on its own. Today we will tell you where fictional friends come from and what to do about it.

Often the emergence of imaginary friends takes adults by surprise. In our society, invisible friends are considered a clear cause for concern and almost a symptom of mental illness. All because we look at Child's world from an adult point of view.

However, the imaginary friend preschool childhood and in maturity are completely different things.

Inventive friends, which usually appear in three- to four-year-old children, do not indicate mental abnormalities, but, on the contrary, normal psychological development.

It is from three to five years that children’s imagination rapidly develops, thanks to which they begin to play role-playing games and actively fantasize. And often an imaginary friend becomes a partner in such entertainment.

Imaginary friends: who are they?

We have already said that small children exist in their own wonderful world, in which Carlson lives on the roof, the Cheshire cat disappears into thin air, and an ordinary mitten can turn into a shaggy puppy.

An imaginary friend appears in children starting from the age of three, and can accept the most different shapes: soft toy or a doll, a fearless superhero, a boy Petya or a girl Katya.

The invisible companion does not have to be a person - in almost half of the children he “looks” like a funny animal. The “appearance”, abilities and habits of imaginary friends depend only on the child’s imagination.

Don’t rush to see a psychologist if such a friend appears in your child’s life.

Firstly, there is nothing terrible in a child's living fantasy. And secondly, an imaginary friend can serve as wonderful diagnostic material. The peculiarities of communication with an invisible friend reflect both childhood problems and family troubles.

Reasons for the appearance of imaginary friends

The most important thing that experts warn about is that you should not forbid children to spend time with imaginary friends, otherwise they will start meeting them secretly.

It would be more correct to find out the reason for this phenomenon (in addition to wild imagination) and help the baby if there is any problem. What leads to the emergence of imaginary comrades?

Loneliness. The likelihood of having an imaginary friend increases dramatically if your child is an only child. In this case, experts talk about compensating for the lack of communication, especially if the child does not have friends his age.
Imitation. If you listen carefully to how your little one communicates with an invisible friend, you will recognize your words or phrases from the kindergarten teacher. The fact is that all children strive to imitate adults, they want to appear older and influence someone. There is no reason for alarm if the baby behaves calmly and does not show aggression.
Striving for primacy. If a child has an older brother, sister or bossy friends who like to command, he can invent a friend to take the initiative in games and always win them. That is, the child needs an imaginary character to feel like a winner.
Fears.
Sometimes preschoolers seek and find support from their imaginary friends, since going through frightening moments together is not as scary as it is alone. The likelihood of such a friend increases if the child is embarrassed to talk about his fears or the parents brush him off, considering children's worries to be frivolous. Fear of punishment.

Adults should think about it if a child, breaking toys or making a mess, begins to claim that it is not he who is guilty, but the invisible boy Petya. It is quite possible that you scold or punish your child too often with or without reason.

How to communicate with children's imaginary friends?

Often, parents, having learned about the existence of an invisible friend in their child, do not know how to behave with him. Should I ignore it or, conversely, join the game and communicate as if it were real?
Don't tell your child that having imaginary friends is a sign of madness, otherwise he will believe that something is wrong with him. Although nothing wrong, much less terrible, happens to him. Also, do not ignore the emergence of a new Carlson, otherwise the baby may withdraw into himself.
Do not suppress children's imagination, but, on the contrary, ask whether the girl Katya will object if you move the chair that is preventing you from entering the room. Don't resist if your baby asks you to put a plate on your imaginary friend's plate or make his bed. Get involved in the game and exercise your imagination.
Children should not be allowed to shift responsibility for their misdeeds to imaginary friends. Preschoolers still need to be held accountable for misbehavior, and your job is to remind them of the consequences. Does the kid blame the arriving Carlson for the scattered toys? Ask him to clean up the room with him.
If the reason for this phenomenon is loneliness, try to spend more time with your child. So that your imaginary friend does not replace your real friends and parents, have fun together: put on superhero costumes, play puppet theater, read adventure books aloud and role-play.
Illusory comrades will come to your aid if you want to find out how your child really feels. If an invisible friend is afraid of the dark, it is probably the child who is experiencing this fear. However, most often kids come up with such friends to have fun.

Thus, the emergence of imaginary friends in children under six years of age can be considered a completely normal phenomenon.

But sometimes an imaginary friend appears in older children. In this case, the burst of imagination works as a defense mechanism.

Any traumatic event can be a kind of trigger that contributes to the appearance of an invisible friend: moving to a new place of residence, the death of a pet, or loved one, parents' divorce.

You may need the help of a specialist, but his advice will be clear - pay more attention to the child or enroll him in an art studio.

The presence of imaginary friends in a baby is a sign of normal development. They often help children cope with upsetting changes and help them develop social skills. Therefore, treat them as a natural stage in your child’s growing up.

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