The Korean wedding ceremony at the Korea House, while completely traditional, is at the same time very modern. Not only space and time are compressed: people who have never seen each other before - parents, close friends and guests from both sides - gather in one place to attend first the ceremony itself, and then the banquet.
Celebrating a traditional wedding at the Korea House. The bride and groom sit on opposite sides of a teresan table covered with a two-color tablecloth.
Center of Seoul. Saturday afternoon. It's a little cold, but the sun shines dazzlingly against the bright blue sky. At the Korea House, run by the Cultural Heritage Administration, the courtyard is filled with people. In the middle of the yard there is a canopy and a screen. On a raised platform in front of one of the buildings, 7 musicians dressed in festive “hanboks” settled down, thanks to which the courtyard turned into a sacred and at the same time festive ritual space. On the courtyard lined with mats there is a high wedding table “teresan”, and on both sides of it, from the east and from the west, there are two small tables: the eastern table is for the groom, since the man is “yang”, and the western table is for the bride , because a woman is “yin”.
Wedding in a traditional setting
Various treats are displayed at the “teresan”. There, in pots, there are bamboo and a miniature pine tree, under them are a rooster and a hen. The food on the wedding table varies depending on the region, but it should always include jujubes as a symbol of longevity, chestnuts as a symbol of happiness and chicken as a wish for fertility. Upright bamboo and evergreen pine mean honesty and loyalty. Despite the fact that it is daytime, there are blue and red candles on the “teresan”. In the past, when weddings were held at night, these candles, also symbols of yang and yin, were absolutely necessary. But even in modern wedding halls with their luxurious chandeliers, just like in the old days, you can see a blue and red candle on the table, and as the first stage of the wedding ceremony, the mothers of the bride and groom, entering the hall together, perform the ritual of lighting candles.
On the south side of the table, as in wedding halls, there are chairs in even rows. One half of them is intended for the parents and guests of the groom, the second - for the parents and guests of the bride. Besides them, there are a lot of people crowding around. Someone simply did not have enough chair, there are also foreign tourists, but the majority are guests who came to “show up” and leave an envelope with money, only to then hastily leave before the end of the ceremony. The trend in Korea these days is to have small weddings, but for many, a relative's or friend's wedding still means having to show up and donate money. Therefore, a wedding invitation is sometimes perceived as a notice from the tax service.
Finally, dressed in a long robe "topo" and a hat "kat", the "chimne" ("chipre") appears, i.e. the master of ceremony, and stands on the north side of the table. Nowadays, if the wedding is not officiated by a Protestant or Catholic priest, one of the groom's teachers or a respected person from the parents' friends is invited to act as officiant. But at a traditional wedding, a person was needed who simply read out the order of the ceremony, so usually an elderly neighbor who could read texts in “hanmun” was invited to this role. The officiant at today's wedding is a professional emcee working at the Korea House; he sometimes also hosts ssireum wrestling competitions. Finally, the “chimne” opens the fan on which the order of the ceremony is written, and solemnly says: “Heng chinyonne!”, announcing the beginning of the ceremony. And, as if worried that no one would understand this phrase, he immediately translates it into modern Korean: “Let’s begin the ceremony “Chinyon-ne” (“Chinhyeon-re”)!”
Meeting the bride
According to Confucian tradition, "chinyon" is the part of the ceremony when the groom goes to fetch the bride to bring her to his home to celebrate the wedding. However, in the Original Records of the Royal Joseon Dynasty of the Early Period, we read: “According to the customs of our country, a man goes to live in his wife’s house after marriage, and his children and grandchildren grow up in the house of his wife’s family,” and also: “In Korea, unlike From China, there is no custom for the groom to take his wife to his family's home. Therefore, men consider the house of their wife’s family their home, and her parents as their parents and call them father and mother.” However, Neo-Confucian officials, based on the idea that man is “yang” and represents heaven, and woman is “yin” and represents earth, insisted that the rite of “chinyon” be performed, according to which the wife should follow the husband and go after the wedding to live in his house. That is, a man should bring his wife into his home, and not vice versa
The bride and groom, exchanging three glasses of alcohol, perform “hapkyl-le” - a ritual symbolizing that from now on they are one.
The chinyon ceremony began to be carried out in the royal family, setting an example for the common people, and even tried to impose new tradition, but did not achieve much success. Probably because it was not only a matter of the habit of subsequent residence of the newlyweds in the wife's house: marriage was also firmly connected with other social systems, such as inheritance of property and the performance of rites of commemoration of ancestors. As a result, under the name “pan-chinyon”, i.e. “half-chinyon”, various compromise options appeared when the wedding took place in the bride’s house, and then the newlyweds, having lived there for some time, went to the groom’s house. At first, before moving to the groom’s house, they lived in the bride’s house for three years, then this period was reduced to three days.
"Jimnae" announced that the ceremony of "jinyeon" is being held, but it seems that in today's wedding, the House of Korea represents the bride's house. As the musicians begin to play, the chimnae, first in stilted hanmun and then in modern Korean, announces: “The groom enters. It is followed by “kirogi-abi.” "Kirogi-abi" (lit. "father goose") is the groom's friend who carries a wooden goose for the chonal-le (chonan-re) ceremony, when the groom presents the goose as a gift to the bride's family. Quiroga, or bean geese, are known for migrating in accordance with the changing seasons (following the sun and moon, i.e. "yang" and "yin"), and also choosing a partner once and for all, therefore They are given at weddings as a symbol of the inviolability of the oath.
Soon the groom's motorcade appears from behind the building. The groom wears the purple ceremonial dress of a high-ranking official from the Joseon era and a kat hat.
In Joseon, a state of Confucian officials, the ideal destiny for a man was considered to be successful in passing the kvago exams and subsequent career as an official. Therefore, on the wedding day, even men of the lower classes were allowed to wear official dress. Two boys walk in front of the groom, carrying red and blue lanterns on poles. This looks like incorporating a Western wedding element into the traditional ceremony, with girls walking in front of the bride throwing flower petals.
“Chimne” announces the next stage of the ceremony: “The bride’s family meets the groom... The groom kneels down and places a goose on the table... The groom rises and bows twice...” As before, the announcement is first made in “hanmun”, after which the manager repeats it in modern Korean language, providing explanations if necessary. According to the ritual, the groom presents the goose to the bride's parents, who are sitting in front inside the building, after which he makes two big bows. This is how the chonal-le ceremony ends. Then the groom turns towards the courtyard, and then, according to the instructions of the chimne, the bride comes out of the building. She is dressed in a beautiful outfit of a light green top and red bottom, and her head is decorated with a “chokturi” cap. The bride's attire is a ceremonial dress worn by a noble lady from the Joseon era. As in the case of the groom, on the wedding day even commoners were allowed to wear such vestments, since this day was supposed to be the most important and festive in their lives.
Arrival of the young
Now the wedding procession descends the steps into the courtyard. Boys with lanterns walk ahead, followed by the groom, then the bride. This is also similar to the entrance of the bride and groom at a modern Western wedding. Having taken places respectively to the east and west of the table, the bride and groom wash their hands, thereby cleansing their body and soul, after which they bow to each other. This ritual is called “kyobere”, i.e. “a ritual of exchanging bows”, during which the young people swear to each other to live their whole lives in peace and harmony. Nowadays, people often get married when the bride is pregnant or after the birth of a child, but in those days, when the parents of the spouses agreed on the wedding, it was during the “kyobere” ceremony that the newlyweds had the opportunity to see each other for the first time. First, the bride, supported by the arms on both sides, makes two bows to the groom, after which the groom makes one bow in return. Then the bride again makes two bows, and the groom responds with one bow. Chimne explains that a woman is yin, so she bows an even number, and a man is yang, so he bows an odd number, but the young women among the guests are sure to wonder why the bride should bow first and at the same time make twice as many bows as the groom.
The teresan table displays various foods, but primarily jujubes and chestnuts, as well as pots of miniature pine and bamboo, symbolizing honesty and fidelity, and two candles, one red and one blue. Previously, a live chicken wrapped in red and blue cloth was also placed on the table, but now a dummy chicken is used.
A union sealed by three glasses of wine
When the ritual of exchanging bows is completed, the main part of the wedding ceremony begins - the “hapkyl-le” (“hapkyn-re”) ritual, or the “ritual of joining the glasses.” During this ceremony, the bride and groom drink three glasses of alcohol. “Chimne” explains that the first glass symbolizes the swearing of an oath to heaven and earth, the second is a marriage vow to a spouse, and the third is a firm promise to love each other, take care and live in harmony throughout life. As the third cup, use ladles made from halves of a gourd pumpkin split in two; The bride and groom exchange ladles, drink their contents, and then join them again. The pumpkin halves probably mean that for every person in the whole world there is only one suitable half and that only when united do they become a perfect whole. Traditionally, such ladles, decorated with red and blue threads, were hung from the ceiling in the bridal room after the wedding, so that whenever problems arose in the marital relationship, looking at these ladles, they would find spiritual strength for reconciliation. Thus, during a traditional wedding ceremony, Koreans do not say vows or exchange rings. The bride and groom stand opposite each other, bow, after which, raising a ladle from half a gourd to their lips, they meet their eyes and thereby, without loud words, make each other a promise to be together for the rest of their lives.
Next, the “chimne” announces that the newlyweds will now bow to their parents and guests as a sign of gratitude. This ceremony, called "songkhol-le" ("songkhon-re"), is also borrowed from a modern wedding. After the announcement of the completion of the wedding ceremony, the “chimne” addresses the newlyweds with the wish to live according to their conscience, give birth to and raise many children, treat their parents with respect and gratitude, and also be useful members of society, after which he thanks the guests for the fact that, despite busy, found time to attend the wedding. This short greeting is reminiscent of the address of the host at a modern wedding.
This is how it ends traditional wedding at the Korea House, but in modern wedding halls another ritual is performed later. In a room specially designed for this purpose, a ritual known as “paebaek” or “hyeongugo-re” takes place, i.e. the ritual of the daughter-in-law presenting gifts to her husband's parents. Traditionally, if the chinyeong ceremony was performed, the pyaebaek was performed the next day, and in the case of half-chinyeong, only three days later. But in modern Korea, this ritual has become an additional event of the wedding ceremony.
How wedding rituals have changed
For Koreans, a wedding has been the most important event in life since ancient times. Union between a woman and a man, i.e. the fusion of “yin” and “yang”, even before Confucianism, was part of the cosmology and worldview of shamans, so marriage was mandatory, and the inability to do so was considered a great misfortune. In the agrarian society of the Joseon era, it used to be that local officials sought out single men and women and helped them find a mate, because it was believed that if the “yin” and “yang” are not in harmony and the heavens are filled with the feeling of “han”, i.e. anger and regret, the smooth flow of heavenly energy may be disrupted, which will lead to drought. It is possible that a similar line of thought is connected with the fact that these days in Korea there is a thriving mass “import of brides” from Southeast Asia for bachelors in rural areas. The ceremony of marrying the spirits of deceased young single men and unmarried women is sometimes carried out even today. According to one of the ancient beliefs, the most unfortunate and formidable spirits are the spirits of virgins and bachelors who did not have time to marry before death.
However, now more than 50% of young people believe that marriage is not necessary at all: last year, for the first time in the last 40 years, less than 300 thousand marriages were concluded. In Korean society, in which for a long time Gender roles and relationships between the sexes have been explained and justified by the concept of "yin-yang", now that the social roles of men and women are changing, a change in attitudes towards marriage is inevitable to some extent. Some argue that young people are increasingly delaying or choosing to marry for economic reasons, particularly high housing prices. And indeed - over the past 15 years average age the age of first marriage increased by 5 years for both men and women and continues to grow. And such names as “old maid” or “daughter too old for marriage” are a thing of the past.
Korean wedding rituals changed significantly after the spread of Confucianism during the Joseon era. Later, during the period of modernization, along with the advent of weddings according to Christian standards, so-called “Western-style weddings”, performed by entertainers rather than priests, also became fashionable. The wedding ceremony also moved from the bride's home to the church or wedding hall. “Yihon”, i.e. discussion of the future union between two families still takes place, but these days the wishes of the spouses themselves have become more taken into account; Companies have also appeared that professionally engage in matchmaking. Since a man is “yang”, then, whether you believe it or not, a letter with a proposal for marriage and “sazhu”, i.e. indicating the time, day, month and year of birth of the groom, sent to the bride’s house; this ritual is called "napche". After it, the wedding day is determined in the bride’s house and the groom’s family is notified about it; this ritual is called “yongil”. Both rituals are still performed today, but they are often neglected.
In the case of the “napphe” ritual, when a chest with gifts was sent from the groom’s house to the bride’s house, then in the past, pieces of silk were placed in this chest with the wish that the bride would sew an outfit for herself and arrive in it for the wedding, but during a period of high economic growth, the bride in addition to clothing, they also began to send products from precious metals- rings and necklaces. Just ten years ago, one could see a performance when the groom’s groomsmen arrived at the bride’s house to “sell the stall.” One of the friends, pretending to be a horse, with a dried squid on his face as a mask, carried the chest on his back, and the other, playing the role of a charioteer, directed it. Arriving at the bride’s house, the “horse” threw off the heavy load and, together with the driver, declared that he was tired from the road and could not move. Then members of her family came out of the bride’s house and treated the guests with alcoholic drinks, snacks, and even gave envelopes with money so that they would perk up and bring the chest into the house. After this, the parties spent some time in a cheerful squabble: some refused to move, while others persuaded them to complete the ritual. Sometimes the groomsmen went overboard with playfulness, and then their voices began to sound in a raised voice.
At the same time, there was such a custom as “sillan tarugi”: the groom, who arrived to celebrate the wedding at the bride’s house, was “tested for strength” by local youth or young people from the bride’s family, resorting to various pranks and antics. This ritual, originally performed by the bride's family, has now become an entertainment for the groom's friends.
After the ceremony is completed, the bride and groom turn towards their parents and guests to bow to them as a sign of gratitude. This part of the ceremony was influenced by modern style weddings.
Instead of an epilogue
Traditional marriage and norms family life Koreans have often been criticized throughout this time for being patriarchal and male-dominated. However last changes events occurring in this area give rise to the feeling that we are returning to early period Joseon, when Confucianism had not yet taken root in society. Among young couples, relationships with the wife's family and her relatives gradually become closer than relationships with the husband's family. Also in the case of men, the differences between the natural parents and the in-laws in the rules and practices relating to funeral rites are gradually diminishing. In everyday life, when it comes to inheritance, gender discrimination is prohibited by law. In modern Korea, a wedding has ceased to be a strict ceremony when people vow to be together forever, has turned into one of the events of family life and, it seems, is becoming a kind of performance that can be freely staged and canceled at will, more than once.
Han Gyeonggu specialist in cultural anthropology, professor at the Faculty of Open Education, Seoul University
Bae Byung Gu photographer
People get married once and for all. Divorce is rare and is most often perceived as a social catastrophe that can destroy the lives of those directly involved. Thus, having decided to get married, and even more so knowing that this event will happen only once in life, it is necessary to properly prepare for it and celebrate it so that this day becomes the most memorable and vibrant, so that everything is in accordance with national traditions and customs.
Currently, inconsistency in social status is no longer an obstacle to concluding an alliance. But there is a ban that still exists. Korean traditions prohibit marriage between people who wear the same " phoi". People with the same " phoi" are considered relatives, even if there is no obvious genealogical relationship.
"Phoi" is a family name, like an extended surname in the traditional sense. For example, one of the most common Korean surnames, Kim, has the most popular " phoi" - Kimyatinga. One surname can have more than a dozen " phoi"So it may well be that the young people have the same surname, but different" phoi". In this case there are no barriers to marriage.
So, when a couple decides to formalize their union, they inform their parents. The first step will be " honsimAri" - conspiracy. Men from the groom's side (father, uncle, older brother, etc.) come to the bride's house with " suri"and chicken." Suri" - this is Korean rice vodka; nowadays, of course, ordinary vodka is used. In the past, there could be several attempts before obtaining consent from the bride’s parents, so as not to lower the price of the bride. If the agreement took place, the day of “chenchi” was set - matchmaking. This is a big event. On this day, close relatives gathered at the bride's house, and a festive meal was prepared. Parents and other close, necessarily older, relatives of the groom brought the most generous treat that their financial situation allowed.
The groom's family presented the bride with gifts. On this day, two families officially met, and a future wedding was agreed upon. Nowadays, increasingly, these rituals of collusion and matchmaking are practically not carried out or only one of them is carried out.
According to old Korean customs, the wedding was separate. The first part was at the bride's house with the bride's relatives and friends, and the second part later in the day was at the groom's side. But the traditions of the CIS Koreans have become internationalized over time, and weddings are already held jointly and in restaurants. Another sign of internationalization is that Koreans have now strengthened such Russian traditions as bride price, collecting money for a “lost” shoe, etc. If the marriage is mixed, parents can even bring a traditional Russian loaf of bread and salt.
But let's return to Korean customs. Financial costs are usually divided as follows: the bride’s parents pay for the costs of the guests on their part, and the groom’s parents pay for everything else (costs for their guests, music, transportation, photo and video shooting, etc.).
On the wedding day, close relatives and friends gather in the homes of the bride and groom. In the morning the groom festive table thanks his parents for raising him, giving him an education, and also arranging his wedding. As a sign of gratitude, he offers them glasses and bows. The traditional Korean bow expresses respect and gratitude. Then the groom and his USI" - witnesses, escorts - they sit in festively decorated cars and go to pick up the bride. Quantity " Wuxi"must be odd. Usually in composition" Wuxi"includes immediate relatives, except for parents, who stay at home with guests. These can be older brothers and sisters with their spouses, uncles and aunts. If there is a bride price, then friends and younger brothers can go.
In the bride's house, only the newlyweds, the bride's parents and "usi" are seated at the table: the groom is to the left of the bride, the women are near the bride, the men are on the groom's side. Nowadays, it is more common to seat the groom's retinue on the groom's side, and the bride's retinue on the bride's side. There must be a wedding rooster on the table - this is an ordinary whole boiled rooster with red pepper in its beak and decorated with multi-colored tinsel and threads. Red pepper wards off evil spirits, and threads and tinsel symbolize the vibrant life of the newlyweds. The groom thanks the bride's parents for raising her and promises to take care of her and love her. He must also present glasses to his parents right hand, holding it with the left, as a sign of respect and reverence. Parents, in turn, give instructions to their daughter not to forget her parents and to be an exemplary wife and housewife. Then the groom introduces his retinue, and everyone else can congratulate the newlyweds.
After this, the groom's retinue wraps the bride's dowry in linens that they brought with them and loads them into cars. The dowry depends on the wealth of the bride's family, but the minimum must be two complete bedding sets and bed linen, towels, dishes, a bag of rice and a mirror. Sometimes the bride's parents give all the household appliances and furniture. Before leaving, the bride bows to her parents, thanking them for their love and care. They're going with the bride too" Wuxi", there should be two more people than " Wuxi"groom.
If the newlyweds live in the house of the groom's parents, then upon arriving at the house of the future spouse, the bride, getting out of the car, must first step on a bag of rice, and only then walk on the ground. This is done so that she does not know the need for this house, and the family always has prosperity. Sometimes, instead of or along with a bag of rice, a silk cloth is spread to the threshold of the house. When entering the house, a mirror should be brought in front of the bride, and then the bride and the groom’s mother should look into it together so as not to quarrel. If the newlyweds live separately, then the bag of rice and silk are left until they arrive at their home after the wedding.
At the table, the bride presents glasses to the groom's parents with her right hand, lightly holding it with her left. Parents wish happiness to the newlyweds and express joy over the acquisition of a new daughter. Then the bride introduces her " Wuxi", and the young people accept congratulations from the guests.
After all this, the newlyweds and their retinues can go for a walk until the banquet. The banquet is arranged depending on the parents’ capabilities, either in the house, or in a cafe or restaurant. A small feature at the banquet, due to Korean traditions, is the sequence of congratulations and the presentation of glasses and glasses to parents. The groom brings glasses to mothers, and the bride to fathers. The parents of the groom speak first, then the bride. Next in order of seniority, starting from the groom's side. Another nuance is the newlyweds’ table. This table is set especially elegantly. The most expensive treats and products are placed on the wedding table, which are not duplicated on the tables of the guests. This should attract wealth to a young family. These treats are then sent as gifts to parents on both sides.
In a traditional Korean family, the day after the wedding, the young wife got up before everyone else, put herself and the house in order, and cooked." pabi" - boiled rice, an analogue of bread in Russian cuisine. Among Koreans, the ability to cook rice correctly indicates the level culinary skills generally. Then the groom's close relatives came to the newlyweds' house and took part in the " chenchi", and the bride presented them with gifts brought in advance from her parents' house. On the third day - " syamIri" - the newlyweds and the husband's parents went to the house of the wife's parents so that the young wife could visit her parents as a sign that she would not forget them. The husband's parents thank the wife's parents for such a good housewife and an excellent wife for their son. Well, they just share their impressions from the wedding. :) Nowadays the custom of the second day is no longer popular, usually it is simply skipped.
IN modern world traditions and customs are undergoing dramatic changes, but many of the above rituals are still alive. Modern Koreans can introduce new elements into the wedding celebration process. For example, throwing the bride's bouquet, ransom, etc. But basic principles, such as honoring elders, in particular parents, a special attitude towards " Sadayam" - matchmakers, remain unshakable.
“They choose sons-in-law when the daughter is beautiful”
Matchmaking
In this section...
— "Honse mar" or "harok".
— "Cenchi".
- Bride's dowry.
Koreans in Russia and the CIS pay great attention to wedding celebrations. Previously, let's say in the distant past, Korean boys married girls chosen by their parents. The girls married the guys they chose. They had no choice. Today, girls and boys have the opportunity to choose their own loved ones. True, recently, the emerging stratification of Koreans into rich and poor is again reviving the times when parents decided the fate of their children. Koreans strictly prohibit marriages where the bride and groom have the same name. This probably comes from the time when the corresponding royal decree was issued banning marriages with the same ponies.
A wedding for Koreans living in the CIS countries is usually divided into three stages:
— Matchmaking — "honse mar" and/or "chenchi".
— Wedding and registration at the registry office.
— Post-wedding ceremony.
"Honse mar" or "harok"
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Matchmaking among CIS Koreans, in turn, is divided into two stages: the engagement itself - "honse mar" or "harok" and a mini-wedding - "chenchi". After them, upon request, the bride’s parties celebrate "chenchi"(-engagement, mini-wedding). If after "honse mar" young people are considered to be the bride and groom, then after "chenchi", they, according to Korean customs, can be considered husband and wife. Remember, as a child you probably often heard the following expressions: "khonse mar hala gata" or "herok tela gata". These expressions meant: “they left to woo the bride.”
Usually the groom and his father and one of the relatives went to woo the bride. The number of matchmakers must be odd: 3, 5, 7, etc. Koreans call matchmakers "usikundyri". Koreans consider joining the “usikun” as an honorable duty, because they choose those who enjoy respect and honor in the family. According to Korean custom, the groom's mother does not go to match the bride. If suddenly for some reason the groom’s father cannot go, then the eldest of the groom’s family in the male line goes.
If the bride's side agrees to marry her off, then they are declared bride and groom. There are no lavish celebrations during the engagement. Usually, only close relatives gather for the engagement. Everything is arranged modestly and quietly. Koreans call this stage "harok" or "honse mar". Here you need to keep in mind one subtlety: the bride’s parents are brought small gifts and refreshments. Please note that the groom’s side brings the treat with them. You have to go to matchmaking in the first half of the day, and we already know why. In the old days, the groom's parents, before going to woo the bride, sent gifts to the bride's parents. If the gifts were accepted with gratitude, it was believed that the bride’s side was not averse to becoming related.
Brought up in the spirit of Confucianism, Koreans never thought of kidnapping a bride or running away with a guy. It was simply impossible. Today, when young people confront their parents with the fait accompli of uniting their destinies, observing this custom becomes virtually unnecessary.
The treat you bring with you usually consists of a bottle of vodka (cognac), boiled chicken, salad and sweets. Arriving at the bride's house, the matchmakers first hand out gifts and only then start a conversation. The groom must first bow to the bride's parents. First they talk about the weather, inquire about the well-being of the owners of the house, about business, and only then matchmaking takes place in the form of a half-joking, half-serious dialogue with the bride’s parents.
Let's give an example of one of possible option dialogue:
— They say you have a beautiful daughter of marriageable age?
- Come on, people say different things.
- And we have a fine son who is in love with your daughter and wants to marry her.
- Well, if we like your son, then maybe we’ll give him our daughter.
- So, we agreed, dear?
- Eh, no, dear matchmaker. We raised, cared for, raised her for 18 years, gave her our soul and love, just to give her to you. She is very dear to us.
- We understand you. Name your price, dear matchmaker.
— Here is our price: an apartment with furnishings, a car, a cottage with a swimming pool and it’s yours.
— Something’s really going on with your daughter, dear!? Perhaps we have the wrong address. Let's look for another house.
- Wait, dear matchmaker, name your price.
“Our price is the love of our son for your daughter.”
- Perhaps... this will suit us.
- So, we’ve agreed, you’ll give your daughter to our son?
- Agreed.
- Agreed.
- Now let's talk about the wedding!
- No, dear matchmaker, let's talk about this later...
- In the meantime, please come to the table...
This is the kind of imaginary conversation that could take place in our time during a matchmaking or engagement. At this stage, both parties agree:
about the date of marriage registration in the registry office;
about the date "chenchi", if it is decided to celebrate it;
about the date of the wedding;
about the decision to celebrate the wedding separately or together;
about other details of preparations for weddings.
If the parties experience financial difficulties, they are often limited to the stage "harok" or "honse mar" and "chenchi" they don't cope. In this case, gifts are given only to the bride's parents and her brothers and sisters. At this stage, a joint wedding day or wedding days for the bride and groom are set. If the wedding day has not been determined, then it is usually determined later, at the stage "chenchi". Today, in most cases, Koreans in Russia and the CIS do not cope "chenchi""limited to matchmaking" Honce Mar.
"Cenchi"
"Cenchi" celebrated by the groom's side at the request of the bride's side. The groom's side prepares for it in advance, because it is necessary to purchase gifts for the bride and her relatives. Gifts for the bride can include pieces of materials, scarves, watches, etc. For the bride's relatives there may be suits, pieces of fabric, scarves, shirts, ties, watches, etc. Usually gifts are targeted, i.e. each gift is given from a specific relative on the groom’s side. The groom's parents are already on their way to the chenchi. As you remember, the mother of the groom had no right to go to the “herok” matchmaking.
All these gifts are presented to the bride with the obligatory announcement of the name and surname of the groom's relative giving them. Specially appointed relatives and parents of the groom go to the bride for “chenchi”. On the same day, a wedding day is set that satisfies both parties. At “chenchi” the bride’s relatives gather to meet the groom. At this meeting, they can ask him any questions: how he met, how he will support his wife and future children, who he works for, who his parents are, where he will live, and other “tricky” questions.
"Cenchi" - actually a mini-wedding. The bride's side invites their close relatives, neighbors and work colleagues to it. If the groom's side celebrates "chenchi", then the bride's side must then respond. How? The day after the wedding, the bride distributes gifts to the groom's relatives. These are the relatives who gave gifts to the bride during the “chencha”. A list of these relatives is compiled in advance so that no one is forgotten.
The wedding day can be set as a common one if both parties agree to this. This is done to save money. But life is arranged in such a way that it is sometimes impossible to celebrate a joint wedding due to the fact that the bride lives in another city, another country. If both parties decide to celebrate their weddings separately, then first they hang out with the bride, usually until 13-14 o'clock in the afternoon, and then the bride leaves for the groom along with her dowry, if the groom lives nearby. If the groom lives far away, they leave the next day.
Bride's dowry
The bride's dowry usually consists of:
- a set of pillows;
— a set of blankets, bedding;
— a set of kitchen utensils, cups;
- a set of spoons, forks;
All of the above should help the young wife to lead household. Today, if possible, in addition to the standard dowry, they give an apartment, a car, a refrigerator, washing machine, TV, carpets, etc.
Many do "chenchi", but the wedding is not celebrated right away. This is usually due to financial difficulties. The wedding may be postponed until later late date until the opportunity arises to deal with it. As soon as the opportunity arises, the wedding necessarily copes.
Remember, if you have not had a wedding, then according to Korean customs you will not be able to celebrate "hwangab", keep this in mind! No, of course, you can celebrate your 60th birthday, but no one will give you the traditional respectful bow “deri”!
Wedding at the bride's house
In this section...
— Bride ransom.
— “Assault” of the bride’s defenders.
— Seating the bride and groom.
— Congratulations and toasts.
- Behavior of guests.
— Wedding menu.
— Table setting for the bride and groom.
- Wedding celebration.
— Farewell to the bride's parents.
— Taking out the bride's dowry.
— Accompaniment of the bride.
— Completion of the wedding with the bride
If the wedding is celebrated separately, then registration at the registry office is usually done in advance. Now, however, sometimes, registration is done during the wedding. In a joint wedding, marriage registration is usually done on the wedding day.
Let's look at how the bride celebrates her wedding. The bride's wedding usually starts at 9 a.m. and lasts until 3 p.m. in the afternoon.
The groom with relatives who are authorized to take the bride to the groom's house, with friends and flowers, drives up to her house and begins to signal their arrival. Along with him comes a car for loading the bride's dowry. But the bride’s side usually doesn’t just give up the bride and dowry, because... she is taken away forever. Therefore, the groom must go through at least two stages of obstacles from the bride’s relatives: ransoming the bride and storming her defenders.
Bride ransom
The bride's side, at the same time, rightly extorts a bride price. After all, they raised her, cared for her, cared for her, loved her, and suddenly they gave her forever to someone else’s family. These are usually small amounts of money, champagne and not expensive gifts. They must be prepared in advance so as not to end up in an awkward position. After all, it is necessary that the groom’s generosity and his financial situation be appreciated by the bride’s close friends. If the ransom offered by the groom suits the girlfriends, then they let him pass further. If not, they can ask him or friends from his retinue to sing, dance, or even wrestle with one of them. At the bride’s room, the groom is met by a close friend of the bride (the witness, who is also the “main” extortionist) and one of the close relatives. They are already demanding a much larger ransom than at the first stage.
Here the task for the groom may be more difficult than at the first stage of the barrier. For example, feet may be drawn on the wall and you have to guess which one belongs to the bride. Further, they may be asked to remember the names of the bride’s friends and parents, guess which handwriting belongs to the bride, when is her birthday, what is her favorite perfume, etc., as far as the imagination of the bride’s defenders allows. If the question is not answered correctly, the groom and his retinue will be fined in the form of money, a bottle of champagne or a small gift (pen, scarf, etc.).
To go through the second stage of the barrier, the groom must already have a fairly large amount of money or more expensive gifts so that, having appreciated the breadth and generosity of his soul, they will let him through to the bride.
"Storm" of the bride's defenders
But now, it would seem, all the obstacles are behind us and the groom gets access to the bride. And here he faces his final test. The ends of three multi-colored ribbons can be handed to him. One of them opens the door of the room with the bride. If he guesses right away, the door opens and the bride comes out in all her beauty. If he doesn’t guess correctly, he again pays a fine in the form of money, a bottle of champagne or gifts to the insatiable extortionists.
But it also happens that the amount of money or gifts does not suit the girlfriends of the extortionists and they refuse to let them see the bride. Then the groom has no choice but to fight his way to his bride, storming her defenders.
After a successful “assault,” he meets with the bride and they are left alone until they are both called to the formal part of the wedding. This is usually done by the toastmaster.
Seating the bride and groom
The bride and groom sit at the wedding table: the groom is on his right, and the bride is on his left. A carpet is hung behind them to highlight the bride and groom. Often congratulatory inscriptions are written on it from pieces of cotton wool, drawings to enliven the wedding. For example, a drawing in the form of two intertwined rings, and on top the inscription: “Advice and love!!!” However, that was yesterday. Today there are wedding decoration companies that design with modern advances, in particular, from multi-colored balloons. The whole hall is literally drowning in them.
To the right of the groom, the witness and relatives who came with him sit. To the left of the bride, her witness and close friends sit. Among Koreans, the left side is considered more honorable than the right.
The Koreans of Russia and the CIS borrowed the custom of seating the bride and groom with witnesses from the Russian people. Koreans used to, in the old days, have no witnesses for the bride and groom. They sat together, at a separate table, almost all day, until the evening, without raising their heads.
Today, often, Korean weddings are no different from Russian weddings, the influence of Russian culture is so strong. The fact that a Korean wedding can only be understood by hearing a Korean song or looking at the composition of the people walking, or by the kitchen or by the “crane” dance.
The groom's relatives who came with him are given maximum honor and respect; a separate table is set for this. If this is not possible, then places of honor at the common table are allocated. Let's make some important notes here:
The number of the groom's relatives who came with him to pick up the bride must be odd: 3, 5, 7, 9, etc.
Subsequently, the bride's side must delegate 2 (two) more people to accompany her to the groom's house, i.e. also an odd number: 3+2, 5+2, 7+2, 9+2, etc.
Congratulations and toasts
The host (toastmaster) begins the wedding by inviting guests to congratulate the newlyweds according to a list compiled in advance:
- First, the bride's grandparents are called;
- then the bride's parents;
- close relatives;
- then friends, neighbors, work colleagues;
Each of them congratulates and makes a toast to the newlyweds with the words “bitter” and drinks a glass of vodka. Vodka is poured into a glass either by the wedding host himself (toastmaster) or by a specially appointed person. “Bitter” is said so that bitter vodka becomes “sweet” from the kiss of lovers.
Koreans also adopted this custom from the Russian people, and now it has become an integral part of ceremonies in Korean weddings in Russia, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan and the CIS. After congratulating and making a toast, Koreans usually either sing, dance, or tell an anecdote or a funny story.
Guest behavior
The time allotted for all congratulations should not last more than 15-20 minutes. Longer periods of time irritate people. This must be taken into account when drawing up the evening program. Guests must sit all this time and listen carefully to everyone congratulating them. It is not recommended to eat or drink at this time. This will show disrespect to the newlyweds, to the speakers and to yourself if you have to say toast. Imagine this picture: you are singing like a nightingale, trying to surprise everyone with your elegant style, when suddenly your gaze falls on a guest chewing a fatty steak! However, recently, the owners, in order not to tire the guests, invite them to a meal after saying the first congratulations to the newlyweds, and it seems that this is becoming the norm, a new tradition.
After all the congratulations, the toastmaster invites the guests to drink to the newlyweds, to their health, happiness, love and prosperity in the house.
Then there is a pause for 15-20 minutes while the guests are treated. During the wedding, guests are treated to at least three times:
The first time the newlyweds take a seat at the wedding table.
Second time, about two hours later.
The third time, about four hours after the wedding began.
Wedding menu
For the first course they serve one of the soups: “sirag dyamuri”, “kuksi”, or for those living in Uzbekistan, “shurpa” is often served, in Russia “shchi”, in Ukraine “borscht”, in Kazakhstan “besbarmak”, etc. . Meat dishes are served for the main course: cutlets, chops, “tobacco chicken”, etc. For the third course, dessert is served: tea, cakes, muffins, fruits: pears, apples, tangerines, oranges, grapes, etc.
Koreans living in Russia, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan and other CIS countries usually put salads, flour products and drinks on the wedding table. From the salad menu: “carrot-cha”, “megi-cha”, “ve-cha”, “murkogi-he”, “chimchi”, “panchan”, “flour chimchi”, “pyachu chimchi”, Olivier salad, vinaigrette and etc., usually at least 7-9 species. I once saw a table laden with 23 types of salads!!! Some, unfortunately or fortunately, I never had time to try. Thank Heaven, the Koreans of the CIS have a wonderful custom, albeit a little forgotten: so, if a guest did not have time to try something, then the owners, having learned about it, send this dish home to him! Isn’t it a good custom?! One of my friends, Gena, said: “depending on who,” and added, “a joke.” I was lucky, that evening the hosts remembered this good old Korean custom.
From the flour menu: “dimpheni”, “chartogi”, “kadyuri”, brushwood”, “chak-chak”, “pegodya”, etc., at least 6-8 types. Koreans have a custom: if you can’t see the tablecloth under the plates with dishes, then the table is set perfectly. There is a saying: “A Korean thinks he’s had a good walk if he’s full from the belly.” Here I will make a small digression: if you want people to say that the table was set like a king, then the number of dishes on the table should be at least 12-13. Nobles (“yangbans”) made do with 9 dishes, commoners (“sanins”) with 5 dishes, servants and slaves (“khains and nobis”) with 2-3 dishes.
Table setting for the bride and groom
And finally, about setting the table for the bride and groom. As a rule, it should be much richer than the guests' table. The Koreans say: “A rich table means a rich life.” Everything that is on the guests' table is placed on it, plus a large, custom-made cake and a beautifully decorated rooster with red pepper in its beak. Based on the above, the newlyweds should have at least 12-13 dishes on the table in order for it to be set like a king!!!
The rooster is a wish for love and many children, and the red pepper is a wish for health, good luck, happiness and wealth. There is a popular saying: if during a wedding a pepper falls out of its beak, it is not good. To avoid problems, the pepper is prudently tied with threads. Who do you think? Well, of course, these are future mothers-in-law or mother-in-law. The rooster is placed in a special basket or on a beautiful platter and must look at the newlyweds. Subsequently, the rooster is sent to the bride, the day after the wedding, where it becomes a treat for the relatives of the bride and groom. The groom must eat the pepper. Why? Because Koreans associate the groom’s sexual potency with pepper.
On the bride and groom's table there should be more expensive alcoholic drinks than on the guests' table, so that the life of the young couple is rich, like a laden table. Reiki master Edward told me that in order to receive something, it is necessary to make requests “there” (to Heaven) to fulfill desires. In this case, you need to not only think, but say the wish out loud, while forming a “thought form”. We must remember that the word has enormous energy.
Wedding celebration
The toastmaster, seeing that the guests have eaten, begins to “warm up” them for fun. He lifts someone up from the table to congratulate the newlyweds. When the guests “warm up,” the host (toastmaster) invites the bride and groom to be the first to open the dance part of the evening. Usually this is a timeless waltz or slow tango. After they dance
Howling, the toastmaster invites all the other guests to dance. A good toastmaster draws up a wedding program in advance. It should include numbers prepared by the bride's relatives. For example, this could be a dance of little nephews, poems, songs, a show of “sirym” wrestling, etc. All these numbers are built between food and mass dancing. The rules of sirym wrestling are simple: two wrestlers, tied around the waist and hip with a belt, fight inside a circle with a diameter of 7 m and try to knock the opponent to the ground
Of course, the bride and groom's witnesses must also have their say. Very often, the unforgettableness and fun of a wedding depends on the choice of a good toastmaster and music. Therefore, pay great attention in advance when choosing (toastmaster).
Farewell to the bride's parents
After the bride's wedding is completed, the bride and groom leave to say goodbye to the bride's parents. They want to live in peace, love and harmony until death do them part.
The groom, in turn, promises to love and take care of his wife, their daughter, until death do them part. The bride thanks her parents for raising her, giving her an education and arranging the wedding. The newlyweds bow deeply to their parents and relatives three times. Some families make one farewell bow. By bowing, the groom expresses gratitude for his wife, and the daughter says goodbye to her parents. After this, the newlyweds leave for the groom's house.
Taking out the bride's dowry
While the newlyweds say goodbye to the bride’s parents, the “usikundyri” who came with him bring out the dowry. No one but them has the right to do this!!! When taking out the dowry, it is recommended not to touch the ground and place it on the ground or floor. This counts bad omen.
The last thing to be taken out of the dowry is the bride's mirror, covered with a veil. Having arrived at the groom’s house, this mirror is taken out first and given to the mother-in-law, the mother of the groom.
The mirror is a sign of the bride’s chastity and purity. It should not be cracked or broken. This is also considered a bad sign for young people to live together. Usually she is held by the bride's elder relative along the route. The car with the bride's dowry follows the newlyweds, bringing up the rear of the wedding cortege of cars. In the distant past, the bride was in a palanquin carried by porters, and the groom walked next to her.
Bride escort
Relatives chosen to accompany the groom to the groom’s house travel with the bride. They will participate in the groom's wedding. The bride's parents stay home! The number of accompanying persons must be 2 (two) more people than the number of relatives who came with the groom: 5, 7, 9, etc., odd.
Sometimes the question arises: “Why should the number of accompanying persons be odd?” This is done so that if a problem arises, it can be resolved by simple voting. When holding a wedding together, this rule is not observed.
The end of the wedding with the bride
The bride's parents are obliged to take care not only of a good start to the wedding and fun, but also of a beautiful ending. In this case, this wedding will be remembered for a long time by family and friends.
Humanity has not yet invented the best way than attention and care to the guests who came to the wedding. Each of us appreciates any attention shown to his person by the hosts of the evening. To do this, at the end of the wedding, the bride’s parents are obliged to take care of sending gifts from the wedding to all relatives who have children and elderly parents at home. They are sure to send gifts to families where there is a daughter of marriageable age or a son of marriageable age. These gifts express the wish for a quick wedding in these families, and it is believed that this will bring happiness to the newlyweds.
Isn’t it true that you couldn’t think of a better ending to a wedding?!
“Ten children cannot replace one wife”
Wedding at the groom's house
In this section...
— A table for meeting the bride and accompanying persons.
— Meeting of the bride and mother-in-law.
— Bringing the bride's dowry into the groom's house.
— Seating the guests.
— Congratulations and toasts.
- Wedding celebration.
— Table setting for the bride and groom.
— Farewell to guests.
— Completion of the wedding.
If the groom lives nearby, then the bride and groom, accompanied by her relatives, set off after lunch at about 2 p.m. In this case, the bride's parents stay at home! If they are hanging out in a restaurant, then the parents of the bride and groom are present.
If the groom lives far away, for example, in another city, another country, then the groom stays overnight with the bride and leaves with her the next day. In this case, the bride’s wedding continues throughout the daylight hours.
In this case, the bride and groom leave the wedding around 20.00 and go to a room specially prepared for them, where no one has the right to disturb them until the morning.
The beginning of the wedding at the groom's house
Before arriving at the groom's house, the newlyweds go to memorable places. There they are photographed as a souvenir and recorded on videotape. Then they go to the groom's house.
As they approach the groom's house, they begin to honk loudly. A car with the bride's dowry drives up behind them.
Everyone should see the dowry in order to evaluate the bride from the point of view of her readiness for independent life. The groom's relatives meet the motorcade with the newlyweds 10 meters from the house with a small “meeting table”.
Table for meeting the bride and accompanying persons
A small table is set for the newlyweds to meet. The greeters inquire with the bride's relatives: how they got there, ask them to drink a glass of vodka for the health of the bride and groom, inquire about the health of the bride, whether she is tired. They ask to see the bride's dowry, evaluate her and let her into the groom's house.
Having arrived at the groom's house, the bride does not immediately get out of the car. The groom's relatives bring a bag of rice to the bride's car and lay out a path along which she must walk to the groom's house without raising her eyes to those around her. Rice symbolizes the wish for wealth and prosperity in the home, and the straight path means the wish for a happy family life without quarrels.
When getting out of the car, the bride must step on a bag of rice. This is done to ensure that there is always prosperity in the house. My late grandmother Song Xiang Geum told me that sometimes rice was sprinkled on the bride's head along her route. Today almost no one does this. The groom should walk alongside, supporting the bride by the arm. Often the groom takes the bride in his arms, if he can, carries her into the house, walking along the path.
Meeting of the bride and mother-in-law
The first to meet the bride is her mother-in-law, who is given the mirror by an older relative on the bride's side. The mother-in-law should remove the cover from the mirror and make sure that it is intact and clean. Therefore, it is protected during the trip.
The bride is obliged to walk along the path and not stumble. If he stumbles, it is considered bad. However, if the groom carries her in his arms, then she doesn’t need to think about it. Having walked along the path, the bride and groom enter a specially designated room and remain there until they are invited to the wedding table. This is usually done by the wedding host (toastmaster).
Bringing the bride's dowry into the groom's house
The bride’s dowry is taken out by the same relatives - “usikundyri”, who went to the bride’s wedding and no one else should help them. When taking out the dowry, they should also not touch the ground. This is considered a bad omen. Nowadays, belief in omens has become widespread. Usikundyri are considered guests of honor at a wedding. They are set on a separate table or seated in places of honor. At the end of the evening, they are given special memorable gifts.
Seating of guests
Guests are usually invited at 17.00 pm. The bride's relatives who arrived with her are seated in places of honor at the wedding table, to the left of the bride. If possible, they are seated at a separate table, thereby showing them maximum respect and honor.
The groom's relatives sit to the right of the groom, to the right of the groom's witness. When all the guests are seated at the tables, the host of the wedding evening (toastmaster) invites the bride and groom into the hall. Usually he invites everyone to stand and applaud the bride and groom. Mendelssohn's wedding waltz "Wedding March" or something similar is playing. The bride and groom enter the hall and solemnly, slowly, walk to the wedding table so that everyone can see how beautiful and happy they are.
After the bride and groom are seated at the wedding table, the witnesses of the bride and groom are seated first. The witness sits next to the groom, and the witness sits next to the bride. Next, seats at the wedding table are occupied by young family members of the bride and groom and their friends.
Congratulations and toasts
When the newlyweds sit down at the table, the wedding ceremony begins, which has a certain sequence of congratulating guests:
The groom's grandparents are called first;
Then the groom's parents are called;
Then relatives who came from afar;
Close relatives;
Friends, nephews, everyone;
However, there is a certain sequence here too. First, relatives from the groom's side are called, and then from the bride's side. Moreover, this is done in strict accordance with the age of the person being called. First the older ones, then the younger ones. Everyone called by the toastmaster congratulates, makes a toast to the newlyweds and says: “Bitter.” “Bitter” is said so that bitter vodka becomes “sweet” from the kiss of lovers.
The Koreans also adopted this custom from the Russian people (to be frank, not the most bad influence Russian culture) and now it has become an integral part of the ceremonies in Korean weddings. Guests must sit all this time and listen carefully to everyone congratulating them. It is not recommended to eat or drink at this time. By doing this, you will show disrespect for the newlyweds and the speakers, among whom you may be. Would you like it if you are trying to impress with Cicero’s speech, but instead of attention you see faces chewing a sandwich? It’s much more pleasant if you are listened to attentively, isn’t it? However, recently, the meal begins after the first congratulations of the bride and groom. And, if suddenly the toastmaster invites you to have a snack before finishing the toast or congratulations, then do not refuse.
Wedding celebration
After all the congratulations, the host (toastmaster) invites the guests to help themselves to the table. While the guests are eating, music plays. This lasts approximately 15-20 minutes. Then the toastmaster slowly begins to “wind up” the guests. He invites one of the guests to sing, dance, read poetry, and tell an interesting story for the newlyweds and guests.
A lot depends on the host of the evening, whose talent can make the wedding unforgettable, interesting and fun. Keep this in mind when choosing a toastmaster. To entertain the guests, if funds allow, dancers, comedians, taekwondo wrestlers, sireum wrestlers are invited, who entertain the guests in the pauses between food and dancing. What can you do to please your guests? When the toastmaster realizes that the guests have eaten and “warmed up,” he invites the bride and groom to the first dance. Most often, this is a waltz or slow tango. After the newlyweds dance together, the toastmaster invites all the other guests to dance and the wedding begins.
The further course of the wedding depends entirely on the talent of the host. He should surprise the guests with great knowledge of the intricacies of rituals, customs, songs, and anecdotes of our people. In any case, remember: a Korean considers that he had a good walk if he ate tasty and hearty. And then, when you ask how the wedding went, he will say “excellent,” even if the toastmaster was not up to par.
During the wedding, dishes are changed at least three times, see section 7.6. “Wedding at the bride’s house” (if you respect the guests, of course, you can serve it more often).
Table setting for the bride and groom
And finally, let's talk about setting the table for the bride and groom. Koreans pay a lot of attention to this. As a rule, it should be much richer with dishes than the guests' table. This is done specifically so that the life of the bride and groom is as rich as this table, as we described earlier, in order for the table to be laid out like a king, there must be at least 12-13 dishes on it.
On the table is all the finest Korean cuisine available to you, what the guests have on the table, plus a large, custom-made cake and a beautifully decorated rooster with red pepper in its beak. The rooster is a wish for love and many children to the groom, and the red pepper is a wish for health, good luck, wealth and happiness.
They say that if during a wedding, the pepper falls out of the beak, the new family will experience difficulties. Some even tie the pepper so that, God forbid, it doesn’t fall out of the beak, out of harm’s way. There is another version related to pepper. If you look at it closely, doesn't it resemble something? That’s right, draw a conclusion from here: why it’s impossible for it to fall out. Usually the future mother-in-law does this, I hope you can guess why? Who else but the mother wishes happiness to her son and his young wife.
The rooster is placed in a special basket or on a beautiful platter and must look at the newlyweds. The day after the wedding he is sent to the bride's house. If this is not possible, then it is eaten with the relatives who came to accompany the bride. The rooster's head and pepper are given to the groom to eat, the bride's neck, and others everything else.
More expensive alcoholic drinks should be on the table of the bride and groom than on the table of the guests. The richer the table, the better. A rich table is a wish for prosperity and wealth to the young.
Farewell to guests
If the wedding is celebrated at home, then at approximately 20.00 pm the toastmaster invites all guests to say goodbye to the bride and groom. The bride and groom say goodbye to the guests and retire to a bedroom specially prepared for them.
NO ONE SHOULD DISTURB THEM UNTIL THE MORNING!!!
The wedding continues without the newlyweds. If the wedding is celebrated as a joint wedding in a restaurant or cafe, then the bride and groom are at the wedding with guests until the wedding is completed.
Completion of the wedding
The groom's parents are obliged to take care not only of a good start to the wedding, but also of a beautiful ending. After all, only in this case will family and friends remember this wedding for a long time. Humanity has not come up with and will not come up with a better way to make such a wedding than to provide attention and care to both the guests who came and those who did not come to the wedding. To do this, at the end of the wedding, the groom's parents need to send gifts from the wedding to all relatives who have children and elderly parents at home. Gifts from the wedding table are necessarily sent to those who have a daughter of marriageable age or a son to the groom. And if they didn’t give it to you, then ask yourself, you wish your child a good future. In this world, sometimes you have to do something yourself. Isn't it true that you couldn't think of a better ending to a wedding!!! In addition, it is believed that distributing food will bring happiness to the newlyweds.
“You will raise children yourself -you will know the works of your parents"
Joint wedding
In this section...
- Start joint wedding.
— Registration of marriage.
- Bride's dowry.
- Wedding celebration.
— Farewell to guests.
— Completion of a joint wedding.
A joint wedding is usually held in a cafe or restaurant. In this case, the bride and groom bear the costs equally.
The beginning of a joint wedding
The date for a joint wedding is set at the stage of matchmaking and engagement “harok” or “honse-mar” or during “chencha”. There are two possible options for the development of a joint wedding.
The first option, if the bride lives in the same village or city as the groom, then the wedding begins with a bride price. The bride price is described in Chapter 4, “Wedding in the Bride’s House.” After the ransom, the bride and groom go to register at the registry office. After registration, they, together with those accompanying them, travel to memorable places, take photographs, record them as a souvenir, on a videotape. After visiting the memorable places, the bride and groom are taken to a restaurant. The meeting of the bride at the groom’s house is described in Chapter 5, “Wedding at the groom’s house.” The time remaining before leaving for a restaurant or cafe is spent at the groom's house. The scheme for holding a joint wedding in this version is as follows: bride price - registration at the registry office - visiting memorable places - a restaurant or cafe.
The second option, if the bride lives far away, then the bride ransom is carried out in advance. The bride price is similar to the procedure described in Chapter 4 “Wedding at the Bride’s House”, except that the wedding at the bride’s house, in this case, does not take place. She is brought to the groom's house, where she stays in a restaurant or cafe until the wedding begins. If there is not enough time, then they go straight to the restaurant. The car with the bride's dowry either travels behind the car with the bride, or waits for her at the groom's house. It should be noted here that in recent years, instead of the usual dowry, they give money, with which the young people arrange their lives. The scheme for holding a joint wedding in this version is as follows: bride price - registration at the registry office - visiting memorable places - the groom's house - restaurant or cafe.
The start time of the wedding is most often set at 17.00 and ends at 23.00. The main difference between such a wedding is that the bride and groom are there until the last minute with the guests, meeting and seeing them off.
Marriage registration
Today it has become fashionable to register a marriage right during the wedding. In this case, the registry office employee is invited to the wedding to register the marriage in the hall. I must say, this gives a special solemnity. But let us note that fairly wealthy people can afford this. So, at 5 p.m., the motorcade with the newlyweds arrives at the cafe or restaurant. Here are the possible options:
option a) All guests meet the bride and groom, forming a “living” corridor. The young people walk along this corridor to the hall, and rice is sprinkled on their heads. After this, the guests take their seats after the young people.
option b) The wedding host (toastmaster) invites the bride and groom to enter the hall with the guests, everyone stands up and clap. The young people, decorously, slowly, pass and take their places at the wedding table.
Of course, the number of options for registering a marriage is not limited to these.
Bride's dowry
In the event of a joint wedding, the bride's dowry is brought to the restaurant, and after the wedding is completed, it is taken to the groom's house. Only relatives of the groom who were “usikundyri” can bear the dowry. When carried out, the dowry must touch the ground. Touching the ground is considered a bad omen, a bad sign for future family life.
Recently, in order not to be transported to the restaurant and back, the dowry is brought directly to the groom’s house.
Wedding celebration
The procedure for celebrating a wedding is described in detail in the section “Wedding in the Bride’s House” and in the section “Wedding in the Groom’s House,” so we will not describe it here.
Completion of a joint wedding
As the wedding draws to a close, the bride and groom thank all the guests for coming to celebrate the occasion.
The parents of the bride and groom should care not only about a good start to the wedding, but also about its beautiful ending. In this case, the wedding will be remembered by family and friends for a long time. Humanity has not come up with a better way, and it is unlikely that it will come up with, than paying attention and care to both those who came and those who did not come to the wedding. To do this, at the end of the wedding, the parents of the bride and groom must take care to send gifts from the wedding to all relatives who have children and elderly parents at home. A person is weak, and any attention to him increases his vitality. If you want your parents to live long, give them maximum attention. Be sure to send gifts from the table of the bride and groom to those who had a daughter of marriageable age or a son to the groom. Each of you can remember how you were waiting for gifts from the wedding. Isn't it true that you couldn't think of a better ending to a wedding!!!
“In a happy home, even chickens lay eggs more often”
Post-wedding ceremonies
In this section...
— The first day after the wedding.
- Distribution of gifts.
- Departure to the parents' house.
— Household arrangement of newlyweds.
- Happiness to you!!!
— How are weddings held in Korea today?
— How were wedding ceremonies carried out before?
First day after the wedding
So, what should a young wife do the next morning? Well, of course, to show what a clever housewife she is, that it was not in vain that her husband fell in love with her and married her. To do this, she must get up before everyone else and prepare food for her husband’s parents and his relatives who stayed behind after the wedding. The young wife should cook Korean pabi porridge, Korean sirag dyamuri soup or any other soup, set the table and invite everyone to the table. When serving dishes, she must follow a certain sequence:
- husband’s grandparents;
- husband's parents;
- husband;
- husband's relatives in order of seniority;
- to her relatives who arrived with her as accompanying persons, according to seniority.
No one should help her with this, not even her husband! She must do everything herself so that her parents and relatives will appreciate her ability to cook and housekeeping. The further relationship with the mother-in-law depends on the first impression. And remember, every mother-in-law is jealous of her son’s daughter-in-law!
Why does he serve dishes in this order? Because Koreans believe that if your daughter gets married, then she is no longer a member of your family. From now on, the husband and his family are considered its owner. Now he and his family must take care of her. And if they cannot do this, they will cover themselves with shame. Nowadays, many young girls, before getting married, evaluate the capabilities of their future husband. Marriages in developed countries are becoming later.
In Korea, too, young people get married at the age of 28 and older. Until this time, they study, make a career, otherwise no one will marry them. In the old days, it may seem surprising, people started families early: boys at 12, girls at 14. During the Mongol yoke of the 12-13th century. (the Mongol yoke was not only in Russia) girls were married off even earlier so that they would not be taken as tribute. However, in the 21st century, women have become economically independent from men and they can now take care of themselves.
What should a wife not do to be happy? Never nag your husband.
Gift distribution
After treating the groom's relatives, the young wife, according to ancient Korean custom, begins distributing gifts to her husband's relatives, who gave her gifts during the "chencha". If there was no “chenchi” stage, then the bride gives gifts only to the groom’s parents and his brothers and sisters.
If there was a “chenchi,” then she gives each of the groom’s relatives who gave gifts to her and her family a specially prepared gift (pieces of fabric, suits, scarves, shirts, ties, watches, etc.).
This is the bride's response to the gifts given to her and her relatives during the chencha. All gifts are personalized, each gift is given to a relative of the groom determined in advance.
Departure to the house of the bride's parents
According to an old Korean custom, on the second or third day after the wedding, the young wife, along with her husband and his parents, go to her parents’ house to meet each other. At the same time, they take food with them. And since there were many relatives, in the old days they gathered a lot of food.
In the past, when everyone lived compactly, this did not cause much of a problem. Now, when the bride may be from another country, this is problematic. Therefore, this custom is slowly dying out. But as long as it exists and is in effect, no one has canceled it, we call it “semir”.
There, in a close circle, they celebrate the creation new family, in which parents on both sides undertake to love them as their own children and help them in everything. At this point the wedding ceremony is considered over. When leaving her parents' house, the bride, according to ancient custom, could return to it only with the permission of her husband. She was sent home during the Chuseok celebration. Although, who adheres to this now? Does your wife ask you for permission to visit her parents? Or is it the other way around for you?
My friend Vladimir once told me that he had to ask his wife for time off to visit his parents. But I think that the reader will probably agree with me that this is rather an exception to the rule than a new tradition.
Household equipment of newlyweds
From time immemorial, it was customary among Koreans for the bride to move to live with the groom. It is not without reason that the following opinion still exists: a daughter given in marriage is already a stranger. She might not observe mourning and memorial rites. Today this tradition is not always maintained due to various reasons. Now, if the groom moves to live in the bride’s house, it is not considered a disgrace, as in the old days. Previously, no one would have given their daughter in marriage to such a groom.
Koreans, who adhere to Buddhist and Confucian values, do not have the concept of a “honeymoon.” Therefore, already on the third day after the wedding, their workdays begin. Koreans who converted to Christianity celebrate it with a honeymoon. However, even those who did not accept Christianity today gladly go to Honeymoon. Why not adopt the good?!
As you may have noticed, the Koreans have adopted a lot from the Russian people. For example, these are witnesses for the bride and groom. For the Koreans, the bride and groom sat in splendid isolation. This also applies to kissing: in the old days, it was not customary for Koreans to kiss on the lips, at least not in public.
So, the young people begin to live well and make good money. Wonderful days, months, and years of life together await them. They are waiting for a honeymoon, silver - 25 years, "hwangab" - 60 years, "kohi" - 70 years, gold - 50 years and diamond - 75 years of marriage, the birth of their first child, raising beautiful grandchildren, a beautiful old age and, finally, immortality.
May you live happily ever after!!! Every family should be happy and unique in its happiness, because everything on earth lives thanks to love.
How are weddings held in Korea today?
It's 2003. Unlike us, in Korea the state quite strictly regulates the conduct of wedding ceremonies. And now the wedding ceremony in Korea is sharply different from what it was, say, even 30-40 years ago. Today in Korea, weddings are held in government wedding palaces called esikjang (ceremony house). Just like in our country now, weddings are rarely celebrated at home.
Shortly before the wedding, guests come to esikzhan, where they are met by the parents of the bride and groom. In Korea, it is customary to invite relatives, including very distant ones, and colleagues to a wedding, so there are hundreds and sometimes thousands of guests. Cases have been recorded when the number of guests reached more than 3,000 people. So our weddings, which are often the subject of criticism due to wastefulness, cannot be compared. These critics do not know or forget that most of the money is returned, because, according to Korean customs, guests bring financial assistance “Ђp-pujo”, which often even exceeds the expenses made.
About an hour before the ceremony, the newlyweds appear. The bride immediately goes to a special “waiting room” (Korean tegisil), where she cleans herself up and waits for an invitation. The bride's guests sit on the right, and the groom's on the left (if you stand with your back to the door) in esikzhan. The mothers of the bride and groom enter first and light candles on the dais, where all the rituals then take place. After this, they bow to each other and the guests and go to the front rows.
The groom, dressed in a European suit, to the accompaniment of a piano or a musical recording, enters the hall where the guests are sitting and stands in front of the director of the ceremony. The bride, also in European wedding attire, enters accompanied by her father and takes a seat next to the groom. It is customary for the bride not to raise her eyes at this moment, portraying meekness, one of the main virtues in Confucian times. You've probably seen a similar ceremony in films more than once and imagine it vividly. Then the bride and groom take an oath of love and fidelity to each other until death do them part and exchange gifts, and the master of ceremonies talks about love, respect for parents, public duty and life in general.
After this, all guests are photographed as a souvenir and the ceremony ends. In general, Koreans spend a lot of money on photographs and design of wedding albums. When leaving the hall, they take pictures first with the ritual director, then with their parents, then with relatives, colleagues and friends. After the official part is completed, all guests go to a banquet, which is held in a restaurant in Esikzhan or nearby. But the young people are not present at the banquet. They greet their parents and in-laws in a special room called Phyebaeksil. To do this, they dress up in national clothes. wedding dresses. A table with refreshments arranged by the bride's family is set up in the room.
The older relatives sit to the left of the bride, and the younger ones to the right. The bride and groom take turns, in order of seniority, approach each of them and, after making a ritual bow in front of him, present him with a glass of alcohol. The greeting begins with the parents. In front of them they make two full bows and one half-bow, the other elders make one full bow and one half-bow, and they exchange bows with the younger ones.
In response, everyone hands over an envelope with money. In some cases, the groom's father presents the ceremony on behalf of those present. Usually, the newlyweds go on their honeymoon with this money. In recent years there has been a revival of traditional rituals.
How were wedding ceremonies carried out before?
The most important event was the celebration of the 60th wedding anniversary “khekhonre”, which completely repeated the wedding ceremony. It is amazing. Why? Because the popular belief is that Koreans lived very little, but here we are celebrating 60 years of marriage!
In aristocratic families, it was customary for the bride to be older than the groom, usually by a couple of years or more. According to tradition, in wealthy families, boys and girls over 7 years old were forbidden to even sit in the same room. In the families of the poor, of course, it was difficult to observe this, but even there they tried to limit their communication. Therefore, it was impossible to marry out of love and consent, and if a romantic story happened, it was hidden. In Confucian society, hiding one's emotions was considered one of the human virtues. Love and affection played no role. As the parents and the fortune teller decided, so it was. Nobody asked the young people's opinions. Nowadays no one asks parents’ opinions about how times are changing.
Now in Korea there are three ways to get married. The first is chunme, an arranged marriage, which begins with a meeting between two people arranged by a matchmaker and ends with a wedding by mutual consent. The second is ene, a marriage of love and consent, when people meet, fall in love and get married. The third way is to find your loved one through Internet companies that search for a suitable match. After selecting a suitable person, they meet and, if they suit each other, get married.
Let's take a closer look at the chunme method. Both families explore the young couple's "four pillars". The pillar is the year, month, day and hour of a person’s birth. Koreans believe that they influence a person's destiny.
The fortune teller, based on a study of the “four pillars,” predicted whether these two people could live happily as a married couple. This prediction is called kunhap. If kunhap predicted complications, the parties lost interest in the agreement. If the “four pillars” and “kunhap” were positive, then they moved on to the engagement ceremony. To do this, both families gather at the girl’s house, restaurant or hotel, but never at the groom’s house. The young couple exchange gifts and the girl's family is given a sheet of white rice paper, but on which the four pillars of the young man are written. After this, the details are discussed and the wedding day is set.
A few days before the scheduled wedding, the groom sends the bride a box of “boorish” gifts. Previously, “boor” was worn by servants, but now by friends. Gifts were usually worn in the evening. The “boor” is not given to the parents until they offer wine, food or money as ransom, desperately bargaining for every step to the house. The messenger is treated to food, while the father of the bride examines the contents of the box with gifts. The contents of the box could be very expensive. These days it reached $7,000 or more. This custom has survived to this day. They were supposed to get money, go out that same day, and drink in a restaurant. If the amount was large, part was returned to the groom for unforeseen expenses.
Traditionally, the wedding ceremony was held at the bride's home. It began with the bride and groom exchanging bows and cups of wine. At the same time, they stood in front of each other on both sides of the wedding table standing between them. On the table lay red and blue yarn and a pair of wooden ducks, symbolizing marital affection.
The wedding ceremony was followed by the ceremony of “paebak” - the first greeting of the parents and other members of the husband’s family. During this ceremony, the bride bowed to her husband’s parents, who were sitting at a table on which there were fried chicken and fruits. During this time, the bride made silk gifts and both families exchanged gifts.
When night fell, the newlyweds retired to a specially designated room. According to custom, the groom had to first remove the bride's headdress, then untie the ribbons on the clothes and remove only one sock. Then he extinguished the candle with a specially prepared stick. You cannot blow it out; it is believed that in this case your luck will go away. And all this time the bride had to remain silent.
The next morning, the newlyweds, accompanied by the father or uncle of the bride, as well as a small group of “usikundyr” people who carried gifts, went to the groom’s house. The bride rode in a palanquin, and the groom walked next to her. After staying at the groom's house for several days, the young couple returned to the bride's house and her parents. A large party was held where the groom met the bride's family, especially the young members of the bride's clan. It was noisy, and the groom had a hard time with it. If he was not smart and resourceful enough, he could be beaten with dried fish or even a stick.
Book: Customs and rituals of Koreans in Russia and the CIS
Taken from the site:
http://koryo-saram.ru/
For Koreans, first of all, marriage is a union of two families. Therefore, in the old days, young people could not influence the choice of their future life partner. The head of the family, the father, decided everything for them. The newlyweds might not have seen or known each other until the wedding ceremony.
The decision depended entirely on the father, since in the past patriarchal relations prevailed in Korean families. The head of the family had enormous power over his wife and children. If the wife behaved indecently, the husband had the right to sell her into slavery. Rich Koreans had a huge number of wives.
Now everything has changed, and marriages are based primarily on love. However, in this case, the parents must find out everything about the bride or groom and only then give their blessing. The father and uncle, both from the father's and mother's sides, act as matchmakers. The matchmakers go to the house of the girl's parents, where a conspiracy takes place, after which the wedding day is announced.
A real Korean wedding includes a huge number of rituals. A few days before the wedding, the groom's family, with gifts, pays a festive visit to the bride's family, where relatives and friends of the bride's parents gather. Koreans call this wedding ceremony “chenchi.”
On the wedding day, the groom, accompanied by his friends and relatives, goes to the bride. Koreans call accompanying people “wushi.” The choice of wuxi occurs on family council, and take it very seriously. Parents cannot be included in the number of wuxi. The main qualities of wuxi are: position in society, the ability to sing and dance, oratory abilities, and wit. In life they should be successful and happy. It is not recommended to include divorced people in the number of wuxi; they believe that this will bring misfortune to the future family. The number of people entering Wuxi must be odd.
The groom, accompanied by the wuxi, is met by the bride's parents in front of her house. A humorous conversation takes place between them, during which the bride’s relatives do not allow the husband to enter the house and demand from him a gift or the fulfillment of some condition.
The celebration in the bride's house lasts about 2-3 hours, then the bride and groom, in the company of Wuxi, head to the groom's house. The bride takes gifts with her for the groom's relatives.
The wedding in the bride's house is called "small", and the "main" wedding takes place in the groom's house. The main material expenses are borne by the groom's family.
Before reaching the house, the wedding cortege stops. The groom's mother and father meet him, and in his absence, the eldest brother and his wife. They perform Korean dances and jokes are heard again. At the end of this ceremony, everyone sits down at the wedding table, on which there are national dishes.
The celebration always begins with the young couple presenting their parents, uncles and aunts, as well as older brothers and sisters with a glass of wine, and they congratulate the newlyweds.
Among the dishes on the wedding table, in front of the bride and groom there must be a whole boiled chicken braided with green and red threads, which symbolizes a long and joyful life. life together married couple. Red pepper (a symbol of love) is inserted into the chicken's beak. This chicken, like some other dishes from the wedding table, is sent to the bride’s parents, who are not present at the groom’s wedding.
On the next wedding day, the daughter-in-law presents gifts to all close relatives of the groom (older in age) with bows (“del”) and an offering of a glass of wine.
After this, the parents of the groom and the newlyweds, taking with them food from the wedding table, go to the bride’s parents.
This ritual, which is described above, is performed less and less often in Korean families. Nowadays, weddings are celebrated a little differently.
Modern Korean weddings are significantly different from ancient rituals. Its new traditions did not develop that way, around the 50s, but now in Korea everyone follows them.
Since the 1960s, the most popular venue for wedding ceremonies has been the “Yesikzhang” ritual halls, despite their name, weddings were celebrated there. Also, quite often weddings were celebrated (this continues in our time) in a restaurant, in special halls, which were also called “Yesikzhang”. There are families who prefer to celebrate their wedding at home, but this is extremely rare.
In the old days, great importance was attached to the date and even time of marriage. This choice was made after consultation with a professional fortuneteller. This tradition can be found in 
our time, newlyweds consult a fortuneteller about the date, but not about the time of the wedding. The favorable date is calculated according to a special lunar calendar.
A leap month, which is sometimes inserted into the Far Eastern lunisolar calendar, is considered unfavorable for a wedding. At this time, the number of wedding ceremony orders is reduced by up to 15 times.
Weddings are usually scheduled for daytime. Many people want their wedding to take place on Sunday or Saturday afternoon. This is due to the desire for the presence of all guests, since this time is considered officially non-working. Some weddings also take place on regular weekdays, but this is extremely rare. In 1996, in connection with this, prices for using “yesikjang” on weekdays were reduced by 50%. Prices for this, as for many other things, are controlled by the state.
As in many countries, before the wedding, the bride visits the hairdresser and puts on Wedding Dress. In the 50s in Korea, luxurious white dresses came into fashion and became an almost obligatory part of the wedding ritual. Most brides sew dresses to order. The groom wears an expensive suit or even a tailcoat to the wedding. A tailcoat is usually rented, since it may not be useful in the future.
Before the wedding, guests begin to gather in a special hall, which is located in Yesikzhang in advance. There is a special “waiting room” for the bride and her friends. And all the men are waiting for the wedding to begin at the entrance, exchanging greetings. The parents of the bride and groom are also there, who also greet the arriving guests.
There are a huge number of guests at a Korean wedding. Relatives, both close and distant, are invited to the wedding, a huge number of friends, former colleagues, co-workers, etc. On average, there are several hundred, and in some cases several thousand, guests at a Korean wedding.
A wedding is expensive, but not as much as it might seem. The custom that instructs all invitees to bring envelopes with money to the wedding, which are given to the newlyweds as gifts, helps to reduce the burden of expenses. “Things” gifts are almost never given at Korean weddings. The amounts given to young people can be completely different, but in most cases the envelope contains several tens of thousands of won (10 thousand won - approximately 8 dollars). Immediately upon arrival at esikjang, guests place envelopes with money on a tray placed at the entrance to the hall and sign on a special list. By tradition, all envelopes must be labeled, so that the hosts always know how generous this or that guest was.
The newlyweds appear about half an hour before the ceremony begins. First, the bride goes to the “waiting room”, where she gets herself in order.
Before coming to Yesikzhang, young people go to some local park, where they do memorable photographs in the fresh air. The newlyweds are photographed throughout the day and evening. Every Korean family has a wedding album. Video operators are also often invited along with photographers.
When there are a few minutes left before the ceremony begins, guests enter the hall and sit down on chairs. Guests from the groom's side sit on the left side of the aisle, and those invited from the bride's side sit on the right. After this, the marriage begins. The first to enter the hall are the mother of the groom and the mother of the bride. They approach the dais located at the far end of the hall, on which, in fact, the entire ritual will take place, and light the candles installed there. After this, they bow to each other, to the guests, and sit in their places of honor in the front row.
Then the groom enters the hall. Behind him appears the bride, led by the hand by her father or one of the older male relatives. According to an ancient tradition, the bride should not raise her eyes when she passes through the hall. She walks through the hall with her head bowed low and her eyes downcast, with her whole appearance depicting meekness, which in ancient Confucian times was considered the main dignity of a Korean woman. Accompanied by her father, the bride approaches the groom, after which the groom greets his future father-in-law and takes the bride's hand. At this time, the music of “Wedding March” by Wagner sounds.
After this, the ritual director approaches the young people - a figure who plays a very important role in wedding ceremony. Usually, some respected person who occupies a decent position in society is invited to this role. This could be a major businessman, politician, professor, doctor, etc. Often this person becomes the most successful of the newlyweds' acquaintances. In addition to him, the leader also takes part in the ceremony, who must represent the main characters and give the necessary orders. The host is usually one of the groom's friends.
After the bride and groom rise to a small podium, the manager addresses them and the guests with a short speech, which on average lasts no more than 5 minutes. This speech is one of the main moments of the celebration. The manager invites the young people to take an oath to each other for a long time, happy life which they will live in love and harmony. Young people express their consent with a short monosyllabic “E” (“Yes”). And after that they are declared husband and wife. In the rest of the speech, the manager praises the newlyweds, talks about the merits of the bride and groom, and wishes them happiness in their beginning family life.
After this, the young people begin to greet the guests. They stand next to each other and greet the parents of the bride with a deep bow, then the parents of the groom, and then all the guests present. After this, the newlyweds leave the hall to Mendelssohn's wedding march. This concludes the official part of the celebration.
At the exit of the hall they start taking pictures again. The first photo is taken with the ritual director, the second - with the parents, the subsequent ones - with relatives, friends and others.
After the official part, all guests go to the gala evening. It is usually held in a restaurant where guests are treated to various treats. The young people are not present at the banquet. After it begins, they go to a special room “pyebeksil”, in which the newlyweds greet their parents and husband’s relatives, who have specially gathered there. For this ceremony, the bride and groom dress in traditional Korean costumes. There is also a table with refreshments in the room, the obligatory element of which is jujube fruits.
The newlyweds, in turn, in order of seniority, approach each of the relatives and, having made a traditional bow in front of him, treat him with alcohol. The greeting begins with the groom's parents, before whom it is necessary to make two bows to the ground and one bow from the waist. Other older relatives are greeted with one bow to the ground and one bow.
In response to the bride's greeting, the guest gives her money, which then goes towards the newlyweds' honeymoon. An ancient custom is also now widespread when the groom’s parents throw jujub into the bride’s skirt. This is a symbol of male offspring, which expresses the desire to have more sons. You can also find another custom: the groom puts the jujub fruit in the bride’s mouth, and then they drink a glass together.
After meeting with the husband's relatives, the newlyweds usually head to the banquet hall where they celebrate. Immediately after the wedding, the newlyweds go on their honeymoon.
I’ll tell you right away what the names of the bride and groom were - I don’t know, I think we saw them for the first and last time in our lives. Kostya was invited to the wedding by his colleague, whose name he does not remember. So this colleague was marrying off his daughter.
All week I asked my friends about the rules of conduct, the amount of the gift, etc.
On Saturday we dressed in everything clean, clutched an envelope in our sweaty palms and went to the Wedding Hall at 11 am.
The wedding is a mix of Korean traditions with American influences. A crowd of 200-300 people arrives at the appointed time to the building where the ceremony is taking place. There are 2 tables in the foyer, one for envelope collectors on the groom's side, and the other on the bride's side. Relatives give about 100,000W ($100), while we give -50,000W. Everyone writes down in the ledger, who brought and how much. In exchange, they give you a coupon to enter the buffet.
There are also ready-made wedding photographs in the foyer (this is how we met the newlyweds). No photos with the monument to the fallen cosmonauts and the tank that stopped the Germans near Novopupyrinsk. Only studio photos taken on the eve of the ceremony.
By the way, it is also not customary to give flowers. In front of the entrance there are wreaths of fresh flowers, very similar to funeral ones (seen in the photo above).
Exactly at 11.00 the ceremony began.
Moms in national dresses(hanbok) bowed to the floor to guests and/or newlyweds. Dad walked the bride down the aisle and handed him over to the groom on the podium at the podium, behind which a little man was already standing. He plays the same role as the aunts in their curtained dresses in Russian registry offices “A new unit of society is being created...”. Only ours with all the kissing and exchanging rings chattered for about 15 minutes, but this one talked for 20-25 minutes. No one kisses or exchanges rings. To avoid boredom, a light beam is directed at the newlyweds, which changes color. Thus, the bride’s dress is sometimes blue, sometimes yellow, sometimes pink.
The bride's dress is a different story altogether. There was a complete feeling that she had just jumped with a parachute and, just in case, opened a spare one. There was a specially trained minister of worship who helped the bride turn around and walk in the literal sense of the word.
Instead of exchanging rings, the newlyweds bow to their parents, and the young man falls prostrate in a frog pose, as is customary, at which point the bride’s mother cries. In general, they bow a lot.
Then they rolled out the cake. They blew out a candle in front of the groom's parents and cut the top piece in half. I still didn’t understand if anyone ate the cake, because... he was immediately driven away.
After the dessert, some young guys ran up and sang a song, I think they were friends (all in the colored rays of a spotlight).
It should be mentioned that I am a zagsophobe or a wedding phobe. I still think that Kostya lured me into the registry office by deception. Every time in such places I faint, get cold, sweat, blush, turn pale, go crazy and mentally collapse behind the white piano. And why the hell took me to these galleys...
I thought I would catch the ethnic flavor, but I ended up in an even more terrible factory of formalities than the Russian registry office. I freaked out so much that Kostya refused to participate in such events with me.
Experienced Koreans do not watch this entire ceremony, but immediately after handing over the money they go to the buffet.
Behind the wall from the ceremonial hall there is a traditional Korean buffet or buffet in Russian, where the tables are laden with food. What is there...5 types of shrimp, sushi, sashimi, salmon, duck rolls, pork, beef, vegetables, fruits, noodles, dumplings (mantu), pastries... i.e. We recovered $50. You can get drunk, but for drinks there were 2 bottles of cola, Sprite, and local beer on the table. I ate and said goodbye. No fighting, no dancing, no newlyweds themselves.