"And I would like to especially say about children these days. We have many children who do not have parents, even with living parents. And how important it is that our people joyfully, with a special feeling of gratitude to God, accept orphans into their families, giving giving them not only shelter and education, but also giving them my love. "Do not prevent children from coming to Me", says the Lord (Matthew 19:14). And after all, this word, in a sense, should arm us all with an understanding of how significant children are in the eyes of God... I would like to make a request to everyone who can do important step in life, aimed at adopting children, supporting orphans - take this step. There should be no orphans in our country. Those who do not have parents should find them among kind, honest and sympathetic people."

Kirill, Patriarch of Moscow and All Rus'

Conversation with priest Alexander Gorovsky,
father of six children, including two adopted

- What should Orthodox Christians who want to take someone else’s child into their family be guided by?

Well, probably, first of all, the parable of the Last Judgment. The Lord said: “If you did not do a good deed for your neighbor, a needy person, then you did not do it for Me.” You can recall the following gospel words: And whoever accepts one such child in My name accepts Me(Matt. 18.5), just as you did it to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me.(Matt. 25:40). I think I'll take the baby out orphanage- this is a good deed. Accordingly, this good deed is done to Christ. Here it is necessary to shift the emphasis. A believer should do this not for his own sake, and not even for the sake of his child, but precisely for the sake of Christ. Then it will really benefit both this family and the child.

- Now the media talks a lot about orphanages, about disabled children abandoned by their parents. Some adults, succumbing to emotions, rush to the child welfare departments with the desire to help these children, but, as practice shows, they do not always calculate their strength.

Yes, there are many cases when children are returned. But now there is an additional temptation - money. The state is ready to significantly increase payments to adoptive parents. And a person, succumbing to temptation, can hide his true motives and intentions. Therefore, guardianship authorities must take the choice of adoptive families very seriously.

- Here is the situation: a believing family took in a child who not only had not heard anything about the Church, but was not even baptized. His parents have a good intention to get him into church as soon as possible. What is the right thing to do in this matter?

This is all very individual. Much depends on the parents, how churchgoing they are, how understanding they are. There are, unfortunately, people who consider themselves Orthodox and churchgoers, but in many matters of education in the faith they make very serious mistakes. And then, depending on what kind of child it is: maybe he will experience rejection if they put a lot of pressure on him. Of course, we must try to lead a person to God - for us this is an obvious fact. The Christian philosopher of the 2nd century Tertullian said that the human soul is Christian by nature, which means that it is natural for a person by nature to do good, to bear love - these are all normal human values. That is, Christianity and humanity are synonyms moral life. We must be guided by them when raising both our children and adopted ones.

- Perhaps adoptive parents should initially consult with a priest in such matters, and not just rely on their own strengths and experience?

Of course, you need to consult not only with a priest, but also go through special school foster parents - such schools are currently organized in all municipalities. My wife and I took this training. There, teachers and psychologists work with parents, ready to help at any moment and answer the most difficult question. We, despite the fact that we have four children of our own, have learned a lot of new and useful things for ourselves at this school. And this helps us a lot now in raising adopted children. After all, raising an adopted child has a lot of peculiarities and has its own difficulties, including in family relationships.

No matter how hard you try to treat your adopted children the same way as your own, it still won’t work out fully at first. Yours will be closer, dearer. This is a property of parental psychology. And educational sanctions will be applied to a natural child differently than to an adopted one. But when and to what extent he will become his own depends on each parent individually.

- What are your wishes as a clergyman to parents who are considering whether to take or not to take an adopted child?

Once in the center of Moscow I saw a huge poster on the street: “Parents, do not be afraid to take adopted children into your family.” This poster contained information that debunked myths about why children should not be adopted: supposedly they have bad heredity, they are all sick, etc. When I read this poster, I immediately decided for myself that I had to take it. Therefore, I also advise everyone - do not be afraid of horror stories. But, of course, this decision must be taken responsibly, I have already spoken about this. It is a shame for Russia to have such a huge number of orphanages. There should not be so many abandoned, useless children in such a huge country, with such a rich spiritual history!

Give your heart
Author: Irina Filippova
When problems with yours begin own child, his parents, feeling a blood connection with him, forgive him many things. When you take someone else’s child, then this connection - “flesh from flesh” - is not there, and when some critical situations arise, temptations appear, right up to the return of the child. Therefore, the step of adoption is very difficult, and priests who warn and instruct potential adoptive parents rely on precisely this experience

Adopted - native?
Author: Antonina Lazortseva
This conversation was started in the article by Archpriest Alexy Tyukov “Adopted child: what should I tell him?”
Today we present the director's advice rehabilitation center for children and teenagers "Rainbow" by Antonina Lazortseva.

Reproduction on the Internet is permitted only if there is an active link to the site "".
Reproduction of site materials in printed publications (books, press) is permitted only if the source and author of the publication are indicated.

Some believe that the absence of parents is a cross for a little man that he himself must carry through life. Or maybe this is the opportunity that the Lord gives us to do a good deed? Many believers want to understand how the church views adoption and what its position is on this issue.

Children need care and love

The Christian Church in Russia has always encouraged, and in our time approves, the adoption of a child who, for some reason, was left without the care of his parents. For a long time she did a lot of work with children and families who found themselves in difficult situations. But at the same time, it is absolutely clear that even in the most beautiful orphanage or boarding school, the baby will not receive the supply of love and warmth he needs. Only parents can give it, and it doesn’t matter whether they are real mom and dad or adoptive parents.

The Orthodox Church in our country takes care of more than ninety orphanages, which are located both on the territory of its dioceses and outside them. About one and a half thousand children are raised there, many of them disabled. The quality of education, accommodation, and level of care for children there is much higher than in state-owned institutions. And although this to some extent solves the issue of single children, they still need the love and care of their parents.

Adopting children is a blessing

His Holiness the Patriarch blesses the parents who decide to raise a child. He repeatedly called for taking children into his family if they were left orphans. That is, we can already understand how the church views adoption: it is blessed. Many clergy additionally explain that the child’s family will not be his biological mothers and fathers, but the parents who loved him, raised him, raised him. The Church does not have a double opinion on this matter, it claims that the adoption of a child is a good thing.

When adopting, it is preferable that children end up in families where there are both parents: mother and father. But it happens that married life has not worked out, but there is a financial opportunity to raise a child. And in this case, the church does not condemn, but welcomes such an undertaking.

I would like to remind you that we are provided with direct instructions from the Lord on what we should do, for it is said in the Gospel that the Lord took a child, placed him in the middle of the disciples, embraced him and said: “Whoever receives one of these children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me does not receive Me, but Him who sent Me" (Mark: 9; 37). That is, if a believer, an Orthodox Christian, decided to adopt a child, then he fulfilled the commandment of the Savior himself.

To give an orphan a home, to build a temple, says the people. The first case of child custody mentioned in the chronicle dates back to 879. Peasant, merchant, and noble families took the students under their wing. And these days, many fellow citizens are ready to shelter a child left without parents.

But time has left its mark on the morals of children and adults. The modern orphan bears little resemblance to the pious little one of the pre-revolutionary era. And adoptive parents are not always blameless. Therefore, the Russian Orthodox Church practices a balanced approach to this problem.

God allows you to choose

More than once on adoption forums I have come across the opinion that you cannot choose children as a product - according to certain parameters, hair and eye color, nationality, character and talents. Many emotionally stated that one must act according to the dictates of the heart, following the impulse. I saw the child and suddenly realized: this is mine! And then don’t let any obstacles stop you. But who knows, what if this meeting is not from God, but from his eternal opponent? I know this story.

In a neighboring village lived a priest and his mother. Both are over thirty. Nice, educated, childless. The absence of children apparently weighed on my mother, and she took a girl from a dysfunctional family under her wing. The mother and father of this teenager, immigrants from Central Asia, constantly left for other regions, but hardly to earn money - rather, in search of easy money. A girl of about thirteen was left alone, an orphan with living parents. Mother began to dress her up, feed her, and welcome her.

It should be noted that many provincial girls of this age have time to try moonshine and visit the hay field with the boys. "The Orphan" looked like quite a mature girl with curvaceous, plump cherry lips and a lascivious look. But her mother saw her as an abandoned child. The girl settled into her family of guardians and began making eyes at her father. It is unlikely that he paid any attention to her machinations, and for a long time my mother did not notice the clumsy coquetry of rural Lolita. But she chatted with her friends about her hobby, gossip spread throughout the village and the couple was forced to take the girl away from home. However, by that time her parents had returned from another voyage.

By the way, many in this region knew: Father and Mother were blessed to live as brother and sister - without marital relations, by a certain elder. The troubled “orphan” in the context of the situation was a devilish temptation, and not a gift from God.

In 2016 in Russian foster families More than 148 thousand children were raised. But according to statistics, more than 5,000 pupils are returned to state supervision every year.

There are reasons for this. Many shelter children have experience of vagrancy, drug addiction, and prostitution. They are incapable of attachment because they grew up surrounded by strangers. By the way, attachment to mother is formed before the age of six.

There is another aspect - orphanages in large cities, where orphans, unlike the provinces, are better supplied, and they teach pupils a consumer attitude towards life. They are fed, clothed, their rooms are cleaned, sponsors come to them with gifts. The personal files of many children over ten years old include their refusal to be adopted in all cities except Moscow. After watching enough TV, they are waiting for rich guardians!

What disappointment awaits parents who find out that their new child is stealing from school, turning his own child against them, and giving his grandmother a heart attack.

As a result, adoptive parents and adopted children part with resentment towards each other, and revelations appear on the Internet on the topic: “The adopted child destroyed my family.”

To prevent this from happening, priests advise approaching adoption without exaltation, sensibly assessing your capabilities and the character of the child. God gave man the opportunity to choose and differentiate so that we have the opportunity to find the best and not to the detriment of our soul.

Priests - pros and cons

His Holiness Patriarch Kirill in one of his sermons he notes: “

It is important that our people joyfully, with a special feeling of gratitude to God, accept orphans into their families, giving them not only shelter and education, but also giving them their love.”

But the church does not have a single point of view on adoption - each priest has his own opinion, and each case is considered separately.

On forums dedicated to family, there are many complaints about cases where the confessor refused to bless for adoption. There are many explanations for this. Who, if not the priest to whom the adoptive parents confess, knows their advantages and disadvantages. Perhaps the confessor saw selfish motives for adoption. In particular, pride is the desire to demonstrate to others your humanism. Or an attempt, with the help of a child, to preserve the family hearth, which rarely succeeds. The priest knows how adequate and kind his parishioners are, or, on the contrary, how aggressive and inconsistent they are.

Archimandrite John Krestyankin looked at adoption as a religious and philosophical problem and in his letters to adoptive parents reasoned as follows:

“Arguing with God is a dangerous thing. In my spiritual practice there are many examples when children born into families contrary to the will of God became a scourge for their parents for the rest of their lives, even to the point of premature death. Therefore, I would not advise you to take a child from an orphanage. You could only do this if you know the family you are taking the child from.” “You rightly complain about yourself, seeing in your own child your sins, your mistakes, and your own inability to love your own son. What about someone else's? About a stranger who will bring sins into your family, and what sins? - their parents and their kind.”

Some other shepherds also mention the sins of the family. One could consider this mystic, but if we understand by sins of the family the bad inclinations of the parents that the child inherited, then everything is true from a scientific point of view.

But in general, most priests have a positive attitude towards adoption and set an example for society by creating family shelters - at home or at the temple.

Priest from the Perm region Boris Kitsko over 16 years he gave shelter to 160 pupils in the orphanage at the Lazarevsky Monastery. The first nannies were parishioner grandmothers, then nuns arrived.

Priest from Transbaikalia Alexander Tylkevich adopted 10 children.

Priest Nikolay Stremskoy I adopted 70 children, now some have grown up and created their own families, study and work.

There are many such examples in Russia.

Fundamentals of Orthodox pedagogy

The experience of Orthodox family shelters shows that their pedagogical approach is distinguished by common features:

• Care, but not indulging whims, but instilling responsibility among household members for each other. Usually older children take care of the younger ones. Everyone learns to give in and share, to help.
• Work, usually on the family farm and homestead. Natural products supplement the family diet.
• Religiosity, not exhausting with fanaticism, but natural, reminiscent of the atmosphere in strong pre-revolutionary families.
• Leisure related to religion. Orthodox holidays, which celebrate everything together. Pilgrimage trips.
• No TV or control over the information that comes to children - this primarily applies to films.
• Mode, which organizes children's lives and teaches discipline. This is especially important for difficult teenagers.

Orthodox psychologist Lyudmila Ermakova notes how important it is to regulate the life of a shelter child and teach him order. In a government institution, instead of studying, he can watch TV or play computer games - the teachers are glad that at least he doesn’t misbehave. But after leaving the boarding school, a loose and disorganized young man will not be able to go anywhere, organize his life, and it is not for nothing that many immediately slide to the bottom.

Priest Alexander Zelenenko writes:

“Orthodox pedagogy is strong precisely because it has a goal that extends into eternity—salvation; builds its building on an unshakable foundation - the “Stone-Christ”, in the person of which it has an immutable spiritual and moral ideal and undoubted truth, guided by the unchangeable authority of the Holy Scriptures and the teachings of the Church.”

Secular parents may have the most bizarre concept of morality, even sympathy for sexual minorities, but believers know on which world civilization rests. It brings law and order to life.

Instead of a preface

Nothing in this article is made up.
Only names have been changed

What, you ask, is the difference? Orthodox adoption, non-Orthodox - the main thing is that the child ends up in good family, is not it? Of course it is, but...

Those who have not encountered the problem cannot imagine its scale. Children of “petrified insensibility”, unwanted children, abandoned children, how many of them there are! When you hear from someone who has decided to adopt that it is difficult to find a “good” child, whom evil workers in orphanages are hiding (always with the goal of selling him abroad!), you want to ask: “Why do you need a child, a human being? Do you need a dog, or a guinea pig... the pet store is on the next street - good luck with your purchase!” This is the law - if an adoptive parent, in the ocean of inescapable childhood misfortune, is looking for “good” for himself, then he is looking exclusively for HIMSELF. He will choose by eye color, consult with doctors, study (as far as possible!) genetic lines - and, after a while, disappointed, throw it away. Naturally, the biological parents and the same evil workers at orphanages who hid the child’s terrible and incurable illnesses will be blamed for the failure; and a simple but merciless thought will not even come to mind: what if a natural child was born sick? Where should I take it?! One actress (no names!) adopted a one-year-old boy, and at the age of nine, she handed him over to a psychiatric hospital with the stigma of “socially dangerous.” She herself described this story in detail in the press, so delicacy and tact can be left aside. The first thing that catches the eye of any reader of this “confession” is the main leitmotif: “Oh, how she, poor thing, suffered!” The boy is just an excuse for tragic hand-wringing and noble anger: “I would kill this drug addict, his biological mother, with my own hands!” Meanwhile, an unbiased pedagogical analysis of the situation is enough to understand: the unfortunate (most likely long dead) “bio” (sorry, the internal jargon of the adoptive parents) has absolutely nothing to do with it. The actress betrayed the child year after year, first making him a “curiosity” for the theater, and then (at the age of four!) dragging him to psychiatrists to treat him for kleptomania and increased aggressiveness. Each time the boy returned from the hospital more and more uncontrollable; Well, at nine years old - that’s it... the little man was handed over to a government agency to be made into a vegetable. Now imagine how the boy did not want to go to the hospital, how he clung to his mother, what he thought about her, who did not protect him from monsters, lying on a cold hospital bed? Returning home after the “treatment,” he took revenge on his mother, tried to attract her attention, and begged her to show how much she loved him - in vain! She passed, and after that, in her own words, she “went back to work” and forgot. Let's ask ourselves the question: what is more important - the child, or the antics (let's say, why not, that they are very talented!) on stage? The answer we receive will precisely show the difference between Orthodox and non-Orthodox adoption. For a churchgoer there is no choice - a child, of course; and career and so-called “creativity” are not that secondary, no, they are simply incomparable. Any competent psychiatrist (we have very few of them, only a few) knows that twilight states in a child cannot be treated, they can be stopped, and only situationally - with love and care. Any believer knows that for God nothing is impossible or incurable; you just have to believe. It’s also good to try a little (just a little, believe me!) to become worthy of a Miracle - the Lord will do the rest. For an Orthodox Christian, the way in which the child came into the family does not matter at all - God gave it, and that’s all. Sick, unbalanced, even mentally retarded - someone of blood could have been born that way, but so what? Who's to blame? Only himself, always himself - and this is another difference between an Orthodox adoptive parent. His feelings towards the biological mother of his adopted child have a tinge of gratitude with some admixture of pity: she carried her, gave birth, did not kill - but she could have! And heredity... well, it exists, you can’t escape it, but ethics is not inherited. There are no genes for anger, meanness, or betrayal. All this is ours and from us; and answer us.

From what has been written, one may get the feeling that Orthodox adoptive parents are people who understand everything, are kind, and if they add wings, they will fly like angels. Nothing like that - people are like people. There are also stupid, stupidly stubborn, irritable, selfish, vain, and no less than those who are far from the Church. There is only one thing that distinguishes them - faith, and the desire to change for the better, born of faith...

The priest's wife decided to take a girl into the family. The poor priest sighed, grumbled, and agreed. It must be said that the character of this priest was (and remains to this day!) extremely absurd. She tyrannized and brought her friends to tears, subtly nagged her husband, leading him to uncontrollable outbursts of anger, and when family trouble occurred, she hissed venomously: “Our father decides everything, we must obey him!” Father lay down on the sofa facing the wall and covered his head with a pillow... in short, mother was the image of a classic, refined vixen. How did she choose the child? But no way. I accidentally saw a photo of a scary girl with a puffy face and decided to take it. I went to the orphanage and shocked the entire staff - they were used to choosing children for a long time, waiting for their “heart to skip a beat,” and then: “March, march, come in on the right side in threes, sabers drawn!!!” Well, not quite like that, of course, only the decision to take the child, and in the near future, the mother announced immediately, from the doorway. The head doctor of the institution decided that in front of her, to put it mildly, was not a completely adequate person, and began to dissuade her in every possible way. She showed her medical record and argued that the girl was facing almost inevitable mental retardation - it was all useless! The girl was taken from the battle, and now she is a real beauty, a family favorite, a cheerful hooligan and a smart girl. Her face, as always happens in “love” adoptions, every day becomes more and more like three brothers and mom and dad...

Time has passed. Mother “accidentally” found out about the boy abandoned in the maternity hospital, and resolutely told her husband that: “Everything will be as he says, and she will not leave his will!” Father turned slightly pale, but decided (of course!) correctly, “as taught.” And then he looked at the photo and allowed himself a little hysteria. No profile, slitted eyes, black hair: the boy was pure, without the slightest Kyrgyz admixture.

(For those who have decided to adopt: Moscow is littered with abandoned children from Central Asia, completely healthy, beautiful! Take it! Hang a cross on the neck of this “Genghis Khan”, and he will be Russian, and he will be Orthodox... and he will be yours! And what kind of grandchildren he will bring you... children born from mixed marriages are a sight for sore eyes!)

The hysteria has passed, and the boy is now baptized, lives with a family, fat, handsome, very strong... you understand? There are more of us!

I would really like to write that my mother became softer in disposition and more friendly with her husband - but this would not be true. What has changed? Much. The amount of love increased, the level of happiness increased - however, they already had all this. Faith. The faith living in these people allowed them to hear the Order and gave them the unspeakable happiness of fulfilling it. How does it sound, this Order? In different ways... sometimes it’s just a fleeting thought: “Why not...?”, sometimes it’s a specific child who appeared on the path, along with the awareness of his responsibility for him before God. And, as soon as the thought flashed, as soon as the Order was heard, know: you cannot retreat, the melancholy will suffocate you. It's hard to go against the grain...

1. How it happens

All relatives and acquaintances unanimously said that my wife and I were “crazy,” and there was nothing to answer. Of course, they are “crazy”, and at the same time incurably. Two of their own, natural children grew up, and in this regard the worries did not diminish - who to teach, who to treat, and the wealth was far from excessive; Under such circumstances, taking strangers into your family is madness...

Several years before these events began, the Miracle of Churching happened to our family - through children. We considered ourselves believers before: sometimes we went to church, sometimes we took communion; they ran to light a candle, pushing away the worshipers, like other “fire worshipers,” and then fear came for the children. The abomination and horror of modern life, children's alcoholism and drug addiction, a massive attack on fragile minds by politically correct “general people” with a gay face - how to protect a child? Church, naturally. A place where “sheep” are protected from “wolves” by an insurmountable fence - that’s what we thought then. Sunday school, pilgrimage trips, participation in the life of the parish led to the fact that not only the children, but also ourselves, were inside the fence, and a great Meeting took place... it was as if a noose had been removed from the throat, and the opportunity to breathe appeared. And then... then the understanding of the family as a “small Church” came, our love for each other was filled with true meaning. The main property of living Love has also been revealed - to continuously increase, striving in its expansion to embrace the greatest number of people...

A relative called my wife and told her creepy story dying girl. A family where the father and mother drink continuously, recklessly beating their little daughter; the vile details of the life of the boarding school, where the child is sent from time to time - the terrible pictures grew like a snowball, and aroused a healthy desire to immediately go and rip off all the scoundrels' heads. The fact that this girl was a relative, albeit a very distant one, only inflamed us with righteous anger. All. We were poisoned. For several days there was a discussion in the family, in which the children took a very active part, and the decision was unanimous - kick the horns of all enemies, and we will take the girl for ourselves. It was a wonderful, happy evening! Everyone unanimously chose a place in the house where she (that’s what they said - “she”, without giving a name) would sleep; We dreamed of taking “her” to the dacha - feeding her with fresh milk and bathing her in the river. There was even a party about it family celebration... and then they called the woman from whom they learned about the girl. The woman became furious, she screamed and swore; She was the first to report the news, which independent sources would later confirm to us more than once - we were “crazy.” The conversation became “counterproductive”, and my wife and I immediately stopped it, deciding to get around the source in a roundabout way, especially since it was not at all difficult...

Intelligence showed that there is no real girl. Elderly woman I just came up with, out of boredom, a small episode in the style of my favorite Brazilian TV series, and the space in my soul, already occupied by an unfamiliar daughter, felt empty. After the second child, the wife lost the ability to give birth, but she always wanted a lot of children, and she got bored. Our eldest clever daughter thought and thought, and was the first to say her cherished words:

Why don't we...?

“Really, why don’t we...?”, my wife and I thought, and went to our confessor to take a blessing.

2. First steps

The very first step is the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, for simplicity, hereinafter referred to simply as “guardianship”. Looking ahead, I’ll say that there are different types of guardianship! My wife and I had the opportunity to meet wonderful, wonderful employees who require only one type of help - not to be disturbed by the boss’s nonsense. Then there will be others, completely different, but our very first care turned out to be one of the best. Without further ado, we were put on the first step, called “collection of documents.” Oh, certificates the size of a sheet, covered with seals from top to bottom! Oh, bureaucratic stupidity and indifference! How we cursed you, not understanding the simple truth - real childbirth should be difficult. The worst thing that can happen to an adoptive parent (I will not consider the rarest cases of fanaticism: they are, for the most part, the figment of the ordered and well-paid imagination of media workers preparing to promote juvenile justice) is the return of the child; therefore, the more obstacles, the better the seriousness of intentions is tested. Returning a taken child is worse than simple betrayal, it is approaching the sin of Judas, and I am scared to imagine the soul of a person who committed such a thing. Collect children's things in a bag, dress your baby for the last time, as if for a walk, and take him away - forever! How can you live after this?! If a person who has decided to adopt is reading these lines, let him think once again: he will be taking a child who has already been betrayed once, and this vile fact is forever imprinted in the soul of the little person; no matter how much love you give to a child, you can only make amends for the harm done to him; only God can heal him... Think about the pain a child who has been betrayed twice bears. And still they wait, wait for their only mother in the world"! When visiting orphanages, you must be extremely careful: the eyes of ALL the pupils are looking at you as if they were a possible father or mother, and no matter how much you want to stroke the child’s head, don’t do it, resist! A simple and natural gesture can lead to a child crying all night, and then looking towards the entrance for a week... An orphanage can be the best, ideal - the reaction is always the same. “And the best of snakes is, after all, a snake!”...

The guardianship explained to us that after collecting documents we would be sent to a certain “data bank” where we would choose a daughter or son for ourselves; when we settle on a suitable “option”, we will receive an inspection warrant (!) and go to get acquainted. We thought a little about this prospect, and were quietly horrified. We thought about it a lot, and came to complete horror, bordering on panic. How can you choose how?! At night I had a nightmare: a store with long rows of shelves, where children, from one to five years old, were sitting in cells. I wandered along these rows and chose, smelling the curly heads; the cart in front of me was already almost full...

My wife and I decided to pray to be spared the choice. It so happened (by chance; only the life of a Christian is always full of such “accidents”) that the life of our family is accompanied by special veneration of the blessed Matrona of Anemnyasevo. At first she was glorified only in Ryazan, and now throughout Russia, almost simultaneously with the Matrona of Moscow; There have been cases where they are confused. Matrona Anemnyasevskaya (locals call her “Matreshenka”) was hated by her family and cruelly crippled in childhood by her own mother. She lost her sight, the ability to move, and stopped growing; Instead of lost health, the Lord rewarded her with such spiritual power, which is immutably manifested even now... it is enough, in a desperate moment, to call from the bottom of her heart: “Matreshenka, help!” - and help is immediately available! They especially pray to Matryoshenka for the gift of children...

On September 21, the Nativity of the Virgin Mary, my wife received a call from a friend from a small town on the Oka River. I heard only one side, but the content of the conversation was clear, and my heart pounded against my ribs...

3. Senya, or First contact with a parallel world

You can buy greens in Moscow all year round, and the price practically does not depend on the season. Have you ever wondered how it will change if dill is transported not from the distant South, but from near Serpukhov? The difference will be huge, the profit is so fabulous that you can make a fortune very quickly. You just need to work on reducing the cost of cultivation, think, invent something non-trivial... The resourceful intellect of modern entrepreneurs invented, of course, only the invention turned out to be very ancient; with its help you can grow not only dill in the Moscow region, but also pyramids in Egypt. Its name is slavery.

Greenhouses covered with transparent film can be seen on rented fields from early spring to autumn; dill, parsley, and radishes grow in them - right to your table. And yet, people live in them. Without documents, different nationalities, ages... men and women. Slaves. Hard work from dawn to dusk, payment depends entirely on the arbitrariness of the owner. He may not pay. Can sell a slave to a neighbor. Anything is possible. At the end of the season, the owner will return the documents (or not return), pay (or not pay), and - until the next season. Some return home, some look for other income, and some... what outlet can a slave have in his hopeless life, do you think? That's right - vodka, drugs (the owner, as a rule, comes from Central Asia, he always has it). And also what makes cabbage - or dill - produce children. Some stay, and: “Pamagazh, the cash was stolen, we’re not local, we live at the station...”. What, you don’t want any more greens, have I spoiled your appetite? There's nothing to be done - that's what they are, parallel worlds!

Senechka (most likely) was conceived under a greenhouse film. The one who carried him and gave birth to him first wanted to take the child to the hospital, but on what legal basis was he taken? They refused, quite legally, and then she dropped the baby off at the entrance of a residential building - a bundle with a three-month-old baby was lying on the steps in early November, when the weather was not the warmest. The residents of the house contacted the police, the boy was taken away, and a report of planting was drawn up. A medical examination showed that he was in good condition, with one exception - antibodies inherited from his HIV-infected mother were found in his blood. This unfortunate woman (God help her!) was found and tried, and she behaved absolutely correctly, in the interests of the child: she stubbornly and to the end refused everything. As a result, the child’s status was determined to be a “foundling”; his last name, first name and patronymic were written down “out of the blue.” (It’s curious that his “patronymic” coincided with my name. Coincidence?) The boy was admitted to the local infectious diseases hospital - God bless its staff! Better attitude to children than in this hospital, we have not seen anywhere else. A real pilgrimage began to see the child - they brought diapers, toys, clothes, money... when Sena turned one year old, the hospital staff “donated” him a gift - the best children's bicycle that could be bought! (It's sad to say what a pittance they paid people in this hospital...)

Then we found out that we had violated all possible rules, and if the boy had been in the orphanage, we simply would not have been allowed to see him. And so, without any doubt, we bought toys, children's clothes - and hit the road! Coincidences, accidents... Everyone loved Senechka, but there was a believing nurse in the hospital who prayed for the gift of a family for him - she met us, and immediately realized that we were “the ones.” And so they brought him out to us... a little boy in a red jumpsuit, so small that his heart stopped; Looking at him, I couldn’t believe that he could walk - people like him should lie in a stroller and suck a pacifier!

“He’s afraid of men,” the nurse warned, but it was simply impossible to resist trying to grab this creature. There was no weight. It wasn’t at all, it felt like I was holding an empty suit in my hands; his black eyes looked warily straight into his face, and then he began to smile... that’s it! My son was sitting in my arms, and he perfectly understood that it was his dad who was holding him: when he was on the floor again, he immediately took hold of my finger...

If you decide to adopt, remember - not a single action can be performed without informing the guardian; otherwise you will “set up” the good people who met you halfway. We greatly violated the order, but then corrected ourselves - we showed up at the local guardianship, wrote and submitted an application to the court, and left there a bundle of collected documents, abundantly stained with our blood. From that moment on, we became “candidates” and received the right to visit Senya and walk with him legally...

He took us around the autumn squares, showed us the biggest trucks, threw cones and shouted the only word he knew: “Bang!” Tiny, but incredibly dexterous, he easily walked on a log, kept his balance, and it was impossible to believe that he had just learned to walk... In those days we prayed almost continuously, fear was our most important emotion: what if they wouldn’t give us his?

(Later it turned out that we were afraid in vain: Senya’s photographs were not even placed in the data bank about children intended for adoption. Why? With such “baggage” he had no chance. Stories about “good foreigners” who take in all the children in a row , to put it mildly, are greatly exaggerated. They choose, how! However, there are exceptions - and they are all shown on television).

What if the terrible diagnosis is confirmed? We read about AIDS, accustomed ourselves to the idea that our son would be in a special position all his life, and again we prayed: “Take me away, Lord!” The court decided the case in our favor, and, in the interests of the child, ruled: “For immediate execution,” and the three of us drove home. The whole hospital saw off, the nurses cried, the head physician sternly warned:

His box will be free for now, if he gets sick, bring him, we’ll treat him!

His box... crib, tiled walls, toys... the little man's first home! We were afraid of how the adaptation would go, but already on the second day we forgot what this word meant, and a week later I began to seriously remember how Senya took his first steps? The thought that I just couldn't remember it was amazing! Only one thing reminded us that Senya was not born with us - he was terribly afraid of strangers. When they came to the clinic, church, or guardianship with him, he could only be nearby or sit in their arms, like a little monkey, tightly clutching his neck. This boy captured his place in the family once and for all, and if you try to formulate it in one phrase, it will turn out something like this: “I love you all very, very, very much, and just dare not adore me!” It was simply impossible to scold someone in front of him: the chivalrously fair and fearless Senya would definitely intervene... Having accurately identified the offended party, Senya climbed into her (the offended party) arms and tried to console her, while still incoherent, but very expressive angry cries.

On Christmas Day I stood in the church, Senechka, as always, hanging around my neck like a weightless bundle. Sometimes he slept, sometimes he grabbed the noses of parishioners standing nearby. And then... a barely audible whisper, and a small hand stroking my face:

Envy!

Soon another event happened: the results of the latest tests came back, and it turned out that our son was healthy! No AIDS!

The boy we learned about on the Nativity of the Virgin Mary was born on the day of the healer Panteleimon, received my name as a patronymic - coincidence? Maybe...

And everything was fine with us... only my heart sank with pain when I played children’s songs to Sene; or, dressing him in soft pajamas, he rocked him in his arms before bed... This parallel world, which poisoned me for the rest of my life, gave signals. The children there are just like my Senechka, no worse!

4. Luntik, or Great Consolation

Senya grew by leaps and bounds, significantly ahead of his peers in development. His pet nickname, “Lightning Man,” or simply Lightning, perfectly reflected his essence. Mothers in the park gaped in amazement as a two-wheeled scooter, driven by a microscopic, dashing two-year-old, zoomed past their plump children. During housework, Senya always tried to help; move books to new shelves, hold the board while cutting, serve the right tool- he did (and does!) all this not on an equal basis with adults, but much better. His unique words, apt and biting, were replicated in the family:

Senya, jump more quietly - you'll break your nose!

Senya examines his nose with his fingers and decisively says:

I won't break it. It's soft for me.

Why are you jumping like a squirrel?

The squirrel is a girl, and I am a squirrel!

There was another piece of rubbish on TV, and the sad character sighed unnaturally:

I'm lonely, I have no one to talk to...

Take your son Lightning and talk to him!

I arrive at the dacha late at night and go to see Senya sleeping. He wakes up, sees me and blurts out the most important thing that he kept:

Dad! We have a snake living in our garden, like this one!

Senino’s face wrinkles for a second into a “scary” snake mask, then he leans back on the pillow and quickly falls asleep. It is done!

Well? How can you not spoil such a boy? Conceivable?! Senya, naturally, was the object of universal adoration, and this could not end well. My wife expressed it best:

Let's grow a monster!

And then the Order sounded again... it was like this:

From the town where the Lord gave Senya to us, news came about his older brother and sister, who were thrown into the basement by their mother. We immediately understood that this was an Order, but not everything happens directly in parallel worlds. It turned out that the status of these children did not allow them to be adopted: the Small But Proud Republic, where their mother was from, declared its rights. They explained to us that this case is completely hopeless: the pride of the Little Republics does not allow children to be left in foreign parallel worlds: it is customary to destroy them in domestic ones. And we have already heard the Order, we are on the path! We went to a familiar town, to a familiar hospital where such wonderful children are born, and we saw a girl. They began to visit her and prepare documents, but... she was intercepted. A woman with already prepared documents swooped in like a whirlwind and grabbed him. My wife and I sat down in the kitchen in the evening and began to think: is this sadness or joy? We came to the conclusion that joy: we will still take the child, so the parallel world will lose two. You just have to go through what you really wanted to avoid - through a data bank...

An ordinary government institution, an office, like an office. You fill out forms and are seated in front of a computer.

What age are you?

We call it uncertainly, with a range of six months. According to rumors, there aren’t that many little ones, so we’re not expecting anything special, and suddenly - one hundred and forty-nine names! Only in one region! How many are there in the country?! Names appeared before my eyes, faces in photographs... the parallel world breathed angrily in my face, grinned, grimaced... and then the bank employee turned off the computer: she noticed that my wife and I were not feeling well.

Here's a girl for you. She has already been rejected twice, but she is very good!

And she handed over the order sheet. We quickly grabbed him, somehow thanked the kind woman, and ran away from this terrible place. Manya... Manya. Naturally, my name is used as a middle name - we somehow stopped being surprised at such things, we got used to it...

We are experienced, we know where to go on the spot. In custody! The head of the guardianship received us in the corridor - the office was undergoing renovations, and my wife began to explain to her the essence of our matter:

We want to adopt a girl, here is the warrant, and here is our package of documents, we have everything collected. Now we will write statement of claim to the court, and it must be assigned for immediate execution, and not wait ten days. Why should she be in the hospital? After...

How were you allowed into the hospital without my permission?! - the boss began to boil.

But we weren’t in the hospital... we came straight to you...

So you haven’t seen the child?!

Judging by the expression on the boss’s face, she really wanted to check the authenticity of the psychiatrist’s seals on our certificates.

This will not work. First you need to look: what if it’s not yours? Anything can happen...

The wife, slightly annoyed at the lack of understanding of her interlocutor, began to explain:

The trial will be scheduled within twenty-one days after filing the claim, and the girl will be in the hospital during this time. Let's submit an application and go to the girl - no time will be lost...

No, I can’t right now, I just need to go to this hospital... you’re in a car, can you give me a lift? And then we’ll come back here and write a statement...

Then we thought that this was just another bureaucrat, but we obeyed. We didn’t yet know that before us was a real angel in the flesh! We have seen workers from different care centers, different children's institutions, but we have never seen such sensitivity and kindness, combined with the highest professionalism, in anyone. When Lyudmila Nikolaevna was convinced of our sanity, she, like a good fairy from a fairy tale, removed all obstacles. I wrote everything myself (!) necessary papers, went to court with us, achieved the maximum possible reduction in the procedure under the law... We have not encountered such an attitude before, nor have we encountered it since. We didn’t have time to look back when the cherished “In the name of the Russian Federation...” was already sounding...

There were cheeks in the crib, and a smile between them. This is how our eldest daughter smiled in infancy, the same joyful sun, a golden child. It happens - a child without a spot, pure living light, Great Consolation! The hospital clothes, washed to grey, looked wild and ridiculous on her - she wanted to immediately grab her, change her clothes - and not give her back...

It is forbidden. Everything must be done according to the law, in due time! Change clothes - please, pick up - only by court order.

There were several other “refuseniks” in that hospital; They are kept for up to three months, and then, if their health allows, they are sent to an orphanage. At three months, few people leave the hospital: aspen trees will not produce oranges, and everyone has health problems. Hospital... shabby walls with traces of leaks, collapsed tiles - and, as a mockery, a huge duckling painted on the peeling plaster. The gaps in its beak gave it an evil expression and made it look like a tyrannosaurus...

The people who worked in that hospital did everything possible, but they had zero opportunities. Somehow change clothes, wipe the folds, put a bottle of mixture in your mouth, and on to the next one. Salary is a cynical mockery, not a salary; but checks... and, like everywhere else in the Looking Glass, they will check the documentation, so write day and night! If the inspection notices shortcomings, they will demand that they be corrected on time and report back - in megatons of paper! The office writes!

Our Manya was lying in her crib like a little sun, and with all her appearance she was quoting her favorite (several years later) cartoon: “I was born!” Her pet nickname is Luntik...

Luntik had so many folds that the hospital staff did not have time to treat them all; ulcers formed in some places. The wife, silently swearing, wiped and processed them, and suddenly:

And we also have this girl!

A doctor entered the room and lifted him out of the crib... no, such children don’t exist, they’re from scary fairy tales...

Sima. We call her “Thumbelina,” the doctor continued, “her mother deliberately provoked a miscarriage for herself, well, she did. And the miscarriage decided to survive! She is now five months old...

The package, the size of a small doll, was crowned by a blond head with a very thin, triangular face. A smile that puts a thorn in your heart...

Why did the doctor take it out then, why did she show it to us? After all, I knew who we came for, I knew that we had already filed a statement in court... I decided not to approach Sima, and immediately stopped all my wife’s conversations about her. When we arrived to take Luntik home, I tried to keep my back to the corner where Sima’s crib stood, and immediately went up to my daughter... Sima was lying in her place, smiling sarcastically.

“We moved them,” the nanny explained a little guiltily, “this crib is better, but Manya is leaving anyway?...

Luntik gave, and continues to give, a huge amount of happiness. Senya accepted the appearance of his sister with his characteristic generosity, only sometimes showing jealousy through a deliberate distortion of his already quite adult, pure speech with an infant lisp. The Lord put so much love into the heart of this boy that it is enough for many Luntiks! And everything was fine with us, but I couldn’t forget Sima’s look when we left her room for the last time. Believe it or not, but the confusion was clearly visible in him: “Where are you going?...”

5. Sima

We suffered for over a year, and when my wife, with her characteristic clarity of thought, said: “We should order a certificate of no criminal record in advance, it takes a month to get it...”, the thorn came out of my heart. We had to take it right away, otherwise we added more difficulties to ourselves: collecting documents again, looking for - where did they take our girl? There were no doubts that everything would work out - when the Order was heard, there were none, and there couldn’t be any. Lyudmila Nikolaevna helped with the search; the Children's Home, where she was sent from the hospital, turned out to be, fortunately, very close...

A large building, a well-groomed area, swings, a sandbox, “spider webs”... but there are no children in sight. “Okay,” we thought, “quiet hour, I guess...”. They tried not to make noise and spoke in a whisper. The guard let us through without looking at our documents; Inside the building we spent some time looking for someone who would take care of us. Empty corridors, silence. Of course, the children are on the second floor, of course, they are sleeping... only... Well, children can’t behave like that, by their nature they can’t, that’s all! In a house where hundreds of children live, their voices must fill your ears! Looking ahead, I’ll say: this picture happened every time we visited, and it took a long time to travel to see Sima... nothing can be done, angels don’t go to work in the guardianship, Lyudmila Nikolaevna - she’s the only one like that! Another detail was unpleasant: the abundance of visual propaganda on the walls... the “how we live” stand, the “doctors take care of little patients” stand, the “we draw” stand, the “music classes” stand. The guest room is in perfect condition - upholstered furniture, expensive toys. Stands, stands... my experience of working in children's institutions says that the abundance of visual propaganda is in inverse proportion to real work. Unfortunately, if all the documentation is in perfect condition, and there is no living space on the walls from stands, this is the surest sign of a “parallel world” in its worst manifestation. Either live work, or “show off” - one thing or the other, it’s impossible to combine them!...

Can a child weigh five kilograms at almost two years old? Maybe this is exactly how Sima was brought to us in the “guest room”. He doesn’t stand on his legs, his arms are turned out, he tries everything with the back side thumb, doesn't even try to speak. What is it! She couldn’t even “walk” like three-month-old children. (Forgive us, daughter, for not taking you in right away!) When looking at her, a wheelchair and cerebral palsy seemed inevitable. I am a beaten person (if not to say “beaten”) by life, but I “swimmed” from this spectacle. Only the wife, for whom the very word “impossible” is hateful, declared with exaggerated cheerfulness:

So what? We will love her just like that! All the same, she will be better here, here she will simply die! Just look at how lively her eyes are: this is a gang! Wait, things won't go well with her!

The “gang” hung on his wife’s arms like a lifeless rag, sometimes straining convulsively and filling the room with a thin mosquito squeak. From a very beautiful dress (apparently the doll was taken off the road!) two twigs with excessively wide feet were sticking out... I went to the window to steal a shoot from a flower: I have to turn away somewhere?...

Now I have a luxurious huge flower on my windowsill, some kind of palm tree - I don’t understand. From that same shoot...

Believe it or not, she recognized us! On subsequent visits, sisters from the staff assured that the girl was coming to life; Yes, we saw it ourselves! She only got tired quickly: beads of sweat appeared on her forehead, she began to whine quietly, and we went to look for someone (we always had to look) who would take her to bed. She could fall asleep suddenly, right on her shoulder...

We have never had such problems with “authorities” as during this adoption. The judge refused to accept a statement of claim that was drafted “incorrectly”; she did not give a sample, suggesting that we go to a paid lawyer; guardianship representatives stated that this was “none of their business” - how many times did we remember our “good angel”, Lyudmila Nikolaevna! We walked in a circle, sometimes managing to hit a dead end, which contradicts the laws of Euclidean geometry. But... prayers to Matrona of Moscow, Matrona Anemnyasevskaya, and - a miracle! A judge whose ferocity was spoken of in whispers; who declared that she would not give us a child, suddenly softened and decided everything in our favor. Moreover, having once again confirmed that we will have to wait ten days for a formalized court decision, and then something else; unexpectedly (apparently for herself) she took it and wrote at the end of the document: “in the interests of the child - for immediate execution.” This was not expected at the Children's Home, and we had to look for someone to give the documents to. They gave it and heard:

They'll bring it now. Wait in the guest room.

We wait. An unfamiliar teacher appears with Sima in her arms, silently hands over the child and gets ready to leave.

Wait! - says the wife. - We’ll pick her up now, just change her into home clothes; but take this dress, we don’t need it...

How?! - the teacher barked. - We need to warn you! I wouldn't dress her up!

We apologize, next time we will definitely warn you,” I said humbly.

Okay,” the teacher became kinder, “leave the rags on the table, I’ll pick them up later.”

She turned and left without looking at the child! As Alice said: “It gets weirder and weirder!” We began to look for someone to give gifts and gifts for the staff (this is our tradition), and we came across the director of the Children's Home. I don’t know, I still don’t know, where did the feeling come from that she was scared of us?

We carried away baby Seraphim through long empty corridors; No one came out to see us off. Outside, the spring sun was shining, the weather was beautiful - not a single child on the carousel swing, not a single sound confirming that there were children here at all. Silence... I can still hear it. Only when we got into the car did the Looking Glass let us go.

When visiting children, a mandatory and reasonable rule applies: do not feed anything you brought with you. This is understandable: it is very easy to upset a child’s stomach, but restoring the diet is much more difficult. On the way, Sima had to be fed; We took with us special cookies for babies, they are impossible to choke on... a jar of fruit puree, something to drink, I don’t remember. We stopped.

It was a shock. The girl did not take anything in her hand (she somehow held the toys, even tried to play with them). She couldn't even imagine what it was like to eat with her hands! Sima devoured the cookies greedily, avidly, but when she tried to put them in her palm, she sharply withdrew her hand, with obvious fear. Then she began to cry pitifully, and the wife stopped her unsuccessful attempts - she fed and watered herself, from her own hands. We drove on, my passengers in the back seat became silent, as if they had fallen asleep. I squinted my eyes in the mirror and saw something that I had never seen before. My wife, known to relatives and friends under the nickname “Chapaev”; a living illustration of Napoleon’s words: “impossibility is a refuge for cowards”; I saw her screaming, calm, threatening, sobbing with grief, affectionate... I have never seen her quietly crying!

And in the evening I had to cry too. It was obvious that this girl needed a massage, and I was the main massage therapist in the house. I laid out a towel, laid down my weightless daughter, undressed her... there is an expression “skin and bones.” Very thin, transparent skin; bones as thin as matchsticks. It’s impossible to pick something up, make a fold, everything is so tense... what a massage! He stroked him carefully, spanked him, stretched his legs and arms - that’s it! And again - touching her palms caused fear and convulsions... what were they doing there, with her palms?!

How she ate during the first days! The main task was not to overfeed: the tummy would swell and vomiting would begin. Ordinary diarrhea threw us into panic: there was a struggle for every gram of weight. There was no way for this girl to lose weight - she wouldn’t lose weight, she would simply disappear, melt away like a ghost...

Children... how do they do this, what angel teaches them? It was they who tamed our girl Mowgli, they opened her up... even on the first day, Senya went up to the crib, in the very middle of which Sima was lost as an imperceptible speck, and began to stroke her:

Don't be afraid, my Shy Princess! I will protect you, I have a sword!

It took a long time to find a walker for Sima: all the existing ones were too heavy and wouldn’t move; We also had to take into account that our children are somewhat noisy and, very cautiously speaking, active. If you are not careful, they rush around like two rockets; at the same time they scream like a herd of mammoths. They will knock down the “disappearing girl” along with her walker! We found the walkers excellent - stable, lightweight; sea ​​trials were successful. Luntik’s cry was heard from the room:

Semka, dizi! Simka, kick your toes!

And - the roar of the walkers on the floor, accompanied by a sound similar to the ringing of a small silver bell... Syoma and Luntik drove the walkers with Sima from wall to wall, caught them, and sent them to each other. The bell is Simin's laugh, which we heard for the first time... soon they were already chasing each other, all three of them, and it didn't matter that two were on their own feet, and the third was in a special device... it doesn't matter to the children at all, that's the secret!

Soon we got the first one Great Gift. My wife called me at work and, choking with delight, shouted:

She took the bread! She took it and took a bite!

At home they staged a demonstration for me: a deadly act called “porridge eating.” Sima got into the mess with both hands, got her hair dirty and made a mohawk hairstyle. At the same time, she looked so victorious that the phenomenon of “frightened palms” became understandable. Imagine: two dozen kids that one adult must feed with porridge... and what if they all, at the same time, put their hands into the plate?!

Who will wash? What about the series? There, the scoundrel Pedro abandoned his Juanita with her little son, and the poor thing is suffering! No, you need to do something with your hands! You see - no villainy, everything is strictly functional, and, in essence, no one is to blame... damn you, Through the Looking Glass!

A baby’s hands are a special thing, a lot depends on it. If the hands don’t take anything, don’t sculpt, don’t get dirty - that’s it, development stops. If a child categorically refuses to do something with his hands, he needs to work with them: knead them, stroke his palm, count fingers, draw different animals with his hands - you never know the methods, choose any... or, even better, come up with your own, love will tell you! But the most important thing of all methods, all exercises, all medicines is Holy Communion. No matter how tired you are, no matter how much you want to sleep in the morning - get up and go to the Temple! Such children should be given communion at least once a week, and better, if possible, more often. Can be developed fine motor skills hands, you can improve the functioning of brain vessels with the help of drugs, many things can... cannot be healed, only God can do that. Therefore, when choosing a place children's recreation one should be interested not in the specialization of the resort, but, first of all, whether there is an Orthodox Church nearby. For our children (more than one!), terrible diagnoses have been removed, all unfavorable prognoses have been broken... Sima’s oval hole in the heart is shrinking and closing, and the prospect of a complex operation, which was inevitably facing us just recently, no longer threatens... Who are all did it? Only the One who, through the mouth of the prophet Hosea, said: “Death, where is your sting? Hell, where is your victory? It is impossible to list all the Miracles of the Lord associated with our children; sometimes there is even a danger of getting used to the Miracle... God forbid!

And the miracles did not end there! Sima grew stronger before our eyes, began to stand on her fragile legs, and finally walked! Very uncertainly, stumbling and falling, but - in two months! The parishioners of our temple opened their mouths in amazement as they observed these changes at intervals of a week. Naturally, Sima became everyone’s favorite; during the Liturgy she “walks from hand to hand”... but her speech was really bad. She was either silent or made sharp guttural sounds, in ligaments alone - without the participation of the tongue. Occasionally she laughed, but more often she cried...

Family trips, traveling together are not the most important thing; Of course, there are more important things, but... these are not wardrobes, not upholstered furniture, not TVs, not renovations in the apartment, not new cars - and so on, you can continue the list yourself. If you have a choice between the above benefits and travel, be practical, choose travel, you won’t go wrong! Especially if this is a trip to the sea... As you may have guessed, our family is extremely prudential and practical; Therefore, after partially gluing up the torn wallpaper, we get into our old minibus and drive to Crimea. On such trips, our older, blood children become small again; the little ones unite with the elders into a close-knit gang, and my wife and I are slowly getting younger, what can we say... This holiday lasts for a year - barely, by spring Luntik begins to wake up in tears, and when asked about the reasons for these tears he answers:

I want to go to the sea!

In Crimea, there are still small villages on the coast, where you can rent housing very inexpensively. big family, with a peach garden and a separate kitchen. We settle down - we live!

There is nothing better for a crooked child's foot than wet sea sand - the only problem is how to place this foot on the sand. Sima was afraid, she pulled her legs back, spread them in different directions and strained them like steel rods... I had to pick her up again and again and go into the water, bathe her, calm her down, sit down with her at the very edge of the surf and put her down, put her down leg! It is important that the child feels the sand passing between his fingers and wants to repeat this feeling... Sima wanted to! By the end of our stay at sea, she not only walked confidently, but also ran, climbed a fence and jumped from it - but this is already the school of Lightning with Luntik. Romka, our eldest son, whose duties included “herding” small fish outside the sea, was quietly going crazy. We let Romka go to sea, and our eldest daughter helped take care of the children - otherwise we would neither swim nor catch a crab...

Sima climbed onto my neck, stuck tightly to it and with a royal gesture demanded that I go for a walk along the shore - this became our tradition. During such walks, I had to sing - and without repeating! He sang everything that came to mind - arias from his favorite operas, operettas, romances, songs of Siberian tramps, rock, golim pop music... it was impossible to stop, according to the terms of the contract. Sima’s attention was attracted (it is not clear why) by Grebenshchikov’s song “Corneliy Schnapps”; she was even allowed to repeat it.

(Now this is Simina’s lullaby. I sing to each child his own song: Seme - “Sailors” by Vilboa, Luntik - “Draka”, our family song, my great-great-greats also sang it to my great-greats. There should be rituals in the family , they must be carefully preserved and cultivated!)

And so Sima and I walk along the shore, I carefully say in my hoarse throat:

Cornelius Schnapps wanders around the world...

Suddenly... a thin mosquito squeak, barely audible, but exactly repeating the melody! Sima was singing!

It was a breakthrough! She first arranged the sounds in a harmonious order, and then moved on to the formation of articulate speech, it was more convenient for her. Already on our next “neck trip” Sima demanded:

Apparently this was her first word. She uttered the main rhyme of the song “Cornelius Schnapps”: hook, trouser, tsuruk. Now our girl is chattering like a magpie, you can’t stop her, and “Cornelius Schnapps” is still her favorite song. Thank you, Boris Borisovich Grebenshchikov!

Dear reader! I hope I have convinced you that a trip to the sea is much more important than buying a new car? If not...

6. Nikolay

Evening. I put the children to bed (“Sailors”, “Fight”, “Schnapps”). I'm sitting, preparing tests for the eighth grade. The eldest daughter sighs for her fiancé (no one understands him at home, and he should die in silence, but for some reason I don’t want to), the eldest son breaks down yet another computer. My wife calls from work (she is a “fiery midwife”, an enthusiast of her work, she works every three days).

Please don't swear right away, okay? I'm not forcing anything on you, but just think...

Boy.

Pause. If the wife believes that this boy (Lord, “this boy”! The combination of such words fills me with a wave of joy!) is our son, therefore, he has no chance of adoption. We need to find out...

Healthy, only antibodies...

No, hepatitis, that same one...

What else?

Mother is a drug addict...

And is it written on the card?

And the card says...

So... It looks like this really is our son!

This is all?

Well, they wrote down his middle name in his documents, according to his mother... Vazgenovich... But he doesn’t look like him at all!

This, or something like this, sounded like our dialogue in Russian. At the same time, negotiations were going on at another level between two experienced world explorers, researchers of the Looking Glass. This is us too! I give the exact translation:

Wife: “The enemy is dragging in another victim. An order has been received from the Commander-in-Chief - immediate submersion!

Me: “Already, enemy agents have already started to show up... Well, what did it take for your lawyer to correct the boy’s documents at least a little?!”

No one will take a boy with a non-Russian patronymic, a drug addict mother and traces of her infection in his blood (see above about “kind” foreigners). Chances (small) will appear only later, around two years old, if everything is in order with him. But before that, he will be placed in the Children's Home, where he will be put into a playpen with high sides, where no one will sing him a song for the night, where he cannot run his bare heels across the floor and jump into bed with his mother and father..., in a word, they will send him there, where children are never “okay”! I gathered my courage and snapped, imitating Vysotsky’s voice in the role of Captain Zheglov:

We'll take it!

I called our confessor. He took the news without surprise - he got used to it. He blessed him immediately, without his usual long questions. And to say that - we heard such an order with such power, such clarity for the first time! Believers constantly and somehow automatically utter the words: “Everything is in the hands of God!” My wife and I don’t need to believe in this; for us this is an area of ​​exact knowledge. On the way to our Kolenka there were insurmountable obstacles; they were impossible to overcome even theoretically. Everyone who knew us said with one voice: “Impossible!” I will not list these obstacles now - they were all diligently created and vigilantly guarded by a bureaucratic machine that growled at us, threatened to crush us and roll us into a thin pancake! All these pathetic obstacles were easily, without the slightest effort, scattered by the Powerful Hand. We have never had such a quick adoption before! We broke all records for the speed of collecting documents, and the trial went surprisingly smoothly. We had just begun to marvel at the Miracle that was happening, and Nikolai was already kicking his legs in his crib, in his rightful place in our home.

To Orthodox adoptive parents: trust God! He knows better who to give to you, believe me! Kolenka turned out to be a golden boy, a miracle child, Great Consolation-2! During Baptism, he did not even cry out. The priest had never seen anything like this before, he got scared and shook the boy. Then Nikolai spoke sedately, saying that everything is fine with me, you can continue. Sun! He is the only one who can easily pacify our gang: he needs to be led by the hand, shown toys, caressed - all this is difficult to do while running or while jumping from a chest of drawers. When Kolenka is sleeping, the gang calms down and starts role-playing game- “to Kolenka.” As a rule, Sima is appointed as Kolenka, Luntik plays the role of mother, and Senya paints on his beard..

7. Ksenia

Life hasn't written this chapter yet. On a blank sheet of paper there is only a name - Ksenia. Baptized non-Russian girl, disabled. The work ahead is long and difficult: there are a lot of obstacles that are insurmountable at first glance... We ask for your prayers! (Few people know that the girl was baptized Ksenia, a completely different name appears in the documents. Lord, may Your will be done over all of us! If this girl is not ours, let her find a home where she will be loved!)

8. Dangers

It is known that the most brilliant invention of the owner of the Looking Glass, his most vile lie, is the conviction that he does not exist. Sometimes people, even believers, allow themselves the following type of reasoning: “Yes, we admit that something like this really exists. But we are modern people, we won’t seriously believe in the existence of an evil person who deliberately does all sorts of dirty tricks on us.” Let's be, let's be better! Safer...

If you decide to go pick up your children, know: he is on the alert, he is watching over you. Why? It’s very simple: you came for his prey. Fasting, prayer, attentiveness to yourself - especially, beyond the usual. It helps a lot to read the Gospel, a chapter a day; The Psalter is feasible. The Prayer to the Holy Cross must be learned by heart and repeated more often as soon as you feel the need, because an attack can happen at any second, suddenly. Of course, nothing serious threatens a believer who constantly receives Holy Communion; the Lord will crush the “demons of weak insolence.” But because of our sins, He can allow minor troubles - so that we don’t relax, so that we don’t forget who we got involved with.

It was like that with us. The most difficult and longest certificate for an adoptive parent is a medical one. You have to go to all the dispensaries, all the doctors, get round stamps everywhere, triangular stamps, rectangular stamps - by the end of the collection the certificate becomes a sheet of blue color from the continuous cover of seals. It’s good if the doctor is a formalist: slap his signet and go to someone else! What if he sends tests? What if he also sends you for an x-ray? Naturally, the deeper the blue on the certificate, the more “vibrates” the adoptive parent. When it was the cardiologist’s turn, I had to do a cardiogram - it had to be pasted into the card. I’m going, I don’t expect anything bad: in our family healthy heart- family heritage. I get up from the couch, joke with the nurse, but she doesn’t support something. I apologize dryly and go to the exit. And suddenly the doctor, in the back:

Excuse me...Have you recently had a heart attack? Your cardiogram is very bad.

I’m trying to prove that I’m healthy, that I’ve never felt better, and then my heart began to pound...

“Don’t worry so much,” the doctor consoles. - There are temporary deteriorations. Come back in a week, we'll do it again.

I come home and tell him - my wife is swearing, the children are crying. We are already going to see Senechka, we can’t imagine life without him, and suddenly this... I began to slowly swallow nitroglycerin, but a repeat cardiogram turned out to be even worse. The doctor at the clinic sent me to the cardiac center for examination... Terrible words had already been spoken: “With such a heart, we will not give you a certificate!” At the cardio center, the doctor examined me for a very long time, listened to me through some tricky equipment, and then asked:

And why did you come here? You have a completely healthy heart!

The certificate from the cardiac center crushed the “demons of weak insolence,” but since then my heart has been tingling. So as not to forget, do not relax!

(Recently, my wife forced me to undergo a serious heart examination - not for reference, but for herself. The result - at least send me into space!)

During the hike for Luntik, I was struck down by severe pneumonia, which turned into pleurisy. I paid for Sima with progressive deafness. For Kolenka - headaches and neuro-allergic eczema. Need I say that now my lungs are completely clean, my hearing has been restored, and the ulcers on my skin have healed? Only headaches return from time to time: remember! Thank God for everything!

Attacks can also be carried out through people - at work, on the street, at home. Colleagues who recently treated you extremely friendly suddenly turn into vile informers; The bosses who always favor you say, looking straight into your eyes: “We don’t hold anyone back!” Quarrels with relatives arise out of the blue and lead almost to madness. The main thing is to understand in time where it all comes from; remember that these are not enemies in front of you, but good, kind people! Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out. Sometimes this happens:

Wife: “Change your shirt, this one is wrinkled. Why do you always disgrace me?!”

Me: “Why change clothes? The shirt is quite fresh.”

Wife: “Are you kidding me?! Is it difficult to just change clothes?”

Me: “It’s difficult! And I’m so late!”

A minute later, a five-point scandal with reproaches, accusations and far-reaching conclusions is already blazing. Their faces are twisted with anger, their eyes are bloodshot - the dishes just won’t fly! Suddenly one of us comes to his senses and silently stands in front of the icons. The other continues to ramble for some time due to inertia, but soon stops and also begins to pray.

I'm sorry! They set themselves up so stupidly...

Yes, we made this rubbish happy... And forgive me! We are experienced world explorers!

9. Difficulties

I re-read what was written and realized that the picture was incomplete, and therefore false. Everything is going too well for us, too blissfully, but this is far from the case! Hostile reality takes revenge at the first opportunity, and you can’t relax - it’s dangerous! The first difficulty of an adoptive parent is the children themselves. We know some of the same families, we can derive certain statistics and confidently say: this difficulty is common. No matter how long they look for a child for adoption, no matter how carefully their medical documents are checked, it is better to understand right away: there are no healthy children in boarding schools and orphanages!

At first, Senya could not fall asleep in the evening. Mom rocked him in her arms, I sang my stupid songs, my daughter composed and told long fairy tales - everything was useless! Finally, the wife, exhausted from being put to bed for many hours, put Lightning in the crib and barked angrily:

Well, go to sleep!

He fell asleep instantly, unnaturally quickly, just like they turned it off! This is how we first became acquainted with the phenomenon that has the scientific name “hospitalism” - a mental disorder caused by the baby’s lack of contact with his mother. In Senya, hospitalism manifested itself in the mildest form: he simply played for time, fought against sleep in order to prolong the feeling of tactile contact with us. ALL babies raised outside the family have hospitalization.

In its most severe form it manifested itself in Sima. She got on all fours and began to sway, making rhythmic howling sounds. And it was scary! It's hard to explain, but there was nothing human, nothing meaningful in this movement. The small triangular face turned into an animal mask, saliva began to flow from her mouth... I wanted to immediately grab her to stop this stupid swaying, to return our girl to reality. That's exactly what we did. After reading the literature, we realized that we did the only right thing. If the illness is caused by a lack of physical contact with parents, this contact must be given to the child. But as?! How to give if the child behaves like a coil of barbed wire? She was alone all her little life, no one held her in their arms, no one rocked her, so our Sima learned to rock herself. When she got tired (and at first she got tired very quickly), she had to lie down, and before that, rock on all fours. If you interfere, she will begin to cry, be capricious, resist with all her bones, push away... At first, this lady did not tolerate familiarity at all! We were in despair: the forecasts for the development of hospitalism were scary.

All! No crib for her until she finishes schooling! - the wife said decisively, and Sima moved into our bed. If you want to sleep, lie down with us! They laid it out like this. The tiny bundle of cunning was covered with a blanket and they lay down next to each other (one at a time). They stroked her head and body, rhythmically saying all sorts of endearments, and Sima obediently pretended to fall asleep. When the stroking ended, one (cunning!) eye opened, she carefully crawled out from under the blanket and settled down on all fours.

You can't swing! - a menacing shout was heard, and Sima, darting under the blanket like a lizard, closed her eyes tightly: “I’m sleeping, I’m sleeping! Why shout?..”

And so on all night! Sometimes she would win and rock us to sleep. How much time has passed, Sima has been sleeping in his bed for a long time, and his wife, no, no, and even shouts in the middle of the night: “You can’t swing!”

According to experts, we dealt with hospitalization in record time. They coped, but a new problem came: Sima began to wake up in the middle of the night at the same time and cry very bitterly. It is impossible to stop this: she needs to cry, and definitely in her arms. Sometimes this lasts for an hour or more. There is nothing you can do about it, absolutely nothing! (Well, sometimes you can manage to be clever, but these are special techniques that are not interesting to the reader.)

One day I found my wife upset. She cries, as already mentioned, rarely, but that time the tears came very close.

What? What happened to you?! - I was scared.

Hundreds, thousands of beds, each with a child. Everyone is rocking and howling!

What can I say? We have to live with this poison until we die!

Senya turned out to be a born athlete. In order to channel his irrepressible energy somewhere, we sent him to the gymnastics section. They didn’t want to take him - he was too small, they suggested waiting a year. Somehow they agreed and accepted me into the junior group. Two months later, the coach asked his wife to stay and said:

In the younger group, your son has nothing else to do, he is bored. We need to transfer to the next age group.

A month later we were seriously warned:

The boy is unusually gifted. Great sport - that's for sure! It would be a shame if such talent was lost!

Yes, we ourselves saw, watching the training, how easily our Lightning soars along the rope to the ceiling of the hall (plunging the coach into horror: what if he falls?!), how confidently he runs along the log, how gracefully he walks on his hands and spins the “wheel”. A sweet feeling - parental pride! Of course, our boy should have all the best: tights, shoes, bag... Behind these vain thoughts, we did not hear the whistle of a bullet flying from Through the Looking Glass!

At night Sena became ill. We never call an ambulance in such cases, we take the child ourselves: in the hospital they will grumble and quarrel, but measures will be taken immediately, without a pause. Our courageous boy bravely endured the injections and remained in the box without complaint - this is how it should be! (Until the morning, until we settled all our affairs and organized shift duty around him.) A week later he was discharged - the former cheerful Molniya, completely healthy. But loads are contraindicated for him. No sports - light physical education, that's all. I asked for the first time:

Dad, when are we going to go to gymnastics?

How to answer this simple question, how?! To say that you can’t keep newborn babies under a greenhouse film, you can’t feed them anything? That children need to be kept in their crib, weighed every week and loved every second? But Senya remembers only us, which means that I, the almighty dad, am to blame for everything! We hope that everything will be fine, that he will outgrow this trouble, that we will find him a feasible sport. But no, it’s not scary either: Senya already reads fluently and easily beats his adult brother at checkers... Thank God for everything!

It’s better with Luntik and Kolya: bullets fly at them, but the wounds are light and heal quickly. We took them in when they were very young, and when you're dealing with Through the Looking Glass, every day counts.

Sima has FAS - fetal alcohol syndrome - in a mild form. This disease was discovered only recently, is almost unstudied, and is caused by maternal alcoholism. Hence the abnormally low weight and developmental delays. At the same time, the girl is smart, of the finest spiritual organization. But with a weakened memory. If you believe, if you live in prayer, if you work tirelessly on its development, then the Lord will give you another Miracle.

I repeat once again: there are no healthy children in “state-owned houses”! Even if a child got there after the death of positive parents and lived the first years of his short life in a normal environment, the very fact of transition to a parallel world causes severe trauma to the psyche. It’s strange to hear from some adoptive parents complaints about childhood kleptomania, it’s strange to hear about such an exotic disease as runner’s syndrome, it’s strange to hear doctors confirm these diagnoses at three or four years old! At three years old, all children are kleptomaniacs! They take it because they want it! Advice from a person who went through all this: don’t focus on an invented problem, it simply doesn’t exist! If a child likes to take it secretly, then let him take it openly - interest will disappear. Things that are strictly forbidden to be taken (documents, medicines) must simply be locked. Never, under any circumstances, drag your child to a psychiatrist! The problem (if there is one) will only get worse, and the child will have a feeling of betrayal committed against him. It is possible to heal the wounds inflicted by “petrified insensibility” only if the child has absolute trust in you.

10. To talk or not to talk?

Should I tell my child that he is adopted or should I hide it? This question faces all adoptive parents and is considered difficult.

We don’t hide it, but Vera and Love help explain that mom and dad can have children different ways, but it doesn’t matter how. God gave! One day, one “smart” uncle tried to tell our Sena where he came from, and was shamefully thrown into a puddle. Senya explained to the “well-wisher” that he is precisely the dearest, and it couldn’t be dearer, because mom and dad really wanted him and begged him from the Lord! And when I tried to explain what an orphanage was, the kid snapped out in complete irritation:

Yes I know! We have Simka from there.

We do not interfere with such contacts - it is useless. They will anyway, it’s better under our control.

Just no melodrama, no sighs and special conversations in the spirit of cheap TV series: “My son, I must tell you a secret...” Lies, falsehood and vulgarity can be not only in words, but also in the situation itself! The child is not interested long confessions, he is only interested in the fact itself, and even then not very much: “Dad, is it true?..” This is always casual, on the run, and you have to answer in the same tone: “Yeah, it’s true.” Why are you without slippers again?!” And he is already looking for slippers, and then for soldiers, which Luntik hid somewhere out of harm. But it also happens differently. The child climbs onto your lap, his coal eyes burn with curiosity, his mouth is slightly open: “Dad, tell me...” And here, please, you need to tell, and the more detailed, the better. Because now this is no longer a fact, but a Tale about Himself; he will remember it and correct it next time if you make a mistake in the details.

If possible, the fact of adoption should be hidden from the outside world, since it is generally hostile. The fewer people privy to your secret, the better. A simple example: we cannot afford to take our children outside in clothes that are not smart, even if they are not old and quite strong. Dozens of eyes are watching, many of them are unfriendly, and will definitely notice the slightest flaws.

One day, my wife and I had a fight over a tiny hole in tights that we had not noticed while dressing the children. The tights, naturally, went into the trash bin. (“Wasn’t it possible to darn the tights?” - you ask. Of course, you can! Usually we do this - but we put darned things on the children only at home or in the country. That ill-fated rag fell victim to an emotional explosion: someone who didn’t look after “framed” the family. So something!) Our girls should always look like princesses, this is our cross! Otherwise, the metre-long, calloused tongues will work at full capacity, and a snake hiss will be heard behind them - this is the sound our children should never hear!

We were surprised to discover that the majority of unchurched people are hostile to large families. When you walk through the park with your entire “brood,” you often hear: “They’ve given birth!” If they find out exactly how they “produced”, the hostility only intensifies. Why?! To a direct question in different options The same answer is always heard: “We lived without this!” (We will live, we will live - underline what is necessary.) This answer, in essence, has everything for understanding the phenomenon of strange hostility.

A person has lived his life, and it is very important for him to know that he lived it correctly. Where is the criterion? Other people, their material wealth, their health, comfort. The minimum for self-esteem sounds like this: “No worse than others!”, The maximum is “Better than many!” An apartment, a car, a dacha, clothes, a vacation, a career - “no worse than others” or “better than many.” Children do not fit into this pattern and are easily abandoned. Hence there are so many single-parent families, abortions, and refuseniks. In parallel worlds, the “department of agitation and propaganda” works perfectly, and a person will always hear at the right moment: “You are still young, live for yourself, you will have time... You are not old yet, live for yourself, life is short... Yes, you old, but still quite strong, live for yourself, and " ambulance“will he arrive on time... The neighbor died? So he didn’t take dietary supplements, but you do.” A person diligently, lovingly builds a value system in which his life is completely successful, and he himself is good, wonderful, successful.

A happy large family for such people is a bucket of ice water on their head. A large family should be poor and asocial: dad drinks, mom walks, the children are dirty and hungry. Then everything is in order in the value system of the average person! The source of this stereotype is loneliness. An unchurched person is monstrously, inescapably lonely (I remember from my own experience!), his living soul yearns for the Unfulfilled. This melancholy is drowned out by entertainment and self-persuasion that everyone lives like this. And suddenly it turns out - not everything! The very thought of this is unbearable... “We lived without this...”

Among religious people the attitude is exactly the opposite. In the parishes they try to help large families, they are loved and - believe it or not! - they are proud, just as a family is proud of their children’s successes. And one more thing... Any large family where “dad doesn’t drink and mom doesn’t party” is self-sufficient. This is a small and very, very happy world, inside of which it is good not only for those who are its permanent residents, but also for the guest. Therefore, lonely believers often come to us to “warm up” - they will come, help deal with our gang and gradually become relatives, their own... Family.

11. “Government house”

Everything related to abandoned children is naturally an area of ​​close attention for us. And when I was asked to take a group of volunteers to the orphanage, I immediately agreed. The purpose of the trip was to take photographs of the children on the site for possible adoptive parents.

This turned out to be the best boarding school I have ever seen. Not materially - spiritually. Immediately, from the threshold, there was a feeling that the children were here... I wanted to write the word “good”, but my hand did not rise. Children cannot be happy in a state-owned house. This is unnatural and it never happens! All the same waiting eyes, whispers behind your back, the rehearsed “come”... A teacher cannot love his pupils as his own children, no heart is enough for this. All the same, he will go home in the evening (if he is not on duty) and go on vacation - with his natural children. There's nothing you can do: loving your students is just a job.

And yet, in that boarding school there was no smell of carrion, as in many similar institutions. The guys behaved naturally, were a little mischievous, the kids were very willing to show off their toys and answer questions. The older guys were also friendly. When I fell behind my family, a ninth-grader led me “to the people” through the labyrinthine corridors of the old building—he, on his own initiative, willingly chatted along the way. This is a sure sign of prosperity: if the establishment is “unclean”, they will never let you out of sight; someone from the administration will always loom nearby. Moreover, they will not allow you to speak freely with your students. The kids were loved here - as much as possible in a boarding school. Every summer they are taken to their own tourist camp on Seliger, where they live in tents on the shore of the lake throughout the summer. Any teacher who has read these lines will say: the director must immediately erect a monument made of pure gold and studded with diamonds: after a year of hard labor, either Stalin or Rothschild can encourage teachers to go to the camp. Working in a camp is not just hard labor - it’s hard labor in a cube: for sleep - two hours a day in the best scenario! Keep a hundred children in tents different ages and habits, near the water... The older ones dream of love, the younger ones - to run away as pirates... Local guys who have their eyes on visiting young beauties; their high school students, ready to reckon with the locals... Horror! There is no need to talk about the fact that the director himself has long forgotten what a vacation is, and that’s understandable!

We walk around the classrooms and living rooms, photograph the children, and talk to them. Cozy rooms, sofas - no iron beds, no barracks smell! The shelves where personal belongings are placed are all correct, they are well thought out: every child has the right to their own personal space, even if it is one meter by one meter. The head teacher accompanies us, then runs off to run errands, we go on our own... Another plus for the boarding school! The kids diligently pose for the photographer, they understand perfectly well why this is being done: “Look how good I am! I will bring you only joy!” A red-haired third-grader talks about his studies. And suddenly the teacher comes up:

Vanya has been falling behind lately, he’s become lazy in math, he’s gotten Cs...

How often have I heard these simple, routine teacher words, how often have I uttered them myself! But such a reaction...

Not true! - Vanya shouted. - I study well, these C grades were given to me incorrectly! I'll fix everything! I will try!

There were real tears in his eyes. There was a silent conversation between the student and the teacher, which it was easy for me, an experienced world walker, to overhear.

Student: “You betrayed me! Don’t you see who I’m talking to, don’t you know why we’re being photographed?! What does your stupid triplets have to do with it?!”

Teacher: “Forgive me, Vanechka, I did it by accident! I’ll fix it now!”

“I also think that these three grades are accidental,” the teacher hurried to make up for the tactlessness. - Vanechka is one of our best students.

I once again mentally bowed my head to the local teachers. They have to watch their every step, like a hunter walking through a swamp: a step to the right, a step to the left - a quagmire!

As we progressed to the senior classes, the children took photographs more and more shyly. Some were already defiant: “Don’t take me?!” Well, don’t, just disappear there alone! You don’t understand your happiness!” One fifth-grader flatly refused to film and talk. (Then, however, the head teacher explained to us that this girl had already been chosen, the adoptive parents filed documents with the court. She simply did not want to create competition for her friends.) In high school, the head teacher joined us again - so that we would not be offended, as I understood. She persuaded me to take pictures something like this:

You are adults and you understand perfectly well that there is no chance, you will not be chosen.

Why film?!

It is required that the website contain photographs of all boarding school students. This will help the kids.

So that our terrible faces could set off their faces?

What I love you for, Slava, is your understanding!

Such a conversation always achieved its goal; high school students, laughing and fooling around, prepared to pose. And everyone, without exception, had a glimmer of hope in their eyes: “What if?..” Especially the girls.

Selected, disgusting obscenities spewed out of a girl’s mouth; the head teacher's apologetic look. I signaled to the head teacher in response: “It’s okay, we went through this!”

Katya, come out, please, in a good way,” the head teacher said with feigned calm.

Katya came out, but so that we continued to listen to her outpourings:

In a good way (mat) asks (mat)! But it can be done in a bad way, right? (Checkmate, checkmate, checkmate...)

Katya was recently sent from another boarding school. We have a specific problem - mental retardation. So they diagnosed her - and sent her... Common practice to get rid of it. And recently a boy was sent according to the same scheme. There's something wrong with the orientation. This one. Thank God, senior class - we won't have to endure it for long.

What we just have to endure and nothing else - we also went through that. What can the staff of this boarding school do against such a girl?! Nothing at all. There is nothing real in stock to make things worse, no! The most offensive thing is that in other boarding schools, where the administration does not leave the guests, and instead of children they show the “Our Life” stand, this girl would be quickly reined in.

The head teacher had a blast, and she kept telling the story without stopping.

Most of our children are from the Children's Home, refuseniks. There are also “social” ones. When we take a little one, there are almost no problems. Of course, a boarding school will not replace a family, but we try, we try very hard! Our kids are quite shy, have you noticed? Because here is their home, their world, and you are “outside”, a stranger. Everything here is very fragile, so the invasions of people like Katya are especially painful. There was one recently... Creepy! A professional from the road, she has been doing this since childhood. She kept going around complaining (in front of the kids!) that “the money in my pocket is not enough.” Well, I ran away to fix this matter! I ran away at night, I was on duty. What to do? I call my husband, he comes by car, we drive along the highway, we catch it. Caught, can you imagine?! She was just trying to stop the car. This... girl laughed in my face. Over my whole life, over our shabby Muscovite, over what is dear to me... And I tried to persuade him not to get excited, to think. The husband endured and endured, but could not stand it: he threw her into the car by force, and on the way to the boarding school he told her everything. Our director, alerted, combed the surrounding area in his car, and everyone met at the boarding school. And only then did she answer - not to her husband, but to the director: “Tell this husband here (gesture in my direction) that if he reveals his mitten again, I will put him in jail! Explain to him exactly how I will do this...” You should have seen her look... Adult and very scary!

“I saw it,” I muttered and returned to mine. - Do they adopt often?

Sometimes they take little ones. Rarely, but they do. And starting from the fifth grade - almost never. The worst thing is to give them away “to life.” Here they have a house of some kind, and there... There is a special vocational school with a dormitory, where people like Katya set the tone. It’s a pity, and there is no way out, that’s the horror! The worst holiday for us is graduation...

This little woman sat and swayed slightly, with her hands between her knees... the surest sign of severe poisoning - unquenchable pity!

It’s very uncomfortable to leave such a place forever, that’s why I returned - with a load of “humanitarian aid” that we managed to collect in our parish. I packed my minibus under the roof, people responded very warmly, but... But, taking this opportunity, I want to make a statement, which I will title as

The heart-rending cry of a volunteer soul

Dear donors and contributors! An orphanage is not a substitute for a garbage dump, where you don’t mind taking your things that have been well-rested on the mezzanine! No need to carry junk! My wife's hand is merciless, and it will still end up where it belongs - in the trash container, but it takes a lot of effort for us to sort through half-rotted drape coats, almost unworn grandfather's trousers, broken toys. Please understand: we are not bringing help to a shelter for homeless alcoholics, but gifts for children! Good, kind, innocent children! Would you like to receive worn-out shoes as a gift?! Shoes need new or almost new - they literally burn on children; fashionable things that a boy or girl would not be ashamed to wear; toys are needed that are educational, smart, and more... One day I noticed that the high school students who were unloading my car were given a pack of cookies from the ones they had brought. So they ate it all right away! They are fed well, but where have you seen children eat up what they are given at the table? In the intervals between “meals” you should definitely chew something, crunch something, have a snack... Do your children act differently? I do not believe! So: the boarding schools have nowhere and nothing to eat! Therefore, bring non-perishable goodies and we will deliver them!

It is impossible to leave this activity, so the trips continue and will continue as long as I have enough strength. From each visit to the “state house” I take out a new portion of poison, but the last time I received a reward that could not be more valuable: the guys poured out to meet my rattle, and one of the pupils called me uncle.

12. Success and failure

Why is this book being written? It’s clear that they would adopt. And also for what? And so that they don’t adopt! Let me explain the last point with examples.

A lonely woman really wanted a child. I collected all the documents for adoption, went through special courses (fortunately, the Lord saved us from this), searched for my very long time... I found a small, almost newborn. And a week later she brought him into care and put him on the table in front of the stunned inspector:

Take it! He yells all the time, I can’t sleep!

And she left without turning around to the indignant screams of the guardianship workers. And what to do with it? They took him and took him to the Children's Home, but before that they had to change him and feed him. This act clearly showed some kind of legal literacy: it is impossible to draw up an act of planting, since this document is written, together with the police, by the guardianship. You can’t say that a child is abandoned if he is in the care of guardianship authorities!

The young couple could not give birth to their child, both were even treated for something; finally adopted two year old boy. Soon (this happens very often!) they had their own daughter. All! The boy was brought into the same care.

We thought he needed our love! - the father was indignant. - But he doesn’t need anyone! He does everything out of spite: he spoils things, pours compote on the floor... He doesn’t even love his little sister: he spat on her, tore her photograph... We don’t need a son like that!

(A little advice, out of place. In order for an older child to fall in love with a younger one who has not yet been born (or not taken), you need to tell the older one more often who will soon appear in the house. How they will be friends when the younger one grows up, how carefully he should be treated, how wonderful it is to have a brother or sister. Then the child begins to wait. And he is so designed that he always loves what is waiting!)

A mother of many children got married and decided to take her new husband’s child from the orphanage. The woman indignantly told us what a terrible condition the boy was in: emaciated, dirty, with lice; how long it took to bring him back to normal and accustom him to cleanliness. We saw this baby playing with his brothers - nothing special, it’s clear that the children accepted him. But soon complaints began - at every meeting. The main theme: the boy is obstinate, aggressive, uncontrollable - an orphanage boy, in general. We suffered for two years and returned the baby! This family, by the way, considered themselves believers...

Three examples, united by a terrible, tragic ending. No, in the first two cases, the children were adopted again and everything is fine with them - the ending is terrible and tragic for failed parents. I don’t want to go into detail, but punishment in each case followed immediately, including through relatives and blood children. When you invade the territory of the “father of lies”, you are sure to enter into battle. We must remember and not forget for a second how much power we are in contact with! God forbid anyone to leave the battle without permission, to speak out against His Holy Will, against His direct, clearly stated Order! The deserter's admonition is inevitable...

Returning to the beginning of the chapter: why not adopt? Yes, because this is a most dangerous activity for those who are not fully aware of their responsibility. Betray a child and be after that happy man impossible! Absolutely impossible, without the slightest compromise! The Lord himself spoke about the significance of a child in the universe, about responsibility for children (all without exception, not just his own!), and said unambiguously: “And, taking the child, he placed him in the midst of them and, hugging him, said to them: whoever accepts one of such children in My name, he receives Me..." ( Mk. 9:36-37), “...allow the children to come to Me and do not forbid them, for of such is the Kingdom of God” ( OK. 18:16).

Do you understand? What we strive for so much that we try to earn it, hoping only for the Grace of God, already belongs to children! And if we do not help children receive what rightfully belongs to them, then “... it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and thrown into the sea, than for him to cause one of these little ones to stumble” ( OK. 17:2).

There are two things to keep in mind when adopting. First: you did not benefit anyone; on the contrary, you were given a precious reward for no reason at all. Second: be prepared to change your life, and change it radically. Accept these changes without grumbling and with gratitude, even if you have to give up a lot. This idea was best expressed by our confessor with many children:

“Imagine that you have prepared a table for yourself to work: you have laid out books, documents - everything is convenient, everything is at hand... And then your one-year-old child came up to you and mixed everything with his hand, and even got it dirty! We must immediately take him in our arms and kiss him, of course! And think: what is more important - your serious affairs or the Miracle sitting in your arms?

Why adopt? Let's leave this question unanswered for now. Hear the Order - and all the words will seem idle and meaningless. Here's a wonderful story, one of the most beautiful, that my wife and I spied on our trips to look after our children...

The husband and wife lost a child, but could not give birth again (this happens very often now). They collected documents and began to look for a boy between one and three years old, with fair hair and blue eyes. As usual, they found a girl, brown-eyed and very sick. Her illness was associated with a constant risk to life, so the doctors advised against taking her: why another grief? As has already been said, there are so many abandoned children that this ocean of grief cannot be drained - we don’t even try, it’s much easier to pretend that everything is fine.

The husband and wife continued their search and found a miracle child: a healthy, well-fed girl (very rare!). She's a beauty - you can't take your eyes off her, her eyes are like cornflowers, her hair is blond. We went to see this girl, we had already decided to take her, but at the last moment the husband refused: his soul had become attached to that sick girl... The very thought that the girl would die alone, among strangers, in a government bed, was unbearable to him. Having made a decision, the married couple experienced great relief, as if a stone had been lifted from their souls... This girl is now in the family, alive, and there is hope for recovery...

When we took our first one, the confessor, blessing us, saw us off with the words:

Next time you come, I will demand a more precise financial justification: it is not good to throw yourself off a cliff in the hope that the angels will catch you.

Then we decided that the main thing in these words was “financial justification”, and indeed the next time we spoke in detail about our income. It is now obvious that the key word was “when.” Not “if”, but “when”. The priest knew from experience that it was impossible to stop on this path: there are not so few families like ours in the Orthodox community...

This is a difficult question: why adopt? Let's try to approach it from the other side...

The places where human pain overflows are close to us. They are easy to see - you just have to want to. But I really don’t want to look there, there’s nothing good there... We can roughly imagine how migrant workers live (Lord, what a word!). Basements, slums, where people sleep almost side by side... They live, satisfy basic needs, give birth to children, get sick, sometimes die... Have you ever wondered where the corpses go? They are not taken back to their homeland, they are not buried in our cemeteries... So, food for thought. Most likely, they dig it somewhere, hide it, destroy it. There is no doubt that a system has been established there for the disappearance of people without a trace - there was a person, and he is not there! Scary? Of course it's scary. Let's better not look there, why? There is a lot of good in life - so more positive, more positive!..

The number of abandoned children is growing, they grow up and join the guard of the enemy - the criminal world. You don’t have to look at it, you can turn away, but sooner or later you will come face to face with them - the territory of everyday, everyday evil is growing. "For what?! For what?!" - the victim usually cries. And for turning away. The Lord is fair!

There is only one way to fight the Looking Glass - to attack its territory, counterattack, snatch prey from it, create zones of Good and Love around you. That's why it exists Christian family- small Church of Christ. Look, there's a speck of light there... They're getting brighter and bigger... And maybe someday we'll find each other? Let's merge borders, huh? And where will there be a place for darkness then?

Well, that's about it. I think he answered!

I wrote this small chapter based on my personal statistics and in no way do I present its contents as the ultimate truth. Thank God, people are all different, and if you clearly hear the Order, do not take into account what you are about to read.

Unsuccessful adoptions are most common in single-parent families, when a woman takes a child alone (single men, as a rule, are not given children - and quite rightly so!). I don’t want to offend single mothers at all, but, unfortunately, there are more and more of them. (Sometimes up to two-thirds of a class is fatherless, and most of the children have never known their father! A common thing, you say? But this is a disaster!)

Think carefully, dear lady: can you raise someone else’s child alone? No, I have no doubts about your ability to earn money; now women have proven their financial worth. We are talking about something else. An incomplete family (don't be offended!) is an incomplete family. The basis of a real family is the love of mom and dad for each other. When children appear, this love grows and includes them in its circle. The first thing children learn in a family is to love. Agree, without dad it’s not a circle, but a semicircle... Well, for example, mom got angry with her daughter and put her in a corner, but she still doesn’t listen - she found a scythe on a stone! Mom loses her temper, gets nervous, screams, cries... An ordinary scene, right? But then dad comes, takes his daughter in his arms and starts telling her: “Well, look what you did! I brought my mother to tears, but she loves you so much!” The daughter throws herself on her mother’s neck, they both cry, kiss - the question is closed!

As a teacher, I often heard the following words from single mothers: “What should I do with him (her)? Tell me, you’re an experienced specialist!” Now that we don’t see each other, I can say frankly: no one will help you, because the best and only specialist in the world for your child is you yourself! So, for several decades I have not heard a single (!) time the question “What should we do with our son (daughter)?” from parents from a complete family. They know it themselves! They know because they love.

The most successful examples when a single woman copes well with the role of a foster mother is when she takes in a daughter (namely a daughter!) who is not quite tiny, but already grown up, with bitter experience behind her small shoulders. In this case, the mother becomes at the same time an older friend. A strong and happy union arises between two individually very unhappy people.

Adoption will not end well if the spouses take the child without agreeing with each other. In this matter they must be one soul, one thought! The hope that everything will work out, that “he” will get used to it and love it, is very weak. There may be disputes before making a decision, before taking the path, but the Order must be heard together. I know examples where an unconsensual adoption ended in divorce, the return of the child, and not a single one was successful! Be extremely careful!

As already mentioned, in Moscow there are a lot of abandoned children whose parents come from Central Asia. Not only men go to work, but for eastern woman returning home with offspring that came from nowhere is tantamount to death. It’s also good if children are left in the maternity hospital, or even simply thrown out to die. The embassies of the Small But Proud Republics ask the administration of maternity hospitals to report cases of abandonment of children by their citizens, but they, of course, do not do this - after all, this is tantamount to murder, and you don’t want to send a little bundle of life to hell. Our domestic Through the Looking Glass is still a little cleaner!

Eastern women, as a rule, without bad habits(for now), and their babies are born healthy and strong. I advise you from the bottom of my heart - take it! If they feel good with us, if we make them ours, then maybe we’ll learn to look at migrant workers without involuntary arrogance? If not, the Asian foundlings will grow up... Strong, unkind!.. This is the future in which our children will live!

And the last unsolicited advice: if you think that after adoption, people's attitude towards you will change for the better, and this is important to you - do not adopt. It will change for the worse, almost all adoptive parents say this.

14. Juvenile justice

Oblomov (not a character in Goncharov’s novel, but his parody double from Shukshin’s fairy tale “Until the Third Roosters”) said a wonderful phrase: “The thing must be done... you just need to understand - what to do?” The country has adopted the European Convention on the Rights of Children, which means these same rights must be protected. But as? It is known that we cannot do without juvenile justice.

There is an urgent need to create a system, structure, divisions, departments; appoint representatives, assistant representatives, commissioners, assistant commissioners; pay everyone a salary - and defend it, boldly and decisively! Only in Europe, where this very convention was invented, there are no orphanages, no colonies for juvenile delinquents (“youngsters”), and no homelessness. And we not only have it all, we actually have it!

The scale is such that it is time to begin a campaign to eliminate homelessness, as in the time of the unforgettable Felix Edmundovich. There is only no Iron Felix who will lead all this, and there is not even an approximate plan of action: “You just need to understand - what to do?”

In the “youngsters” there is a real hell, adult repeat offenders remember their “happy childhood” with horror. In orphanages and foster homes, street children beat and even rape their “domestics.” And this is not due to the villainy of the administration, but simply according to the principle “you can’t look after everyone.” Create new “youngsters”, new receivers? And not just new ones, but a new type? Which ones? Finally notice underage prostitutes on the roads of the Ryazan region? See all the horror of the social bottom of the Russian hinterland? Pay attention to beggars with babies in their arms? But then (horror!) you will have to really work, and not “cut” the funds allocated for the protection of children’s rights... For some reason, I have not met any “authorized persons” in my contacts with representatives of the social “bottom”!

A solution was found in Russian genius, discovered in the famous joke about a drunkard who lost his keys... Remember? He looked for them only under the lantern, in the circle of light, because “nothing is visible” beyond it. Certainly! Children's rights must first of all be protected where these same children are clearly visible - at school and in the family.

In the 90s, there was already an onslaught on the family and school - from various organizations of a sectarian and semi-sectarian type. Healthy image life, safe sex, family planning, personal liberation... When mom and dad got to the bottom of what they were trying to teach their child, they became furious and went to deal with the school principal. A parent meeting was held at which all these intricate terms and teachings were given their real name - molestation! That onslaught was repelled precisely thanks to the close union of the family and the healthy part of the school. Now there is a second onslaught: first to confuse teachers, create tools for dealing with families, and only then come for the main prey - children's souls. Even before all the talk about juvenile justice, individuals of obscure origin began to penetrate into the school, inviting children (very persistently!) to inform on their parents and teachers; books with telephone numbers were distributed. Thoughts about the existence of a certain Satanic International involuntarily come to mind...

It is interesting that in countries with developed juvenile justice, where the parallel world has already captured part of the territory, ombudsmen, like ours, do not poke into its borders. In France, “children's rights advocates” diligently bypass Arab neighborhoods... Why?..

Our parallel world occupies a huge territory, it continuously grows and metastasizes. And, as has already been said, there are children in it. How can you create a system for protecting children's rights next to the Looking Glass?! And it’s very simple - you just have to not see him at point-blank range! And it’s even better to create an idea among the average person that everything is in order there, the children are loved, and professionals are taking care of them. “Everything is calm in Baghdad!..”

Lecturers began to appear in schools, promoting Makarenko’s system at teachers’ councils. Yes, even Stanislavsky, please! The only leitmotif of these lectures is the idea that “bad” orphanages should be replaced with “good” ones based on the Makarenko system, and in them children will be much better off than in a foster family. Let's leave aside the question of Makarenko's system - as a teacher, I am convinced that it was based solely on the personal qualities of Anton Semenovich himself and would not work without him. The main question for supporters of juvenile justice is why don’t you ask the children themselves where they are better off? Why did a small group of people arrogate to themselves the right to decide for both children and parents? Are they gods? Why can a spanking, putting in a corner, or “moral coercion” be considered grounds for removing a child from a family? I would really like to ask the inventors of such systems to show AT LEAST ONE person raised without prohibitions, without coercion!

An honest, good writer published two books, which were read with confidence among our friends. The third book, telling about colonies for juvenile delinquents, caused a feeling of personal offense, close to shock. Lie! Lies on every page! I would really like to think that the author was simply used in the dark, deceived: the defenders of the system are great masters of this matter. But all the same, a person with such life experience was obliged to see what was hidden behind the colorful stands (damn them, these stands!), well-appointed sports towns with the latest exercise equipment, clean bedrooms... I didn’t see it! The book praises the colonies (Makarenko’s system!), and quotes letters from children who accidentally stumbled but took the path of correction (murderers, rapists, robbers). And the main reason for the correction is that for the first time in the colony they began to be treated with respect, as people! Almost as if in reality I hear the mocking laughter of the authors of these letters, the whistle of their grateful listeners - young prisoners for whom such letters are routine entertainment. (It’s very useful entertainment: if a famous writer bothers, maybe they’ll knock off a little money.) I’ve seen people who have gone through the “youngsters.” Among them were the crushed, who had lost interest in life; there were embittered ones, ready to take revenge on the whole world; there were hardened cynics, ready to use this world. Corrected, realized - I have not seen! Probably bad luck...

They talk on television scary story with a happy ending: the children were removed from the foster family and transferred to good hands. I specifically reviewed this story several times, so don’t be surprised by the accuracy of the quotes in quotes. The reason for the seizure was that the children were dressed in old clothes, were underfed “and even sometimes beaten.” No cases of beatings were established, otherwise... Otherwise the plot would have been about monstrous maniacal rapists. Underfeeding was established from the fact that the children were underweight for their age. True, “the adoptive parents explained this by the illness of the children, but doctors think differently...” A portly lady in a white coat appears on the screen and says something incomprehensible, and under the picture the credits quickly flash: “Nurse of such and such a hospital.” How unknown doctors managed to shrink into one single nurse is understandable: who would want to risk their professional reputation?! After all, the girls shown briefly show signs of fetal alcohol syndrome, with this disease there is a struggle for every gram of weight! And at the end of the plot they show new mom one of the girls, apparently a very good person. The girl does not leave her arms, she sits with her face buried in her mother’s neck. “She's afraid they'll take her away...” Happy ending?! The child is afraid of what already happened to him once... Moloch has already come to us, people! The television journalists who prepared this and similar stories would like to recall the formidable words of our Savior:

“Woe to the world because of temptations, for temptations must come; but woe to the man through whom temptation comes.”

15. Debts
(Instead of conclusion)

According to St. John Chrysostom, neglect of children is the greatest of all sins, and it contains the extreme degree of wickedness.”

How?! What about murder? What about adultery? What did the saint mean when he called neglect of children the greatest of sins? Not one of, but the greatest? And the fact that children, according to the saint, is a pledge given to us by the Lord. Neglect of this pledge, therefore, is the gravest blasphemy:

“We have been entrusted with an important collateral - children. Therefore, let us take care of them and use all measures so that the evil one does not steal them from us.”

Why? Here's why:

“The birth of children has already become the greatest consolation for people when they became mortal. That is why the humane God, in order to immediately, at the very beginning, soften the severity of punishment and take away the terrible appearance of death, granted the birth of children, revealing in it... the image of the Resurrection...”

The only time in the Gospels when the Lord hugged someone was with a child. A child (any child!) carries a special message to people, and in this sense he is an Angel. The only way to build a just and happy society on earth, according to John Chrysostom, is to diligently protect children from sin:

"If good fathers If they tried to give their children a good upbringing, then there would be no need for laws, courts, trials, or punishments. There are executioners because there is no morality.”

“...So we have no excuse when our children are depraved...”

Indeed, if at least once in its history humanity had not spoiled the collateral entrusted to it, not a mythical, but a very real golden age would have arrived! You and I, my dear adults, are a hopelessly damaged deposit, fit only for the trash heap, and only God’s infinite Mercy gives us hope for salvation. The proof of our depravity before our eyes is the very existence of abandoned, useless, suffering children. We can live knowing that it is nearby! Evil is spreading, the zone of relative well-being is becoming narrower, it is becoming increasingly difficult to avert our eyes - but we do this with virtuoso skill. Our well-being becomes more and more relative and unreliable, and laughter around us ceases to be a call sign of joy - it’s just a sound!

In frank conversations you can often hear: “What can we do?” Indeed, we are nothing. We have nothing to give to the Lord who has given us everything. We can only, like children, ask for forgiveness and say: “Lord! I won't do it again! I will try very, very hard to be good!”

My late mother once said, “Don’t try to thank us, don’t try to repay your father and me for what we did for you. It won't work, you fool! No one has ever been able to pay their parents. There is only one way - to transfer the debt into the future, along the chain. You owe it to your children, and they owe it to theirs, and so on.” And at the base, at the beginning of this chain, is our common Father. He will collect the debt at the end of time.

As a child, I became friends with a boy from an orphanage - we were in the hospital together. Me, a child from a prosperous large family, I was deeply shocked by the fact that a living, real (not from a book!) boy may not have parents.

The orphanage resident himself explained it this way: “At first they also wanted to give me to my dad and mom, grandparents... And then they thought - and sent me to an orphanage!” He repeated this phrase - word for word - more than once, and it was etched in my memory, like the face of that boy. I close my eyes and I see...

Thousands of cribs, playpens... Thousands of children... They stand on all fours and sway, howling quietly, inhumanly...

“At first they also wanted to give me to my dad and mom, grandparents... And then they thought...”

Think, people! Think better!

Over the 11 months of its existence, it has already prepared 30 graduate families. Ten of them were taken in to raise children. In addition to the standard program developed by the city Department of Family and Youth Policy, at the school future adoptive parents can undergo catechesis, communicate with a priest, and also meet with those families who are already raising adopted children. Upon completion of training, a state document is issued - since September, such a certificate of completion of special courses has become mandatory for potential adoptive parents.

The organizer and confessor of the school, chairman of the department for church charity and social service of the Russian Orthodox Church Bishop of Smolensk and Vyazemsk Panteleimon.

What are the main things potential adoptive parents should know? And does theoretical preparation for parenthood really help in practice?

Of course, it is necessary to acquaint adoptive parents with the characteristics of children who, for some reason, find themselves outside the family. These features, as a rule, are common to all such children: a complex psyche, lack of physical health, and often developmental delays. The usual criteria of pedagogy do not apply to these children. Since the adults who live and work with the children in the orphanage change all the time, the child does not develop a stable attachment to them, and often he does not know how to love. Traumatized children easily switch from one thing to another, they do not have any stability in life... In general, an adopted child is not a blank slate; life has already written various scribbles and even bad words in his soul.

In addition to psychology, adoptive parents must find out in detail the legal side of the issue in order to know both their rights and the rights of their blood parents.

But in addition to special knowledge, the main thing that future parents should learn is the ability to love such children themselves. And for this you need to constantly turn to the Source of love - to God. Through prayer, church sacraments, reading the Holy Scriptures and keeping the commandments, the Lord gives us a feeling of true love. A person must have an understanding that raising a child is a feat, the strength for which only the Lord gives. “Whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me” (Matthew 18:5).

Parents, fulfilling the words of Christ, must ask for help from the One who commanded us to treat the grief of others with compassion and sympathy, especially since here we are dealing with a child’s misfortune.

What reasons most often make you think about adoption? How do you know if a person is ready to take on a first child?

First of all, we work not with the desire of any person, but with the family. There is no goal to educate as many families as possible. We try to find individual approach. It is important that the decision to adopt a child is informed.

There must be normal relationships within the family - a conscious desire to have children among all its members. The consent of the husband is required, as well as blood children, if any. We do not consider single women who want a child as candidates for adoptive parents. But, of course, each case is individual, so only the confessor of a particular family can give such advice: whether to take a child or the family is not yet ready for this.

Adoptive parenting courses are exactly what is needed so as not to hide all the difficulties, but to honestly talk about them - and the decision remains with the family. You need to realize that if there is misunderstanding and jealousy in the family, then all these problems will increase many times over if a child appears from the orphanage, who, moreover, will immediately draw all the attention to himself, because he does not know how to share his love and does not know how to live in family.

Sometimes you have to take off the “rose-colored glasses” from parents who think that the child they adopt will now be grateful to them for the rest of their lives. A deliberate decision to adopt becomes when a person understands that he is going to great lengths for the sake of the child.

Most often, difficulties do not frighten those who have for a long time I can't bear my own children. The desire to be a parent is inherent in everyone. Despite the fact that in our time people often do not even think about family and children until they reach mature and very mature age, as a result, the majority still come to this decision. But there are other cases when people who are already raising several children understand how important it is for a child to live in a family, and decide to take in another one - an adopted one. It happens that someone else’s grief simply touches you to the depths of your soul.

When our own natural child is born, we, fortunately, cannot choose what eye color, character, illness, etc. he will have - parents have to love him for who he is. But how to choose a child in an orphanage? And is the choice itself acceptable?

I think that choosing an adopted child is acceptable: you need to see and understand whether you will love him, whether your heart will be disposed towards him. Of course, this choice of the heart must be checked with the mind. To soberly assess whether your family is able to take in a child if he is seriously ill, for example, or is already quite old and has managed to acquire some very bad habits - you will not be able to change him radically. But the voice of the heart is still worth listening to - after all, the Lord Himself can indicate that this is exactly your child. Moreover, the child himself should like you.

In practice, it happens that you are not the one who chooses from large quantity children, and the consultants advise you yourself - it is not children who are matched with parents, but parents who are matched with children. It is worth listening to these recommendations.

Many parents complain that their natural children, even in early age, cannot be brought to Church. What about the children from the orphanage? In your experience, are they able to live in a church-going family?

Knowing the experience of Orthodox orphanages, I can say that a very large percentage of their graduates then do not leave the Church. There are cases that some graduates become wives of priests.

Without the fear of God in you, you cannot teach it to your child. Conversely, if the ordinances are of great importance to the parent, this example is passed on to the children. The most important thing is for us to constantly be with Christ, to be in search of the main gift, the main goal - the acquisition of the Holy Spirit.

And although we can and should force ourselves to love, follow the commandments, and simply get up early in the morning on a day off and go to church, you, of course, cannot force a child. Here creativity needed, because family traditions pious life was not preserved. Every family needs to find its own way. Therefore, it is still important to communicate with other families and share experiences.

- Is there a continuation of the school for adoptive parents - a club for those who have already adopted?

To provide real help, it is necessary to maintain relationships with our foster families even after adoption. We already have such a club, and in the future our goal is to create an association of Orthodox parents that would help families raise children, including adopted ones. After all, the Church is a family, and all communities should ideally be like that friendly families, where they help each other, and in raising children too.

What today is perceived by many as some kind of exotic: adoption, and so on, is in fact natural and normal, but this can only be learned by having a living example before your eyes.

Moreover, over time, we must come to the point where such family clubs unite into a parent association and become a real social force - they can express their opinions on various dangerous trends. Ultimately, due to changes in legislation in the area social protection children, this association could participate in deciding whether to remove a particular child from a particular family or not.

Still, despite all the differences and problems that adoptive parents face, the lives of all families develop according to certain general rules: there are fasts, holidays, general affairs. Parents should take care of their child’s churching from the very beginning. early childhood, and given that many of our adults still know little about church life, they have to overcome many difficulties along this path. In this, families should support each other and help.

- Do people with such experience teach foster parents at an Orthodox school?

Yes, the courses are taught by a priest and a novice of the Marfo-Mary Convent - both themselves grew up in families with many children. Or, for example, some classes are taught by a woman who worked as a director in an Orthodox orphanage for ten years, raised children deprived of parents - one might say, lived with them as one family.

But the main thing I would like is for those who come to the school of foster parents to firmly understand: without God we cannot do anything, and for them to turn to Him more often. Raising other people's children, without exaggeration, is a feat, but it is important to remember that in the person of an adopted child you can serve Christ - the Son of God, Who gave His life for us and adopted us all as sons to God. This is the path where it will not be at all easy, but here the Lord Himself will help you. “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls,” says Christ, “for My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11: 29-30).

Reference

The Orthodox school for foster parents is one of the areas of work of the Center for Family Arrangement, a project of the Orthodox help service “Mercy”.