When a child reaches the age of 3 years, many parents are faced with a problem that they did not know about before - frequent. Ignorance and misunderstanding of the reasons for the hysterical behavior of children, as well as the impasse on how to behave in such moments and stop the child’s frightening behavior, become the cause of panic for many mothers and fathers. Advice from a psychologist will help you understand the reason for this behavior in 3-year-old children, how to deal with hysterics and prevent them in the future.

In raising such a child, parents need to be patient, constantly praise him, hug and caress him, communicate as equals, listen and involve him in household chores.

Strong

The processes of excitation and inhibition in the brain in such children are balanced. A child with a strong type of nervous system is almost always cheerful and cheerful, easily communicates with others, and for the appearance of hysterical behavior he needs a good reason.

Conflict situations with parents and peers arise extremely rarely for such children; they sleep and eat well, willingly participate in various clubs, but often change hobbies, because having figured out something, they immediately lose interest in the old hobby. Negative aspects in the character of such children are inconstancy, frequent breaking of their promises, and difficulties in maintaining a daily routine.

Unbalanced

The processes of excitation of the nervous system of such a child in the brain prevail over the processes of inhibition, so he is hot-tempered, easily excitable and emotionally unstable. A child can be put into a state of excitement by a new toy or a bright event. Therefore, such children sleep poorly and not soundly, often wake up and cry at night.

In a circle of peers, an unbalanced child tries to take leadership, to be the center of attention and events. Such kids do not know how to finish what they start. When engaged in any business, they cannot stand even the slightest criticism, they can flare up, drop everything and leave, while getting angry and showing aggression. Parents of such children can be advised to be more flexible and patient, to teach their child to complete all tasks, to be restrained and obligatory.

Slow

This type of nervous system is characterized by delayed excitation and a predominance of the inhibition process. Children with a slow type of nervous system eat and sleep well from birth, they are calm, they can for a long time be alone and not suffer from it, finding your own entertainment.

Parents of such children are often surprised by their restraint, prudence and predictability. The child is slow, brings any task he starts to completion and does not like sudden changes in the situation. He is restrained in his emotions, so it is often difficult for parents to understand his mood. Advice is to encourage the child to take active actions that develop motor and speech activity.

Children with weak and unbalanced types of nervous system are most prone to tantrums at the age of 3 years. To exclude pathologies and congenital diseases of the nervous system, parents are advised to show the baby pediatric neurologist.

Causes

The older a child gets, the more needs and desires he has, which are not always supported by his parents. It is at the age of 3 that a child begins to show emotions violently and respond to prohibitions with hysterics.

You need to know about the main factors that cause violent, hysterical protest in children:

Even if parents set the real reason If their child has frequent tantrums at the age of 3 years, they must understand that the child’s emotional sphere is not developed enough to stop in time and suppress the storm of excitement. The child cannot control his emotions, he is not capricious on purpose, but any misunderstanding or provoking factor can cause whims that develop into hysterical fits.

The main difference between hysterics and whims in a child is that the child begins to act up consciously. With the help of whims, the little manipulator tries to get his way; he can stomp his feet, scream and throw objects, but he controls himself, continuing manipulation until he gets what he wants or is punished.

Hysteria occurs involuntarily in a child, emotions cause a whole storm of indignation, during a seizure the child hits his head on the walls and floor, screams, sobs, many children are prone to the appearance of convulsive syndrome during a hysteria. Such convulsions acquired their name “hysterical bridge” because of the child’s posture - during a hysteria, he arches.

Stages of tantrums

Children's hysterical seizures are characterized by the following stages:

  1. Screams. This is the initial stage of hysteria, the child stops hearing anyone, he screams loudly, scaring the parents, but does not make any demands.
  2. Motor excitement. Manifests itself by falling on the floor, hitting your head on objects, pulling out hair, etc. The baby does not feel any pain during this stage of hysteria.
  3. Sobbing - the child cries loudly, sobbing and without stopping for a long time. His whole appearance expresses resentment and dissatisfaction. Since it is difficult for a child to cope with emotions, after the sobbing stage, he will sob for a long time, and the emotional state can be described as emptiness. After a tantrum, the baby may fall asleep during the day, but night sleep will be shallow and intermittent.

You can fight hysteria at the initial stage - the stage of screaming. If the child has crossed stage 2 or 3, conversations and attempts to calm down usually do not bring results.

How to stop an attack

Many inexperienced parents, faced with a similar situation for the first time, are interested in how to quickly stop hysterics in a child aged 3 years. The famous pediatrician Komarovsky claims that the tactics of behavior during a seizure should be as follows:

Do not spank the butt, yell at the child or scold him for bad behavior during a tantrum. He still won’t understand anything, it will only intensify the explosion of emotions. The talking tactic will only work after the seizure ends. If a child becomes hysterical during admission to kindergarten, and does not want to part with the mother - there is no need to hold him in your arms for a long time and say goodbye, it is recommended to leave the child with the teacher and leave quickly. This way the time of children's hysteria will be reduced.

Hysterics at night

Many parents notice that the baby began to throw tantrums at night at the age of 3 years, which were not observed before. The baby wakes up at night, screams, refuses to drink or go to the potty, and often the mother cannot even understand whether the child is sleeping or conscious while screaming.

There may be several reasons:

To improve night sleep and prevent tantrums, you need to understand the reasons that provoke them. It wouldn't hurt to show the baby child psychologist.

Prevention

Now it remains to figure out how to deal with tantrums in a 3-year-old child in order to reduce their frequency and level of emotions during attacks. It is recommended to take the following measures:

Immediately after the end of the hysterical attack, you need to hug the child and try to explain to him that the mother is upset by this behavior (but not by the child himself!). The child must understand that parents want to be proud of their child, and it is impossible to be proud of such ugly behavior. It is important that the child understands that his mother still loves him, despite his bad behavior, and strives to reduce his whims to a minimum.

It is impossible to completely prevent the development of tantrums in a child at the age of 3; every child must experience this stage of emotional maturation. But you can reduce the frequency of attacks by paying him due attention, taking into account his opinion and teaching him patience and self-control.

Much depends on the behavior of the parents - they must be attentive to the child, and at the slightest deviation from the norm (severe attacks, cessation of breathing during hysteria, convulsive syndrome), contact a child neurologist and psychologist.

She cries and screams if she can’t find something, doesn’t understand an assignment in the textbook, or can’t do something.

She doesn’t even try to find it or try to understand it, she just screams.

I sometimes ignore it when I’m tired, then she screams for a long time. Sometimes I try to feel sorry - let me hug you, yes, you can’t find it, yes, you can’t. she pushes away and screams further. Sometimes I help, then everything goes more or less easily. Through her scream I try to shout out “here’s your album” or “I know how to do this, at least let me explain,” and when she hears, she lets me explain and then does it. Occasionally, like yesterday, for example, I allow myself to lose my temper and yell at her - like, have a conscience, you've annoyed everyone with your screaming, oddly enough, she pulls herself together and calms down.

It’s easiest for dad - he goes into the back room and doesn’t seem to hear, or, when she’s been hysterical for a long time, he comes and carries her away in his arms to calm down.

My sister sometimes gets mad and calls out to me, sometimes she hurriedly runs to help, because she, too, is damn tired of these screams.))

An 8 year old child is constantly hysterical

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tantrums at 8 years old

I admire the tactics of my friend, whose daughter is almost 11, but as far as I remember, the girl ALWAYS whines, argues, complains, whines, interrupts, pulls, is capricious, resists, begs. Mom stoically accepts her daughter for who she is and ALWAYS gives short, monosyllabic answers:

Did you fall? Did you hurt yourself? Where does it hurt? Let me kiss. Once again. EVERYTHING IS PASSED. Run.

We will go home when I finish with Aunt Sveta. Soon. Very soon. (and can repeat this 50 times without a hint of irritation).

No, we won't go to Gala's tonight. We won't go because we have work to do at home. Don't cry, I understand what you want. but we won’t go (also 10 times, until the girl gets tired of it).

And one more thing: she never allows anyone to criticize this trait of her child. “Yes, that’s what I have!”

Their youngest daughter was recently born. NOTHING has changed) Nails - separately, apples - separately

AN 8 YEAR OLD CHILD HAS CONSTANT HYSTERICS

May God grant you never have any reason to see a doctor! And if you have to, don’t delay it.

I provide online consultations via Skype.

If you would like additional commentary on the question, please email.

The parent-child hierarchy in your family is broken.

For example, at school, Parent-Child relationships are built unambiguously and clearly. Children like discipline and clarity of positions. They need guidance, care for their physical and mental peace and safety. At home, where the child is allowed a lot, he tries to become a “Parent” for you, imposing his own orders and rules.

Reestablish yourself, remain calm but demanding during her tantrums, ignore unwanted behavior and reward the right one.

Appeal to family psychologist will make this task much easier for you.

  • If you have questions for the consultant, ask him via a private message or use the “ask a question” form on the pages of our website.

You can also contact us by phone:

An 8-year-old child has tantrums: what to do?

For every tantrum, an 8-year-old child has his own solution. Problems with an 8-year-old child can be solved independently or with the help of specialists. Located individual approach or relationships within the family itself change.

Preventing tantrums is much easier than stopping them. But sometimes it is impossible to predict the beginning of a scandalous storm; it can begin unexpectedly.

Often, tantrums in an 8-year-old child, as well as in children of other ages, occur for one reason. For example, requests to buy a car or a game. The easiest way to get out of this situation is to find a way out.

It is necessary to think through those situations in which a scandal most often occurs. How to deal with child's tantrums? For example, by setting certain rules, relaxing some prohibitions, or offering an alternative.

The rule of three warnings applies in any situation to a child of any age. The first time, the child is simply asked not to do anything prohibited. The second time the request is repeated more strictly and warned of the consequences, and the third time there is punishment. So small man will understand that the parent always keeps his promise. And next time he will try to compromise.

Tantrums happen much less often if the child knows what awaits him. For example, negotiate with him, draw up certain agreements. For example, if he cleans his room, then he can play on the computer. But the details are immediately stipulated that he plays for no more than an hour, so that later there will be no hysterics about this too.

If problems with an 8-year-old child occur constantly, then something needs to be changed in the approach to him. Perhaps there are too many prohibitions, commanding, constant haste and nervousness. If you understand the reason for this, it will be much easier to negotiate. As a last resort, you can turn to psychologists. Sometimes parents cannot see what a professional from the outside can see.

Tantrums in an 8 year old child

Hello. I have two children - boys 6 and 8 years old. The eldest has endless tantrums, almost from birth. He cries, screams, and stomps all the time. I'm already exhausted, I don't know what to do. My nerves can't stand it! I'm just desperate! Until a certain age, we thought that he would grow up and everything would go away, but it doesn’t go away, it only gets worse. We have a complete family (mother, father), grandmother, grandfather. There are a million reasons for hysterics.

1) Clothes! Uncomfortable socks - they don’t stretch to the knee; when I was younger, the seam was in the way. Uncomfortable panties - it is not clear for what reasons. Underpants are generally on guard! Every morning there is hysterics with stomping and screaming at the top of my voice! Explaining that it’s cold outside, you might catch a cold or get sick, dad is wearing it, all the boys are wearing it - they don’t help. The option to go without, so that I understand, was also tried - it did not help. For example, a child went through the entire winter without gloves and mittens, even while walking, and not just from school to home. The reason is inconvenient. Wear a T-shirt with long sleeve, a sweater and a jacket are also a problem. Each of the things should stick out from under the jacket (sleeves) and God forbid something moves a millimeter - hysterical! He can wear one thing until it wears holes, but he won’t let you wash it; of course I wash it and don’t let it have holes, but again - hysterics! Every day, he stomps 3-5 times, screams at the top of his voice, and sometimes falls. It's just a nightmare!

2) I won’t succeed. Draw, solve a problem, retell a story, learn foreign words. How could they not explain to him that you yourself decide what will work and what will not. Don't limit yourself! You will succeed! Look, people without legs or arms go in for sports, live life to the fullest, enjoy life! Nothing helps.

3) It’s raining outside, but he wants to go for a walk. It's time to go to bed, and he wants to watch cartoons. He wants to play with his tablet, but he has to do his homework.

What should I do? We went to a psychologist, although not for long, a couple of times - they drew pictures and got drunk. Like in school lessons early development. THE PSYCHOLOGIST SAID - A NORMAL CHILD. But nothing has changed. How can I help him? Who to contact? My attitude towards him changes every day, I love him, but at such moments I yell, shout all sorts of name-calling. I understand that this is not correct. But he is already big, he must understand what you are explaining to him, and I explain to my dad and grandparents and even my neighbors. But all to no avail! Please help, I'm on the verge.

Child psychology from A to Z

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Actually, that’s the problem: hysterics. I was drawing, the eraser disappeared, there were tears, screams, hysterical searches. (there are probably about thirty erasers at home) He plays in the street. the child came up and took the swing she wanted to sit on. Screams, tears, etc. (damn there are two more swings nearby!). Can't find something. Again screams, tears, throwing on the floor, etc. To be honest, all this is very tiring. We tried different things: hugs, dragging away, comforting, calming down. To the point of hysteria in response, because there is no strength left. And most importantly, you never know where it will shoot. Maybe they can do this at school, maybe at home. We then work through each situation and talk about how everything can be resolved without such radical measures. We decide yeah. Only then everything goes in a circle again with a different situation.

We go to the school psychologist, he drinks Tinoten. Nothing helps, we’ve been walking and drinking for a year now.

Child behavior problems at 8 years old

Causes of childhood aggression

What to do if an 8-year-old child develops aggression? How to deal with this behavior and is it necessary to fight?

The essence aggressive behavior in attack. Such behavior suddenly, like an attack, is not structured and brings discomfort to both the attacking student and the “victim” adult.

The causes of aggression range from somatic illnesses to the psychological climate in the family.

It is very important to respond correctly to children’s aggression. There are two options for reaction - to be condescending, calmly explain to your child what he is wrong about and analyze the reason for his behavior, or to be strict. The second option should be used in case of completely inappropriate behavior. At the same time, you cannot become aggressive yourself. This will form an incorrect model of behavior in the son or daughter, which he will carry out of the family into life.

What to do if your child is often hysterical?

Hysterical behavior can manifest itself in children through screams, screams, and tears. For parents, hysteria is always a signal that their child is tired and needs rest. The main thing is to react correctly to the first tantrums so that such behavior does not become a habit in the baby. When a child is in an excited state, the main thing for parents is to remain calm, in this the child will see their strength and realize his wrong behavior.

If parents do not react at all to the student’s hysterical behavior, it may become more regular - it is important for the child to attract the attention of mom and dad.

If adults choose the simplest way to stop hysterics - they fulfill any childish desire, then very soon the schoolchild will begin to manipulate his loved ones with such behavior.

Naughty 8 year old child: what should parents do?

Typically, disobedient children are hyperactive, difficult to keep track of, and require constant supervision. At the age of 8, schoolchildren go through a second age crisis and it is important to understand that this is a stage of personality development and you need to be able to be lenient towards disobedience. In order to somehow limit the child’s behavior, it is advisable to establish clear routines for everyday life, a daily routine and family rituals. Entrust your child with some small tasks that seem important to him so that he can feel like an adult and responsible. These measures are usually very effective.

How to solve the problem of children's deceptions?

If you understand that your child has begun to deceive you often, you need to think about why he is doing this. There is definitely some kind of disharmony in his world, and it is important to eliminate its cause. Don’t yell at your child, try to kindly find out what the problem is, show your child that he can trust you. Create conditions in which your daughter or son will not be afraid to tell the truth. Perhaps before this you used too harsh punishments, then they need to be reconsidered.

Very often, children of this age lie for no reason; they simply pass off their fantasies as reality. In this case, do not rush to punish the student; direct his imagination in the right direction. For example, start writing down children's fairy tales.

How to respond to child theft?

Confusion, panic and a desire to punish are the first things that happen to parents who find out that their child has appropriated someone else’s property.

Remember that you should not call your child a thief, do not compare him with other children, do not discuss his theft with strangers in front of him, do not threaten the schoolchild. Explain that stealing is bad. It can cause you to lose friends and is very upsetting for you. There is no need to shout, but it is important to clearly demonstrate that you need to pay for other people's things. Firstly, the stolen item must be given back, and secondly, the student must be assigned detention so that he understands that things are acquired for work and that other people’s things cannot be touched without permission.

All of the listed deviations in the behavior of children are often common at this age, so do not be alarmed. It is important to approach the search for reasons wisely. And first of all, make sure whether your child has enough love and attention.

The child is hysterical: he stamps his feet, screams, cries and doesn’t want to hear anything. Or he whines, whines and whines monotonously. Every parent has at least once encountered such behavior in their child. But usually the problem is bigger than it seems, affecting 9 out of 10 families who have to raise a hysterical child. And hysterics themselves are not a one-time occurrence, they happen systematically. Moms and dads are at a loss, they are angry, worried, and don’t know how to stop all this. What should adults do if a child is hysterical?

What is a child's tantrum?

Hysteria is a special emotional state of extreme excitement. The child screams, sobs, falls to the floor, may hit the walls or scratch his face. He is completely insensitive to the words and actions of others and practically does not feel pain. It is extremely difficult to stop this. This behavior frightens and puzzles parents, especially if, in their opinion, there were no special reasons for such behavior in the baby. What did the adults do wrong?

Hysteria, as a rule, although it develops rapidly, like any process in our body, proceeds in several stages. Even if it seems that everything started suddenly, believe me, there were symptoms of the beginning “concert”, and you need to learn to recognize them. Often the baby begins to sniffle, whine, and becomes silent. This is the calm before the storm. If you react in time, hysterics can be avoided. Sometimes all it takes is to affectionately hug a child who is offended by the whole world and ask what upset him so much. If the problem is a broken toy, offer to fix it together.

For some children, to prevent hysteria, it is enough to switch to another activity. Can't assemble the constructor? Don’t cry, we’ll draw now, and then we’ll definitely assemble a house or a steam locomotive from stubborn parts. If the harbingers could not be discerned or adults did not attach due importance to them, the hysteria itself begins.

  • The first stage is vocal. The child, trying to attract attention, begins to whine or immediately scream.
  • The second stage is motor. It is characterized by excited active movements of the baby. He may start throwing toys, stomping, and rolling on the floor. This is the most dangerous stage - the child can be injured.
  • The third stage is residual. This is a kind of way out of the “surge” - a physically and mentally tired child bursts into tears, looks around at those present with an unhappy look and sobs convulsively. The stage can last up to several hours.

Why does the child do this?

It must be said that children do not always hysteria “out of harm’s way.” And advice like “Less attention - he will calm down faster” or “A good belt for him!” are not only useless, but also harmful.

There are two types of tantrums in children - voluntary and involuntary. In the first case, the baby really shows character, wants to get something and simply doesn’t see any other way. He screams, bangs his legs and arms, shakes his head, while being perfectly aware of what exactly he is doing. If one day a child gets his way through such hysterics, he will take this into account and will manipulate his parents more and more often. What to do in this situation? Give the little one the right to choose. Calmly explain that you don’t like his behavior, warn about possible punishment (for example, deprivation of the opportunity to watch cartoons or go to the park), and then, if the baby does not calm down, carry out the punishment. Thus, the child has a choice - to continue screaming and lose something pleasant, or to pull himself together and resolve the conflict peacefully.

You cannot physically punish in this situation! This will make the baby even more aggressive. Once convinced of the ineffectiveness of hysteria as a tool for obtaining personal gain, the child will gradually stop being capricious.

Involuntary tantrums are a process that occurs at the hormonal level. The baby is unable to control his behavior and his body due to the sudden release of stress hormones. Persuading in this situation is useless, since the child simply does not hear you. What to do? Calm down again. And only then get down to business.

In a state of uncontrollable hysteria, tactile contact is important for a child. Try to pick him up, hug him, pat him on the head. Talk to him in a quiet, soothing voice, describe something unrelated to what is happening: “There are birds sitting on the window,” “Look how sunny it is today, maybe we can go for a walk?” It doesn't matter what exactly you say. The main thing is tactile contact. When the child calms down, you should definitely try to find out what happened. Use leading questions for this: “Did something upset you?”, “Are you scared?” etc.

Who is prone to tantrums?

The tendency to hysterics is an innate feature. It all depends on the type of organization of the baby’s nervous system:

  • Weak type. These are shy, unsure children. They are subject to frequent mood swings. They have an unstable appetite and poor sleep. They are excitable and often raise their voice. They are very susceptible to hysterics, during which they behave unpredictably. They calm down relatively quickly.
  • Strong type. Guys with this type of nervous system are more often in a complacent mood, easily get carried away, and often do not finish what they start. In a very stressful situation they may throw a tantrum, but this is unlikely. And it will be quite easy to “extinguish” such hysteria.
  • Unbalanced type. These are anxious children. They are often tormented by fears and doubts. They sleep “shallowly” and can wake up several times during the night. They can be noisy in society, as they love to be the center of attention, but are sensitive to any criticism. Hysteria in such children can begin suddenly and is accompanied by manifestations of aggression. It is difficult to calm them down.
  • Slow guy. These are very calm, reasonable children. They like to do things alone. They are difficult to rouse. Due to the slow processes of excitation and inhibition in the nervous system, there are practically no hysterics. They could, but by the time it reaches their brain, there is no longer any need to scream.

Thus, most often parents of children with weak and unbalanced types of nervous system complain about children's tantrums.

Causes of hysteria in a 7 year old child

Hysterics in a 7-year-old child occur quite often. An obedient and cheerful child can suddenly create a scandal, start crying and screaming without good reason. Children's scandals are a normal phenomenon, there is nothing surprising here. The fact is that a child at 7 years old already looks at the world differently than a year ago. He communicates with other children and observes the behavior of his parents. Against this background, he gradually develops as a person. If there is constant shouting, fighting or arguing around the baby, then it is natural that the child will also behave in the same way. It is common to imitate others, especially in childhood.

When parents try in every possible way to prevent various types of conflict situations, and their little 7-year-old child begins to throw tantrums and stand his ground, the thought creeps in that somewhere a mistake was made in upbringing.

Factors that provoke hysteria

One of common reasons The reason why the baby suddenly changes abruptly in his mood and begins to become hysterical is the lack of coordination in the actions of mom and dad. For example, if one parent allows you to watch a cartoon before bed or jump on the couch, but the other prohibits it. This leads to too large quantity conventions for the child. The little man begins to try in every possible way to get what he wants. Even at this age, on a subconscious level, he begins to understand that if there is no strictly established rule, then it can be broken and that this can be done at this very moment.

Uncertainty in decision-making and inconsistency in the actions of the parents themselves also affect the behavior of their child. For example, if parents do not allow sweets before meals, then there is no need to change your position. It is enough to let your child eat candy once shortly before lunch and he will remember this fact for a long time. Even such a small thing affects the formation of a child’s character and stubbornness. Each new deviation from the usual norm will lead to the child wanting to expand the boundaries of what is permitted, and the only sure way that he considers effective is hysteria.

There is a group of parents who are afraid of children's whims, especially if the child throws a tantrum on the street in the presence of others. Under such circumstances, adults are ready to make any concessions, just so that their little mischief stops being capricious. Children very quickly begin to understand this and next time they purposefully throw tantrums in order to get the thing they want. A 7-year-old child can already plan in advance what he wants to get and only when he moves close to home does he immediately begin to take decisive action.

When a 7-year-old child has no friends and his parents do not pay him enough attention, he tries in every possible way to prove himself. Attracting attention can be expressed in the form of providing some kind of assistance to parents. In return, he expects to receive praise. But there is another category of children who try to attract the attention of their parents with the help of a scandal. These are the majority of children, because this is an easier way to attract attention. Despite the fact that the reaction of loved ones to the hysteria will be negative, it will still partially fill the lack of parental attention.

Attempts to correct the situation

Screams, tears, hysterics and other emotional manifestations of children can drive even the most patient person crazy. But yelling at a child who has once again “put on a show” is not recommended. It makes no sense to punish children without understanding the source of the problem. It should be borne in mind that at such a young age children show their emotions in full force. There are several recommendations on how parents should behave if a child begins to throw tantrums. But it should be borne in mind that each child is individual. We must not forget that the problems of a child at such a young age seem insignificant only to adults. For a 7-year-old, even a favorite pen that has gone bad can be considered a problem on a global scale. For this reason, parents should be understanding about everything that happens in the life of their child.

If the parents do not succeed, that is, they cannot reach a compromise with the child, you can turn to a specialist for help. Psychological help should not be neglected. It is quite possible that after a conversation with a doctor, the child may need additional sessions with a child psychologist. A visit to the doctor will not be in vain in any case. After the first session, the doctor will be able to give an objective assessment of what happened and tell what actions on the part of the parents were not entirely correct. In addition, several tips will be offered to help you establish a connection with your stubborn little one.

Ways to stop a child's tantrum

There are several common situations that occur in almost every family with 7-year-old children. When faced with one of these types of children's whims, you can try to deal with them using certain techniques:

You can try to redirect the little man's anger in another direction. The recommendation is especially suitable for overly emotional children. You need to send your child to a sports section or offer him to do something else that interests him. An additional outburst of emotions will occur during physical activity.

What should I do if my daughter has constant tantrums?

Good afternoon My daughter is 9 years old, I raise her alone and she constantly throws tantrums for any reason. Most often, the stumbling block is doing homework. As soon as he sits down to study, hysterics immediately begin. She says that they didn’t go through this, she doesn’t know that, after which she just starts yelling, roaring and freaking out. I have a feeling that she just doesn’t want to think and is throwing these tantrums for a specific purpose, that I will solve everything for her. On completion homework it takes us 4-5 hours. After all the homework is done and everyone is morally and psychologically exhausted, the daughter begins to ask for forgiveness. And asking for forgiveness is a piece of cake for her (Every time I hear promises that this was the last time and that this will not happen again). Of course, like any mother, I quickly move away and forgive this hysteria, but to my great regret, this all repeats itself the next day or every other day. I simply don’t have the strength to fight these hysterics anymore and sometimes I just give up and out of hopelessness I just start crying. Please tell me a way out of this situation. What needs to be done to stop these hysterics? I really want my daughter and I to have a trusting relationship. I don't want to lose the connection between mother and child. Thank you

Answers from psychologists:

    Hello Angela. Your intention to control your daughter is very clear. After all, she is only nine years old. But you find yourself in the role of a victim - you assume that the girl is manipulating you, and then squeezes some result out of you and everyone calms down. But you are suffering, so in order to help you, you need to know which emotion controls you most at these moments. Therefore, during the next “attack” you need to concentrate on yourself and analyze your feelings, perhaps answer the question of what they are like .

    1. Think about what you can do so that the child follows you and asks for help, and not you follow him?

    2. Does your child have the opportunity to fully rest, relax, and get distracted during the break between school and homework? I can assume that the cause of hysterics is the inability or impossibility to defuse the tension that arises due to constant control both at school and at home. Make a minute-by-minute analysis of the girl’s employment at home. Does she have enough personal space?

    3. The habit of asking for forgiveness can develop irresponsibility in a child, so psychologists recommend telling children: “Don’t ask me for forgiveness” until he gives up this behavioral stereotype.

    If you answer, we can continue to work through your difficulties by correspondence.

Problem area:

Children from 7 to 16

Problem area:

Family relationships

Comments

I have the same problem with my daughter.

Guest Natalya - 12/15/2014 - 21:04

Good evening!!!
My daughter is almost 8 years old, I am raising her alone, and I still need to earn a living for us, that is, I spend most of my time at work, before that there was a crazy schedule from 7.30 to 22.00, by 22.30 I just returned home, 6-8 days off a month, at this time my daughter was in kindergarten until 19.00, I worked not far from the kindergarten and ran from work to take me home and she waited for me for another 3.5 hours, she spent most of her time watching cartoons.. ...I always spent my weekends at home, doing household chores...it is rarely possible to afford financially to go somewhere with the child, because I pay the mortgage and our family budget is planned from salary to salary (((.. this year Christina went to first grade, I am now working at another job, the schedule is 4/2 (floating), I still devote all my time to the child and work at the same time....., I return home at 8 pm, every day I ask you to fulfill several of my requirements and her obligations while I’m at work, so that in the evening, when it’s time to go to bed, we don’t have to do this until midnight....namely, I ask that her things not be scattered in the room (we live in a dorm), everything was neatly tidied up so that when she came home from school she would definitely eat some soup, go to bed, and then do the work after sleep. homework and then he can play games or watch cartoons... every day I hear only promises that everything will be exactly as I ask, but when returning home I see a jacket and hat thrown at the doorstep, a school uniform thrown as if it had fallen on the bed, on the table where it should be was to study lessons, everything was scattered, and she could also drink tea there (instead of soup for lunch), it turns out that she was just watching cartoons all day and did not do anything that was asked of her....., naturally I begin to find out what the matter and why this is happening, I don’t get any intelligible answers, I forgot, or didn’t have time, something like that... and we are doing homework at 9 o’clock in the evening, when she already wants to sleep..... her studies are very difficult for her, I’m a very emotional person, we teach lessons that “the mother is hoarse, the child is deaf, all the neighbors know everything by heart”... and this is every day... in the last 2 months she began to throw unrealistic tantrums to the point that I I’ll leave home, I won’t live with you, you’re evil, not normal, I hate you, etc. just yesterday she told me kill me, I don’t want to live like this.....I’m incredibly scared and I don’t know how should I behave... please help me understand our problem!!!
I’m also afraid that with such hysterics she will simply manipulate me in order to achieve her “I don’t want” (for example, going to the shower at 10 p.m. can be a problem for her, she may say that she is tired and doesn’t want to, and on this basis also throw a tantrum)
At the moment of hysteria, she cannot control herself, sobs, cries and does not allow herself to be pitied - she fights and throws offensive phrases.....
she calms down only when I hug her very tightly, press her and try to persuade her to at least not cry or scream... “the mother is hoarse, the child is deaf, all the neighbors know everything by heart.”

You yourself note that your daughter is already doing poorly in school. This method of accompanying educational activities is not auxiliary for good assimilation of information.

And if you perceive scattered objects and tea instead of soup more loyally, then you will be able to help your child cope with this task.
Agree, pouring tea is easier than heating soup. So the child follows the path of least resistance.
Regularity, intermediate control, emotional stability, trusting relationships - these are your resources that will help you regulate the child’s condition and behavior.

Inexperienced parents believe that tears and screams are characteristic only of very young children. This behavior is also normal for nine-year-old schoolchildren who are experiencing a second crisis. It is important for parents to hold their child and help him go through the next stage of personality development.

Causes of child aggression at 9 years old

The causes of aggression can be very different: family conflicts, adult games, frequent television watching, somatic illnesses.

It is imperative to respond to such behavior. You can show rigor and rigidity. This option can calm down a completely uncontrollable schoolchild at the age of 9. But under no circumstances be aggressive or raise your voice. Your confidence in the rightness and calm will play in your favor.

If children's aggression is random and rare, then leniency should be shown. As soon as the baby calms down, find out with him the reasons for aggressive behavior and eliminate them.

What to do if your child is often hysterical?

Of course, no parent wants to see children's tantrums. However, they happen even to nine-year-olds. Screams and tears are a signal that the child is tired. Give him a chance to rest.

At this age, you should not overload children with additional clubs and sports sections. Daytime naps and daily outdoor play are still important to them.

If hysterics do not stop from the age of five, it means that the child is already manipulating adults with might and main and does it quite successfully. Reconsider your parenting methods; it will be difficult to change the existing relationship. Do this gradually, but calmly and confidently, so that children's tantrums disappear.

Naughty child at 9 years old: what should parents do?

At the age of 9, schoolchildren face a second age crisis. It is because of this that children's behavior changes, children become disobedient and uncontrollable. What to do with such children? The main thing is to be calm and not get annoyed with children. It’s very difficult for them now. Spend more time with your son or daughter, trust them to independently carry out tasks that are important to them. To improve children's behavior, it is advisable to follow a daily schedule, have family traditions and unquestionable rules of life.

How to solve the problem of children's deceptions?

If you understand that your child has begun to deceive you often, you need to think about why he is doing this. Children's deception is a consequence of mental or mental discomfort. The student does not know what to do and begins to tell not the truth, but fictitious stories. Perhaps this happens due to strict and unfounded punishments, due to a lack of parental affection, or due to praise and encouragement only for significant children's successes. Carefully determine the reason for the deception and prove that you can be trusted in any situation.

Very often, children of this age lie for no reason; they simply pass off their fantasies as reality. In this case, do not rush to punish the student, direct his imagination in the right direction. For example, start writing down children's fairy tales.

How to respond to child theft?

Has your child appropriated someone else's item and you don't know how to react? Remember that this deviation is common in children aged nine. It's connected with adolescence. If you find someone else's item, if possible, return it to the owner. Tell your child that such actions are prohibited and punishable.

Under no circumstances should you threaten your child, punish him corporally, or discuss the situation with strangers. This attitude can depress a student; he will stop trusting you or start stealing to spite you.

Only through conversations good attitude To your child, regardless of his actions, you will be able to explain to him what is good and what is bad.

Children between one and three years old often have tantrums, and this behavior causes concern for parents. A child’s overly emotional reaction, during which he cries loudly, screams, and sometimes tears out his hair, has reasons. If you know them and react correctly to an excited state, hysterics in a 3-year-old child can be prevented. Advice from psychologists will help parents cope with the problem.

A hysterical attack or hysteria, as it is popularly called, is an excited state during which a child sobs loudly, screams, stamps his feet, and throws things around. A hysteria can begin with crying, turn into laughter and end with convulsions. A hysterical attack occurs when the baby cannot cope with the grievances or emotions that have arisen. Hysteria occurs involuntarily and is expressed by characteristic symptoms.

Signs of a hysterical attack:

  • loud screaming without any demands;
  • impaired perception of the reality of the outside world;
  • motor activity (throwing things around, stamping feet, rolling on the floor, scratching the face, punching);
  • low pain threshold;
  • prolonged and loud sobbing and sobbing;
  • laughter;
  • convulsions;
  • loss of consciousness;
  • exhausted state at the very end.

Typically, young children resort to tantrums to get their parents' attention. However, there are other reasons for this condition. It must be remembered that hysteria is natural. After all, their nervous system is still imperfect, and they cannot say in words what they want.

It is necessary to distinguish hysterics from children's whims. A capricious baby cries and screams specifically in the presence of adults, wanting to get a toy, candy, or attract attention from them. Whims have their own reasons - this is how children show character and strive to defend their “I”.

Whims and hysterics cause a lot of trouble for parents. However, you need to remember that soon everything will pass and the baby’s condition will return to normal. The child will soon learn to express his feelings in words and say what he wants. True, for now you need to be patient and learn to respond adequately to the baby’s excited state. After all, if he is raised incorrectly, it will be impossible to get rid of hysterics in the future.

Causes of hysterics in children from 1 to 6 years old

Between the ages of one and six years, children often experience tantrums. They do not appear out of nowhere. Outwardly, hysterical attacks appear spontaneous, but they have their own reasons. A one-year-old baby may cry if his mother does not change his wet pants in time, and he may become hysterical if he wants to get the desired toy.

The most common causes of hysteria:

  • desire to attract the attention of adults;
  • inability to express your dissatisfaction in words;
  • resentment, indignation;
  • the desire to get something from adults;
  • feeling of hunger, overwork;
  • general painful condition during any illness;
  • reaction to pain;
  • the child’s action went unnoticed and he wants approval;
  • weakness of the nervous system, vulnerable psyche.

A child under 1 to 2 years of age will have tantrums if he wants to eat, drink, sleep, or has a stomach ache. Children can sob for a long time even after their wish has been granted and there is no reason to cry. If your baby has wet tights or is very tired after playing for a long time, he may also become hysterical.

How older child, the more consciously he experiences hysterical attacks. Children begin to understand that their crying forces their parents to respond to their wishes. Little manipulators begin to deliberately throw tantrums when they want to express disagreement or protest.

The transitional and turning point in the physiological and psycho-emotional development of a child occurs at 3 years. At this age, children are hysterical when they want to insist on their own. The offspring deliberately acts to spite the parents: they ask him to get dressed, but he undresses, or they call him, and he runs away. By doing this, children do not want to anger their parents. They simply do not know how to compromise and do not know any other way to achieve the desired result. Children at this age are touchy and vindictive. Sometimes they deliberately torment adults with their crying when they want to take revenge on them for something.

If his parents spoiled him too much. At this age, children can already explain in words what they want. If instead of explaining they throw a tantrum, it means they want to force adults to act in their interests by any means possible. Parents, wanting to reassure capricious child, follow the lead small manipulator and they do everything the way he wants.

If at an older age a child very often falls into hysterics without any reason, it means that his nervous system is too weak. In a state of nervous attack, children choke from crying, turn red, start vomiting, have convulsions, and fall to the floor from exhaustion or loss of consciousness. In such cases, you need to contact a pediatrician or neurologist.

How to prevent the development of hysteria?

If adults want to cope with hysteria, they need to carefully monitor the baby's behavior and emotional state and try to prevent screaming and crying. It is impossible to completely stop a child from hysterical behavior. However, the frequency of hysterical attacks can be reduced.

How to prevent hysterics:

  • feed the baby on time, adhere to the daily routine, avoid overtiredness, put him to bed during the day;
  • prepare the baby for the upcoming new situation, interest him with a toy or a promise to buy something;
  • understand what your daughter or son wants, respond to his wishes in a timely manner (give him something to eat, change his wet tights);
  • give the child more freedom, allow him to choose his own clothes and food for breakfast;
  • Spend more time with your baby, love him, read fairy tales, play games with him.

Parents are able to prevent the development of hysterics in their baby, because they are the main people in the child’s life. His whims at this age are always driven by the desire to attract the attention of adults or force them to act in their interests.

How should adults respond to hysterics?

If a child has a hysterical attack, parents cannot help but react to it. Often adults start shouting at children and even hitting them, which is strictly prohibited. There are many ways to help a child calm down.

How to behave correctly for parents during a child's tantrum:

  • keep the baby busy interesting toy, switch his attention to some exciting activity;
  • avoid moments of crisis, do not feed unloved porridge, do not wear an ugly hat;
  • do not shout, do not argue, do not explain, do not persuade, but ignore screams and crying;
  • go to another room, because hysteria “loves” the audience;
  • ask the child what he wants;
  • patiently endure children's whims and try not to break down;
  • do not scream, but feel sorry for the baby, pat him on the head and sympathize.

Baby crying has its reasons; it occurs if Small child offended by something, disagree with something, or not receive something. When the baby is in an offended state, you cannot shout at him, because this can only aggravate the situation and harm the child’s psyche. The child is unable to understand that adults act in his interests. Parents should calm the baby and caress him as quickly as possible.

Experienced psychotherapists know how to cope with children's whims and hysterical attacks. Experts have been observing children's behavior for many years. They know what to do in a crisis situation. Advice from psychologists will help parents cope with hysterical attacks in children. Experts in the field of child psychology recommend that adults do not panic, pull themselves together, act consistently and in the interests of the child.

How to deal with hysteria:

  1. Ask your baby why he is crying. If the child does not yet know how to speak or does not know what to answer, take him in your arms and calm him down.
  2. Find out the reason for a child's crying. If the baby does not want to eat oatmeal, offer him semolina. If he is wet, change him into dry underwear.
  3. If a child is hysterical because he wants to new toy, you need to divert his attention to another subject.
  4. If the hysteria is caused by a desire to take revenge on adults, you need to ignore the child's crying and go to another room. The baby will calm down when he realizes that there is no one to act out the play.
  5. If the child’s demands are unreasonable, you cannot give in to him or meet his wishes. It is better to try to distract the baby from the object or situation that caused the crying. It is necessary to transfer his attention to another object.

During a hysteria, there is no point in proving or explaining anything to the child. He is too nervous to understand what adults are telling him or to calm down quickly. The child should cry, after a while he will get tired of crying and become calm.

What to do after a tantrum?

If the baby's hysterical attack has passed and he has calmed down, you can talk to him. Parents must make it clear to the child that he is behaving incorrectly. You need to calmly talk to the baby and find out why he was crying. During the conversation, adults should say that they still love their child, but his behavior is very upsetting to them.

Parents need to teach their baby to behave correctly in a situation during which he wants to cry. Adults on specific examples must show the child how to behave. For example, if a baby wants a banana, he should tell his mother about it, but not cry. If he wants to go outside, he must also tell his parents about his desire.

If the child’s wishes are clear, but adults cannot fulfill them, it is necessary to promise the child some kind of alternative. For example, if he wants a fire truck, you can promise to buy him this toy later, somewhere next week, or offer him a robot policeman instead.

Well-known pediatrician Evgeny Komarovsky recommends that parents not show their children that they are touched by a child’s crying. only for those adults who respond to their cries and do whatever they want or ask. The child will not become hysterical in front of washing machine or TV, he cries only for mom and dad when he wants to achieve something from them.

It is not recommended to appease a child's crying with gifts. The baby will understand that with the help of tears he can achieve anything and will begin to cry regularly. Evgeny Komarovsky does not advise giving in to the whims of the baby. Parents should not let him manipulate them.

Adults must act in solidarity. If dad said “no,” mom or grandma should have the same opinion. You cannot teach a child to achieve what he wants by testing the strength of the nerves of all relatives.

According to Evgeniy Komarovsky, during a hysteria, you need to put the child in a playpen or other safe place and leave the room. The baby will cry for a while, but when he realizes that he is alone and no one can hear him, he will calm down. After all, the performance is designed for spectators.

True, this method of dealing with children's whims requires parents to have nerves of steel. Not every mother can calmly listen to a child's cry. A little time will pass and the child will understand at the level of reflexes that as soon as he screams, he is left alone and the situation worsens. The baby will restrain himself and behave calmly.

How to punish a child after 4 years?

If the children are after four years continue to be hysterical, psychologists recommend punishing them. At this age, the baby understands that he is behaving incorrectly. However, he deliberately torments his parents and those around him with his whims.

How to punish a child:

  • yell at him;
  • threaten that he will be left without sweets, they will not buy him a toy;
  • because of bad behavior, prohibit him from watching cartoons;
  • put the baby in a corner, after explaining to him why he is being punished.

You cannot beat, insult a child or give him funny, offensive nicknames, for example, saying that he is a crybaby. In this way, you can cause serious harm to the child’s fragile psyche. Subsequently, he will become aggressive or, conversely, withdraw into himself. As an adult, he may develop complexes, and all because in childhood he lacked parental affection and love.

In what cases should you contact a psychologist?

All parents can cope with children's hysteria on their own. You just need to control yourself and not shout at crying baby and don’t rush to fulfill all his whims.

It is necessary to seek help from a child psychologist in the following cases:

  • hysterical seizures occur regularly several times a day;
  • after an attack, the baby develops shortness of breath, vomiting, convulsions, loses consciousness, and becomes sleepy;
  • the child injures himself and others;
  • The child develops phobias and has nightmares.

By the age of four, children should stop hysterical behavior. At this age, they already know how to speak, and can express their dissatisfaction with words or explain to adults what they want. If a four-year-old baby still cries and screams, it means he has a nervous disorder that requires treatment from a specialist.

Preventing hysterics

We should try to prevent hysterical seizures in children. It is important not to bring the situation to the point of screaming and crying. You should know in advance in what cases the baby will become capricious, and try to avoid such moments. If your child always cries in a children's toy store, you should avoid visiting such establishments. If the baby starts to get hysterical when his mother is talking to someone on the street, you need to keep him busy playing in the sandbox or invite him to ride the carousel, and then talk with his friends.

Methods for preventing children's tantrums:

  • do not overtire the baby, dose physical activity, put him to bed on time;
  • allow watching only calm ones, in which there are no frightening special effects;
  • do not allow grandmothers to spoil the child and indulge all his whims;
  • carefully monitor the child’s reaction, if he begins to whine, quickly find out what is the reason for the dissatisfaction;
  • teach your baby to play with dolls or cars, so he will be constantly busy;
  • give the baby freedom, allow him to dress and comb his hair independently;
  • Before putting your child to bed, turning off the TV or taking him out of the sandbox, you need to warn him about this several times;
  • Spend as much time as possible with the baby, play with him, caress him, love him and take care of him.

However, if a child, despite all the parents’ efforts, begins to become hysterical, it is necessary to calm him down and pretend that his tears will not change the adults’ decision. If you react to your baby's crying the way he expects, wants and desires, the number of hysterics will only increase. Little children will always try to get what they want through tears.

However, we must remember that no child can do without crying. With the help of screams and tears, the baby expresses his emotions. After all, in infancy, he still cannot tell what he doesn’t like or somehow cope with a situation that is unpleasant for him. True, at this age the child does not yet know how to objectively assess the environment or situation and make informed decisions. Parents should not fulfill all the wishes of the child, because many of them can harm him.

When raising children, you need to be patient. Before punishing a child, you should think carefully about everything. Any wrong action by parents can cause irreparable harm to the child’s psyche. Problems in child behavior may arise later, e.g. school age or in adult life. If you raise a child correctly, based on the recommendations of psychologists, many difficulties can be avoided.

If, nevertheless, children’s problems were “covered up”, forgotten, and later grew into serious ones psychological problems an adult - urgently see a specialist. Psychologist-hypnologist