We asked three Ukrainian women who are married to foreigners: a Spaniard, an American and a Mexican, how they met, got married, what is the difference between mentalities, and what advice they would give to girls who are in love with foreigners.
Marie and Angel (Spain)
I met my husband in Thailand, where I had been living and working for two years at that time. Angel was in Bangkok for the weekend. We met on Tinder, which is a popular dating method for expats in Thailand.
Enough a big problem for European girls to find a partner living in Southeast Asia: Europeans and Americans who live there are fixated on Asian women and are rarely interested in Western girls.
On Angel's part, it was love at first sight. I really liked him too, but I didn’t build any castles in the air, considering that he lives in the Emirates and I live in Thailand.
When we first met, he postponed his flight twice, although I immediately hinted opaquely that if he expected to spend the night with me, then this would not happen. He stayed anyway, and we talked with him for probably 6 hours. From that evening we did not stop corresponding, and he flew to Bangkok at the first slightest opportunity.
After a couple of months, it became clear that this relationship was long-term and serious.
He met my parents two months after our first meeting: he flew to Ukraine while I was on vacation. And four years later I flew to Spain with him.
I never set myself the goal of marrying a foreigner. Ironically, I am like a lawyer for a long time advised women who wanted to go abroad, warned them about the risks of human trafficking. I had a lot of things to do when I helped our citizens take care of children in marriages with foreigners.
We celebrated New Year's holidays with our parents, first with his, then with mine. Both mothers were very interested in how our relationship would develop further. I said that I was ready to move to the Emirates, and my husband assured my parents that this would happen once the relationship was formalized.
There was no question of a big wedding; it was immediately clear: I am a very sociable person, I really have a lot of friends and their geography extends to the whole world. Since I am a believer, church marriage is very important to me. Angel supported me in this. Since I go to church and am more religious, we decided to get married according to the Orthodox rite. That’s why there were two weddings: in Spain and Ukraine.
In Spain there was a civil ceremony, in Ukraine there was a wedding.
In Spain everything was complicated with documents. When Angel went to apply (it was early February), he was given a date to submit documents in June.
The procedure there is this: first you submit an application that you want to get married, they give a date for submitting documents. Both must appear on the appointed date. Next is an interview with the couple and the witness. Then the documents are sent to the court where a decision is made. If in doubt, you may be called in for an additional interview. And if there is permission from the court, the documents are sent to the mayor's office, where we want to get married.
We were in a hurry, my father-in-law was seriously ill, and we really wanted him to be present at this event. They moved the date for us, but they didn’t have time: my father-in-law died. I was thinking about postponing the wedding, according to our traditions. But his family unanimously trumpeted that this was out of the question. That dad really wanted this, that the news that Angel met me, that we would get married, extended his life and that we simply had to get married.
In general, we submitted the documents. My mother-in-law was our witness. And this played a very important role in the mayor's office. They didn’t even ask us any questions: they accepted the documents and wrote a note that permission should be given quickly.
The ceremony took place in the castle. Afterwards there was a festive lunch with family and friends. The tradition is different from ours: there were only four toasts. The groom, my parents, his family, and me. We celebrated our wedding in Toledo, and after dinner the guests went to the city center, and we stayed at the hotel to watch the beautiful sunset over the city.
In Ukraine, the first day was in a restaurant with a host, and the second outside the city in Ukrainian traditions and embroidered shirts.
My husband and his family admitted that it was the first time they had attended a wedding with a host, this is one of the differences between the weddings and ours. By the way, I advise girls who have decided to marry foreigners: choose a bilingual host, and not a vulgar one.
I would like to advise girls to get married only if the relationship is sincere. Without this nothing will happen! As a lawyer, I can’t help but advise you to learn the laws of another country and know your rights.
Christina and Pablo (USA)
My future husband is from the capital of California, Sacramento. Last year he traveled around Europe for 9 months and at the end of August he met me at McDonald's on Khreshchatyk. I just wanted to learn English and so I got involved in all the conversations. So I helped him buy a cappuccino, as a result of which he stayed in Kyiv for a whole month.
Then he went back to the USA, and we talked on the phone for 4 months every day, morning and evening. Finally, he came here in the spring, brought his car and married me.
He jokes that it was a marriage of convenience: he always wanted to move to Europe, and here I am. I also believe that there is nothing stronger than love, cemented by circumstances.
We got married quickly, in a document service. Then we went to a bar with friends, and that was it.
People ask us when we will go to live in California, but we are doing well here too. I'm a PR person. What will I do in the USA? He now gets a job as an English teacher.
Pablo really likes Ukraine; he emphasizes that those who call it a third world country have apparently not been to Mexico or Colombia. Kyiv is clean, there are many parks, it’s safe to walk the streets. And compared to California, he likes that it’s cool here. It's just amazing how much we have beautiful women and ugly men. He says an American woman wouldn’t even look at our men.
Julia and Jose Luis (Mexico)
I just moved to the Dominican Republic, got a job at a hotel where Jose Luis was the project director, and he hired me as a sales manager. He says he fell in love with me at first sight and began to show me signs of attention. At first I didn’t take it all seriously, but his love for me eventually interested me: I began to take a closer look at him.
Financial difficulties have arrived. I worked at a hotel and did the best job, but the salary was small, they promised high interest rates, but at least I could live in all inclusive. However, I didn’t know how long I would stay at this job, and in another city - in the capital, I rented a house in advance, where my sister was supposed to move in 2 months. Jose Luis helped pay for the apartment as an advance on my salary, it was very manly. I considered this a serious act.
He proved his love for me with every action. And one day he got sick, I looked after him, took care of him. He was surprised that beautiful girl can also be so responsive. Within a month of our relationship, he realized that I was his destiny and proposed.
We lived and worked at an all inclusive hotel in the Dominican Republic. But six months later they moved to his hometown of Cancun (Mexico), where he had to start everything from scratch - look for a job, housing, a car. At first we lived on our shared savings, I constantly worked as a freelancer, but then Jose Luis found a job, and it became easier. Now we rent a large house, in which I always try to maintain order and comfort.
When we were planning the wedding, I lost a lot of nerve cells. We decided to get married in Mexico. I didn’t know anything here at all, it was hard to organize a dream wedding on the Caribbean coast. It’s good that the future mother-in-law told Jose Luis: “This is the main day of her life, let everything be the way she wants.” The dress had to be brought from Ukraine: everything is very expensive there. Even for rent. The agency didn’t even particularly understand what kind of celebration I wanted: catering on the seashore was for exactly six hours, and they provided me with a menu... of two courses. When I asked what the guests would eat, they told me that there would also be cake.
Friends and relatives were not able to come so far to the wedding. There was only a sister who moved here. Of course, it was a little sad, but we celebrated well: all 6 hours of the official part, and then we went for a walk on the beach with his friends.
Jose Luis came to Ukraine, even visited the vegetable garden - he passed this exam from my mother with excellent marks!
He says that the people here are kind, sympathetic, and this makes them look like Latin Americans. But there is a difference, of course. Their families are more united, everyone has fun together. And they eat less. You come to visit: they will offer you something to drink, but they don’t spend time at the table like we do. In general, it is advisable to bring your own drinks even on a birthday, and a gift is not at all necessary, the main thing is that you took the time and came to congratulate the birthday person.
In general, the difference in mentality will not interfere if there is sincere and true love between you!
The editors of “The One and Only” sincerely wish every girl happiness with her loved ones. regardless of kilometers and distances!
Marrying a foreigner... For some it is a dream, for some it is an obsession, for some it is a reality, and for others it cringes from memories of a negative family experience with a foreigner... As many people as they say, so many opinions .
We found three of our compatriots, for whom true love transcends borders, nationalities and religions. Today, on Valentine's Day, they share their love stories and reveal the secrets of family happiness.
We asked the heroines to tell the story of how they met their future husbands. Answer the question why they chose a foreigner as their spouse. How difficult is it to understand a person who grew up in another country in a given situation? And what do they consider the main ingredient for a happy family relationship?
But we have prepared a more difficult task for their foreign husbands. Using the example of their wives, they were asked to draw an image of a modern Belarusian woman, indicating her strengths and weaknesses. And also answer more tricky questions. For example, how do they cope with their main task - to make a woman happy? Should she work, or is it preferable for a wife to live “behind her husband”? And what, in their opinion, is the strength of a woman?
Veronica Radlinskaya-Attar and Ibrahim Attar (Syrian):
Together 5.5 years, married 1.5 yearsVeronica:
– We met by chance, in the company of friends. Every evening Ibrahim invited me to go for a walk. I just moved to the Emirates and have not yet made friends. From the first day, for some reason Ibrahim decided that I was... hungry. For each date, I prepared a new Syrian dish and took it with me. Thus, through the stomach, he made his way to my heart, and not vice versa. Now it is very rare to see my husband in the kitchen, with the exception of the holy month of Ramadan, when during fasting it is necessary to serve special “light” Arabic dishes to the table. Over time, I understood why it was so important for Ibrahimushka to feed me. In Arab culture, when meeting close people, it is customary to ask the question: “What did you eat today?” This has a deep meaning - caring for a person you care about.
Thanks to my parents, since childhood I have had the opportunity to travel and communicate with people of different nationalities and cultures. When I entered the Moscow State Linguistic University, I specifically chose the Faculty of Intercultural Communications (this area was close and interesting to me), and the Turkish language - because I wanted to touch the East. I admit, I was always drawn there. Perhaps my grandfather’s Tatar blood played a role... After meeting Ibrahim, I had the opportunity to become more closely acquainted with Syrian culture - I still discover something new every day.
For almost 6 years life together I realized that a happy family is not fate or luck, but the constant, deep, inner work of two loving people.
We are united by love and plans for the future. Whatever we dream of: to go on a trip, to give birth to a child, to build a house, and to open our own business! By the way, most of the plans have already been implemented. It seems to me that as long as we have common dreams, hobbies and love, we will strong family where everything will always work out.
I think the “cementing” elements in our family are trust and harmony.
Ibrahim:
– I was born and raised in the city of Aleppo, in a traditional Arab family. I have 4 brothers and a very strict father, so I never thought that I would fall in love with a woman of a different nationality... But I met a very kind girl, there are no such people anymore. My Vero is not like everyone else, this is her uniqueness, that’s why I love her.
It is very difficult to paint an image of a Belarusian woman, even though I know many Belarusian women. They are all different and not like my Vero. Therefore, I can simply say how kind, caring, gentle, sensitive and loving she is, very smart and purposeful. And most importantly - wise. How she knows how to rejoice from the bottom of her heart, even over the little things! I try to be attentive to her, make surprises, despite being busy at work. In general, I realized that a woman’s happiness is not only in gifts and signs of attention, but also in making sure she knows what an important place she occupies in a man’s life.
Your women manage to run a business, support their family financially, please their husbands, and raise children. In Arab culture, women do not work at all. For example, my mother is a housewife, although she has a higher education. Vero knows that he can quit his job at any time. As long as she enjoys it, I don’t mind, however, I think with the advent of children everything may change. However, you need to take into account that my woman is from Belarus, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she copes with any task. And at the same time, I will say with confidence: my wife is FOR her husband. We implement all our joint ideas ourselves, live for our own pleasure and make plans for the future.
The strength of my Vero is love, devotion, care and faith in me. It is possible for me to always feel strong and unique. And also in wisdom and good upbringing.
Evgenia and David O‘Nile (British of Scottish descent):
Together for 3 years, married for 1 year, Evgenia has a 10-year-old son from her first marriage Evgeniya:
– We met through Tinder, a dating application. David turned out to be my neighbor. Initially, he seemed very boring to me, but he persistently pursued me.
Since I am a translator by training, we had no problems with communication. But it took about a year to finally understand and get used to national characteristics each other. There were quarrels, but, as they say, love will pass any test.
How can I understand a person who grew up in a different culture and sees life a little differently? Thanks to mutual respect and common goals, as well as life and family values, which coincide 100% with us. Otherwise we are absolute opposites.
The main ingredient of family happiness is listening and hearing each other. Don't forget to surprise and delight. And also be proud of each other and support each other in your endeavors.
David:
– I fell in love with Zhenya not for her nationality. By and large, it doesn’t matter to me what nationality she is. I fell in love with her human qualities, and, of course, Zhenya is very beautiful.
Considering what I know from her about Belarusians, my wife is not a typical Belarusian woman. Although, for example, she is a real owner and loves when all my attention and time are directed to her. What I like about Zhenya is that she is a very confident person. The wife has a strong character, and even strangers feel it. And only I know that in her soul Zhenya is sensitive and vulnerable. She is devoted to her family and loved ones, and will do everything possible and impossible to make us happy.
I am a homebody, but Zhenya, on the contrary, loves companies and parties. But over time, we found a compromise, and now she prefers a movie with a friend or just a quiet family dinner to a club get-together. We have 2 dogs, we call them “our children”, Zhenya is simply obsessed with them. I love watching her enjoy interacting with animals. Well, as for the little things... I know that my wife’s favorite flowers are lilies, so we practically never run out of them in our house. I'm monitoring this carefully.
Zhenya loves to cook, although I am very picky about food and sometimes it annoys her. We are workaholics, we spend almost the whole day at work, and I don’t demand anything from Zhenya - maybe because I grew up in a country where a woman does not have the responsibility of cooking and looking after the house. It’s not my place to tell my wife what she should or shouldn’t do. I call her “my queen” and treat her as such. Zhenya hates ironing - this is solely my responsibility. Like washing dogs. Otherwise, in our family, all labor is divided equally.
Zhenya loves her job very much and strives to build a wonderful career. I support her in every possible way. But she, too, is always and in everything my support and comrade.
Men will never fully understand women. Women in general, in my opinion, are much more “advanced” than men; they have the gift of controlling us. I am very lucky to have a wife who not only loves me, but supports me in everything.
Julia and Roger van Zeventer (Dutch):
Together 2.5 years, married 2 years, daughter Zoe Noel Julia:
– We met on the recommendation of a mutual friend. I then lived in the Kingdom of Bahrain, worked at an airline, and my husband had already moved to Dubai at that time. After 2 weeks of communicating on the Internet, Roger flew to Bahrain for a party of our mutual friends, where we met “in real life”.
The most surprising thing was that Rogic also lived in Bahrain for 6 years. We lived in neighboring houses, went to the same supermarket, we have mutual friends and acquaintances, we attended the same social events, even took photographs for the same magazine (as a hobby) - and in 6 years we never met! Somehow fate brought us together when he was already living in another country. And despite the distance (1 hour by plane Bahrain - Dubai), we managed to build a relationship... This is definitely Fate! I never had a goal to marry a foreigner or leave Belarus at all. When I flew to work under a contract in Bahrain, I was sure that it would only be for a few years.
My husband is Real love, with a capital letter. When we first met, it felt like we had known each other for 10 years. Common interests, similar goals in life, complete mutual understanding - even the same jokes! And on the second date, he proposed getting married.
Now Rogic has already learned all my traditions and holidays. And I am studying the Dutch language, culture and already feel like I belong in Holland. Our daughter is growing up in a small international family! We best friends, and it doesn’t matter who comes from where – we communicate in one common language of mutual understanding.
What brings our family together? Love. Friendship. Shared dreams and, of course, our little miracle - our daughter.
Universal ingredient happy relationship I don't know. It's very individual. I can say what really works in our relationship is patience. In all its manifestations. Patience with each other, the ability and desire to hear your partner. And the rest will follow... As my parents say: “You need to be able to be a diplomat, first of all, in your own family.”
Roger:
– When I saw Yulia in one of the restaurants in the Kingdom of Bahrain, where she came to meet our mutual friends, she was wearing a bright yellow dress in the style of the 60s, she was so irresistible that that evening I could not take my eyes off. And after two dates I realized that she is exactly the woman with whom I would like to connect my life and have children. Julia captivated me with her grace and smile. And now I am absolutely sure: it’s fortunate that she is Belarusian. Still, culture leaves its mark.
Julia is a strong, independent person, with an extraordinary will, and always achieves her goals. It seems to me that most women in Belarus are just like that - intelligent, self-sufficient and always developing. It's never boring with people like that. Yulia has a good education. We are 11 years apart, but I never cease to be amazed at how versatile she is and has knowledge of literally everything. I study with her every day and I want our daughter to be like her mother in everything.
My wife loves to cook and every time she proudly presents new Belarusian dishes (usually using large quantity mayonnaise). In general, we found a lot in common in the cuisines of Holland and Belarus: for example, herring with onions and pickled cucumbers, pea soup. Our cultures are similar in many ways, although they differ in many ways.
As for weaknesses, it seems to me that there are none. Although, I probably could blame my wife for always trying to solve problems herself and refusing any help. I would like her to relax sometimes and... stay behind my back.
At the moment, Yulia is on maternity leave, taking care of her daughter and home. But along the way, she devotes a lot of time to developing our family photography business. I work every day, from Sunday to Thursday, sometimes on weekends - at photo sessions organized by Yulia. But most often on the weekend I unload my wife, give her a break, take care of my daughter and household chores. In the morning, I take the baby to the first floor (we have a two-story house) so that Yulenka can sleep longer, and then I wake her up with breakfast in bed.
There are many working mothers in Holland. There, even fathers stay at home to look after their children while mothers are at work. I think a woman needs to work, part-time or full-time, so she remains socially active and builds her career. And setting up a family home is equally the responsibility of two people, husband and wife.
The best characteristics of a woman, in my opinion, are self-respect, a sense of humor, honesty, kindness towards others and, most importantly, towards herself.
Svetlana KOVALCHUK and Julia van ZEVENTER
Sometimes the thread of fate weaves incredible patterns. My friend, an actress, met her future husband on tour in another country. The young man came to the performance quite by accident, for company, saw the girl of his dreams on stage, and went to buy flowers during intermission. And now they have been living together for 10 years and raising two children.
Such stories inspire and give hope that “your” person will definitely wait for you. Life will dance such a dance that you will find yourself nearby in the most amazing circumstances. You can live in different countries ah, speak different languages, celebrate different holidays, love different foods. And all this will be completely unimportant in a happy marriage.
We talked with four girls who married foreigners about the peculiarities of international marriage.
Galina, married to a German:“We lived on Skype for a year and a half”
Dating history
We met Bengt in Kaluga, where he came on a business trip. We talked for a long time and laughed. It turned out that we were born in the same year, one month, with a difference of 4 days. Both studied economics and love snowboarding and similar music. He was surprised that I have a German surname and my relatives live in Germany 100 kilometers from his city.
Bengt immediately struck me with his openness and crazy energy. He immediately became friends with my three-year-old son. A week later, Bengt flew to Germany, and our life began on Skype and in letters. Every evening we turned on Skype and simply lived like ordinary people: we talked, cooked food, had dinner together, drank tea, watched a movie. We met once every 2-3 months, and it was already unbearable to part.
A year and a half later, Bengt received a contract to work in Kaluga, and we began to live together, he began to learn Russian. Six months before the end of the Russian contract, we began to prepare documents and collect certificates to get married. There were many difficulties, because... This is not the first marriage for both of us, and besides, I also had a child from my first marriage, and I needed my father’s permission to travel abroad. I had to take a German exam at the embassy. But we overcame all the difficulties, got married in Russia in January 2014, and left for Germany in June. In September of the same year, our daughter was born.
The language of communication
I had a very serious language barrier regarding German. I only started speaking more or less German with my husband a couple of years ago. It was easier with friends and strangers, but with my husband I switched to English all the time. My teacher laughed that I have a living native speaker of pure German at home who speaks as if from a book (we live near Hannover, here they speak Hoch-Deutsch without a dialect), but I don’t communicate with him in German and pay money to teachers.
Now there are three languages spoken in our family. I speak Russian to children to preserve the language; My husband and I still often speak English and, when we are all together, we speak German.
Difference of mentalities
There are no problems in everyday life. The main part of the household responsibilities lies with me (it’s more convenient for us), and Bengt buys groceries, carries bags, basins with laundry, and if you need help, he can cook something. We are like one team in everything. If someone needs help or doesn’t have enough time for everyday life due to work, then someone else is ready to help.
In Germany, the difference in mentality between German and Russian men is very noticeable. German men from the very beginning they perceive a woman as an equal partner. They, along with the woman, are involved in raising children, go for walks with them, take them with them to meetings with other dads and children. At the beginning of our relationship, it was not always clear to me why, if I needed help, and Bengt knew it, he did not offer it? We were taught that “a man should always and is obliged.”
And he was taught that you cannot offer help unless asked, otherwise the woman may be offended that she is considered worthless, saying that she cannot cope on her own.
When I realized this, I simply learned to ask for help and generally talk about my desires, and it became much easier for both of us to understand each other. German women may indeed be offended by offers of help. This was also a kind of discovery for me.
Which cliché about the Germans turned out to be a myth?
- German punctuality. Many friends and acquaintances may be late by half an hour or an hour. And we always come to the minute and joke that we are the only Germans here!
- Ugly, unkempt german women- also nonsense. Many people just wear comfortable clothes and shoes, can go out during the day without makeup. Dress up for special occasions or going out.
- The Germans are cold and closed - also pass by! They may not open up right away, but they are very open and friendly and help each other a lot.
Which German tricks turned out to be true?
- German pedantry, attitude to quality, work and law-abidingness.
- Even the president himself can invite you to a reception, but if you go to work tomorrow, no one will be offended that the guest does not drink and is going to leave early. “Ich muss arbeiten” is a great German spell against late night gatherings and alcohol.
- No one hammers children with the responsibility of getting good grades and staying up all night studying. But children learn very well what will happen if they do not study well. Children are shown beautiful houses, cars, pictures of different countries, and they explain that if you try now, then later you will be able to afford it all. And the assessment is only an indicator of whether you are working enough or whether you need to work out more. From childhood we are taught to treat any work with respect.
Natalya, married to a Japanese man:“My husband will never eat ugly food.”
Dating history
I met my future husband while visiting my Madagascar friend, with whom I studied German. Shinichi is a highly qualified simultaneous German-Japanese translator. When we started dating, he showed me the city, museums, libraries. We traveled all around Munich on a motorcycle. I immediately liked that we look at the world the same way, love travel, music, art and good cuisine.
My husband loves to cook. He constantly pampers us with Japanese, Mediterranean and sometimes Spanish cuisine. She bakes a variety of breads and follows a healthy diet. My husband's second great passion is sports. He was very surprised when I told him that I couldn’t swim, ride a bike or ski.
Difference of mentalities
It was not easy for us at the beginning, and even now sometimes misunderstandings arise, although we have been together since 1997. Then I tell myself - you can speak the same language with a person and still not understand each other. And most often I am the first to compromise.
Beauty is highly valued in Japan. Even in the most remote small village, the cafe will serve you very beautifully presented dishes. My husband will never eat food that doesn't look good on his plate. But our compatriots often don’t care what the dish looks like. I needed to get used to this nuance.
Our wedding was in Latvia, because on this happy day I wanted to see my family and friends and introduce my husband to them. And the next year we flew to Japan, where I was very warmly welcomed into my husband’s family. We often visit Japan, and my children and I really like it there.
We are cosmopolitan, our family has many family traditions from different cultures. For example, on New Year I always cook a new dish. There are so many different dishes in the world, I’m not interested in cooking every year. This year, for example, on New Year's Eve we ate the Japanese dish udon (long spaghetti in soup), which symbolizes longevity. And by the way, my husband makes his own spaghetti!
We celebrate Catholic Christmas and Easter. We celebrated American holidays when my mother lived in Munich with her American husband.
Our family tradition can be called active sports. Both Shinichi and the children are very athletic. My husband rides a racing bike, swims, and runs marathons. The son plays basketball and swimming, and the daughter does. For 4 years in a row (and this is another one of ours) family tradition) On December 31st we... no, we don’t go to the bathhouse, but take part in the Silvester Lauf New Year’s race, which takes place in Munich. My children and I run 5 kilometers, and my husband runs 10 kilometers.
Language of communication in the family
From the very beginning, we agreed that everyone would speak their own language; the children alternately heard German, Japanese and Russian speech. Of course, they do not speak all three languages equally. They were born in Germany, and German is their native language. They understand everything in Russian and Japanese, but do not speak very well. They also learn English and French at school.
Anna, married to a Frenchman:“My departure did not separate me from my family, but brought me closer”
Dating history
We met in 2012 in Kaluga. I knew French well and used it at work. Perhaps there were slight misunderstandings in the phraseological and slang field, but I would not call them a language barrier.
It was not scary to leave for France. It was scary to stay there. When I realized how serious everything was with him, I imagined what it would be like - friends, habits, family? Mom dear! But a year later, having received a marriage proposal, she wanted only one thing - to move in with him as soon as possible.
My friends and girlfriends, relatives often come to us, and he always welcomes everyone with open arms. I happy man in this regard, my departure not only did not separate me from my parents and friends, but thanks to Pascal, it even brought me closer.
Difference of mentalities
The fact that my husband and I are from different countries, from different cultures, of course, is felt. For example, it was difficult for me to get used to having lunch and dinner on a schedule. In France, if you haven’t had lunch before 1:30 p.m., then that’s it, you won’t find a seat anywhere, in any restaurant—everything is closed. Sometimes you want more open stores on Sunday. But these are rather external aspects of French life. And in everyday life, my husband and I have completed the puzzle. No disagreements. For example, I hate cleaning floors, so my husband cleans the floors. But I'm pretty good at mixing concrete, so we're building a pool together. My husband and I are very easy and comfortable together. But it was in everyday life that I had to learn everything from scratch. I didn’t have any special patterns of behavior in my family, because in my first marriage I got divorced almost immediately. And for my husband, our marriage is the first. Incl. We both created a life from scratch that was comfortable for both of us, and we both studied together.
I think it was difficult for my husband to get used to the fact that I had to have sausage on my bread in the morning and not jam, but he seemed to cope with it courageously.
The most important advantage of my husband for me is that he is a real man. This is exactly the one they write about: he will always understand, you can always come to an agreement with him, you can always count on him. It's always fun, warm and completely calm with him. What is incredibly important is that he shares all my crazy ideas. I've never met in my life ideal men, I didn’t even have a collective image of what an ideal man should be. And then Pascal appeared - and that’s it, I know for sure that he is a real man like this and no other, without questions, without doubts, without hesitation. But I don’t think this has anything to do with his nationality, he was just born that way, for me. I love him.
Anna, married to an Englishman:“We are reminded from the TV screen that we are on opposite sides of the barricades”
Dating history
Our dating story may seem banal, but only at first glance. After the divorce, I felt inspired, I wanted to freely communicate with whoever I wanted, travel wherever I wanted. I decided to find a pleasant companion on a dating site and at the same time learn English. There we met, and although marriage was not part of my plans, five months later Rhys proposed to me.
The language of communication
At the time of our acquaintance, I, one might say, did not know the language. Despite the fact that I had an A in English in my diploma. But if you have some basic knowledge + Google + a little patience, all this will give you good letters in English.
A personal meeting
For our first personal meeting, I bought a tour and completed all the documents. I was a little offended that Rhys didn't insist on at least partial compensation. I later realized that it simply never occurred to him how costly it was for me. After all, I had to go from Volgograd to Moscow to get a visa. In the UK, almost all documents are completed online and delivered home in finished form.
But in England the reception was royal! What captivated me when we met was that Rhys immediately began telling me about his children (he has three), about his father, who died a year before, and about his work. Surprisingly, he began to trust me from the very first letters. It was very different from what I had seen before. What I really like about him is how carefully he knows how to listen and remember some little things from our conversations, and then make unexpected surprises. For example, I just tell him a story, and a couple of days later he gives me exactly the flowers I told about. Or he sees my emerald ring and gives me matching earrings for Christmas.
He is not only so attentive to me, but also to my parents. As soon as my dad mentioned Manchester United, Rhys immediately booked a tour of the stadium (there is such a tour for football fans) and casually announced: tomorrow we are going to Manchester.
We are by no means millionaires, a typical middle class, but it is very nice when they hear you and want to give joy, and find opportunities for this.
Difference of mentalities
My first husband was Russian, my second husband was English. But I wouldn’t focus on nationality; all people are different. If my first marriage can be called a student’s, reckless and largely spontaneous, then it’s good to marry a man like my current husband by the age of 40, when you’ve already had your fill, done some stupid things and now you want cozy evenings, walks together in the park. If I had met him 15 years ago, I don’t think that this regularity would have suited my taste.
When I left for England, my parents were very worried, not so much because of me, but because of their granddaughter. Where am I taking her, to whom, what kind of person is my husband, can I trust him? But when he came to his own wedding (we got married in Volgograd, it was his first trip to Russia), he was so touching, like a big naive child. And everyone immediately loved him. My aunt even cried when Rhys left, and he still calls her anti Tamara (from the English aunt - aunt) and remembers her pies.
At home we don't watch the news together, especially if it's the BBC. Only from the screen we are constantly reminded that we are on opposite sides of the barricades. I just hate to hear nasty things about Russia, but he still watches the news channels because he’s used to it.
At first I had a difficult relationship with local food. In the first six months I gained 5 kilograms only because I ate the same thing that ordinary English people eat - fish and chips on Fridays, Full English breakfast, curry and takeaway pizza, sunday lunch - this such a traditional Sunday lunch that has remained virtually unchanged for centuries. It consists of huge portions of meat, two types of potatoes - mashed and fried in goose fat, steamed vegetables, and all this is topped with a thick powdered gravy. Then I told myself - stop! It took rice 50 years to get used to this kind of food, but I’m going to die so soon. And I began to gradually dilute the diet with ingredients that were familiar to me. You should have seen his eyes when, instead of traditional boiled carrots, I chopped tomatoes and cucumbers into a bowl. Over time, I found many familiar products in Baltic stores, even GOST condensed milk and green peas, familiar to us from childhood. My husband fell in love with Olivier and borscht, but he still can’t stand pickles and keeps trying to take my sauerkraut out onto the veranda, out into the cold, so that it doesn’t “stink” in the warmth.
I also remember how I forbade my husband to throw away our first Christmas tree; already on January 1st, in the morning, he began to remove the tinsel from it.
We don't visit Russia as often as we would like. Since we do not live in capital cities, the distances are very exhausting for my islander. Rhys enthusiastically tells his friends how huge Russia is, but the sight of the itinerary receipt makes him sick.
He likes Russian girls, especially their super ability to walk in high heels on broken asphalt.
He also knows the history of the Second World War well, unlike his compatriots, and understands the price my country paid for the peaceful sky above. We went to museums with him, he cried on Mamayev Kurgan. So big strong man, and there were tears in his eyes.
I immediately set a framework for myself - a week to find a worthy foreign candidate for a husband. The first thing I did was go online - “marry a foreigner.” One of the results in the search engine is the Fortunata marriage agency, which specializes in pimping Russian girls and guys from other countries and even romantic tours abroad. Exactly what is needed!
The agency is located on the outskirts of Moscow in a hotel complex. The owner of the company, Tatyana, meets me in a small office. From the very beginning I ask about guarantees of successful acquaintance.
Over the entire history of the agency - which is 15 years - more than 500 happy unions have been concluded. On the table and walls are photographs of couples that the newlyweds send to Tatyana. Certificates confirming the qualifications of a psychologist in family relationships proudly hang there. At the same time, Tatyana herself was married three times, and is now divorced.
“Foreigners love Russian girls. Unlike emancipated Europeans, a Russian girl is soft, pliable, homely, ready to love and start a family. Brown hair", light eyes, plump lips, a kind of Russian nesting doll - the ideal of any foreigner,"
It turns out that to meet a foreigner you can go on a romantic tour. Tatyana catches my surprised look and explains:
This great way mix business with pleasure! You are enjoying a vacation in another country and at the same time meeting nice men. During your week abroad, we invite you to meet five candidates. Italy, Germany, Bulgaria, Switzerland, France, Greece, Spain - you just need to choose the direction that interests you. The cost of tours varies depending on the country and the number of days of stay. So, for example, a week-long romantic tour to Bulgaria costs 1 thousand euros, to Western Europe a little more. This includes p birth and excursion program. There you will be accompanied by m managers are mostly Russian wives of foreigners who will show you all the interesting places in the country plus tell you what life is like in a foreign land.
Wherein The agency is not responsible for security, but only gives warnings and instructions. So, if something happens, according to the contract, the agency does not bear any responsibility.
There are also classic services marriage agency. Tatyana offered me two options. The full package for six months costs 50 thousand rubles. This includes a photo shoot, video recording, placement in the dating database and a full consultation for six months. The matchmaker promised assistance in writing a letter to potential suitors, as well as the services of a translator. However, it does not promise me 100% marriage, but it guarantees constant acquaintances with men. A cheaper option is a basic service for 15 thousand rubles without consultations and an interpreter.
Our difference from a typical dating site is that we ourselves are looking for a man according to your preferences. Together with you we will create a portrait ideal husband and during the term of the contract we will select candidates.
I was offered to immediately fill out the contract. I promised Tatyana to think about it, although I myself definitely decided that it was too expensive. It’s better to go abroad several times yourself or register on a free dating site. Which is what I did.
Meeting website
I chose the RussianDating website. According to statistics, the most users there are from the USA (6,734 people) and Turkey (4,313), followed by England (1,939), then Canada (924), Italy (920) and Germany (849).
After registering on the site, in less than a day I received more than 40 messages from men from different countries. A day later, the number of friend requests increased to 80 people. For convenience, I added several profiles to my favorites - men from Germany, Turkey, Italy, the USA and a Canadian resident living in Moscow.
Almost immediately I received a proposal for a meeting from a resident of Antalya named Corcovadoya.
“We should meet, unless, of course, you think I’m old. Do you have Schengen? I think we could meet for the first time in Europe,” a 35-year-old tall, brown-eyed brunette writes to me, judging by the description.
Having not received an answer from me within 20 minutes, he flared up: “It’s a pity that you ignored me, deciding that I was too old for you. Sorry for bothering you.”
The Europeans turned out to be less persistent. They were interested in my hobbies and told me about themselves. It turns out that most of them really want to start a family. At least that's what they say.
Russian women are close to me in mentality,” 30-year-old Diego, a programmer from Italy, explains his interest. - Russians have a realistic approach to life. I was dating a girl from St. Petersburg, we met during her vacation in Florence. Almost immediately after we met, we began to live with me in Pisa. She was cheerful and economical, I felt very at ease with her. But two years later we had a crisis in our relationship and we decided to separate. I visited her in Russia and I liked the warmth and simplicity of the Russian mentality. And now I’ve been looking for a girl on dating sites for six months now.
"Russian women just want to be happy, loved and enjoy everything that marriage can give them. Italian women are more interested in work and money. And besides, Russian women are truly beautiful!"
So, during a week of constant correspondence, I received an offer to meet from an Italian from Rimini and an expat from Canada living in Moscow (he suggested that we meet somewhere in a local bar after work).
I told my friend about my successes. As it turned out, she also had experience communicating with a foreigner on a dating site.
We met on the Internet,” Olga recalls. - A charming German, 10 years older than me. Daily correspondence and calls did their job - a year later we met in Stockholm and began to live together: either with me in Arkhangelsk, or with him in Mönchengladbach. For my sake, he then left his fiancée. But after four years relationship, my feelings faded away, and I invited him to break up (at that moment we were separated - each in his own country). As a result, he sent me a video from the forest, where he collected all my things, burned them and buried them with the words “I wish you will find your personal hell.”
To be honest, after such a story, the desire to continue correspondence disappeared. It's time for real life dating.
Speeddating
On a warm Saturday evening, I went to speeddating in English, held in a cafe in the center of Moscow, to look for a foreign husband.
At the entrance, I paid for a ticket in the amount of 1.5 thousand rubles, received a badge with my name and a participant’s card, where my sympathies were noted - with whom I would like to continue acquaintance. If likes coincide, the organizers send each other’s phone numbers for further communication.
The African American presenter sat me down at the table. There are 11 more Russian girls sitting at neighboring tables who want to meet foreigners.
You look quite young... Did your mother send you? - an elegant blonde in a leopard print dress asks me.
No, she came herself - I can’t say that I’m on an editorial assignment and am ready to run away.
“I tried almost everything, even registered on the dating site Tinder - to no avail,” my neighbor continues the conversation. - But today my mother brought me here, I’m already 27 years old, it’s time to get married!
In addition to desperate husband seekers, there are also those who simply spend their leisure time this way.
I am an English teacher, I am interested in practicing it with native speakers. Plus, it's a fun time! - says a woman about 35 years old.
There is a feeling that she is being disingenuous...
Finally, those for whom we all came here appear - 12 men sit down on the opposite side of the tables. According to the rules, 5 minutes are allotted for getting to know each other, then, at a signal, the men move to the next table, while the girls remain in their places.
“I came here just to have fun, I practically passed by,” says my first partner, who for some reason turned out to be Russian (I then took another look at the speeddating poster, which promised only expats).
It soon became clear that only four out of twelve were foreigners here, and the rest were Russians, like my first counterpart.
At the signal from the leader, the men changed places, and the dark-skinned Colombian Daniel stood in front of me.
You are very beautiful, just like your country. - Oh, these foreigners know how to win them over.
I love Russia very much; I have been working as a designer in Moscow for three years. I don’t plan to return to my homeland, I want to find a wife in Moscow,” Daniel says frankly. - Russian women are ideal wives: they think about family, children, housekeeping. Our women, like Europeans, think only about careers and money.
Daniel smiles warmly and I circle his name in a heart. The next person to sit next to me is a 45-year-old Frenchman who moved from Paris to Russia for work.
I work at a laminate manufacturing plant. I know French, Italian, German and English, but in Moscow there are few people I can talk to in them. Therefore, in order to meet a girl, you have to go to such events. I don’t like Paris, I would like to live with my Russian girlfriend in Russia.
The latest expat was Alex from the UK. Alex is an English teacher and has been living in Moscow for five years. A 27-year-old guy wants to practice his Russian language and is looking for a conversation partner, not a wife. Perhaps I was simply not his type, and a true English gentleman decided not to upset me.
I was never able to communicate with the fourth foreign guest; he left the establishment in the middle of the event.
At the end of the speed dating, I handed over my sympathy card to the host. The next morning, the organizers sent me the phone number of the Colombian Daniel. He liked me too. The first SMS came from him within a day...
So, after speeddating I have one potential husband. The obvious advantage of this method of dating is that you immediately see the person, and even five minutes is enough to understand whether you like him or not.
Public places
Another familiar “owner” of a foreign husband came up with an idea - you can easily meet a foreigner in bars, restaurants, and at exhibitions. The main thing is to choose the right place.
Jamie came from Canada to Russia for work,” Anna shares her memories. - When a mutual friend introduced us at a bar, he was so shy that he ran to the toilet! Throughout the week we saw him constantly, but just as friends. Jamie then flew to Canada for a month, but continued to write me letters. Afterwards he began to fly to me, we went on vacation to Spain together. He proposed a year and a half later. On December 31, he secretly flew to Russia and asked my parents for my hand in marriage. And then he called me to the bridge of lovers, where everywhere there were inscriptions “Anna, will you marry?”. The wedding took place in Russia.
Where can you meet an expat in Moscow? The foreigners I met on speeddating highlighted several favorite places.
I really love the Patriarch's Ponds, Tsaritsyno. Among the establishments, I like quiet cafes, like “Apartment 44”, “Marie Vann”y” and “Pushkina”, shares the Frenchman Michele.
I often go to Strelka on Red October - a meeting place for smart, interesting young people with whom you can talk in English, says Daniel from Colombia. - My favorite route is from the Tretyakov Gallery to Gorky Park.
I can relax in the old “Propaganda” in Kitay-Gorod, and next Saturday go to fashionable Soho. Moscow is beautiful in its contrast, why choose just one? - says Alex, a teacher from Britain.
One evening, while taking a break from my foreign acquaintances, I looked at my Instagram feed. Seeing a cute guy in the recommendations young man from Germany, I automatically liked one of the photos.
The German responded almost instantly and began actively writing to me. We started chatting cheerfully about all sorts of nonsense, and a little later it turned out that he was a hockey player for the German national team and had come to St. Petersburg for the World Hockey Championship.
Marcel is a handsome and cheerful athlete; he broke up with his girlfriend a couple of months ago. When I asked why he wrote to me, he replied that he had never been to Russia or talked to Russian girls, but when he saw my like, he could not restrain himself. Our communication lasts a week, and Marcel really hopes to meet, each time thanking Instagram for our acquaintance.
In general, to find interesting person, it is not necessary to buy expensive tours abroad or go on blind dates. Sometimes it's enough to just trust fate.
continue to publish stories from the “Marry a Foreigner” project, within the framework of which everyone could share their story with LADY readers. Of course, only if you are happily married to a foreigner who speaks a different language.Story Lyudmila:
— I’m 45 years old, I’ve been living in the south of France for more than seven years. I have adult daughter student She is finishing her last year at the Polytechnic Institute here. I was extremely lucky to meet a very educated and tactful person who came to Belarus for a while. Thanks to this acquaintance, I found a family again (after the divorce).
Moving to another country is always accompanied not only by joy, but also by great troubles. It is very difficult to change everything overnight. Support loving person very important - then it doesn’t matter where you move. Of course, France is a wonderful country! With rich history, culture, architecture, nature! To know it, I think, it takes many years.
The main thing in my life is taking care of my family. And it takes up all my time. Until the age of 15, my daughter studied in a regular Belarusian gymnasium. English language. Moving here must have been a disaster for her. She didn't know French, and at first it was very difficult. She adapted, however, quickly - it’s easier for children to do this. But at first we helped a lot with translations of school texts, for example. If she knows mathematics well, and it was easy, then subjects where you need to perceive a lot of text, such as literature, philosophy or history, were already more difficult.
I just learned French at school. I had a good teacher who gave us a grammar base. For that time she was very modern, she had been to Paris. I still remember her phrase, which was always heard in lessons: “Children, it’s worth earning a lot of money to spend it on travel!” For us children it was absolutely A New Look for life.
Have you ever felt embarrassed to speak French? Yes! But back in school days. Probably, the childhood fear of making a mistake in public had its place. But there is such a word “must”! If you don’t need it, then you don’t go anywhere, don’t meet people, don’t take any steps. Otherwise, you forget about everything and start talking. Even with mistakes, the more practice, the more effective the learning!
I speak French, but, of course, not like the French. For me, every day is a learning experience. Every day you remember a new word! My husband and I always argue about correspondences in translation. As he repeats, many wars began with incorrect translation, people simply did not understand each other correctly. There are meaningful French words that can only be expressed in Russian with a few words. And vice versa! However, I won’t give examples: I don’t accumulate them and immediately forget them, although this often happens in conversations. It happens that when I speak quickly, I use “overclocking” Russian word. I don’t immediately understand that it’s from another language.
I also insert French phrases and phrases into Russian. My husband shows interest in Russian, but is afraid to learn: it’s too difficult. At the same time, I am happy to get acquainted with Russian-language literature - Bulgakov, Dostoevsky, Ilf and Petrov, Akunin, Alexievich... This is just a small list of what I have read. Of course, in translations.
We have big family, which is scattered throughout France - a huge country, with territories even on the other side of the planet. We often visit relatives and children. In other words, we travel around France, discovering its hidden corners with their treasures and rich history. Traveling is the best way to help in the development and training of any person - from young to old. During our trips we communicate a lot with different people. And we often compare different parts of countries, the countries themselves, and human mentality. Truth, as we know, is known through comparison.
For example, we really like coming to Minsk. We love him! It’s a shame sometimes to hear from Belarusians that they are dissatisfied with their city, country... The French have a different view: after long-awaited trips for them, they happily return to France! And they always say: “It was good away, but in France it was even better.” I would like us, Belarusians, to have such an opinion about our homeland. It is sad that during the war our cities were almost completely destroyed, but, on the other hand, this made it possible to rebuild them, looking ahead to the future. The breadth and spaciousness of our capital cannot be compared with anything! These are big spaces! Parks! Wide streets and avenues! Everything is very modern! And very clean! Beautiful! Everything moves and develops. Over the course of several years, the city has changed for the better in many ways. This is not nostalgia, this is love for one’s hometown and country.
We never rule out the possibility of spending our entire holidays here, because we have family and friends here. What is especially pleasant: already at the airport you are greeted by friendly people. Young border guards speak foreign languages, including French!
Lyudmila and her husband Guy on vacation in Belarus Europeans note that the Slavs quickly grasp the language and learn to speak with virtually no accent. Although France itself is very large, there are several large regions that have their own languages and dialects. The French north and south already differ in pronunciation speed and phonetics, but there is also Provence and the Iberian region...
It is more difficult to understand not even foreigners, but local youth! When I communicate with them, for example, in a store, as a client with a seller, I often do not understand them. And they don't understand me. When I form a phrase, I have to repeat it, explain it on my fingers. Young people quickly break down the language, the structure of grammatical foundations... But when I listen to the speeches of politicians, I understand everything, because the phrases there are composed correctly.
In France, we are now experiencing the same trend with the language as in our country - people are becoming illiterate. This is a problem for the country, and the Ministry of Education, as in Belarus, experiments a lot with reforms, constantly changing something. Older people say that when applying for a job you can get the impression, even from a resume, that it simply contains errors.
If you want to learn a new language, it is best to have a native speaker nearby to listen and correct you. It is also important to decide who you are: an auditory or a visual learner - this way you will understand which channel of language perception will be optimal for you. The best method is to watch films in a foreign language with subtitles in the same language. For me, as an artist, it was important not just to hear a new word, but also to see how it is written. And, of course, you need to show interest in the history and culture of the country you are going to and whose language you are learning. In any case, this is necessary to obtain documents if you are going for permanent residence, but even if not, it looks like a show of respect for the country and the people with whom you communicate.
It's always nice to plunge into a completely different environment! Belarusians are different from the French, and that’s the beauty of it. My opinion: you need to preserve your identity, culture, and for this you need to study the history of the country.